"Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" is an abysmal movie that doesn't deliver on any front and will leave you angry and depressed. Here's a question. What is the minimal thing you would ask a movie called "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" to deliver? how about a fight between the two titular monsters? well guess what. There is no "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" in this movie! Oh sure, you get plenty of pythons eating gators and gators eating pythons, but there's no big climactic fight between two giant beasts as the world looks on in horror, hoping the two will destroy each other. The film, which is already an incredibly cheaply made adventure (?) film feels even cheaper once you have finished watching it. How desperate do you have to be with your crappy monster movie that you change the title at the last second to trick the people who enjoyed "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" into watching it? Well, let's find out.
First of all, the movie's special effects are terrible. Now, that isn't anything that's really surprising, this is after all, a made-for-tv monster movie. And judging a movie on its special effects can be harsh sometimes. Even some great films can appear dated after a while because they were made when the technology to create sets, creatures and other effects were limited. Look at black-and-white films for example, or even silent films. You wouldn't give negative points to a movie made before 1930 because it was both silent and black and white. What differentiates this movie from other films with bad special effects is that no one cared while making the movie and it shows. There are so many stupid mistake made with the effects. There is a scene for example where a giant python is killed with dynamite, but in the chunks seen floating in the water afterwards you can clearly see the head of a giant alligator too. There's just no excuse for a mistake that bad. How about another scene where Debbie Gibson's character "Dr. Nikki Miley" falls in the water and comes up again, with the incredibly fake-looking scratch marks on her arm melting off because they were using cheap makeup that wasn't waterproof to draw them? It's incredibly clear too that the actors were given very little direction while the movie was shot because there are constant moments where characters don't see enormous reptiles to their sides or sneaking up on them and characters shoot wildly in every direction trying to fend off the creatures. In countless scenes if something is off-screen it simply ceases to exist, despite the fact that these are 50-foot creatures we are dealing with.
The poor effects make the bad acting seem even worse. There is only one decent performance in the movie and it's Kathryn Joosten, who is also the only likeable character. Everyone else is sleepwalking through the terrible dialogue but it almost becomes hard to blame the players here because it's clear that the director also didn't care at all what she was tying her name to. The story is utter non-sense. It doesn't take a biologist to realize that not only do steroids not affect genetic material (so big muscular gators that have consumed steroids do not, in fact give birth to even bigger, more muscular gators), but it is ridiculous to assume that even if these creatures could grow about 50 times their normal size within a few generations and six month's time, there is no way that they would go un-noticed, much less no go around bothering people. Are we really supposed to believe as well that there wouldn't be some sort of army presence within a few minutes of these creatures showing up in a big city and destroying numerous buildings? oh wait, the people making the film didn't care enough to address that.
What else do you need to read to turn you away from this movie? The story, editing, acting, special effects and dialogue are all completely worthless and sure, you'll get a couple of laughs at the movie's expense, but you have to sit through and hour and a half of this so they get really boring after a while. If some "so bad it's good" laughs is all you want, just watch the trailer for this movie or watch any number of 60's monster movies that actually had people cast because the crew though they might be good instead of their "celebrity status". You might actually get some decent gore, one-liners and nudity to boot too. You have no idea how frustrating watching this movie is. After a while you keep lowering your expectations and demands thinking "ok, if this character one annoying character dies and we get at least one decent monster fight towards the end, it'll be worth it" but no amount of continuously lowering standards will make the movie worth your time. If you start watching the movie and you're a 14-year old kid that thinks to himself "maybe I'll see that busty sherif take off her top, that will make my day!" remember, this was made for TV so you won't get any of that and no over-the-top violence or gore either. "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" is terrible, so terrible that you'll be adding it to your list of "worst movies I've ever seen" and "Things I regret in my lifetime" after you're done watching it. (Dvd, APril 2, 2013)