Season Info
Season 2 continues the animated antics of the constantly grousing Griffin family. The most noteworthy episodic development was the introduction of what would go on to become a very popular theme: "Road to" parodies that hearkened back to the Bob Hope-Bing Crosby song-and-dance comedies of old. The first one was "The Road to Rhode Island," which featured an elaborate musical number and had Stewie and Brian stranded in California and trying to make their way back to their home state. Stars who did
Network: FOX
Cast
-
Rachael MacFarlane
Eleanor -
Victoria Principal
Pam Ewing -
Patrick Duffy
Bobby Ewing -
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Episodes
Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater
Lois' (voice of Alex Borstein) rich old Aunt Marguerite is planning a visit, which Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) dreads. But she drops dead at their front door. Marguerite was so rich that Robin Leach does the intro on her video will. Peter is thrilled to learn that despite her disapproval of their marriage (Peter was once their towel boy), she's left the Griffin family her lavish estate in Newport. Singing servants greet the family at the mansion ("We only live to kiss your ass!" opens the jaunty, +Annie-inspired number, which was nominated for an Emmy), and Peter lets Lois know that he's sold the house in Quahog. Newport is now their home. Peter's poor social skills alienate the new neighbors, so he asks Brian (MacFarlane) to teach him to be a gentleman. It's a tough job, but it's revealed in flashback that Brian got Marisa Tomei her Oscar, so he thinks he's up to the task. Unfortunately, Peter soon becomes the sort of snooty rich twit that Lois originally married Peter to escape. Lois wants to move back to Quahog, but the rest of the family isn't interested. "If I ever go back to Quahog," says Chris (voice of Seth Green), "it'll be just so I can poke poor people with a stick." This episode features an infamous parody of a commercial for diamonds, as well as the voice talent of Fairuza Balk.
Holy Crap
Peter's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) crusty old father, Francis (voice of Charles Durning), retires from Pawtucket Mills after 60 years. Francis is not exactly close to the family (he wanted Peter to marry a Catholic girl), but when Peter invites him to move in, he agrees. Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) immediately adores the old tyrant, and takes to reading the Bible, but the rest of the family doesn't appreciate his domineering religiosity. "I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. mass," says Chris (voice of Seth Green) one morning. "I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m." Peter claims the Bible is read in his house, but when Francis asks what his favorite book of it is, he fudges, "the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?" Francis chastises Meg (voice of Lacey Chabert) for holding hands with the boy next door, and mistakes Chris' innocent trip to the bathroom for self-abuse. He even disapproves of the family watching The Dick Van Dyke Show. But things really get bad when Peter gets his father a job at his own place of employment, the toy factory. Francis' hard work quickly earns him a job as shop foreman. He's a tyrant, and when Peter tries to stand up to him, he gets fired. But Peter comes up with a "crazy idea" to resolve things. It involves kidnapping the Pope.
Da Boom
Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) is excited about New Year's Eve, until a man in a chicken suit outside the supermarket tells him about Y2K. "What are you selling?" asks the initially confused Peter. "Chicken or sex jelly?" No one in the family takes the threat seriously except Peter, who ruins their New Year's plans by locking them in the basement. They wear radiation suits and watch the neon alabaster clam drop at midnight in downtown Quahog on TV. A second later, the world ends. Planes drop out of the sky, and every other dire warning about Y2K comes true. After Peter foolishly squanders their dehydrated food supply, the family hits the road, searching for a Twinkie factory in Natick. They manage to elude Jorad and his easily distracted band of highway warriors. They find an old man who's got plenty of room in his house and a healthy apple tree in the backyard, but they're driven away by fellow survivor Randy Newman, who sings about everything he sees. Eventually, they find the Twinkie factory and set about rebuilding civilization with Peter in charge. Aside from Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) sprouting tentacles, everything seems to be going well. But Peter angers the townspeople when decides that New Quahog will be safer if he takes the town's irrigation pipes and converts them into guns. "A chicken in every pot and a cap in every ass," is his motto. This episode features guest voice appearances by Victoria Principal and Patrick Duffy.
