Scene opens on a sky shot of an apartment building in Philadelphia. The camera pans around to a nearby window and zooms in on Chase's studio. Chase is standing behind a mini bar pouring himself a glass of scotch while his roommate sits on the sofa sending text messages to his girlfriend with a smile on his face.
CHASE: Dude, you and that phone are inseparable. It's kind of sad, really.
ROOMMATE: Well, when you're dating a MILF, you need to have your phone with you at all times. One missed text from her could mean the difference between anal sex and...self sex.
CHASE (chuckling to himself): Anal sex...Do you "tear her anus asunder?"
ROOMMATE: The fuck are you talking about, man?
CHASE: Nevermind. So anal sex, eh? Is this before or after your prepare her your Mexican recipes with the gratuitous amounts of habanero you add to your dish?
ROOMMATE: Shut the fuck up, man. You're just jealous you don't have a hot Mexican MILF of your own.
CHASE: She's 30 and she's built like a wrecking ball! And she's not even Mexican! She's Nicaraguan!
ROOMMATE: Well, I think she's hot. She's like the sexy Spanish housekeeper you see in porn movies.
CHASE: I always thought she was like the housekeeper from Two And a Half Men.
All the lights go out in the studio.
CHASE: Goddamnit! Hand me that flashlight, will you?
CHASE: Come on, man, stop fucking around. I need that flashlight.
This time, Chase hears muffled screams and lots of thumping around. He realizes he's not alone.
CHASE: What the fuck?! Get the fuck out of here now! I have a gun!
Lights come on and standing ten feet in front of Chase is John Tyler and Diego Tutweiller. Chase's roommate has vanished.
CHASE (dumbfounded): ...Whoa...D...Diego Tutweiller?
DIEGO: In the flesh.
CHASE: A...and you must be...
JOHN: John Tyler. Enough of the formalities. We need to talk.
DIEGO: I thought you said you had a gun!
CHASE: I bluffed.
DIEGO: You're just holding a bong, dude!
CHASE: Don't question my tactics!
JOHN: It's ok, Chase. We have plenty of guns for you to choose from.
CHASE (sets the bong on the table): What's this about? Where's my roommate? And how in the fuck did you guys get in here?
JOHN: We had to apprehend your roommate. We can't risk him knowing too much. We also snuck in through the fire escape.
CHASE: I don't have a fire escape.
All Trollfighters say nothing and look at each other. Awkward silence for a few moments.
DIEGO: We tied up your roommate and put him in one of your bedrooms with a television and a DVD player.
CHASE (confused): Why...?
Diego: To erase his memory with some of the most stupefying images ever to have the displeasure of being throw into an abortion of a movie.
CHASE: How are you going to do that?
JOHN: With this. (pulls out the DVD case of Movie 43.)
Trollfighters hear Chase's roommate begging for mercy in the bedroom.
ROOMMATE: For the love of God, make it stop!! Why are there balls hanging from Wolverine's neck??!!
CHASE (considers and nods): That's actually pretty smart, guys.
DIEGO: Thank you. It was my idea.
JOHN: Dude, no it wasn't!
DIEGO (smacks John in the back of the head): Shut up!
CHASE: Ok, what the hell is going on here?
JOHN: This morning our wars on RT have escalated again. We thought we had the trolls contained but John Abella is proving to be more powerful than we had ever anticipated. We need you, Chase. The Trollfighters need you.
DIEGO: He's creating an army, Chase. We need to tear some anuses asunder.
CHASE: Hahaha! I said that today to my roommate. Get this. So he's dating this Spanish woman who really needs to lose weight...
JOHN: Chase, focus! This is fucking serious, man!
CHASE: Guys, I don't know about this. I can't exactly just leave my work for a few days.
JOHN: We already spoke with your employers. They've extended your deadlines to next month.
DIEGO: We also brought you this. (Holds up an ounce of purple kush in a freezer bag.)
CHASE (stoic expression on his face): Ok, I'm in.
JOHN (To Diego): Smart thinking on the herb.
DIEGO (To John): It's not hard to entice a stoner.
CHASE: Will my roommate be ok?
JOHN: After the film's duration he will go into a cinematic coma from the atrocities he just witnessed. He's in no danger.
CHASE: Alright then. Let's fucking do this! Le's fuck some trolls up and clear some anuses!
DIEGO: What the fuck are...
JOHN (To Diego): Let it go, he's drunk.
CHASE: Gentlemen, I'm with you. Now if you'll excuse me. I must prepare for war.
Chase sits down on the sofa in front of the bong and sparks up a hit. He takes a long hit that lasts a few moments.
1 hour later, he's taking the hit. He clears the chamber and begins to blow out the hit. John and Diego look at each other impatiently.
3 hours later, Chase is finished blowing out the hit. Diego and John are playing chess on the coffee table. Chase slou