Lessons We Learned from "Twilight"

1. Necrophilia and bestiality do not a good love triangle make.
2. Teenage girls and their adult counterparts will buy anything.
3. Some film critics still have no taste in movies. Ranking "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" over "Skyfall"? Really?
4. Box office performance is not equivalent to quality.
5. The fetus is incompatible.
6. Michael Bay and Stephenie Meyer shall forever live in infamy.
7. The apocalypse is coming: this movie is easily going to push "Skyfall" down from the #1 spot this weekend.
8. A movie starring K-Stew, R-Patz, and Taylor Lautner making more than one directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Daniel Day-Lewis? Yep, this is so sad.
9. I hate people.
10. I hate couples, especially those who have children right when they get married.

Keep the ball rolling. Add to the list.
Sean Aminali
11-15-2012 02:43 PM

Thread Replies

Please log in to participate in this forum.

Diego Tutweiller

A Portrait of the Trollfighter as a Young Man

15: Gay vampires make nothing better.

Apr 26 - 06:03 PM

Michelle Rivera

Michelle Rivera

haters haters haters that's the top 3

Apr 10 - 12:01 AM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

Um... what?

Apr 11 - 11:26 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

just a twihard, move on frankie.

May 12 - 06:54 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

nothing

Mar 21 - 07:45 AM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

We learned that tweens will buy barf because of marketing and it's getting worse and worse and worse

Mar 14 - 11:43 PM

Sean Moore

Sean Moore

Does anyone remember the truth NO ONe wants too date/talk/spend time with a teenage female they are completely useless except for sex or for considering their sexual tendencies...in reality they are morose, self-absorbed, dim, completely unable to know themselves(the hot ones think their ugly, the ugly one's are convinced their hotter than Hades) the fat ones wear spandex without any sarcasm intended...If I was a Vampire(hasn't that literary trend run it's course)? and was going to live forever or (as in the movie been alive and teenaged for hundreds of years) I would think I was in hell having to spend my time with Kristen Stewart(or her teenage character) Vampires lead characters=teenage girl love feature=english AC/DC lead actor=teenage female demographic=TROUBLE/BAD convergence of massive non-stop media coverage...Authors who write this scrimshaw should be forced to consume it...

Feb 24 - 10:53 PM

Liam Murray

Liam Murray

I know you said box office performance is not equivalent to equality, but I'm still infuriated that this shit outgrossed The Amazing Spider-Man.

Feb 2 - 10:57 PM

Susana M.

S M

Yes. Even though I despise superhero movies, ESPECIALLY Spider-Man, I would probably still rate every Spider-Man movie ever made over this piece of shit.

Apr 1 - 07:31 PM

Lucas Brodsky

Lucas Brodsky

I'm 50/50 on the Twilight films, But I love to make fun of them either way ( Is that wrong?)! O and number 11. The story could go so much farther if they just added some more emphasis to the Volturi thing and the "vampire" power struggle, Because that stuff is super interesting!

Jan 9 - 06:14 PM

Tom S.

Tom Smith

233. Don't move to the town Forks if you are a teenage girl, or you will be swept into a fantasy world that involves vampires that don't even resemble or act like vampires at all.

Dec 19 - 01:45 AM

Tom S.

Tom Smith

1123. Take your shirt off constantly for no reason, but not your pants, to prepare your transformation into a giant wolf, that doesn't resemble a werewolf at all.

Dec 19 - 01:43 AM

Susana M.

S M

to be fair, they are "shape-shifters", so technically they are supposed to look like full on wolves.
I totally agree about the pants though. The shirt gets ripped off, but somehow the pants don't? So they run around as wolves wearing pants? :/

Apr 1 - 07:32 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

i just hope they weren't copying hulk on that notion.

May 12 - 06:58 PM

Diego Tutweiller

A Portrait of the Trollfighter as a Young Man

14. Never underestimate the stupidity of the American People.

Dec 9 - 10:19 AM

Kota Forde

Kota Forde

13. Suicide is NOT a legitimate reaction to being dumped.

Nov 24 - 01:16 AM

Susana M.