Brian in Love
Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) is worried when she finds that someone has had an accident on the carpet. "How dare you sully my good name by spreading your slanderous filth!" is Stewie's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) response to the accusation. While Peter (MacFarlane) feebly works on potty training Stewie, we learn that a guilt-ridden Brian (MacFarlane) is actually responsible for the recurring messes. The truth comes out during a family visit to the supermarket. "Geez, Brian," a disgusted Peter asks, "where do you think you are, Payless?" Brian goes to see a shrink, Dr. Kaplan (voice of Sam Waterston), who believes that the poor pooch is having a midlife crisis. After traveling the globe fulfilling all his dreams, Brian returns home a new man. But when the vengeful Stewie urinates all over the house and frames Brian for the deed, the depressed dog returns to the couch, where he is told that the root of his problem is his secret love for Lois. This episode features an opening sequence in which Stewie destroys Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, but it turns out to be a dream. FOX cut this sequence from the initial airing, but it was restored when the episode was shown in reruns.
Love Thy Trophy
Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) is humiliated at school because of her big handbag. She's determined to buy an expensive Prada bag to fit in. After his theme ("The Episode of Who's the Boss Where Tony Sees Angela Naked in the Shower") is chosen for Quahog's annual Harvest Day Parade, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) pulls the entire neighborhood together to build their street's float. Meg's job hunt strikes pay dirt when a diner owner sees her with Stewie (MacFarlane) and mistakes her for an unwed teen mother. Spooner Street wins the float competition! The neighbors immediately begin fighting over who gets to keep the Golden Clam trophy. Peter suggests displaying it over the street, but when the trophy goes missing, accusations fly. Meg continues to bring Stewie to work, where customers take pity on her and give her big tips. At the diner, Stewie has his first taste of pancakes, and quickly grows addicted to them. Meg tells restaurant patrons that Stewie is a crack baby to boost her income. She'll soon have that Prada bag. But one customer takes more than a passing interest in Stewie, and soon the child services people are at the Griffins' door. When Stewie is put in a foster home, the bickering neighbors join forces to get him out. The closing credits of this episode feature a comedic reference to Trainspotting.
Death Is a Bitch
Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) finds a lump in his breast, and, face to face with the possibility of death, his carefree attitude changes. He addresses his family at the dinner table -- "Y'know guys, I don't say this often enough, but...I'm gonna die." He shops for a casket, and has a yard sale. Then the doctor tells him the lump was just a fatty corpuscle. "How the hell can a dead comedian from the silent movie era be lodged in my left bosom?" Peter wants to know. Peter's newfound appreciation for life is tested when he gets his doctor bill. To avoid paying, he fills in the form to say that he's deceased. Things seem okay until Death (voice of Norm MacDonald) shows up at the Griffins' door. He's seen the medical form, and has mistakenly come to claim Peter. Stewie (MacFarlane) is delighted to meet Death, and invites him to dinner. After a pleasant meal, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) tries to stall Death. "After dinner, we usually go into the living room and, uh, live for another 40 or 50 years." But Death is determined to take Peter. Peter makes a run for it, and Death twists his ankle while giving chase. While Death recovers on the Griffins' couch, Peter takes advantage of a death-free world by jumping off a skyscraper and starting a shoot-out at a local pub. Death agrees to spare Peter, but Peter has to take his place and do something "big" to show the world that the rules of death still apply. Death orders Peter to kill the cast of Dawson's Creek. "I knew it," says Peter. "As soon as that show came on the air, I said, 'I'm gonna be the one that has to kill those kids.'"
