|
78%
|
Iron Man 3 (2013)
|
"And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
60%
|
Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)
|
"It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
14%
|
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
|
"What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
65%
|
Mama (2013)
|
"As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned!"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
19%
|
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
|
""Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
93%
|
Zero Dark Thirty (2013)
|
"When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package!"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
69%
|
Les Misérables (2012)
|
"Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey!"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
48%
|
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012)
|
"Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
92%
|
Skyfall (2012)
|
"'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
6%
|
Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)
|
"Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
25%
|
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
|
"At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
63%
|
Sinister (2012)
|
"We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
21%
|
Taken 2 (2012)
|
"When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. "
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
39%
|
The Possession (2012)
|
"Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
31%
|
Total Recall (2012)
|
"Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
87%
|
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
|
"Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
73%
|
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
|
"Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
34%
|
Battleship (2012)
|
"The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
38%
|
Dark Shadows (2012)
|
"I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
93%
|
Marvel's The Avengers (2012)
|
"What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
79%
|
The Innkeepers (2012)
|
"Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie!"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
92%
|
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
|
"...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
26%
|
Wrath of the Titans (2012)
|
"Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
85%
|
The Hunger Games (2012)
|
"The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
51%
|
John Carter (2012)
|
"John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
54%
|
Dr Seuss' The Lorax (2012)
|
"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true!"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
42%
|
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)
|
"'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
79%
|
The Grey (2012)
|
"'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
26%
|
Underworld Awakening (2012)
|
"'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
34%
|
Joyful Noise (2012)
|
"'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
77%
|
War Horse (2011)
|
"War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
93%
|
Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011)
|
"Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
24%
|
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)
|
"How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
35%
|
Immortals (2011)
|
"'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
71%
|
Footloose (2011)
|
"'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
60%
|
Real Steel (2011)
|
"'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
85%
|
Contagion (2011)
|
"Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter?"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
58%
|
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)
|
"'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
82%
|
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
|
"I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
96%
|
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011)
|
"'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
36%
|
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
|
"'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
26%
|
Green Lantern (2011)
|
"Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
82%
|
Super 8 (2011)
|
"'Did that train just hit a car or a Michael Bay retrospective?'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
33%
|
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
|
"'Aye,' said one scurvy swab, 'Did ye notice that Penelope is dressed like she be commanding the S.S. El Torito?'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
77%
|
Thor (2011)
|
"I knew there was a planet of Frost Giants, but I always assumed the neighboring planet of Heat Misers would keep them in check."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
26%
|
Arthur (2011)
|
"Russell buys Abe Lincoln's stovepipe hat and wears it for the rest of this movie despite numerous autograph seekers requesting the guitar licks from Welcome to the Jungle."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
35%
|
Battle: Los Angeles (2011)
|
"'Don't fire until you see the whites of Anderson Cooper's hair!'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
73%
|
The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
|
"'Help, I'm being followed by super-human salesmen in cardigans and hats!'"
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
20%
|
The Rite (2011)
|
"Our hero has a vision: It's a jackass with red eyes. No, not Charlie Sheen, a different one."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
|
44%
|
The Green Hornet (2011)
|
"3D, 4D. You can throw double-D's at The Green Hornet, and you'll still end up with C-minus."
|
Mark Ramsey
|
78%
50%
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