Van Helsing (2004)

All Critics (218) | Top Critics (42) | Fresh (47) | Rotten (164) | DVD (48)

The horror flick, at its height, was a lyrical caressing of our fears; by the end of this nonsense, you fear for the well-being of the genre. 'It's dead!'

August 1, 2004

Anthony Lane

New Yorker

Top Critic

It's empty calories: There isn't a single nourishing, non-synthetic sequence in the entire movie. Not a scene. Not a line. Not a look.

June 6, 2004 Full Review

David Edelstein

Slate

Top Critic

This moronic abomination is not a movie. It's just a noisy, nasty and repulsive video game-slash- theme-park haunted-house ride designed to appeal to the offspring of warlocks and trolls.

May 20, 2004 Full Review

Rex Reed

New York Observer

Top Critic

This is one of the dopiest movies of the year.

May 13, 2004 Full Review

Richard Roeper

Ebert & Roeper

Top Critic

The orgy of morphing, shrieking, lightning-cracking, and habitual rope-swinging quickly turns oppressive.

May 11, 2004 Full Review

Ed Park

Village Voice

Top Critic

A special-effects extravaganza that uses the barest of excuses to bring these characters together.

May 7, 2004

Desson Thomson

Washington Post

Top Critic

The already-lousy House of Frankenstein as done up by a filmmaker whose idea of style is to make things as loud and busy as possible... A screaming, noisy, overedited mess of a movie.

May 16, 2011 Full Review

Tim Brayton

Antagony & Ecstasy

This is one vampire movie with bite.

December 29, 2010 Full Review | Comment (1)

Nell Minow

Common Sense Media

A special effects-laden piece of trash...

April 29, 2009 Full Review

Felix Vasquez Jr.

Cinema Crazed

In a blood-thirsty, dead-three-centuries sort of way, it's perfectly charming.

August 5, 2007 Full Review | Comments (4)

Christopher Smith

Bangor Daily News (Maine)

An overamped action movie in which the legendary monsters are interchangeable with any other brutish CGI beasts.

July 25, 2007 Full Review

Rob Gonsalves

eFilmCritic.com

Like the three monsters at the center of the film, Van Helsing is a howling dog, it needs a brain, and indeed, it bites.

November 10, 2006

Russ Breimeier

Christianity Today

Writer and director Stephen Sommers is less interested in developing the characters and more interested in smashing them into things.

July 25, 2005 Full Review | Comment (1)

Uri Lessing

www.kcactive.com

... even in the name of high adventure, the end result was just too silly and unbelievable to accept or enjoy.

December 28, 2004 Full Review

Kevin A. Ranson

MovieCrypt.com

The plotting is dull and ... the action scenes quickly grow tiresome.

December 16, 2004

Forrest Hartman

Reno Gazette-Journal

Silly, preposterous, poorly directed and badly acted.

November 14, 2004 Full Review

Emanuel Levy

EmanuelLevy.Com

If you were raised on action-packed computer games, this movie is from Sega heaven.

October 14, 2004 Full Review

Steve Crum

Kansas City Kansan

Too bad [Stephen Sommers'] complete lack of restraint turned this at-first-promising flick into a jarring and prolonged audio-visual wank fest.

August 21, 2004 Full Review

Steve Newton

Georgia Straight

allows for the digital manipulation of virtually everything on screen, turning the movie into a frenetic, attention-deficit cartoon that still manages to look kinda cheap

August 5, 2004 Full Review

James Kendrick

Q Network Film Desk

'Si quiere verla, mejor espérese a que salga en DVD...y aún así creo de debería pensarlo.'

July 20, 2004

Jorge Avila Andrade

Moviola

Stephen Sommers delivers stale effect-movie action, outdoing even his own worst efforts.

July 20, 2004 Full Review

Joe Utichi

FilmFocus

With Sommers' work it's hard to know where the fan stops and the director starts.

July 16, 2004 Full Review

Harry Guerin

RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)

Much like the horror films the characters represent, "Van Helsing" is a movie that's more about the ambiance and setting than the quality of the achievement.

July 11, 2004 Full Review

Wesley Lovell

Cinema Sight

Not every summer blockbuster needs to be a classic, so Van Helsing [shout it out!] gets a decent grade for goofy, ghoulish fun.

June 29, 2004 Full Review

Bruce Bennett

Spectrum (St. George, Utah)

Writer-director Stephen Sommers...gets so caught up in high-pitched, breakneck action that he loses sight of what makes a good vampire story.

June 22, 2004 Full Review

Judith Egerton

Courier-Journal (Louisville, KY)

• 1. Anna Valerious: What do you want?
  2. Frankenstein's Monster: To exist.
  – Submitted by Typhon Q (4 months ago)
• 1. Igor: Hahaha! You think you can get Igor. Igor get you!
  – Submitted by Zach W (8 months ago)
• 1. Gabriel Van Helsing: [shoves Igor to a wall] You will take these two to Dracula's lair.
  2. Igor: No, I won't.
  3. Gabriel Van Helsing: [threatens Igor]
  4. Igor: Yes, I will...
  – Submitted by Zach W (8 months ago)
• 1. Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't we make a lovely couple?
  2. Anna Valerious: Oh my God...
  3. Count Vladislaus Dracula: I am looking for a new bride Anna. Someone strong and beautiful.
  – Submitted by Jessica L (12 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Jekyll: My turn!
  – Submitted by I Am The Vast UNIVERSE I (23 months ago)
• 1. Marishka: Too bad. So sad.
  – Submitted by Stanislava S (2 years ago)

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