Rock of Ages is not a spoof, but it might as well be, given how little there is to root for.
...a cinematic endeavor that, for all intents and purposes, is asking the consumer to put down his or her money to watch movie stars do karaoke.
| Original Score: 2/5
Cruise, as Stacee Jaxx, is the living embodiment of a rock god.
| Original Score: B-
Every time an actor belts out a hit, you're reminded that the original, however cheesy, was better.
The movie's supporting stars are always, inevitably, winking at the audience, but it's unclear whether the dewy-eyed leads even know how to blink.
Pour some sugar on it, indeed.
| Original Score: 3.5/4
The film's problems begin with who it cast as its leads.
| Original Score: 2.5/4
Far too mild for its supposedly outrageous subject.
| Original Score: 2/4
Cruise once again steals the show, but this time he drives it straight off a cliff.
| Original Score: 1.5/4
For the most part, rock and roll should feel insulted.
| Original Score: D+
This plodding mess may help put to rest Hollywood's inexplicable two-decade love affair with the awful '80s, a pop- culture decade that's overdue for a break.
It's content to keep toes tapping, when it should be bringing the arena to its feet.
Don't stop believing. Just avoid clichéd musicals that try to capture the anarchic spirit of rock with trite commercial re-treads.
No matter how you feel about Guns N' Roses, Tom Cruise's as a bandanna-headed Axl Rose type will hit you as the purest bit of genius in the man's entire film career.
| Original Score: 3/4
However you play up this material -- as camp, melodrama, anthem, or goof -- it sags under the weight of its lightweight pretensions.
| Original Score: C
Blessed with unstoppable energy, an undeniably bawdy sense of fun and Tom Cruise in backless leather pants, it takes songs you may never have loved and turns them into a musical that's easy to enjoy.
| Original Score: 3/5
What's not fine is the dead zone occupied by the monster of the piece, Tom Cruise's veteran rocker, Stacee Jaxx.
Just like the music, it's far more fun than it has any right being.
| Original Score: 5.8/10
There are worse ways to spend a couple of hours than with this odd assortment of courageous thespians bringin' on the heartbreak, and feelin' the noize.
So willfully bad that not even Cruise's valiant CPR can help.
For a movie that prides itself on celebrating music, Adam Shankman's Rock of Ages is oddly tone deaf.
| Original Score: 1/4
A perfectly fine backward-looking, trivia-centered guilty pleasure.
There's a variable quality to the vocals, but the production design and choreography are solid, leading to a cheesy enjoyability.
It's worth the novelty, but you may have a hard time looking at everyone involved the same way again.
There's no denying the party-time pow of Rock of Ages, or of Tom Cruise's performance.
It looks like Disneyland and sounds, well, like a bad Broadway musical, with all the power belting and jazz-hand choreography that implies.
| Original Score: 2.5/5
It's about as entertaining as an iron lung.
| Original Score: 0/4
The thing runs more than two hours, but this is the sort of project that's indemnified against charges of excess.
Once you accept the utter and profound inconsequentiality of Rock of Ages, there's much to enjoy in it...
To his credit, campy director Adam Shankman knows that his source material is a joke - but it's a joke at the expense of musical history.
As with Shankman's knowingly naff 'Hairspray', the sheer performance gusto on display proves thoroughly winning.
| Original Score: 4/5
"Rock of Ages" is exuberant, silly, overlong, sexist; it's clever in little matters and proudly dumb in the things that should count.
How can you hate a film that promotes its guitar-pick-thin story with the surprisingly honest advertising tagline, "Nothin' But a Good Time"?
I cannot possibly dislike a movie in which Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand, equipped with abundant '80s tresses, sing "I Love Rock & Roll" into a hairbrush.
A shameless crowd-pleaser where cardboard characters use the most overplayed and ubiquitous hits of the 1980s to express the aching banality of their souls.
A few days after seeing a screening, I was driving by a billboard for the movie, and I thought, well, who knows? That might be fun. Then I realized I'd already seen it. And forgotten it.
The actors are having a lot of fun, and the production values of the musical numbers are slick and high-spirited.
"Rock of Ages" is an effulgent celebration of fakeness. It isn't trying to be real; it's trying to be faker than any fake thing has ever been before.
Most of the numbers in Rock of Ages are flatly shot and choreographed, and they look as if they'd been edited together with a meat cleaver. With rare exceptions, they don't channel the excitement of the music - they stultify it.
Choppy editing, tepid pacing and generic vocals are bad enough to rival "Grease 2."
To truly enjoy it, you must be willing to pretend that some of the songs from one of the worst periods of the rock era -- the late 1980s -- are inspirational anthems instead of commercial pabulum.
You're here to see a bunch of game A-listers play celebrity karaoke with the '80s glam-band tunes of Def Leppard, Journey, Twisted Sister and others.
If this era was a formative time in your life and you're feeling a yearning for kitschy nostalgia, "Rock of Ages" provides a sufficiently fun little escape.
It's not every day, after all, that you get to see two great American traditions -- guitar/bass/drums rock music and Tin Pan Alley musical theater -- so thoroughly, mutually degraded.
Two hours of Reagan-era pop hits recorded in a way that makes Kidz Bop sound like "Glee" and "Glee" sound like GWAR.
Given the proliferation of high-school musicals and American idols on TV, the spectacle of aspiring young singers belting out an umpteenth cover of Journey offers little in the way of novelty value.
[Shankman] succeeds in draining most of the fun from a vehicle that was all about the winking humor of its flagrant cheesiness.