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Machete Kills (2013)

tomatometer

29

Average Rating: 4.6/10
Reviews Counted: 113
Fresh: 33 | Rotten: 80

While possessed with the same schlocky lunacy as its far superior predecessor, Machete Kills loses the first installment's spark in a less deftly assembled sequel.

21

Average Rating: 4.4/10
Critic Reviews: 29
Fresh: 6 | Rotten: 23

While possessed with the same schlocky lunacy as its far superior predecessor, Machete Kills loses the first installment's spark in a less deftly assembled sequel.

audience

36

liked it
Average Rating: 2.9/5
User Ratings: 35,335

My Rating

Movie Info

In MACHETE KILLS, Danny Trejo returns as ex-Federale agent MACHETE, who is recruited by the President of the United States for a mission which would be impossible for any mortal man - he must take down a madman revolutionary and an eccentric billionaire arms dealer who has hatched a plan to spread war and anarchy across the planet. (c) Open Road

R,

Action & Adventure

Jan 21, 2014

$7.9M

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October 10, 2013:
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All Critics (113) | Top Critics (29) | Fresh (33) | Rotten (80)

Machete Kills is a film in which style sardonically routs substance, a cloying gag built around the iconic quality of Trejo's matchlessly craggy face, which resembles a plate of sundried corned beef.

October 15, 2013 Full Review Source: Philadelphia Inquirer
Philadelphia Inquirer
Top Critic IconTop Critic

Machete Kills plays like a joke that's been told a few times too often.

October 11, 2013 Full Review Source: ReelViews
ReelViews
Top Critic IconTop Critic

When a celebrity chef like Rodriguez is just going through the motions, we can smell that the grindhouse fad is way past its expiration date. It's time to put a fork in it.

October 11, 2013 Full Review Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Top Critic IconTop Critic

"Machete Kills" is barely a movie. It's an inside joke wrapped in a fanboy fantasy, pieced together through a haze of ironic detachment.

October 11, 2013 Full Review Source: Detroit News
Detroit News
Top Critic IconTop Critic

Endless assault weapons, exploding helicopters, crashing cars and floors splattered with blood, limbs and entrails, all adding up to nothing.

October 11, 2013 Full Review Source: Newark Star-Ledger
Newark Star-Ledger
Top Critic IconTop Critic

Machete kills, sure. Unfortunately, he overkills.

October 11, 2013 Full Review Source: Globe and Mail
Globe and Mail
Top Critic IconTop Critic

An absolutely absurd action extravaganza. It's doubly crazy, chaotic and all kinds of ridiculous fun.

June 27, 2014 Full Review Source: Lyles' Movie Files
Lyles' Movie Files

Machete don't do new jokes.

February 20, 2014 Full Review Source: Flix Capacitor
Flix Capacitor

The meta parody of Machete Kills is a self-congratulating exercise in overkill. Its onslaught of gags try so hard to be outrageous they become banal. It looks like it was way more fun to make than to watch.

February 12, 2014 Full Review Source: Maclean's Magazine
Maclean's Magazine

If nothing else, Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse homage manages the herculean feat of making us feel sorry for Mel Gibson.

February 7, 2014 Full Review Source: Daily Record [UK]
Daily Record [UK]

'Machete Kills' is 'Spy Kids' Meets 'Moonraker'... with Blood. Machete Cortez is back... and so over-the-top, he literally floats away.

January 20, 2014 Full Review Source: PopMatters
PopMatters

An interminable bore.

January 19, 2014 Full Review Source: Impulse Gamer
Impulse Gamer

Guns and explosions aren't that exciting when the plot hasn't sucked you in, and lacking the imaginative, spunky spirit of the original, Machete Kills just feels so much more laboured.

January 2, 2014 Full Review Source: Fan The Fire
Fan The Fire

It's a questionable gig that may become an endearing one by 'Machete X: Machete Goes Hawaii.'

November 14, 2013 Full Review Source: Metro
Metro

Loud, fun, ultra-violent sequel to Machete, with unsmiling crater-faced Danny Trejo as the Mexican hero slashing and slaughtering his way to justice. Director Robert Rodriguez does what all good, trashy sequels do, which is to deliver more of the same.

November 8, 2013 Full Review Source: 3AW

Multi-tasker Robert Rodriguez sequelises his Machete, originally a joke trailer in Grindhouse, and manages one of his most messy and (even for this sort of nonsense) ludicrous efforts.

