Authors

MovieJuice!

Rating Title | Year Quote Author
1 56%

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)

"'Maybe we should have recruited the audience,' said Chris Pine, 'because all I see out there are shadows.'"

Posted Jan 25, 2014

Mark Ramsey

2 38%

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

"Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is written and directed by Christopher Landon, son of Michael Landon, whose Little House on the Prairie pantry must have been stocked full of a very small number of original ideas and a large quantity of fine weed."

Posted Jan 25, 2014

Mark Ramsey

3 65%

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

"'Inside her is a relic that predates the universe,' says Anthony Hopkins. 'And we don't mean Michael Douglas.'"

Posted Nov 13, 2013

Mark Ramsey

4 60%

Ender's Game (2013)

"Harrison Ford looks less likely to chase aliens and more likely to chase those young whippersnappers off his lawn."

Posted Nov 4, 2013

Mark Ramsey

5 58%

Riddick (2013)

"Riddick! Because one name says it all - and not nearly enough - all at the same time! Riddick! Because "Riddikulous" has too many syllables."

Posted Sep 9, 2013

Mark Ramsey

6 69%

The Wolverine (2013)

"'If you were as sick as I am,' said the old Japanese man propped up on a bed of hydraulic pistons, 'your oncologist would be a supermodel too - in a school-girl costume with braids and in need of a spanking!'"

Posted Aug 1, 2013

Mark Ramsey

7 72%

Pacific Rim (2013)

"As I watched Pacific Rim I could literally feel myself shedding IQ points the way Kate Hudson sheds a big lunch in the bathroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel."

Posted Jul 16, 2013

Mark Ramsey

8 78%

Iron Man 3 (2013)

"And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe."

Posted May 5, 2013

Mark Ramsey

9 59%

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

"It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald."

Posted Mar 17, 2013

Mark Ramsey

10 15%

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

"What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?'"

Posted Jan 29, 2013

Mark Ramsey

11 65%

Mama (2013)

"As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned!"

Posted Jan 21, 2013

Mark Ramsey

12 19%

Texas Chainsaw (2013)

""Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean'"

Posted Jan 6, 2013

Mark Ramsey

13 93%

Zero Dark Thirty (2013)

"When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package!"

Posted Jan 2, 2013

Mark Ramsey

14 70%

Les MisÚrables (2012)

"Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey!"

Posted Dec 24, 2012

Mark Ramsey

15 49%

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012)

"Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box."

Posted Nov 18, 2012

Mark Ramsey

16 92%

Skyfall (2012)

"'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!'"

Posted Nov 11, 2012

Mark Ramsey

17 5%

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

"Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.'"

Posted Oct 29, 2012

Mark Ramsey

18 24%

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

"At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas."

Posted Oct 22, 2012

Mark Ramsey

19 63%

Sinister (2012)

"We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation."

Posted Oct 15, 2012

Mark Ramsey

20 21%

Taken 2 (2012)

"When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. "

Posted Oct 7, 2012

Mark Ramsey

21 40%

The Possession (2012)

"Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible."

Posted Sep 3, 2012

Mark Ramsey

22 30%

Total Recall (2012)

"Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies."

Posted Aug 11, 2012

Mark Ramsey

23 88%

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

"Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!'"

Posted Jul 21, 2012

Mark Ramsey

24 73%

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

"Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play."

Posted Jul 8, 2012

Mark Ramsey

25 34%

Battleship (2012)

"The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you."

Posted May 28, 2012

Mark Ramsey

26 37%

Dark Shadows (2012)

"I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office."

Posted May 14, 2012

Mark Ramsey

27 92%

Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

"What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson."

Posted May 8, 2012

Mark Ramsey

28 79%

The Innkeepers (2012)

"Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie!"

Posted Apr 23, 2012

Mark Ramsey

29 92%

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

"...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills."

Posted Apr 21, 2012

Mark Ramsey

30 25%

Wrath of the Titans (2012)

"Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers."

Posted Apr 4, 2012

Mark Ramsey

31 84%

The Hunger Games (2012)

"The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter."

Posted Mar 25, 2012

Mark Ramsey

32 51%

John Carter (2012)

"John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments."

Posted Mar 12, 2012

Mark Ramsey

33 54%

Dr Seuss' The Lorax (2012)

"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true!"

Posted Mar 4, 2012

Mark Ramsey

34 42%

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

"'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name."

Posted Feb 12, 2012

Mark Ramsey

35 79%

The Grey (2012)

"'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.'"

Posted Jan 30, 2012

Mark Ramsey

36 26%

Underworld Awakening (2012)

"'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.'"

Posted Jan 26, 2012

Mark Ramsey

37 33%

Joyful Noise (2012)

"'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.'"

Posted Jan 14, 2012

Mark Ramsey

38 77%

War Horse (2011)

"War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas."

Posted Jan 7, 2012

Mark Ramsey

39 93%

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011)

"Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom."

Posted Dec 27, 2011

Mark Ramsey

40 24%

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)

"How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera."

Posted Nov 28, 2011

Mark Ramsey

41 35%

Immortals (2011)

"'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood."

Posted Nov 13, 2011

Mark Ramsey

42 71%

Footloose (2011)

"'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!'"

Posted Oct 18, 2011

Mark Ramsey

43 60%

Real Steel (2011)

"'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine."

Posted Oct 12, 2011

Mark Ramsey

44 84%

Contagion (2011)

"Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter?"

Posted Sep 26, 2011

Mark Ramsey

45 58%

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)

"'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked."

Posted Aug 31, 2011

Mark Ramsey

46 82%

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

"I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore."

Posted Aug 14, 2011

Mark Ramsey

47 96%

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011)

"'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died."

Posted Jul 18, 2011

Mark Ramsey

48 36%

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

"'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie."

Posted Jul 9, 2011

Mark Ramsey

49 26%

Green Lantern (2011)

"Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit."

Posted Jun 21, 2011

Mark Ramsey

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