Poison Ivy II: Lily Reviews
Struggling for positive things to say, Alyssa really does look nice in this, and she wears some lovely outfits (as well as some awful ones). It's kind of like a soft porn movie although it's not quite as graphic as you might expect. I think it's pretty much just a cash in on the original and Alyssa trying to shock people and shake off the wholesome image she had at the time. I have certainly seen worse, but there's not really a lot to recommend this.
The only link to the original is the name, and a reference to a former college student named Ivy...at an art college, of all places.
Alyssa Milano tried to pull off the good girl to bad girl to good girl transition, but it just wasn't that convincing. And to try and boost her career by having multiple sex scenes was a sorry way to do it. Really, who thinks of this film when they hear her name? I gave it an extra star just because I liked her as a child star on "Who's the Boss?" Unlike the original, there's not a lot of suspense via cinematography. Instead, they opted for multiple nude / sex scenes. Honestly, if that's what you want in a film, you're better off renting a porno...the acting will be better.
If it wasn't for the fact that I like to keep things in sets, I'd give this DVD away. If all you want is to see Alyssa Milano naked, then you'll enjoy this film. Otherwise...
Well the premise is this: Lily Lilianetti (Alyssa Milano) finds Ivy's diary of erotic adventures and decides to emulate her. Top 10 Problems:
1. You cannot have a movie where someone finds the diary of someone in another movie where there is no other connection and get away with it. I mean otherwise you could go on forever - character finds diary of Freddy Krueger and emulates him, killing everyone (hmmm this could be a way to keep horror franchises going on forever - just invent a new character who finds the diary of the evil character in the previous film). Character finds diary of Sharon Stone character in Basic Instinct and goes on murderous rampage with icepick. I mean hello?!!! Lily is at an art school in California, I don't remember Ivy being at an art school so how the hell did her diary get there anyway??! And they couldn't even afford to pay for the rights to do flashbacks from the first film so they had to do arty side profile shots of some girl with blonde hair and hope we think it's Drew coz we're stoopid...
2. Soft-porn - this is what it's aiming for but geez what a let-down. A few scenes where Alyssa shows her chest and that's it - more laboured than sexy. And Alyssa didn't look as if she wanted to be there, I guess she didn't get that well-paid. Do you think they went for Alyssa because they wanted a girl who didn't look like that type of girl? Well she really didn't look like that type of girl all the way through. I think the Europeans do it better!
3. She's not all that rebellious - so she has a bit of a thang with a professor at the same time as her art school boyfriend. Poison Ivy did a lot more than that! And the professor is ugly and not in that craggy 'I'm Tom Skerritt' way either unfortunately...
4. Lots of really poorly produced scenes where we linger a bit too long on boring things like people taking away dishes or silently eating dinner.
5. Bad child actor - always a giveaway of a Z list movie.
6. Really stupid plot about-face - suddenly Lily realises (after spending the whole movie enjoying being a tart) that she doesn't want to be with the professor (must have realised he was ugly as well as old) and he suddenly becomes a psycho killer (no it's not as good as it sounds - it needed to happen earlier).
7. Really bad car crash scene - supposedly seriously injuring said bad child actor but car is quite a ridiculously safe distance from bad child actor. Bad child actor looks suspiciously uninjured for someone supposed to be seriously injured.
8. Can you say 'bad dialogue'?
9. Can you say 'bad acting?'
10. Dropping a plot thread - we never find out who gave her the love letters? Was it the Professor or the enigmatic Chinese violinist?
I was almost going to give it 1 out of 10 for Johnathon Schaech because he's hot but I had to minus that for the following:
- we don't see enough of him and his bod (we see more of the ugly old professor's mug)
- he has awful Brat-Pittesque (dyed platinum blonde) hair
- he can't act, or at least he can't in this movie and I only like good looking actors who can also act, he's yet to prove himself - I'm waiting for him to pick a good role then I'll know for sure...
How do these movies get made? Oh that's right, they use a misleading movie title...
I'm also anti prequels - how can you have a story before the story? No-one gives a crap what happened before the exciting bits - take note George Lucas...