Total Recall: Sexy Vampires

In honor of Twilight, we pay tribute to some of cinema's hottest bloodsuckers.

This week, the hotly-anticipated Twilight hits theaters. The film, starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in the tale of young vampires in love, got us thinking: blood suckers are sexy. Thus, we thought we'd present a compendium of some of the hottest vampires in big-screen history!


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Aaliyah
Appears in: Queen of the Damned (2002)
Tomatometer: 14%

Six years after Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt surprised Anne Rice fans with a commercially-successful adaptation of the author's novel Interview with the Vampire, Warner Bros. rushed into production on a follow-up, skipping Interview's direct sequel The Vampire Lestat in favor of shooting a revamped version of Rice's sexier third book; the result was 2002's Queen of the Damned, a critical and commercial failure that drew comparisons to the Goth-pop music videos streamed on MTV. Despite all this, Queen of the Damned featured a central performance by the late R&B star Aaliyah (the victim of a tragic airplane crash six months before the film's release) that remains one of the sexiest, if utterly camp-tastic, vampire portrayals put to celluloid. Scantily clad and golden-eyed as the Egyptian vampire queen Akasha -- the oldest and most powerful of all vampires on earth -- Aaliyah slithered her way through Queen with the lithe poise of a dancer, and memorably joined Stuart Townsend's Lestat in a rose petal-strewn bath that still has us steamed. Damned to the ranks of rotten on the Tomatometer? Yes. Queen of the sexiest vampire movies in history? Undoubtedly.






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Kate Beckinsale
Appears in: Underworld (2003), Underworld: Evolution (2006)
Tomatometer: 27%, 14%

As if Kate Beckinsale needed to do anything more than slink into a black leather bodysuit, her Selene in 2003's Underworld possesses superhuman strength, packs major firepower, and has a taste for blood -- the ultimate lethal, sexy succubus. The only thing that could make this vampire sexier? Her steamy forbidden romance with one Michael Corvinus (Scott Speedman), the human-turned-werewolf who happens to be the newfound enemy of her people. That the camera in both Underworld and its 2006 sequel, Underworld: Evolution, near-fetishizes Selene's every move doesn't hurt (director Len Wiseman begun dating his star halfway through filming on Underworld and married her in 2004). While the next Underworld installment, Rise of the Lycans, will go Beckinsale-less -- it's a prequel story starring Rhona Mitra and Michael Sheen, Beckinsale's real-life ex -- look for her hugely anticipated return to the vampire lady assassin role in a rumored fourth Underworld film.


Comments

RT-Ryan

RT-Ryan .

It's too bad you couldn't include the actual Monica Bellucci clip. Mmmmm.... I guess we could have run into some complaints if we had, though.

Nov 19 - 06:23 PM

LillyVon

Gabrielle *no way*

Ah yes Ryan - but it would have been worth it!

Nov 20 - 05:22 PM

Rash Hunt

Rash Hunt

Let the right one in!

Mmmmm.

Nov 19 - 06:44 PM

jokerboy1991

jack giroux

LOL, is anyone watching South Park right now?!?! Its awesome, there making funny of TWILIGHT! Its so ****ing funny, there trying to get Butters!

Nov 19 - 07:06 PM

blattman

Mike Greenblatt

It is only 9:10 in this part of the world. I am trying to stay awake long enough to watch it. Especially since this is the season ending.

Nov 19 - 09:11 PM

rachel_renegade

Rachel Leigh

OMFG. i loved the new episode. I texted a friend (male Twilight fan) and i told him and he said "thats not funny. People can like a book Rachel. just like you are allowed to dislike it. I dont want to hear it, im trying to stop being so negative." which made the episode 10,000x more funny.

Nov 19 - 09:34 PM

ZiGyStRdUsT

Carlos Monino

South Park has once again explained one of the most important ills plaguing our country today: Vampire douches.

Nov 19 - 07:37 PM

collex

Alex D.B.

I didn't like Bram Sotker's Dracula. Really too slow, and when I was comparing it to what I remembered fro the novel, it didn't really make sense.

I agree Monica Belluci is hot tough.

But I must say that the most sexiest vampire I've ever seen is Vampire Willow from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

Nov 19 - 07:47 PM

jokerboy1991

jack giroux

I liked Francis Fords version. Yes it was flawed especially with Neo's performance, but it had greatness to it I thought. Oldman kicked *** as Count,Anthony Hopkins was a cool Vanhelsing, the movie was great visually, and had super hot vamps instead of stupid ones like in Vanhelsing.