The King Is Dead
The founder of the town's local theater troupe, the Quahog Players, dies, and Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) is thrilled to take over. Meanwhile, Peter's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) idea for a hot new Christmas toy, Mr. Zucchini Head, earns him nothing but ridicule. Encouraged to find an outlet for his creativity, Peter auditions for Lois' production of +The King and I. "This is a formality, since I happen to be doin' the director," Peter announces before launching into his rendition of the theme from Land of the Lost. Brian (MacFarlane) ends up getting the lead, while Peter is not cast. Lois assuages her guilt by appointing Peter the producer of the show. To drum up business, Peter goes to the local news station, where he gets coverage of the production by offering the lead role to news anchor Diane Simmons (Lori Alan). Despite Lois' protestations, Peter continues to make outrageous changes to the show. He wants to make it more like the popular Jerry Springer Show. "You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber," complains Stewie (MacFarlane). When Lois and then Diane quit the show in disgust, Peter is unfazed. He decides to play the lead himself. At this point, his interpretation is set in the future, and ANNA is an acronym for Automaton Nuclear Neo-Android.
I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar
Everyone in the neighborhood is excited to learn that they can get a free boat, just for listening to a boring time-share pitch. Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) is the only one who decides to take the salesman's "mystery box" instead of the boat. His prize turns out to be two tickets to the "Chuckle Bucket," a local comedy club. Peter gets drunk at the club and begins heckling. "Come on, skinny, make me laugh." He's so drunk, in fact, that he doesn't realize he's heckling a microphone stand. An indignant comic challenges Peter to take the stage himself, and he does. He gets laughs in his own crude, accidental way. "Urine happens to be very edgy," he defends his "routine" to Lois (voice of Alex Borstein). The next day, Peter's newfound belief in his wit leads him to tell a sexist joke to a female co-worker. The co-worker hires feminist attorney Gloria Ironbox (voice of Candice Bergen), who insists that Peter attend a workplace sensitivity training class. When that fails, he's ordered to go on a women's retreat for two whole weeks. He returns home a changed man. "Brian, put the tea on," he tells the dog. "I have stories." Peter has gotten in touch with his feminine side. He calls up Quagmire (MacFarlane) just to talk, and tries to nurse Stewie (MacFarlane). He gets a bumper sticker that reads, "My other penis is a vagina." He develops an inappropriately sisterly relationship with his wife. His friends take him to the Million Man March in an effort to help him reclaim his masculinity. When that fails, a frustrated Lois takes matters into her own hands.
If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'
Chris (voice of Seth Green) is getting bad grades, so Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) says he can't watch TV until he does his homework. Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) and Chris enjoy watching "Gumbel 2 Gumbel," a show in which Bryant and Greg Gumbel portray beach cops. Peter lies to Lois about the homework so they can watch the show, only to find out it's been canceled. Determined to save the show, Peter barges into a network executive's office and threatens to go on a hunger strike. It doesn't last long. After a few uncomfortable moments, Peter asks the suit, "Are you gonna eat that stapler?" Later, Peter sees a news story about the "Grant-a-Dream Foundation." He calls up a Mr. Harris (voice of Martin Mull) and tells him that Chris is dying of a rare disease, and that his final wish is to have "Gumbel 2 Gumbel" put back on the air. Word spreads about Chris' condition, and soon Lois finds out about Peter's deception. She urges him to tell the truth, but, afraid of going to jail for fraud, Peter tells Harris that he has divine powers and has cured Chris' illness. "Anyone who wouldn't say their own son is dying to get the Gumbels back on TV is a racist," he indignantly tells Lois. "There, I said it." The news gets out about the "miracle healer of Quahog," and soon Peter has acolytes gathering outside his door to do his bidding. But Peter's claims anger the Lord, who sends plagues down on the Griffin house to teach him a lesson. Chris' school, Buddy Cianci Junior High, is named after the notoriously corrupt then-mayor of Providence, RI.
