The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D Reviews
Lets start with the acting, though UI don;t know ehere to start considering there wasn;t a single good actor here. Let's talk about the films 2 lowlights, Cayden Boyd and Taylor Latner. Boyd is officially the worst actor I have ever seen, child or otherwise. He overacts on every line, and when he tries to get emotional? Two words. My God. Taylor Latner was pretty bad too. You can tell he was trying to be badass, like Ghost Rider or something, but it just comes out as lame and stupid.
The special affects were really bad too. In fact, they are so bad, too bad, that in one scene when the main character falls on Max's fin, it bends like cardboard.
As in most kids "superhero" films, the jokes were really bad. Especially the one scene where Sharkboy steps in chocalate. Sometimes, reverse psychology can be funny, but here? About as funny as Bob's Burgers, and they are REALLY unfunny. And finally, why did Sharkboy have to sing? I'm hoping that was a joke, because if it wasn't,...Let's just hope it is.
Bottom line, this might be even worse than Spy Kids 3.
I see Taylor Dooley as Lavagirl always giving a great smile in several scenes than Taylor Lauter as Sharkboy.
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS
I know exactly where to begin on how terribly done this film is:
Dialogue: Talk about bad, corny, laughable, & terribly written. I have never seen a movie where the dialogue was this bad (I heard from friends that "Gigli"'s dialogue was the worst ever, but I have yet to watch it to say for sure). I mean, this movie makes the dialogue from "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" sound great! Oh man, I cannot tell you how bad the words that come out of the characters' mouths were.
George Lopez's Character - "I am the teacher, & you know nothing..." Ok, so what does that have to do with the small fight that happened between the main character & the bully? I swear it's like they asked George Lopez (& pretty much the rest of the actors) to just pull out some random shit from his ass & say it outta his mouth. In fact, his character, including his villain one, had some of the worst puns in the film. How bad, you might ask? Listening to the puns from "Batman & Robin" are more bearable to listen to than this. I kid you not.
David Arquette's character to Kristin Davis' character - "I don't want you to go, you're my best friend..." he says that extremely laughable & corny phrase in a monotone voice to his 'wife'.
After he lets her go into the tornado (which just stood right there on it's spot waiting for the character) she gives out the fakest scream ever & David's character gets this "regretful" face & says "No! No...come back...please..." Yeah, really.
Kristin Davis's character to David Arquette's character & then viceversa - *She comes out from the tornado with Lavagirl somehow: "I'm not going anywhere..." Despite the fact that you just said that to David's character to take care of you 'son'.
David then says "Neither am I," to her like he was in any trouble. Like anyone said or implied he was.
I don't even wanna begin to write down Cayden Boyd's dialogue because I swear if I did I'd write down about 10 paragraphs.
So to sum this down, the dialogue is the worst thing this film has to offer. You're better off listening to the dialogue from "New Moon", "Ghost Rider", & "Crossroads".
Cast & Acting: EVERYONE in this film is a no-name & forgettable, except for George Lopez, but even he was forgettable in here. Taylor Laughtner played his character throughout the whole movie like he had been stressed out & has had a bad day. Whats-her-face played Lavagirl so wooden that you're wondering how she didn't set herself on fire.
Cayden Boyd can't act for jack-shit, & that's a compliment. He looked & sounded like he was going to cry in the entire film. I'm not even going to begin talking on how bad of actors David Arquette & George Lopez were in this movie. Sasha Pieterse was pretty much telling us she wanted to be saved from this film, throughout the whole movie she looked forced to act.
Characters: They're all idiots. The hero of the film played by Cayden was useless & weak; he should have just jumped into the lava pit with Lavagirl & died. Lavagirl was some weak, pathetic excuse for a heroin who is nothing but a distraction, & the same could be said for Sharkboy. Both of them should have died. Lavagirl is an idiot who thinks has no rtional thinking in her head. Really, when Cayden's character said they had to go find the ice princess or queen, she says "She is ice & I am fire, we MUST be enemies". Really logical thinking, right?
All Sharkboy does is be a bully to his own creator, & then bitch & whine about how he doesn't have his strength because Cayden's character didn't make him the king of the ocean.
The two villains were so bad that they should have married each other. They make the villain from The Smurfs, & Prince John from "Robin Hood" (Disney) look like Shan-Yu & Cruelle de Vill.
Plot/Story: It makes no damn sense! Apparently the whole point of the film is for Cayden's character to find his true purpose in the world of dreams, & to defeat the villains who are making the whole place a nightmare world. Like we haven't heard that formula before. You have one plot point in the film, another story element added there, & then one arc added somewhere else. It's a cluster of inconsistent & incoherent plot points & stories that frankly you're wondering what the real point of the movie is.
The we have how the characters travel from one point to another for certain things that later have very little to no use. I still don't even know why Taylor Lautner had to sing in the film. I'm not saying he sang badly (he was surprisingly good at it), but the way they executed the singing here was like the film was going to have some more musical numbers into it.
Effects: Putting it as nice as I can, the effects are, at best, laughable. Even back then when I first saw this film I was able to tell how bad they looked. I wouldn't be surprised if the effects in the movie were the only thing they bothered to pay attention to make right. I can compare the special effects to "Son of the Mask", & that movie had some shit effects itself. I didn't watch it in 3D so, I wouldn't know how bad the 3D was.
Final summation, this film is so bad, it's just bad. It rips-off "Spy Kids" in a very cheesy, & laughable way. No kid should be put to watch this movie. Go watch some other laughable movie that's actually bad enough to be good. Or better yet, you're better off having your kids watch some of Don Bluth's "A Troll in Central". Yeah, it's that bad.
How this movie scored over a 4% is beyond me.