Hollywood Bitchslap

Rating Title | Year Quote Author
1 62%

Make Out With Violence (2011)

"This is a far more complex and thoughtful examination of the transition to adulthood and how we deal with death rather than just another zombie flick."

Posted Aug 12, 2009

Erik Childress

2 ——

Max Havoc: Curse Of The Dragon (2007)

"You see, some folks apparently lack the savvy to avoid bankrolling a movie with the words 'Max Havoc,' 'Albert Pyun,' and 'kickboxing champion' related to them."

Posted Jan 12, 2007

David Cornelius

3 0%

National Lampoon's Pledge This! (2006)

"So yeah. It's a National Lampoon/Paris Hilton movie that nobody wanted to release. And yet it manages to even be far worse than that."

Posted Dec 27, 2006

David Cornelius

4 ——

American Pie 5: The Naked Mile (2006)

"Crude, sure. Vulgar, no doubt. But funny? Not at all."

Posted Dec 20, 2006

David Cornelius

5 ——

Saat po long (S.P.L.) (Kill Zone) (2006)

"The film's signature pieces are its fight scenes, but Yip works best in the quieter moments."

Posted Oct 24, 2006

David Cornelius

6 ——

Clive Barker's The Plague (2006)

"This is the sort of horror film that hooks you from frame one with both smarts and frights."

Posted Sep 5, 2006

David Cornelius

7 ——

Snakes on a Train (2006)

"The Mallachi Brothers truly impress. Too bad they got stuck with a screenplay that can't hold itself above water and a studio stuck in one heck of a lame rut."

Posted Aug 14, 2006

David Cornelius

8 ——

Bloodsuckers (Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe) (2005)

"What begins as a big pile of dumb fun winds up a weary mess."

Posted Jun 24, 2006

David Cornelius

9 ——

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005)

"A low-key adventure packed with the kind of fantasy that's endlessly ridiculous yet loveable in a Harryhausen kind of way."

Posted Jun 20, 2006

David Cornelius

10 ——

Naked in the 21st Century (2006)

"Naked is bad beyond human comprehension, one of the poorest excuses for a legitimate feature film that I have ever had the misfortune to endure."

Posted Mar 1, 2006

David Cornelius

11 ——

Santa's Slay (2004)

"It's cheap, it's goofy, but it's surprisingly smart and endlessly entertaining."

Posted Dec 30, 2005

David Cornelius

12 ——

The God Who Wasn't There (2005)

"Its arguments are too thin as seen here on their own... but it will get people thinking, talking, arguing."

Posted Dec 11, 2005

David Cornelius

13 ——

War of the Planets (2005)

"This is 82 minutes of utter lousiness, delivered right to your television set."

Posted Nov 14, 2005

David Cornelius

14 ——

Ngo joh aan gin diy gwai (My Left Eye Sees Ghosts) (2002)

"If nothing else, hey, at least we get to watch Sammi Cheng for a while."

Posted Oct 11, 2005

David Cornelius

15 ——

See Arnold Run (2005)

"What would you expect from a telepic written by the guy who gave us Category 6: Day of Destruction, starring the guy from Son of the Beach?"

Posted Sep 20, 2005

David Cornelius

16 ——

Gonggongui Jeog (Public Enemy) (Public's Enemy) (2002)

"Even in its darkest corners, the movie maintains its sense of fun, crashing us from idea to idea with a wink in its eye and a smirk on its face."

Posted Sep 3, 2005

David Cornelius

17 ——

Glass Trap (2005)

"It's one of those movies that looks like it was a gas to make. To watch, though? Not so much."

Posted Aug 2, 2005

David Cornelius

18 ——

The Clonus Horror (1979)

"Features all the good - and all the bad - of 70s sci-fi cheese."

Posted Jul 25, 2005

David Cornelius

19 ——

Miss Cast Away (2004)

"It is one of the most excruciating cinematic experiences of my life."

Posted Jul 25, 2005

David Cornelius

20 ——

Letter to the President (2005)

"What's not to love about a movie that features both Larry Flynt making fun of Bill O'Reilly and a professor of humanities quoting Biggie?"

Posted Jun 28, 2005

David Cornelius

21 43%

Immortel (ad vitam) (Immortal) (2004)

"Immortal is as incoherent a story as you'll ever find. But it sure is pretty."

Posted Jun 18, 2005

David Cornelius

22 ——

The Amazing Spider-Man (1977)

"One of the boob tube's biggest calamities, ranking somewhere in between "AfterMASH" and Craig Kilborn."

Posted Jun 18, 2005

David Cornelius

23 ——

Infection (Kansen) (2004)

"It's a masterwork of horror cinema, smartly constructed, effortlessly effective in delivering the goods."