Running Mates
Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) is running for school board president. Chris (voice of Seth Green) gets in trouble at school for peeking into the girls' locker room. When Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) goes to investigate, he runs into his favorite old teacher, Mr. Vargas. Vargas has been ordered to take mood-altering medication by the school board, and is no longer the lovable wacko Peter remembers. Peter urges him to give up the drugs. He does, and promptly gets fired for his erratic behavior. Peter decides to run against Lois for the school board, so he can reinstate his old teacher. "This will be even easier than running unopposed," says Lois, but Peter lets his competitiveness get the better of him and unleashes a few dirty tricks. Meanwhile, Stewie (MacFarlane) finds himself unaccountably missing Lois, and sings "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face" to explain. At a televised debate, Peter attacks Lois for her personal habits, and accuses, "She freed Willie Horton. She nailed Donna Rice." Peter does a campaign ad in which he claims, "Lois Griffin is a slut," and uses a photo she gave him of herself in a nightie as his evidence. Peter's dirty tricks win him the election. His unique take on sex education, and his use of killer robots (straight out of Robocop) to handle school security win him accolades, but the dirty magazines he gave Chris come back to haunt him. This episode features the voice talents of Lee Majors and Dwight Schultz.
A Picture's Worth a Thousand Bucks
In the show's cold opening, a bumbling understudy assumes the role of Brian. Peter's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) birthday trip to Bob's Funland is ruined when he meets Bob Funland, the owner. It turns out that Peter pushed Bob around when they were in high school, but now he's jealous of Bob's success. Chris (voice of Seth Green) gives Peter a painting for his birthday, and it's spotted by a fancy Soho art dealer, who buys it for 5,000 dollars. Excited at the prospect of having some vicarious success through his son, Peter takes Chris to New York, where the art dealer tries to transform him into a downtown hipster, and renames him "Christabel." "Painting is the least important part of being an artist," he tells Chris. "You need an image." "Christabel" begins dating Kate Moss, and is told that if he wants to be successful, he can never see his no-class family again. His dreams thwarted, Peter begins trying to find a talent for Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) to pursue. The family's trip takes an upturn when Stewie (MacFarlane) runs into "heterosexual fashion designer Calvin Klein," and launches a modeling career. This episode features vocal cameos from Murphy Brown cast members Candice Bergen, Faith Ford, Joe Regalbuto, and Charles Kimbrough.
Fifteen Minutes of Shame
On Quahog's annual Clam Day, Mayor Adam West (voice of Adam West) describes how the founder of Quahog was rescued at sea by a talking clam. Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) has the honor of playing the clam in a historical reenactment, and embarrasses his family. Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) is having a slumber party, and she's worried about further humiliation. Sure enough, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) barges in to relive her girlhood memories, encouraging the girls to practice making out with each other, much to the delectation of Chris (voice of Seth Green), who is hiding behind the couch abusing himself. Peter comes downstairs in his underwear, crashes through the steps and gets stuck. Meg is so disgusted with her family's behavior that she blindsides them on a tabloid talk show, which ends in a chair-throwing melee. This catches the attention of a reality TV producer, who recruits them to star in a new show, "The Real Live Griffins." With the family under 24-hour surveillance, Meg's embarrassment reaches a new level. "Dad's on TV," Meg complains, "parading around in his underwear like some gross European guy." In desperation, Meg quits the show and moves in with the neighbors. The producers hire a hot blonde girl to replace her. Peter gets upset because the new "Meg" is hogging all the airtime. "Fire that sexy, interesting version of our daughter," he demands. This episode features the voices of Will Ferrell and Jay Mohr. There's a flashback of Peter embarrassing Meg in church which FOX originally cut from the pilot episode. It was restored on the DVD release, so it appears twice on the DVD.