S M

THANK YOU.

Apr 1 - 07:33 PM

Steve S.

Steve Saprii

11. Jennifer Love Hewitt is crazy. 12. Stupidity is more common than I initially thought it was.

Nov 21 - 05:20 PM

Blockbuster Diva

Blockbuster Diva

I think you really put a lot of thought into this. But seriously, there is something wrong with your brain if that's what you got out of it.

Nov 17 - 04:24 AM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

Actually, there is something wrong with you

Nov 20 - 01:42 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

its a bit juvenile, but that's no reason for name calling

May 12 - 06:57 PM

Aria Clements

Aria Clements

We learn that stalking, controlling a woman, and constantly telling her how she's so breakable, are signs of "true luv."

Nov 16 - 03:14 PM

Nick Korkos

Nick Korkos

the twilight movie series i saw all the movies in theaters and everytime i went to the movie theater to see these movies i fell asleep everytime and i never got to see the endings of any of the movies due to the movies being boring and dull and having nothing exciting in them

Nov 16 - 12:25 PM

Ramzi Kibbi

Ramzi Kibbi

so true

Nov 16 - 11:06 AM

Brad and Netflix

Bradly Martin

In response to your list
#1 agreed
#2 Thats just generalizing. How do you explain all the Twilight Copies failing?
#3 is a bit soon. As predicted the film before it's official world wide release is Rotten while Skyfall is one of the top films this year.
#4 was learned from Michael Bay films long before Twilight.
#5 I'm not sure what you mean by this one?
#6 Iunno, I liked The Rock
#7 So, Skyfall was the best Bond release in ages. It's a huge success!
#8 That actually is kind of sad.
#9 It shows
#10 Now I will generalize, Why you hate Mormons Bro!?

I'll add one.

People like there fantasy and reality separate. A woman in reality will not tolerate an evening of starring at her for 2 hours. That gets BORING! IN fantasy thought its the ultimate date.

Seeing the future can be done by absolutely anyone with common sense. Seriously, Alice power of Common sense portrayed as "Seeing the Future" has never made sense to me.

Chris Hanson cant be every where at once. ALWAYS report Pedophiles to the proper Authorities.

Nov 15 - 05:51 PM

Aria Clements

Aria Clements

Re: #2: 50 Shades of Gray literally is Twilight fan fiction. Originally even Edward and Bella's names were used. Another Twilight fan fiction is being published in March.

Nov 16 - 03:16 PM

Lucas Brodsky

Lucas Brodsky

Really?

Jan 9 - 06:15 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

#5 is an idiotic line from Breaking Dawn Part 1

Apr 8 - 06:35 PM

Patrick Harnois

Patrick Harnois

I hate the idea of an "Evil Dead" remake. I can't believe it's actually happening.

Nov 15 - 05:49 PM

Nick Korkos

Nick Korkos

i agree with you about that i hate movie remakes

Nov 16 - 12:26 PM

Adan Arguelles

Adan Arguelles

that you can tell a movie sucks without watching it

Nov 15 - 04:56 PM

Camila Márquez

Camila Márquez

No matter how bad is your acting, you can always rely on: CGI, taking off your shirt, or look like you smell your armpit after a week without bathing, being pale.

Nov 15 - 03:22 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

all of which are not appealing in the least.... at least in this franchise.

May 12 - 06:56 PM

Marcus Dunn

Marcus Dunn

Let's do a list like this for Resident Evil, Transporter and Transformer franchises.

Nov 15 - 03:13 PM

David Gilmer

David Gilmer

took care of transformers al a David Letterman

May 12 - 06:55 PM

Thaddeus Venture

Thaddeus Venture

hahaha good stuff.

Nov 15 - 02:47 PM

Find us on:                     
Help | About | Jobs | Critics Submission | Press | API | Licensing | Mobile