Posted May 17, 2005

David Cornelius

24 ——

Black Cadillac (2003)

"It doesn't measure up to its influences, to be sure, but on its own, it stands as a nifty, doable chase picture."

Posted May 17, 2005

David Cornelius

25 ——

Cat and Mouse (Liu sue oi seung mau) (2003)

"Cat and Mouse is a movie that doesn't know what it wants to be, so it tries to be everything - and fails at too much of it."

Posted Apr 29, 2005

David Cornelius

26 ——

Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker/Filthy McNasty - Double Feature DVD (2003)

"Mulva is unquestionably among the very worst movies to ever land an official public release."

Posted Apr 8, 2005

David Cornelius

27 ——

Yakuza Papers: Vol.5 - Final Episode (2004)

"Fukasaku's work here is one of the finest moments in gangster cinema history. But it's also among the most exhausting."

Posted Mar 19, 2005

David Cornelius

28 ——

Yakuza Papers: Vol.4 - Police Tactics (2004)

"Fukasaku and Kasahara go for extreme nihilism here, telling us that every deal, every action, every death was all for nothing."

Posted Mar 19, 2005

David Cornelius

29 ——

Yakuza Papers: Vol.3 - Proxy War (2004)

"With Proxy War, Fukasaku reveals his Shakespearean intentions."

Posted Mar 19, 2005

David Cornelius

30 ——

Yakuza Papers: Vol.2 - Deadly Fight In Hiroshima (2004)

"A second chapter that's every bit as powerful as the first."

Posted Mar 19, 2005

David Cornelius

31 ——

Balto III: Wings of Change (2005)

"Wings of Change is one of those video efforts that will fade away all too quickly."

Posted Feb 2, 2005

David Cornelius

32 ——

Luk jong si (Six Strong Guys) (2004)

"These are characters you want to embrace, moments that will make you beam."

Posted Jan 24, 2005

David Cornelius

33 ——

Raw Force (Kung Fu Cannibals) (1982)

"It's cheap; it's tawdry; it's vulgar; and it's almost watchable in a cheesy sort of way."

Posted Jan 19, 2005

Dan Lybarger

34 53%

Stealing Beauty (1996)

"Gorgeous Tuscan scenery and a breakthrough performance by Liv Tyler help make this sudsy flick entertaining."

Posted Jan 19, 2005

Dan Lybarger

35 94%

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

"Not Kubrick's best, but often powerful, particularly for R. Lee Ermey's performance."

Posted Jan 19, 2005

Dan Lybarger

36 95%

To Catch a Thief (2009)

"Vintage Hitchcock."

Posted Dec 31, 2004

Dan Lybarger

37 92%

The Longest Day (1962)

"It is, and will most likely always remain, the definitve D-Day picture."

Posted Dec 7, 2004

David Cornelius

38 ——

Dracula 3000 (2004)

"This movie's one Ice-T or Dean Cain short of being a direct-to-video all-star parade."

Posted Dec 4, 2004

David Cornelius

39 100%

Luis Bunuel's Robinson Crusoe (1954)

"It's sadly ironic that this terrific adaptation of the most celebrated castaway story of all has been missing for decades and unavailable for home viewing until now."

Posted Oct 27, 2004

Dan Lybarger

40 90%

Persons of Interest (2004)

"Watching Persons of Interest makes a viewer realize how fragile the rights that make this country great can be. "

Posted Sep 20, 2004

Dan Lybarger

41 69%

Criminal (2004)

"Criminal can be praised and damned for its fidelity to the Argentinean masterpiece Nine Queens."

Posted Sep 19, 2004

Dan Lybarger

42 ——

Justice League - Star Crossed: The Movie (2004)

"If you find yourself disappointed in recent live action superhero stuff, give this one a spin."

Posted Jul 28, 2004

David Cornelius

43 ——

Barely Brooke (2002)

"There's nothing that demonstrates so fully how meritless the world of modeling is than a full hour devoted to a photo shoot."

Posted May 26, 2004


44 94%

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Posted May 26, 2004


45 100%

High Fidelity (1989)

Posted May 26, 2004


46 64%

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (1991)

Posted May 26, 2004


47 84%

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)

"Darryl Hannah practically steals the movie."

Posted Apr 16, 2004

Thom Fowler

48 ——

No Sleep 'Til Madison (2002)

"Sure, it's not polished, and yeah, some of it falls flat, but if stars were won for effort, talent and prospects for the future, everyone here would be reveling in the five's."

Posted Apr 3, 2004


49 ——

Red vs. Blue Season 1 ()

"The makers of Red Vs Blue have used actual Halo video game footage and voiceover dialogue to create a piece of animation that looks a million bucks and will have you howling."

Posted Mar 25, 2004


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