Muffy the Vampire Slayer (1998)

In "G-String Vampire", a secret sisterhood of vampire hunters who are coordinated by a dispatcher who sits topless under a spotlight, discovers that the evil Countess Dracula is turning a stripclub into a nest of vampiric lesbian debauchery. Naturally, they feel obligated to put a stop to it. Within a few minutes, it becomes obvious that "G-String Vampire" has NOTHING to recommend it. The acting is bad, the story is worse, and even the sex scenes aren't worth waiting for. Even with liberal use of the x2 scan feature on the DVD this film was tedious beyond the power of words to describe. The DVD edition I watched had a second feature on it, and it was worse than the main attraction... a piece of awfulness titled "Muffy the Vampire Slayer". Its nominal storyline featured a sexually frustrated homicide detective who goes undercover to catch a vampire that's been preying on hookers. It bizarre and unconnecting story elements make the movie feel like someone inserted some lesbian vampire softcore sex scenes into a failed sci-fi thriller in an attempt to make it marketable. (Or maybe it was a sequel to some movie featuring alien invaders. Whatever the case, the movie is so craptacular that I didn't even feel like looking for the answer.) The ONLY positive thing I can say about either movie is that the casting of "Muffy the Vampire Slayer" was the casting of the evil vampire (who I think was Hannah Coleman). She towered over the other women and so she worked in the part. But then there came the moments she was called upon to act.... One DVD, two movies, and nothing worth watching, even for the biggest lover of vampire movies on the planet, or the horniest of guys and/or lesbians. G-String VampireStarring: Chante Bey, Katrina Raey, Angel Marie, and Barbi LeighDirector: Sean Thornton Muffy the Vampire SlayerStars: Hannah Coleman, her breasts, and a bevy of naked chicksDirector: John Baccus