Road to Rhode Island
This episode has a special Bob Hope and Bing Crosby-style opening credits sequence. The story begins with a flashback to Brian's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) puppyhood in Austin, TX, where he was taken from his mother at a puppy mill. Brian's shrink urges him to confront his feelings about his mother. When someone needs to go pick up Stewie (MacFarlane) at Lois' (voice of Alex Borstein) parents house in Palm Springs, Brian volunteers. While Brian gets blitzed at the airport bar, Stewie leaves their bags unattended, and soon the pair are stranded in Florida with no plane tickets and no cash. The pair have a series of misadventures: hot-wiring a car, flying a crop-dusting plane, and hitching a ride with migrant workers. They pass by Austin, and Brian, with Stewie in tow, takes the opportunity to investigate his past. His former owner, Luke (voice of Brian Doyle-Murray), doesn't remember Brian at first. "I was the one who could talk," Brian reminds him. Brian is distraught to learn that his mother, Biscuit, has passed on, but Luke and his wife have found a rather disquieting way of keeping her memory alive. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter (MacFarlane) try to help their marriage by watching a series of "relationship tapes" featuring the lovely Dr. Amanda Rebecca (voice of Victoria Principal), which Peter oddly seems more enthusiastic about than Lois. The episode features a musical number from Brian and Stewie. This episode, which aired in May 2000, originally featured a gag involving Stewie getting onto an airplane with a bag of weapons and making a reference to Osama bin Laden. That segment was cut from repeat airings of the show, and does not appear on the Region One DVD.
Let's Go to the Hop
A planeload of psychoactive toads from Colombia crashes in Quahog, starting a new drug craze among the town's youth. "I finally get Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night," says one tripping teen. "It's a comedy that's too good to be funny." News reports mention that slang terms for toad licking include "lily-padding, frenching the prince, and doing Kermit." When Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) and Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) find a dead toad in the house, they confront Chris (voice of Seth Green) and Meg (voice of Mila Kunis), who reveals that she was holding the toad for Connie D'Amico (voice of Fairuza Balk), a popular girl at school. Peter decides to take action, and goes to the principal with his plan. Calling himself "Lando Griffin," he goes undercover as a new student. Meg is aghast until Peter's ruse works. He convinces the kids (through song!) not to "do toad" anymore, and is soon seen as one of the coolest kids in school. Meg takes advantage of her father's popularity by arranging for "Lando" to take her to an upcoming school dance. But Peter is so caught up in being a popular high school kid that when Connie asks him to go with her instead, he accepts, telling his own daughter, "Something suddenly came up." This episode features a vocal cameo by Gregg Allman.
Dammit, Janet!
Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) doesn't seem to get along too well with the other kids on the playground, so Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) decides to send him to the Hugs and Kisses (The Good Kind) Daycare Center. At first, Stewie thinks it's a biogenetic experimentation facility, but soon, he falls for a little girl named Janet. He even serenades her with his rendition of "You Make Me Feel So Young." But when another boy with a cookie catches Janet's eye, Stewie finds a younger girl (two weeks younger, to be exact) and tries to make Janet jealous. Lois, meanwhile, is bored at home without Stewie there. Brian (MacFarlane) suggests they get hammered, but Lois decides to get a part-time job. Peter (MacFarlane) convinces her to take a job as a flight attendant, because he's heard that he'll get to travel for free. Lois hates her new job, but Peter has a great time, getting drunk in first class, flying to Australia, forcing the flight attendants to build him a pillow fort, etc. He persuades Lois not to quit ("What if Kurt Cobain had quit?") so he can keep flying. Things come to a head when Peter inadvertently ends up on a flight Lois is working. She takes him into the lavatory to chew him out and they get stuck as the flight is hijacked to Cuba. This episode features the vocal talents of Camryn Manheim.
He's Too Sexy for His Fat
At the supermarket, a security guard mistakes the portly Chris (voice of Seth Green) for a shoplifter. "Oh, you're just a fat kid," he acknowledges. Brian (voice of Seth MacFarlane) uses acupuncture to deal with his flea problem, and it doesn't work. The Griffins hire some military-style exterminators, who use automatic weapons and hand grenades to combat their bug problem. Brian puts the family up in a hotel while the house is deloused. The family swims in the hotel pool, but Chris sits on the diving board, ashamed to remove his shirt. Lois gets Peter (MacFarlane) to help Chris with a diet and exercise program, but when that doesn't have quick results, Peter decides to take him to see Cleveland's brother, Broderick (voice of Mike Henry), a plastic surgeon. Chris balks at liposuction, and Lois is proud of him, but Peter comes home looking surprisingly svelte. Now he can fulfill his lifelong dream of putting a saddle on Brian's back and riding him like a horsey. Chris continues trying to lose weight the old fashioned way, with Stewie (MacFarlane) mocking his efforts and teasing Chris by gorging himself in his presence. Soon it's Stewie who has the weight problem. Meanwhile, Peter has more work done, and is admitted into the Quahog Beautiful People's Club. Lois is torn, because while Peter has become "a superficial, egomaniacal jerk," she's really attracted to him. Peter tries to bring Chris to the club with him, and when his son is denied entry, Peter defiantly proclaims, "Well, if my son can't come in, then I'll just come in. See ya at home." Later, Peter is distracted by his image in the rear view mirror while driving, causing an accident that changes everything. This episode features voice work by Jay Mohr and Gary Cole.
