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0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it. 0 Zein, you are not the king. No one ever agreed to it.

Trollfighter Origins: Chase Nyland (This is a little long.)

Scene opens on a sky shot of an apartment building in Philadelphia. The camera pans around to a nearby window and zooms in on Chase's studio. Chase is standing behind a mini bar pouring himself a glass of scotch while his roommate sits on the sofa sending text messages to his girlfriend with a smile on his face.

CHASE: Dude, you and that phone are inseparable. It's kind of sad, really.

ROOMMATE: Well, when you're dating a MILF, you need to have your phone with you at all times. One missed text from her could mean the difference between anal sex and...self sex.

CHASE (chuckling to himself): Anal sex...Do you "tear her anus asunder?"

ROOMMATE: The fuck are you talking about, man?

CHASE: Nevermind. So anal sex, eh? Is this before or after your prepare her your Mexican recipes with the gratuitous amounts of habanero you add to your dish?

ROOMMATE: Shut the fuck up, man. You're just jealous you don't have a hot Mexican MILF of your own.

CHASE: She's 30 and she's built like a wrecking ball! And she's not even Mexican! She's Nicaraguan!

ROOMMATE: Well, I think she's hot. She's like the sexy Spanish housekeeper you see in porn movies.

CHASE: I always thought she was like the housekeeper from Two And a Half Men.

All the lights go out in the studio.

CHASE: Goddamnit! Hand me that flashlight, will you?

No response.

CHASE: Come on, man, stop fucking around. I need that flashlight.

This time, Chase hears muffled screams and lots of thumping around. He realizes he's not alone.

CHASE: What the fuck?! Get the fuck out of here now! I have a gun!

Lights come on and standing ten feet in front of Chase is John Tyler and Diego Tutweiller. Chase's roommate has vanished.

CHASE (dumbfounded): ...Whoa...D...Diego Tutweiller?

DIEGO: In the flesh.

CHASE: A...and you must be...

JOHN: John Tyler. Enough of the formalities. We need to talk.

DIEGO: I thought you said you had a gun!

CHASE: I bluffed.

DIEGO: You're just holding a bong, dude!

CHASE: Don't question my tactics!

JOHN: It's ok, Chase. We have plenty of guns for you to choose from.

CHASE (sets the bong on the table): What's this about? Where's my roommate? And how in the fuck did you guys get in here?

JOHN: We had to apprehend your roommate. We can't risk him knowing too much. We also snuck in through the fire escape.

CHASE: I don't have a fire escape.

All Trollfighters say nothing and look at each other. Awkward silence for a few moments.

DIEGO: We tied up your roommate and put him in one of your bedrooms with a television and a DVD player.

CHASE (confused): Why...?

Diego: To erase his memory with some of the most stupefying images ever to have the displeasure of being throw into an abortion of a movie.

CHASE: How are you going to do that?

JOHN: With this. (pulls out the DVD case of Movie 43.)

Trollfighters hear Chase's roommate begging for mercy in the bedroom.

ROOMMATE: For the love of God, make it stop!! Why are there balls hanging from Wolverine's neck??!!

CHASE (considers and nods): That's actually pretty smart, guys.

DIEGO: Thank you. It was my idea.

JOHN: Dude, no it wasn't!

DIEGO (smacks John in the back of the head): Shut up!

CHASE: Ok, what the hell is going on here?

JOHN: This morning our wars on RT have escalated again. We thought we had the trolls contained but John Abella is proving to be more powerful than we had ever anticipated. We need you, Chase. The Trollfighters need you.

DIEGO: He's creating an army, Chase. We need to tear some anuses asunder.

CHASE: Hahaha! I said that today to my roommate. Get this. So he's dating this Spanish woman who really needs to lose weight...

JOHN: Chase, focus! This is fucking serious, man!

CHASE: Guys, I don't know about this. I can't exactly just leave my work for a few days.

JOHN: We already spoke with your employers. They've extended your deadlines to next month.

DIEGO: We also brought you this. (Holds up an ounce of purple kush in a freezer bag.)

CHASE (stoic expression on his face): Ok, I'm in.

JOHN (To Diego): Smart thinking on the herb.

DIEGO (To John): It's not hard to entice a stoner.

CHASE: Will my roommate be ok?

JOHN: After the film's duration he will go into a cinematic coma from the atrocities he just witnessed. He's in no danger.

CHASE: Alright then. Let's fucking do this! Le's fuck some trolls up and clear some anuses!

DIEGO: What the fuck are...

JOHN (To Diego): Let it go, he's drunk.

CHASE: Gentlemen, I'm with you. Now if you'll excuse me. I must prepare for war.

Chase sits down on the sofa in front of the bong and sparks up a hit. He takes a long hit that lasts a few moments.

1 hour later, he's taking the hit. He clears the chamber and begins to blow out the hit. John and Diego look at each other impatiently.

