Troll 2 Reviews
This movie is so much fun to watch, and the stilted dialogue and really glaring plot mistakes will have you rolling in the aisles. One time, a troll gets punched in the face hard enough to visibly spin his mask around on his head. It's hilarious. Also, why is it that the family needs to have a seance to summon Grandpa Seth, an unwelcome spirit that they couldn't get rid of even twenty minutes ago? Why do the characters narrate what they're doing aloud? Why does Eliot bring his idiot friends everywhere? What's the difference between the goblins and the possessed townsfolk? This movie is like the kid at school that gets made fun of, not just for being odd but for trying to be cool by saying "yo" and "radical" a lot. I am so happy I saw this movie. It's really really bad, but it is so enjoyable.
Before I begin this review, all me to do one thing. *screams in agony off of the top of my lungs* All of you better be thanking me for doing this. Believe me: If it was not for me suffering to write these reviews, then you might be plunged into the total hell that is these films. But, enough of me complaining. Let's get onto this. Alrighty. To begin with, I want to point out that this is NOT a sequel to the better (only by a few hairs) film Troll. This film is completely unrelated, does not feature a single Troll (all the creatures are Goblins), and only is called Troll 2 to go and cash in on the minimal success of the earlier film (success my ***). Okay, that out of the way, let me say a few things about the director. Claudio Fragasso is a complete idiot. I am not joking. This Italian director, who can not speak English, written the script in English and moved out to some north-western state in America to film this... whatever it is. So, someone explain to me the point in even trying this entire purpose of filming? Well, to this day the director does not see that his film is crap. If you try to tell him, you better be ready to fight for he has been known to beat up anyone that says this film is crap. Now, lets get down to the main aspects. In terms of direction, there is no redeeming qualities at all. The pacing would be beyond bad if it was not for the laughing you will find yourself doing while watching this film. Seriously, out of all the films that have been deemed the worst, this film is the most hilarious of them all due to how bad the direction is. Now the acting. In all my years of seeing films, I would have never said this but it must be said: These actors make the people in Twilight look like Academy award winners. Need I say more? yes? Fine, here is one of the best lines in this show: "They're eating her! Then they will eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!" Say this line, and imagine a giant fly walking across your forehead. Just, wow. Now for the script. Okay, can someone explain who decided to allow this dumb idiot to write in a scene that involves a ten year old kid to stand on a table and urinate on his family, their dinner, and all over their kitchen? Who allowed him to write this sub-plot about a grandfather who gives his son a Molotov bomb, and what is with the weird popcorn sex scene and the 'ultimate weapon against the goblins'? I mean, this is why the Razzie awards were made. Finally the score. Except for one fake metal piece during the most random scenes before a mirror breaks, the music makes rap music sound good to me. Overall, all I am going to say is this: there is a reason why this film has a documentary called 'Best Worst Movie' that explains how bad this movie is.
The acting, effects, and storyline are SO BAD that it makes this film worth watching for some quality laughs. It does have a charm to it in a cult sense, but don't go in expecting a sequel to "Troll" which is a classic. I don't understand why this was made as a sequel to a film that has some quality effects and acting, and is about trolls, not goblins, but maybe that's the sheer madness of the whole thing.
But we must look past this my friends and appreciate this one for what it is. It's certainly not much indeed, but it's got something that'll keep you viewing in disbelief, and give you a new meaning to the idea of "it's SO BAD that it's GOOD". Seeing is believing, and "Troll 2" takes you in a direction that is seldom taken.
Now before going any further, the film does have a very slight correlation with the first film. The Potter family had milk in their fridge and they have milk here too, and that's about it. After putting the disc into my DVD player the film starts with a grandfather telling Joshua (his grandson) a story about goblins and these are some of the worst looking Goblins I've ever seen. Joshua mother comes in and we find out that grandpa is dead and was in Joshua head. What's odd about this scene is that the grandpa is dead, yet we see a chair is rocking back and fourth. So our main character, named Joshua, is the most annoying character name Joshua in the history of cinema. This character has stupid lines and it made worst with the fact he won't stop saying grandpa (lost count around the 20th time). There is some pointless scenes accompanying by even more pointless banter here and there before Joshua family go to Nilbog. Apparently Joshua father decided to swap their home in the city and go live on a rusty farm, why? Once our family gets to Nilgob the screenwriter felt the need to insult the audience intelligence by telling us that Nilgob is Goblin spelled backwards. By this point I still had over an hour left and wow were they painful.
