Season Info
Season 3 continues the animated antics of the constantly grousing Griffin family. Among their wacky adventures: They move to the South after entering the Witness Protection Program; Peter discovers he had a black ancestor who was a slave once owned by Lois' family; Peter and Lois turn swingers and she reconnects with an old flame, while he hooks up with Jennifer Love Hewitt (as herself); and Peter and Lois attend a KISS concert (with the band members playing themselves). Other popular stars
Network: FOX
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Episodes
The Thin White Line
Season Three of Family Guy begins with the opening episode of a two-party story as Brian, the Griffin family's talking, martini-imbibing dog, makes a concerted effort to overcome his selfishness. Before long, he is working as both a seeing-eye dog, and as a drug-sniffing pooch for the police. Unfortunately, Brian's addictive personality gets the better of him when he comes across a cache of cocaine. This lands the Griffen family's dog in rehab, where he is told that his master Peter is a bad influence. Thus does Brian secretly sneak off for a long, long trip, far, far away from Quahog. Listen for the voice of June Foray in a quickie "Rocky and Bullwinkle" reference, not to mention a cameo appearance from "Froot Loops" spokesbird Toucan Sam!
Brian Does Hollywood
In the conclusion of a two-part story, the Griffins' talking, martini-drinking dog Brian has determined that his master Peter is the cause of his addictive personality, and thus he has left Quahog to seek his fortune elsewhere. Brian ends up in Hollywood, where through certain connections he finds working directing porno films. Meanwhile, malevolent infant Stewie Griffin auditions for the TV show "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" (the better to put in motion his latest scheme to take over the world). Winning the audition, Stewie also wins his family an all-expense-paid trip...to Hollywood. This week's obscure pop-culture references include "guest appearances" by actor Ray Liotta and porn star Jenna Jameson (who, as usual, is bound to please!)
Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington
Lois gets steamed--or rather, smoked--when Peter's toy company is bought out by El Dorado Cigarettes, the better to promote "coffin nails" for the kiddie trade. To get Peter out of his hair, the president of El Dorado gives him a big promotion with a fat new salary. But, wait, there's more: Because he is the archetypal "big dumb fat guy", Peter is sent to Washington by his bosses to lobby against an anti-tobacco bill, promoted by congressman who laments that "cigarettes killed my father--and raped my mother." Watch for references to such pop-culture esoterica as The Godfather Part II, That Girl and Schoolhouse Rock. And how does Alyssa Milano figure into all this?
One if by Clam, Two if by Sea
In the wake of a devastating hurricane, Quahog's favorite watering hole, the Drunken Clam, is purchase at bargain rates by Britisher Nigel Pinchley, who converts it into an English pub. Later, Nigel and his family move next door to the Griffins, whereupon mean-spirited infant Stewie takes it upon himself to play "'Enry 'Iggins" to Nigel's Cockney-accented daughter. Obscure cultural references this time out include quotes from The Count of Monte Cristo, the 1982 Disney movie Tron, the comic strip "Dilbert", and the heretofore undisclosed fact that the Americans defeated the British during World War 2. This episode was originally slated to air during Season Two.
And the Wiener Is...
Peter becomes overly competitive with Chris when he discovers that his son possesses a bigger penis than he does. This leads to Peter forcing Chris to join a gun club and participate in a hunting trip, with amazing results. (Guns, hmmm? Calling Dr. Freud).Meanwhile, daughter Meg has problems of her own when she tries out for the cheerleaders squad and ends up a "flag girl"--and her troubles don't end just because the band performs "Electric Avenue" (or something like it). As for the cultural reference, this week's episode serves up side glances at Elton John, Ally McBeal, Rooster Cogburn and comic-strip character Andy Capp.
Death Lives
Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) and Lois (voice of Alex Borstein)' anniversary is coming up, and Lois isn't interested in gifts so much as romance. But Quagmire (MacFarlane) gets the guys a tee time at the fancy Barrington Country Club. Peter sends Lois on a "romantic" anniversary scavenger hunt (i.e. wild goose chase), so he can spend the morning golfing. Cleveland (voice of Mike Henry) can't play due to family obligations, but Peter insists on going forward. Then it starts to rain, and his friends go home, but Peter soldiers on. While Lois races around town searching for the clues he's left for her, Peter is struck by lightning on the golf course. Death (voice of Adam Carolla) makes another appearance, but he reassures Peter that he's just having an out-of-body, "near-death experience." Death warns Peter that Lois will divorce him one day. He can't put Peter back into his lifeless body until he has a revelation, but Peter can't seem to grasp the lesson that Death is trying to impart. He revisits his past -- his courtship of Lois, his disastrous first meeting with her father, after which her dad had him knocked unconscious, rolled up in a carpet, and dumped naked into the ocean. During their adventures, Death has to return home for lunch with his mother (voice of Estelle Parsons), who nags him about his own lack of a girlfriend. In exchange for Death's help with Lois, Peter helps Death make a date with the woman of his dreams. This episode features the vocal talents of Peter Frampton.
Lethal Weapons
As Quahog braces itself for the annual Autumnal invasion of the New York "leafers", Lois decides to take a Tae-Jitsu class. Her new-found martial arts skill come in handy when Peter decides to rid his front lawn of the annoying leaf-lovers from Manhattan. Clearly, however, violence is not the answer to the Griffins' problems--at least not until the knock-down, drag-out brawl at the end of the episode. In addition to a satirical skewering of the TV ratings system, this episode also features references to Ralph Macchio and the three villains from Superman II. And guess where the libidinous Quagmire "gets it struck" this time?