There's Something About Paulie
An exhausted Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) insists that the family get a second car, despite Peter's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) contention that "you meet such colorful characters in taxis." Lois suggests looking in the paper, but Peter disagrees. "A guy at work bought a car from an ad in the paper," he tells her, "Ten years later, boom. Herpes." At the car dealer's, Lois wants something practical, but Peter falls in love with a sports car, despite the fact that it has a cardboard steering wheel and only a drawing of an engine. When the car breaks down, Lois rightfully complains that Peter never involves her in the family decisions. The mob unexpectedly comes to Peter's aid, arranging to steal his car so that he'll get the insurance money. All is well until the mob guy shows up to tell Peter that the Don wants a favor in return. "What are you gonna make me do?" Peter nervously asks, "Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? 'Cuz I'm married...." It turns out the Don just wants Peter to take his obnoxious nephew, Big Fat Paulie, to the movies on the eve of the Don's daughter's wedding. "Wait a minute. What movie?" Peter asks, "'cuz if it's anything with Greg Kinnear, you can just whack me off right now." As it turns out, Peter and Paulie go to see "How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2." Next, Paulie invites himself over for dinner, much to the family's dismay. Lois makes Peter throw Paulie out, and she soon finds herself targeted by a hitman. This episode features voice work from Michael Chiklis, Alan King, and Jon Cryer.
E Peterbus Unum
After seeing how his neighbors spent their tax refunds, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) decides to use his to buy a swimming pool. But when the letter comes from the IRS, Peter thinks he's getting a fancy car instead. Turns out, it's an audit. (Peter thought the 't' was silent.) After determining that he won't be getting a refund, Peter decides to dig a pool himself. He accidentally cuts off the neighborhood's power, and learns that zoning laws prohibit him from having a pool. He goes to speak to the mayor, Adam West (voice of Adam West) about the issue. Looking at a town map, the mayor discovers that Peter's property isn't even on it. "You're not even a part of these United States," says West, "which would make you...a communist!" Peter decides that his home is its own country, and he names it "Petoria." Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) tells a news reporter she was skeptical at first, but then thought, "Hey, I could be like Hillary Clinton, only, you know, without the penis." Peter goes on a goodwill mission to America, but he refuses to obey the laws. He does an MC Hammer-like rap number about how he has diplomatic immunity, like the guy in Lethal Weapon 2. Shunned at the UN, Peter gets advice from an Iraqi diplomat who tells him he can get more respect if he goes out and takes what he wants. Peter promptly annexes Joe's (voice of Patrick Warburton) swimming pool. He even invites the leaders of Iraq, Iran, Libya, and Cuba over to a pool party. But President Clinton decides that political sanctions are called for, and soon the army is at Petoria's border, ready to commence "Operation Bomb the Crap Out of Your House."