October 30, 2013 Full Review Source: Rip It Up

Uncompromised in its goofy cartoon vision of an insane world that doesn't realize it's reached a state of post-apocalypse, even though the bombs have yet to fall.

October 27, 2013 Full Review Source: Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)

Machete don't text, but he does seem to have jumped a shark. The first film was great fun, but Machete Kills seems to have misunderstood its own joke.

October 25, 2013 Full Review Source: The Mercury
The Mercury

Machete was arguably Rodriguez's best movie, but MACHETE KILLS -- while still passable -- comes nowhere close.

October 24, 2013 Full Review Source: Common Sense Media
Common Sense Media

Over the top in every area and making good actors look bad at every turn.

October 24, 2013 Full Review Source: jackiekcooper.com
jackiekcooper.com

"Machete" was fun. "Machete Kills" gives me a headache.

October 22, 2013 Full Review Source: Movie Chambers
Movie Chambers

The market has well and truly rejected the Machete franchise, as if it were salted toothpaste or phlegm-flavoured soda.

October 20, 2013 Full Review Source: Quickflix
Quickflix

For those who enjoyed the surprise TV hit 'Sharknado' this summer and/or the original 'Machete,' here's 'Machete Kills,' a parody of old-time drive-in and generally sleazy movies that's a sequel to 'Machete' from a few years back.

October 19, 2013 Full Review Source: Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)

An obvious improvement over its virtually unwatchable predecessor...

October 19, 2013 Full Review Source: Reel Film Reviews
Reel Film Reviews

The film is often very funny, even though the pacing is extremely slack, wasting far too much time with pointless exposition and misogynistic smirking.

October 18, 2013 Full Review Source: Shadows on the Wall
Shadows on the Wall

Trivial and tedious...enough already!

October 16, 2013 Full Review Source: SSG Syndicate
SSG Syndicate

Audience Reviews for Machete Kills

Hey I just realised something that I forgot to mention in the original movie review. You all remember Rodriguez's film 'Desperado' right. Well isn't the character of 'Machete' first seen played by Trejo in that film? the dude with all those small throwing knives strapped around his waist, its virtually the same character.

Well once again this movie kicks off with those washed out, scratchy grungy 70's looking exploitation visuals. We actually get quite a neat little retro styled cinema introduction to yet another parody trailer for yet another Machete flick, this time in space. There is that same deep gravely voice narrating the trailer as the corny trademark infringing action explodes onto the screen accompanied by more cheesy action music and lots of hammy retrotastic onscreen text. Quite liked the little moment where 'Bleep' the robot played by Justin Bieber (not really) gets blasted to pieces.

From here on though the decision has been made to continue the rest of the films visuals in regular glossy Hollywood fashion dropping the rough grungy B-movie look. I'm not really too sure why they would do that seeing as that visual appearance is the whole point of the franchise, that's its quirky raison d'etre, without it the movie just becomes another daft action flick...only this is just absurdly ridiculous bordering on spoof-like. Unfortunately this is exactly what happens, this movie is so slapdash and crazy that you simply can't really enjoy it. All rules of reality and beyond go completely out the window as Machete is 100% invincible and can literately do anything that is required. Jumping from a great height out of a helicopter into a speed boat and taking out the bad guys on board...no problem, just press the X button and the right shoulder button to perform this special move.

Thing is you have the same issue when reviewing these type of flicks. I know its all been shot like this on purpose, I realise the extreme gory bullet ridden lunacy is part of the intentional charm, I realise the characters are larger than life and totally hokey and the whole movie is just a big insane comicbook of violence. I think we all know this, but at what point does it simply go too far and become shit? The plot really doesn't matter in this film (Machete vs Gibson and lots of various henchmen) as its entirely about the action set pieces, one after another, bigger and bigger, more and more over the top. Nothing matters in the film anymore because the protagonist is so God-like its all meaningless, its like playing a videogame with the infinite energy cheat on, fun at first but very boring after about ten minutes.

