Piranha 3DD Reviews
Nate's Grade: D
After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.
Piranha 3DD starts with a short recap of the disastrous happenings of Piranha 3D before plunging us into the toothsome little devils' latest escapade - mayhem in a water park. There is some backstory, but it really doesn't matter - all that matters are the sporadic chompings of individuals leading up to the wholesale slaughter which comprises the final section. For those who saw the first movie, there is little to surprise them here - a moderate amount of nudity, a huge amount of gore, a cast of unknowns, and a scattering of cameos (Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames made return visits). There is an attempt to recapture the gleeful sleazy trashiness of its predecessor, although I felt it tried a bit too hard, and lost some of the innocent sense of fun to be had among the severed penis sequences (and, yes, I am quite aware of how ludicrous that sentence sounds). Making up for everything, though, is a wonderfully funny and self-deprecating performance from David Hasselhoff - the Hoff lampoons his own perceived pomposity mercilessly and with pinpoint accuracy. There are some highly entertaining outtakes scattered through the closing credits.
On the other front you could also look at this as yet another completely pointless waste of money and time which offers absolutely zilch originality in any department.
Personally I enjoy creature features but this is pretty much bottom of the barrel stuff that wasn't needed and drags down the genre's good image. Its completely a rehash/rerun of the first film (almost identical for gods sake) that offers terrible effects both real and cgi coupled with lame vanilla 'porn' which only teenagers would find sexy.
Comedy horror? no, not at tall, not even remotely amusing. Although it does amuse me how the makers couldn't decide what they wanted it to be. It does start off as a reasonably sensible creature horror but totally deteriorates into a spoof towards the end, I half expected Leslie Nielsen to pop up, quite bizarre frankly.
Yes it delivers more pointless flesh eating goldfish which some may want but ultimately the film is so badly made, so trashy with dreadful...everything! Quite simply if you wanna see tits n ass just watch some porn, why bother watching this nonsense?
The only half decent thing was Hasselhoff enjoying a laugh at his own expense. The 'Baywatch' spoofing could easily be a fun film on its own, just drop the shitty piranha plot and you could have a winner.
Aja declined helming the sequel but come on, how hard can it be to keep this going? Quite hard as evidenced by the creative team behind the "Feast" series who now take the reigns. This bears no resemblance to Aja's film whatsoever, in fact it's basically a Wayans brothers style spoof of it's predecessor. Horror fans will be disgusted. I suspect this movie is what film snobs imagine every horror film to be. Gulager can't direct to save his life, I suspect if he wasn't the son of cult actor John Gulager he wouldn't have a career at all. The script is horrible, full of crude toilet humour and sex jokes. While it's prequel raised smiles for anyone who grew up renting schlock videos in the eighties, this seems aimed squarely at the "Jackass" generation.
The budget would appear significantly reduced, the final set piece is really just set around a swimming pool. Don't expect any of the "Final Destination" meets "Saving Private Ryan" Grand Guignol Aja so delightfully gave us, this just consists of actors running around in the background while nothing actually happens. While watching the first film my jaw was agape at just how well Aja understood his material. My jaw was agape throughout this film for all the wrong reasons.
I've spoken before about how much I hate that recent trend, the celebrity cameo. Particularly annoying were Mike Tyson in "The Hangover" and Bill Murray in "Zombieland". The casting of Hasselhoff here is the lowest of the low. The scary thing is he's actually the best thing in the damn film.
If you loved "Piranha 3D" as much as I did you'll of course be tempted to check this out. DDon't!