Vampires Suck Reviews

An insult to other bad vampire movies, which is saying a mouthful.

Full Review | Original Score: C-

There are few things worse than watching a comedy flatline for over an hour, tossing its "funny parts" into a vacuum of uncomfortable silence.

Full Review

A banal mess that sacrifices anything resembling satire for a series of smutty jokes.

Full Review | Original Score: 0/5

Only Friedberg and Seltzer could film this dross with the belief they are making even a half-decent comedy.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/10

Casting two lookalikes and coaching your young actors to mimic the trio from 'Twilight' isn't enough to make for a great parody.

Full Review | Original Score: 5/10

There was a time when, for a certain generation, the release of a new Naked Gun or Hot Shots movie would be cause for real excitement.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/10

A movie that will have you pining to watch the real Twilight films. Yes, it's that bad.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5

A witless, puerile spoof of the Twilight movies.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

Vampires Suck misses its targets in spectacular fashion thanks to the directors' usual approach of simply recreating scenes from the original movies without any real understanding of what to satirise or even how to go about it.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

It's not quite as bad as Friedberg and Seltzer's usual output, but only in the way that measles is better than mumps.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

They don't suck as much as lame-brain parodists Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

It's almost fascinatingly awful, nailing the moony tedium of its target franchise with something close to suicidal exactitude.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

The last time I heard a film audience in such a state of silence was during Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

The erratic, barely humorous dialogue here is even more ghastly than your average spoof, while Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's direction is patchy, to say the least.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/5

It's marginally sharper than the likes of Meet The Spartans -- yes, that good -- but essentially as tatty as a porn parody, without all the best bits.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

Every time we see a new Friedberg/Seltzer film we hope maybe they've learned something and put their skills to more creative use. But no, instead we're once again astounded that anyone gives them money to make these unfunny rehashes.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/5

A Twilight pastiche with all the wit you'd expect from the makers of Scary Movie and Meet The Spartans.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

A few broader references might have made this punishing one-note trawl through the eminently spoofable tween-vamp saga slightly more watchable.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

The Twilight Saga is an obvious target for parody, but this crude and unfunny movie makes a hash of it.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5

It seems to have brought out the best (well, better) in serial spoof merchants Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who have never been so focussed in their mickey-taking mash-ups.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/5