Nov 19 - 08:05 PM

AnthonyDidge

Anthony D

But we all know Buffy would've taken care of all of these vampires. If only she'd take care of this Twilight crap too.

Nov 20 - 09:23 AM

Matanuki

Matanuki .

The less said about Buffy, the better. ;-)

Nov 20 - 03:03 PM

AnthonyDidge

Anthony D

I'm sorry, it's a natural reaction for me. Vampire=Hot chick slaying said vampire. I'm a dork, and I'm ok with that.

Nov 20 - 08:11 PM

collex

Alex D.B.

What do you have against Buffy? I find it is a really fun show. Best humor and teen drama I've seen on TV. Buffy is not the hottest girl on the planet, but Willow (Alysson Hannigan) is smoking hot for this age!

Nov 22 - 07:01 PM

willpower

will molinar

Brom Sotker's Dracula is one of the best novel adaptations ever. Read it again and watch the movie again. Beleive it.

Nov 21 - 06:55 AM

jokerboy1991

jack giroux

I liked Francis Fords version. Yes it was flawed especially with Neo's performance, but it had greatness to it I thought. Oldman kicked *** as Count,Anthony Hopkins was a cool Vanhelsing, the movie was great visually, and had super hot vamps instead of stupid ones like in Vanhelsing.

Nov 19 - 08:05 PM

nblarson

Nick Larson

The South Park episode was priceless...

*looks forward to goths burning down Hot Topics the world over*

"The Hunger," while a bit vacuous, was, simply put, hot. Catherine Deneuve and a young Susan Sarandon having a sexy party? Count me in.

Monica Belluci could play a decaying zombie and she'd still be smoking.

Nov 19 - 08:32 PM

blattman

Mike Greenblatt

It is only 9:10 in this part of the world. I am trying to stay awake long enough to watch it. Especially since this is the season ending.

Nov 19 - 09:11 PM

rachel_renegade

Rachel Leigh

OMFG. i loved the new episode. I texted a friend (male Twilight fan) and i told him and he said "thats not funny. People can like a book Rachel. just like you are allowed to dislike it. I dont want to hear it, im trying to stop being so negative." which made the episode 10,000x more funny.

Nov 19 - 09:34 PM

tomwaitsjrHAPPYICONOCLAST

Greg Guro

South Park is WIN!

I can't believe Innocent Blood only got 42%. That was a great movie. . .

Nov 19 - 09:48 PM

Jen Yamato

Jen Yamato

Hot Topic burned down and the vampire kids went back to normal! Oh, South Park...

Nov 19 - 10:30 PM

Bulletproof_Animal

Martin Errington

Can you believe Angelina Jolie has never played a vampire? That's, like, the one thing she was born to do. Her and Kat Dennings. Together. Doing stuff.

Nov 20 - 12:03 AM

kenekgo

David Blandino

Glad to see Soledad Miranda on the list. She is one of the most beautiful women in the history of cinema.

Nov 20 - 05:32 AM

Confounded

Matthew Bertram

Lauren Hutton in Once Bitten? Maybe I'm just showing my weakness for 80s women.

Nov 20 - 05:36 AM

Confounded

Matthew Bertram

Or Geena Davis in Transylvania 6-5000. There I go again.

Nov 20 - 05:41 AM

crystalwhiteeyes

Tommy Savor

"Let The Right One In" looks FAR more enticing than this Twilight crap. Appears to be the true gothic love story that it needs to be.

Nov 20 - 06:10 AM

Confounded

Matthew Bertram

True, but I don't think we're quite ready to place 12-year olds into the "sexy vampire" category.

Nov 20 - 06:15 AM

crystalwhiteeyes

Tommy Savor

I'm not placing the word "sexy" when it comes to vampires. That is the dumbest thing ever said. I'm just saying Let the Right One In looks far better than this twicrap flick.

I'm sure the guy who came up with Vampires as a mythical creature, he was going for sexy. "Say, what can I come up with that's sexy?" "Uhhh...How about Vampires." "What does a Vampire do?" "Well it bites your neck and sucks your blood!" "Oh, that's sexy!!" I'm sure all of these preverted chicks wouldn't mind a bear ripping through there neck and drinking there blood, or how about a lion. I mean, it's sexy right?? Maybe a snake? Not much difference.