3 hours later, Chase is finished blowing out the hit. Diego and John are playing chess on the coffee table. Chase slou
Face Nyland
06-20-2013 03:39 PM

Thread Replies

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J.D Dean

J.D Dean

Hilarious Chase, this is really funny stuff, you're a fantastic writer!

Jun 20 - 06:24 PM

John Tyler

John Tyler

Holy shit, Chase! I've never seen writing this hilarious since Spaceballs.

Jun 20 - 05:55 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Thanks man! I wanted to show you guys what I can do lol.

Jun 20 - 06:03 PM

Kate Tyler

Kate Tyler

This is fantastic.

Jun 20 - 05:06 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Thank you! :)

Jun 20 - 05:14 PM

This comment has been removed.

OG Cutler

Cutler's 5th Account

When is the last time you seen a vagina, porn counts.

Jun 20 - 04:16 PM

This comment has been removed.

OG Cutler

Cutler's 5th Account

So was your joke...... not.

Jun 20 - 04:19 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

You are the anus of the world.

Jun 20 - 04:20 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Last night actually. She was my ex girlfriend but it still counts. I do fine with women, Norman. How about you? I hardly think that being a little creative means no ass. That would imply that every screenwriter in Hollywood doesn't have sex or if they do, they have sex with men. If you like to fuck guys, that's your problem.

Jun 20 - 04:20 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

Being imaginative is one thing. Posting shit on the Internet is another. This is textbook Virginism.

Jun 20 - 04:22 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

Oh, and insulting people who you'll never meet face-to-face just for the fuck of it isn't?

Jun 20 - 04:23 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

Ironic that you are saying this, Diego. You're possibly the biggest douchebag on this site.

Jun 20 - 04:24 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

False. Creating a fake profile just to troll a website is textbook Virginism.

Jun 20 - 04:24 PM

OG Cutler

Cutler's 5th Account

You are really really really ridiculously gay.

Jun 20 - 04:24 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

Okay, Jennifer. Just keep posting the same comment over and over for attention's sake.

Jun 20 - 04:27 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

Calling someone 'gay' isn't really a productive insult, J-Law. What if I called him a retarded piece of cancerous fucking shit failed abortion fucking ass-licking cock-digesting gorilla-fucking God damn fuck shit up the ass son of a bitch asshat cocksuck assfuck dick fungus ass-fingering titty-wiping pussy-grinding leg spreading thundercunt lewd crude dicksucking assfucking crapcrunching buttmunching moldy crepe anal rape bitch slap dick flap shitfaced no-good ratfuck anal bead slimy-ass ball-chewing foreskin eating penis chomping uniballed buttsucking bastard son of a FUCK, and that goes DOUBLE for his MOTHER! His whole existence is about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop, this crab-fucking anus of the world shithead!!! I hope he tries to fuck a meat grinder and gets his microscopic cock turned into dick bratwurst, what a useless, miserable, pathetic excuses for motherfucking human being. Go get fucked by a great white motherfucking shark and die of FUCKING ASSHOLE AIDS! GO FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!

Or words to that effect.

Jun 20 - 04:29 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

Yeah, it's just as ineffective as Jennifer the Man calling me gay.

Jun 20 - 04:49 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

If you hate us so much, why do you give us attention? Unless, of course, you want Diego's anus.

Jun 20 - 04:59 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

Good one, Chase. How long did it take you to come up with that one?

Jun 20 - 05:02 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

I wasn't being serious. But keep trolling, Norman! I love flag spamming your posts because it lets me know that you'll be gone by tomorrow. Fucking idiot.

Jun 20 - 05:10 PM

Norman  R.

Norman Radcliffe

There's no trolling going on here, genius.

Jun 20 - 05:12 PM

Alex M.

Hipster Elitist Maverick

I don't think you can get rid of someone just by flagging them. We used to flag the shit out of Movie 43 and he's still around. The moderators are the only ones who can ban people.

Jun 20 - 05:14 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

It's true, but the more you flag spam, the higher the chance you can grab a moderator's attention.

Jun 20 - 05:36 PM

Blondie

No Name

That was a fucking great script. One thing: isn't it an origin?

Jun 20 - 03:50 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Good point. It could be used in anything really lol. I was stoned when I wrote this.

Jun 20 - 03:50 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

I love the people of the internet.

Jun 20 - 03:56 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Me too, man. I figured it was time that I owed the Trollfighters a little creativity.

Jun 20 - 03:58 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

It's good shit, man... it's good fucking shit. This might be the best thing I've ever read on the internet.

Jun 20 - 03:59 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Aw shucks...

Jun 20 - 04:11 PM

Face Nyland

Face Nyland

Chase slouches on the sofa while stoned out of his mind.

JOHN: Jesus, Chase! Are you ready now?!

CHASE: ...what? Who the fuck are you guys?

Jun 20 - 03:44 PM

Diego Tutweiller

Diego Hard With a Vengeance

There are no words to describe this utter mayhem and perfection.

Jun 20 - 03:42 PM

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