The Story on Page One
In the cold open, the Griffins watch a sitcom called "Sherry and the Anus." Later, the family goes to visit Brown University (Brian's [voice of Seth MacFarlane] alma mater), where Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) talks to the dean about admission. The only extracurricular activity she's involved in is the Luke Perry Fan Club. "I don't have a future," she complains. She decides to try to work for the high school paper. The editor tells her that he'll hire her if she can get an interview with Quahog's mayor, Adam West (voice of Adam West). Meg tenaciously scores the interview, where she learns that the batty mayor believes someone is "stealing" his water, and is using taxpayer money to investigate. She writes up an exposé and leaves it on the editor's desk, but Peter (MacFarlane) believing that political scandals are old hat, decides to write something flashier, and sneaks into the school to replace Meg's story with his. Meg returns to school to hear the accolades of her peers, which pleases her, until she sees the paper's headline -- "Luke Perry is Gay." When Perry himself sees the article ("I'm just going through every high school newspaper in the country to see if there's anything about me," he tells his wife), he decides to sue. Peter feels responsible, and decides that the solution is to seduce Perry and get photos of them together. He succeeds in getting a photo of Luke Perry vomiting. Stewie (MacFarlane), meanwhile, gets thrown out of Brown's chem. lab. Fed up with being small, he invents a mind control device, so that he can harness Chris' (voice of Seth Green) size, and immediately sets about trying to get Chris to murder Lois (voice of Alex Borstein).
Wasted Talent
A local brewery announces a contest. The first six people to find a silver scroll in their bottle of Pawtucket Patriot beer will get a tour of the secluded brewery with Pawtucket Pat (voice of Michael McKean) and a chance to win a lifetime supply of beer. The contest has everyone in town chugging like crazy, trying to find those scrolls. Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) chastises Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) for his excessive drinking. "Everyone has their sanctuary," he explains to her. "The Catholics have churches, fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery." Peter eventually finds a scroll, and takes Brian (MacFarlane) along on the tour. They're treated to a couple of wonderful Willy Wonka-inspired numbers ("Take a drink/ and you'll sink/ to a state of pure inebriation") before being thrown out by the "Chumba-Wumbas" for sneaking a drink of Permasuds, the beer that never goes flat. Meanwhile, Lois is obsessed with winning the upcoming piano competition against the snooty Alexis (voice of Julia Sweeney), whose students always beat Lois'. When she discovers that Peter plays the piano wonderfully when he's drunk ("You're like the idiot from Shine!"), she keeps him drinking right up until the competition, where his rendition of The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme wins the day. This episode also features the voice of Adam Carolla as Death, a role originally voiced on the show by Norm MacDonald.
Fore, Father
When Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) announces that it's time for "spring cleaning," Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) is anxious to get out of it. He ends up taking Chris (voice of Seth Green) on a fishing trip with his neighbors, Joe (voice of Patrick Warburton) and Cleveland (voice of Mike Henry) and their children. Cleveland is also eager to get away as his wife is having a visit from her "Aunt Flo." "Loretta likes to personify her menses in humorous ways," he needlessly explains. On the disastrous trip ("All we caught was a tire, a boot, a tin can, and this book of clichés"), Joe criticizes Peter's parenting skills, and says he's turning Chris into a slacker. Peter responds by getting Chris a job shagging golf balls at a driving range. But Peter is soon distracted from his own son by Cleveland, Jr. (Henry), who can drive a ball 300 yards. Cleveland warns him that the boy has a short attention span, but Peter is determined to turn the boy into a pro, and enters him into the golf club's "Man-Boy Golf Tournament," all the while ignoring his own son. Meanwhile, Stewie (MacFarlane) destroys Brian's (MacFarlane) library. Revenge is served cold when Stewie returns from getting his first vaccination, and Brian soon has him convinced that he's been injected with some kind of mind control serum. This episode features the voice talents of Gary Cole and Nicole Sullivan. The cold opening, a cruel parody of Little House on the Prairie, was edited from FOX's original airing of the episode, but was restored in repeats.
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Record-Setting Number of Films Competing in Foreign-Language Oscar Race
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Woody Allen Cancels Blue Jasmine's India Premiere
1
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Lionsgate Wants Gary Ross and Jennifer Lawrence's Burial Rites
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ABC Plans Kevin Hart-Inspired Series
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The Shining's Danny Torrance Is All Grown Up
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