Ahhh, sweet RT. How I miss thee sometimes. And then other times I grumble about there not being enough salsa for my chimichanga. Who eats that stuff like it's going out of style anyway? We needs it for our Mexican delicacies, dammit! *ahem* [center]******************************************[/center] [left]"So," the
girl looked at me and applied some glitter lip gloss, "this...F-bomb...he's got the hots for me, eh? What does he look like?"[/left] [left]"Well...he'sh kind of like the way my father looked before he married my mother."[/left] [left]"How did your father look after he married your mother?" she raises her right eyebrow. She wants me. Damn it Ollerton, turn off the vibes man...this is F's gal.[/left] [left]"Well...after he married my mother he went inshane and became a female clown in the London schurcus. Maybe you've sheen him before? He doesh a wicked trick with a shoehorn, a dozshen ducklingsh, and a gallon of keroshene."[/left] [left]Her raised eyebrow turns to a look of confusion and disgust. I can't blame her. Using ducklings in that act of cruelty was something I never forgave my father for. Bastard. He should have used Labrador puppies.[/left] [left]"Is he the guy who comes in here and is always clearing his throat?"[/left] [left]"That shounds about right." Hee hee. Neck balls.[/left] [left]"Well, I'll tell you what Ollerton...your man sounds like a decent bloke. I'll agree to meet with him if you do one thing for me."[/left] [left]I rolled my eyes and began unzipping my pants. I could tell by the horrified expression on her face that something was amiss. I hurredly pulled myself back together and assured her that I was just airing myself out.[/left] [left]She shook her head and smiled, "Now Ollerton, if you'll just meet me in Carl's diner in fifteen minutes for lunch, we'll discuss where and when I can meet this friend of yours. Are we agreed?"[/left] [left]"Carl'sh? They love me there. You know what the besht dish on the menu ish?"[/left] [left]"What's that?"[/left] [left]"Their breaded oyshtersh. Quite the aphrodishiac...not that I've ever needed their help before."[/left] [left]She flashed a grin that either said, "Oh you naughty boy, you" or "Actually I have a violent reaction to mollusks. Keeps me in the WC for hours on end." It's really hard to discern between grins. One time I mistook a gentleman's grin to mean, "I see what you mean Ollerton, but I'm afraid I still have to kill you" when he actually meant "Could you be so kind as to pass me the tartar sauce?" The owner of that restaurant wasn't too happy having to clean up a retired sumo wrestler's corpse. He should have known better: tartar sauce is a sacred thing.[/left] [left]"I'll meet you there shortly missh...?"[/left] [left]"Teback. My full name is Baby Gaw Teback."[/left] [left]"Are you sherioush?!"[/left] [left]"Naw. I just said that because you're an agent and I wanted to pretend like I'm in a Bond film with a dirty name...you know? My name's really Kris."[/left] [left]"Damn."[/left] [left]Disheartened only slightly by the normal name, I made my way to Carl's diner and got things ready. After a short phone call, all the preperations were made for a strictly professional lunch. Kris arrived, carrying with her a certain grace and beauty that only movie starletts and bearded women who have recently shaved posess. She looked at the table, flashed a short supernova flash of a smile, and sat down.[/left] [left]"So this is a strictly professional lunch, eh?"[/left] [left]"Yesh. What makes you think otherwishe?"[/left] [left]"Well...what's up with the string quartet?"[/left] [left]"Oh...they're jusht guysh from the agency."[/left] [left]"The flowers?"[/left] [left]"Er...they came with the table?"[/left] [left]"The candellabra?"[/left] [left]"I'm jewish."[/left] [left]"The guy painting our portrait?"[/left] [left]"I shwear, he comesh here all the time. He alwaysh triesh to eat my fisheshesheshesh 'n chipsh."[/left] [left]"And the man giving me a pedicure?"[/left] [left]"My coushin. He'sh in shervitude right now for shtealing a mango from me five yearsh ago. Don't make eye contact with him."[/left] [left]"Well...It'd be interesting to see what you have in store for girls you're dating."[/left] [left]She made a face at the sound of me unzipping my pants again. I quickly recovered by telling the quartet to play their version of Nine Inch Nails "Closer".[/left] [center]*****************************************[/center] [left]Ollie's Deep Thought for the Day:[/left][left]When in Doubt, look around for a Starbuck's...because, hey, they're everywhere.[/left] [left]~Ollie[/left]
February 5, 2005
