Vampires Suck (2010)

All Critics (80) | Top Critics (14) | Fresh (3) | Rotten (77) | DVD (1)

A few broader references might have made this punishing one-note trawl through the eminently spoofable tween-vamp saga slightly more watchable.

October 13, 2010 Full Review

Tom Huddleston

Time Out

Top Critic

This movie sucks more.

August 26, 2010 Full Review | Comments (14)

Peter Travers

Rolling Stone

Top Critic

Below bottom-of-the-barrel.

August 23, 2010 Full Review | Comments (5)

Nick Schager

Time Out New York

Top Critic

Plenty of gags fall flat, but writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer... have tapped the vein more effectively than their norm, with enjoyable details and on-the-mark senseless brutality.

August 19, 2010 Full Review | Comments (186)

Michael Ordoña

Los Angeles Times

Top Critic

With Vampires Suck, the film is just as guilty as the vampires.

August 19, 2010 Full Review | Comment (1)

Natalie Southwick

Boston Globe

Top Critic

The Twilight Saga, with its operatic gloom and straight-faced fantasy, is undoubtedly ripe for a smart, good-natured ribbing. This isn't it.

August 19, 2010 Full Review | Comments (12)

Adam Markovitz

Entertainment Weekly

Top Critic

An insult to other bad vampire movies, which is saying a mouthful.

February 4, 2013 Full Review

Dennis Schwartz

Ozus' World Movie Reviews

There are few things worse than watching a comedy flatline for over an hour, tossing its "funny parts" into a vacuum of uncomfortable silence.

February 9, 2012 Full Review

John Gholson

Cinematical

A banal mess that sacrifices anything resembling satire for a series of smutty jokes.

August 30, 2011 Full Review

James Luxford

The National

Only Friedberg and Seltzer could film this dross with the belief they are making even a half-decent comedy.

February 18, 2011 Full Review

Mike Barnard

Future Movies UK

Casting two lookalikes and coaching your young actors to mimic the trio from 'Twilight' isn't enough to make for a great parody.

December 14, 2010 Full Review | Comments (2)

James Plath

Movie Metropolis

There was a time when, for a certain generation, the release of a new Naked Gun or Hot Shots movie would be cause for real excitement.

October 30, 2010 Full Review | Comment (1)

Future Movies UK

A movie that will have you pining to watch the real Twilight films. Yes, it's that bad.

October 19, 2010 Full Review

Russell Lewin

SFX Magazine

A witless, puerile spoof of the Twilight movies.

October 18, 2010 Full Review

Allan Hunter

Daily Express

Vampires Suck misses its targets in spectacular fashion thanks to the directors' usual approach of simply recreating scenes from the original movies without any real understanding of what to satirise or even how to go about it.

October 18, 2010 Full Review

Alistair Harkness

Scotsman

It's not quite as bad as Friedberg and Seltzer's usual output, but only in the way that measles is better than mumps.

October 15, 2010 Full Review

David Edwards

Daily Mirror [UK]

They don't suck as much as lame-brain parodists Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

October 15, 2010 Full Review

Anthony Quinn

Independent

It's almost fascinatingly awful, nailing the moony tedium of its target franchise with something close to suicidal exactitude.

October 14, 2010 Full Review

Tim Robey

Daily Telegraph

The last time I heard a film audience in such a state of silence was during Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light.

October 14, 2010 Full Review

Peter Bradshaw

Guardian [UK]

The erratic, barely humorous dialogue here is even more ghastly than your average spoof, while Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's direction is patchy, to say the least.

October 14, 2010 Full Review

Karen Krizanovich

Radio Times

It's marginally sharper than the likes of Meet The Spartans -- yes, that good -- but essentially as tatty as a porn parody, without all the best bits.

October 14, 2010 Full Review

Ken McIntyre

Total Film

Every time we see a new Friedberg/Seltzer film we hope maybe they've learned something and put their skills to more creative use. But no, instead we're once again astounded that anyone gives them money to make these unfunny rehashes.

October 14, 2010 Full Review

Rich Cline

Shadows on the Wall

A Twilight pastiche with all the wit you'd expect from the makers of Scary Movie and Meet The Spartans.

October 13, 2010 Full Review

James White

Empire Magazine

The Twilight Saga is an obvious target for parody, but this crude and unfunny movie makes a hash of it.

October 13, 2010 Full Review

Roz Laws

Birmingham Post

• 1. Becca: I know what you are.
  2. Edward: I know what you are. Say it. Out loud. Say it.
  3. Becca: The Jonas Brothers!
  – Submitted by Emelyn W (3 days ago)
• 1. Edward: Just the sound of your breathing is the greatest gift you can give me... [fart noise from bella causes Edward to franticly waft around his nose and fall backwards through the window]
  – Submitted by Will B (13 months ago)
• 1. Becca: A chihuaha, seriously?
  2. Jacob: Yeah, I'm new to this thing.
  – Submitted by Ko-di G (16 months ago)
• 1. Jacob: Cat!
  – Submitted by Torie R (19 months ago)
• 1. Becca: Um, do I smell?
  2. Edward: Yeah, like tunafish.
  3. Becca: [Holds up sandwhich] Lunch...
  – Submitted by Dejah S (20 months ago)
• 1. Jacob: Becca, will you go? [Becca revvs motorbike]
  2. Becca: Sorry, Jacob, I can't hear you.
  3. Jacob: Maybe if you stop revving the bike every time I try to ask, you'd hear me. Becca, will you go... [Truck drives past and honks horn loudly] Aw, come on!
  – Submitted by Torie R (20 months ago)