Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Reviews
Be sure to take a lot of eggnog before undertaking this one, and it just might be more entertaining than watching a Yule Log.
Be warned: no actual conquering occurs in this film in any way, shape or form. It's "Miracle on 34th Street", only 34th street has been replaced with Mars somehow.
It's like those people on American Idol that can't sing, and are completely deluded, that's how bad it is. Someone ought to have told them. Someone ought to have accidentally lost the negatives.
But wait, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians gave life to a really good episode of MST3K; so that's one positive. It has a happy ending, that's two positives. It's really very inoffensive, that's three positives.
In fact, it's risen above how bad it is to become a really enjoyable thing to watch at the sheer awfulness. In other words, it really does have some of the Christmas spirit in it: It will make you laugh, or at least you'll be able to fall asleep on Christmas Eve watching it, with visions of really creepy guys in green suits and bad makeup dancing in your head.
I give it 10% because it's 100% better than a zero for comic relief. Apologies to the West Minnetonka Community Theater Company for making fun of their sets. (They disavow all knowledge of this film)
PS DO NOT show this film to your kids. They may be permanently scarred, and become somewhat Scrooge-like in their later years.
Yes, it's terrible and I don't recommend it, but if you happen to come across it beware, cos you're certain to stick through it all the way to the end.
I deserve a full star for the balls shown by not throwing it in a bonfire.
Martian children who watch Earth TV (?) are upset that they have no Santa. Their wise elder has foreseen this and says Christmas must come to Mars. So of course, Martians kidnap Santa. Boredom ensues.
There didn't feel to be any cohesiveness with the story as it sort of goes from one plot point to another, to another, clumsily.
Note the same scene stock footage of the Air Force in Dr. Strangelove was used in this movie.