Nov 21 - 06:29 AM

frozen01

Renee Knowles

There is no "the guy"... the vampire mythos spans cultures, continents, and centuries. It's been constantly reinvented to the point where the average person believes that things like an aversion to the sun and indestructibility are original when they're actually pretty recent additions.
Also, there are very, very few chapters in the vampire mythos, especially modern versions, that show them ripping the throats out of their victims like a bear or lion might (what a waste of blood!) instead of just drinking through two neat little holes in the neck, and most stories depict the actual act of having your blood drunk as similar to an orgasm.
In other words, it's sexy :) And apparently to both men and women.
BTW, if you were really being sarcastic about the connection between snakes and sexuality, then there's no help for you *LOL*

Nov 21 - 02:39 PM

Ligeia

Nagy Orsolya

Except if she has been 12 for a long time ;-)

Nov 28 - 04:02 AM

Confounded

Matthew Bertram

True, but I don't think we're quite ready to place 12-year olds into the "sexy vampire" category.

Nov 20 - 06:15 AM

crystalwhiteeyes

Tommy Savor

I'm not placing the word "sexy" when it comes to vampires. That is the dumbest thing ever said. I'm just saying Let the Right One In looks far better than this twicrap flick.

I'm sure the guy who came up with Vampires as a mythical creature, he was going for sexy. "Say, what can I come up with that's sexy?" "Uhhh...How about Vampires." "What does a Vampire do?" "Well it bites your neck and sucks your blood!" "Oh, that's sexy!!" I'm sure all of these preverted chicks wouldn't mind a bear ripping through there neck and drinking there blood, or how about a lion. I mean, it's sexy right?? Maybe a snake? Not much difference.

Nov 21 - 06:29 AM

frozen01

Renee Knowles

There is no "the guy"... the vampire mythos spans cultures, continents, and centuries. It's been constantly reinvented to the point where the average person believes that things like an aversion to the sun and indestructibility are original when they're actually pretty recent additions.
Also, there are very, very few chapters in the vampire mythos, especially modern versions, that show them ripping the throats out of their victims like a bear or lion might (what a waste of blood!) instead of just drinking through two neat little holes in the neck, and most stories depict the actual act of having your blood drunk as similar to an orgasm.
In other words, it's sexy :) And apparently to both men and women.
BTW, if you were really being sarcastic about the connection between snakes and sexuality, then there's no help for you *LOL*

Nov 21 - 02:39 PM

Ligeia

Nagy Orsolya

Except if she has been 12 for a long time ;-)

Nov 28 - 04:02 AM

Hamboner

Brian Lorenzen

-Keanu Reeve's British accent was priceless. Did anyone notice that they completely omitted him from the trailer?

-Monica Bellucci was at one point my ideal woman. But then I saw her in Shoot 'Em Up and something, I don't know, broke, about her appeal to me.

-The final fight between Dracula and the hunters was short, but genuinely awesome action for the time.

-Watching Winona Ryder getting hot and bothered by green mist is to this day one of the most sexually arousing things I have ever seen. I think I was so young when I saw it that it really stuck with my. I should tell my therapist. Hah.

Nov 20 - 06:41 AM

jokerboy1991

jack giroux

LOL, yeah those scenes stuck with me too with Winona

Nov 20 - 08:02 AM

martinscorsese25

christopher cantos

if johnny depp and winona ryder ended up together, and if winona never did drugs, they'll be like angelina and brad couple! paparazis would surround them all the time..

Nov 20 - 04:35 PM

'Stache-Attack

Nick Esser

Confounded, you're dead right. The second I went to this article, those were the two names I was looking to see if they forgot (Hutton, Davis). I watched those both religiously in the '80s, and to this day, still get the Transylvania song stuck in my head at inappropriate times.

I while I was hoping to not mention any guy-vamps you forgot, I liked how Gerald Butler's Dracula had a certain sexiness about him in Dracula 2000. Although that could just be some sort of sexy interference that I was feeling from Jennifer Exposito, Jerry Ryan & Vitamin C. Yeah, for the sake of me not disturbing myself, lets just include the women.

Nov 20 - 06:59 AM

Matanuki

Matanuki .

I reckon blaming Exposito is a safe bet. By the way, while Beckinsale will definitely be missed in the next Underworld film, Rhona Mitra will be a welcome addition.

Nov 20 - 03:02 PM

Dark Knight jr.

Kae LaFond

I agree. Pity not many others can agree wit' that notion. Did they say who will be playin' Amelia?

Nov 20 - 04:02 PM

Matanuki

Matanuki .

Amelia? Beats me. I looked up the cast for 3 and it didn't say.

Nov 20 - 04:24 PM

EIKOH

Jay Silbe

BSD was visually appealing, but it ran away from the storyline of the book in certain places making my dislike it.

Nov 20 - 08:02 AM

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