There are only a few positives with this film, one being the unique mix of casting (kinda). The first movie had Seagal as the main boss, this time its Mel Gibson...and I can't deny he does save the day. Seeing Mel play the 'Bond-esque' villain is a real breath of fresh air and he clearly enjoys it. Lets not get carried away he doesn't really do much other than stand around and reel off cliched dialog but his presence is felt, he oozes a slick charm that just makes his villainy so watchable (despite it being highly childish nonsense). The moment he puts the silver mask on the film just sinks to yet another level of utter childish meaningless futile crapola...yet somehow its kinda cool. Why would his voice deepen with the mask on? why are his footsteps now like Robocop? why does he not treat his face before putting the mask on? and how does the mask not move around and feel really uncomfortable? Pointless questions I know but I gotta ask.

The rest of the cast are mainly the same as before accept we have more outrageous cameos this time. Lady Gaga as a hitwoman with a talent for disguises (I think)...this led to various little pointless cameos. Savini is back but has changed sides, Rodriguez still plays the tough bitch and still looks like she needs a wash whilst Charlie Sheen goes by his birth name to play the US President. Probably the second best thing about this film after Gibson, Sheen basically plays 'Charlie Harper' as the US President...which basically means he's playing his usual womanising self.

The best description for this film frankly is a violent adult version of Austin Powers mixed with James Bond. It sounds like a cheesy thing to say (or type even) but its true! you only have to see the last half of the film which is set in some kind of big weapons lab to realise what I mean. Hell...Gibson only needs a white cat under his arm and the transition would be complete. The only other thing I quite liked was the fact the ending is open and leads into the plot from the trailer you see at the start of the film. The down side of that is the worry they might actually make a third film called 'Machete Kills Again in Space'! This may as well be a comedy because it sure as hell would be a total spoof of damn near everything ever. Time to let this go I think Mr Rodriguez, you had your fun in the first film which was quite good, but this has now gone too far, its been milked and the moment has well and truly past.
August 1, 2014
phubbs1

Super Reviewer

stupid and overtly violent, loved it.
January 11, 2014
stuartb1234

Super Reviewer

"Machete Kills" continues the trend of dumb grind house action that the first film was so good at, but this had got to be the biggest pile of shit I've seen in a while. Not much comedy, not much good action, and the dialogue was not even clever, it was just cynical. I do not have much to say about this film. When you have Lady Gaga act in your film, you must be getting pretty desperate, and it's not like Robert Rodriguez did many new things, because he always hires the same people. There is supposed to be a third film, and by the end of this movie, the sad thing is, I want to see it so badly. This is one of the worst films of 2013.
January 5, 2014
KJ Proulx

Super Reviewer

***
Let me start by saying if you don't like over the top violence, crazy/goofy action, then just don't even bother at all with this. Actually, if you've never seen the first movie "Machete", it's probably because that's not your thing anyway. This is an absolute blast of pure B entertainment. Basically Machete(Danny Trejo) is back and has to get revenge for the death of his partner, and save the world from missile annihilation. Charlie Sheen plays the President of the U.S. if that tells you anything. The cast is insane and awesome, and Mel Gibson hasn't been this crazy in years. This movie is a lot of fun if you're in the mood for it, or if you like these type of flicks. The one thing I absolutely hated was the ending. This is a big spoiler so stop now if you don't want anything ruined.

It ends with a freaking trailer for "Machete Kills Again...In Space" and that is exactly how the movie started. I have no idea if they are actually making that into a real movie or not. If not, it's some crap because this movie has no resolution. Now, does it need it? No not at all, but some would still be nice. Again, if you want a fun night at home laughing at some crazy stuff, then check it out!
December 12, 2013
Everett Johnson

Super Reviewer

    1. La Chameleón: You and all your drug pushing compadres' just derailed my pursuit so frankly, I'm leaning in another direction entirely.
    2. Dying Cartel Guy: Please, give me mercy
    3. La Chameleón: There's about three things I'd rather give you, and they're all in the chamber of this gun. Straight up, or with some flair? Straight up or flair?
    4. Dying Cartel Guy: Whatever is the more interesting way to die...
    – Submitted by James W (5 months ago)
    1. Miss San Antonio: This dress cost more than your fucking life!
    – Submitted by ScubaSteve Walter M (9 months ago)
    1. Miss San Antonio: This dress cost more than your fucking life!
    – Submitted by ScubaSteve Walter M (9 months ago)
    1. Machete: This is Machete!
    – Submitted by Maher J (10 months ago)
    1. Machete: Machete don't joke!
    – Submitted by Maher J (10 months ago)
    1. Machete: Machete don't fail!
    – Submitted by Maher J (10 months ago)
View all quotes (13)

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