Once our family gets to their farm and have a pointless talk with the family living their, the family decide to dine on some green looking food. Grandpa ghost then knocks on a window to get Joshua attention, why grandpa ghost doesn't go through the window is one of the many unanswered questions. Grandpa then tells Joshua he must stop his family from eating the green food. So grandpa ghost freezes time since all ghosts could do that for 30 seconds (it was actually 70) and urinates all over the family food. This film knows no boundaries when it comes to stupidity. Meanwhile there is some pointless plot about Joshua sister boyfriend tagging along with his friends to see her. These teenage guys serve no actual purpose in the film aside from getting killed. Also, out of everything for these teenagers to see on TV they watch a human size Monkey farting fire and flying away. This movie lack of intelligence is making the dialogue in The Expendables 2 sound good. Now if there's any scene everyone knows is the "OH MY GOD!" scene which is very hilarious and pathetic in terms of bad acting. The other teenagers die too and then for some reason we a odd and pointless scene in a RV near the end. The witch seduces a teenager. I like the fact that the guy didn't question the lady on television telling him not to change the channel. Then the witch makes out with the guy all while having a cob of corn between them and then popcorn coming out of nowhere. I could literally write a novel on everything bad about this film.
We also have another pointless moment in the film as Joshua sister dances in her room. This pointless moment does bring up one of the most hilarious moment in the films as grandpa thinks his granddaughter is Joshua. He does know the difference between a woman and men, right? Then after finding out the whole town is filled with people dressed like Goblins, the fake people establish that Goblins are Vegetarian. Which is false since they turned people into half human and half plant hybrid which last time I check human are meat. After several minutes of the film just lingering around the writers remembered to include a plot. The people of Nilbog then have a welcoming party for Joshua family and after a pathetic close called with a Goblin. Joshua grandpa thinks the best way to save his family is to start a fire. Now according to this film a preacher has the powers to combat ghosts. Makes sense but then again theirs no point in arguing the film lack of logic. The preacher is set on fire as apparently ghosts have the ability to shoot lightning and the preacher burns. The preacher death in this film has one of the most hilarious death cry in a movie ever. Later after more nonsense, Joshua family decide to to send him to combat the Goblins. Before Joshua combat the Goblins, his grandpa gives him a very powerful and important weapon to combat the Goblins. When it comes time to use his important weapon it turns out to be a double decker bologna sandwich. WOW! This movie made the aliens from Battlefield Earth look intelligent.
After finding out Joshua worked and released lighting? The family defeat the Goblins with "the power of goodness". After we're told that the Goblins are dead then comes the ending where we discover the Goblins are still alive. In case you missed it, I saw an hour and half movie that focus on a kid attempting to save his family from Goblins with help of a ghost. Then after were told that this is a guaranteed plan of killing these Goblins, these Goblins are still alive with no reason. Troll 2 has no Trolls. It's filled with pointless moments that would reduce the film to around ten minutes of actual plot. The acting is horrible and saying it wooden would be an insult to trees. Deborah Reed is by far the goofiest as the witch for giving some of the most over the top facial expression, but she's still allot better than Megan Fox. The acting alone makes Ed Wood films look like Oscar worthy film. Is it the worst movie ever made? Nope, not even by a long shot. I've honestly seen worst movies that have no redeeming values. This film does deliver entertainment in a comedic level and given how many went to pursue the film and see it for themselves are not traits of a standard bad movie letalone the worst. There are other films I've seen that are more deserving of that title like Jorge Ameers Singing Forest, Vampiro (2009), Cannibal (2010), and Butterfly (1981) which are far worst by comparison. It is though, one of the most pointless films ever made I will say.
Troll 2 is not the worst movie ever made, but it is entirely pointless with no sign of professionalism of film-making. Then again, the lack of professionalism is what made this movie entertaining and a good laugh during the long run. It's entertains and its torture the viewers like few bad films can and you'll looking for a good laugh by all means check it out. For those who can't tolerate bad movies, should give this at least one viewing since its bad film-making at it finest and most hilarious.