The Kiss Seen Round the World
The Griffins visit Toys 'R' Overpriced, where they buy Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) his first tricycle. Later, when a teacher is arrested for teaching "crackpot theories" at Meg's (voice of Mila Kunis) school, a news team shows up, and Meg finds herself smitten with news anchor Tom Tucker (MacFarlane). She has a fantasy about him (a parody of the Phoebe Cates pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) and decides to apply for Channel 5's Young Anchor internship program. Thanks to co-anchor Diane Simmons' insecurity about picking a pretty girl, Meg is chosen for the internship, but unluckily, her partner intern is Neil (voice of Seth Green), the nerdy A/V guy who has a massive crush on her. Stewie learns to ride his tricycle, while Peter (MacFarlane) proudly videotapes, until he's distracted by the (American) beauty of a plastic bag blowing around in the wind. Stewie has his first encounter with the concept of bullying when Charlie (voice of Josh Peck) steals his new wheels. Later, when the infamous "Mass Media Murderer," known for killing newspersons, is spotted on top of Town Hall, Tom and Diane give Meg and Neil the story. When it seems like the hapless teens are going to be murdered, Meg gives Neil a kiss, which is captured on videotape. In the nick of time, a superheroic Hugh Downs (doing his own voice) comes to the rescue, and Meg has to deal with the ugly repercussions of that kiss. Soon, Neil is handing out T-shirts at school festooned with the image of their lip-lock, and bringing his parents over for dinner at the Griffins'. This episode features the voice talents of Michael Chiklis and Abe Vigoda, along with references to Mr. Sherman and Peabody and Quantum Leap.
Mr. Saturday Knight
After a Career Day visit to Chris' (voice of Seth Green) junior high school class, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) feels that his job at the toy factory is going nowhere. Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) suggests he invite his boss, Mr. Weed (voice of Carlos Alazraqui), over to dinner to impress him. Peter goes along, despite unpleasant memories of Margot Kidder's (voice of Rachael MacFarlane) dinner visit. That night, the kids do a number from The Sound of Music and dance off to bed. Peter has trouble with small talk. "I don't care what the guys at work say," he tells his boss. "I don't think you're an effeminate weirdo." But Mr. Weed is so impressed with Lois that he offers Peter a promotion before choking to death on a dinner roll. During his eulogy, Peter mistakes Jesus for The Incredible Hulk. After the funeral, Mr. Weed's video will is played, and it turns out he's arranged to have the toy factory demolished. After Peter unsuccessfully tries working as a washroom attendant, a deaf guy who hands out cards asking for donations, and a transvestite streetwalker, Lois tells him she has some money saved, so he can pursue his dream job. So Peter sets out to become a Renaissance Fair jouster, just like the Black Knight (voice of Will Ferrell) who saved his life when he was an acid-tripping teen. Peter trains with a tough drill sergeant-type coach (voice of R. Lee Ermey) but is disenchanted when he learns that the Black Knight is actually a jerk who drives a yellow Hyundai. Things get more ugly when the Black Knight catches his girlfriend flirting with Peter. This episode also features the voice talents of Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla, and Charles Durning.
Fish out of Water
Since he lost his job, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) has gained a lot of weight from sitting on the couch watching television. After a walk on the pier with Brian (MacFarlane), he decides to become a fisherman. "That's how a real New England man makes his living," he reasons. He buys a boat at a police auction for 50,000 dollars, only to learn that its previous owner, Salty, died while chasing after "Daggermouth," the man-eating bluefish. Peter then goes to "Jim's Bank" for a loan so he can pay for his boat. He soon runs into conflict with Henessey, a veteran fisherman who resents the newcomer. Peter's having a hard time earning a living, and to make matters worse, he failed to read the loan papers he signed, and the bank is repossessing everything the family owns. Meanwhile, Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) is distraught about missing out on spring break. In an effort to placate her, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) takes her to a fancy spa. When that doesn't do the trick, Lois drives Meg to spring break. Meg is embarrassed to be seen there with her mother, and it only gets worse when Lois parties her way to popularity among Meg's peers, neglecting her daughter in the process. While Lois and Meg negotiate their bacchanal, Peter is desperate to come up with the money to keep their home from being taken by the bank. When he learns that there's a 50,000-dollar bounty on Daggermouth, he and his friends set out to capture the dreaded beast. This episode features the vocal talents of Michael Chiklis and Brian Doyle Murray.
Emission Impossible
Peter is forced to deliver the baby when his pregnant sister-in-law Carole suddenly goes into labor. This experience inspires Peter and Lois to try to have another child themselves--much to the dismay of baby Stewie, who has a lethal dislike for competition. When the traditional methods to prevent conception fail, Stewie shrinks himself and goes on a Star Wars-style seek-and-destroy mission in Peter's body, intending to kill his potential "sperm brother." What other cartoon series would make a joking reference to "Megan's Law"--not to mention an old, half-forgotten Joe Cocker song?
To Love and Die in Dixie
After Chris witnesses a robbery, the Griffins are placed in the Witness Relocation Program and shipped off to a new home in the Deep South. Here Chris meets a good-ole-boy named Sam, who clearly wants to be a lot more than a "good buddy". Meanwhile, Peter enrages the locals by casting aspersions upon a Civil War re-enactment. Although this episode would seem to offer a golden opportunity to satirize Deliverance, most of the pop-cultural references are drawn from The Dukes of Hazzard--with a few renegade comments about T.J. Hooker, McMillan and Wife and the Beatles' White Album.
Screwed the Pooch
In the cold open, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) visits the Quahog Zoo, and fulfills his lifelong dream of getting into a kangaroo's pouch. Peter is upset about having to visit Lois' (voice of Alex Borstein) parents, because Mr. Pewterschmidt (MacFarlane) doesn't like him. Peter tries to study up on things the old man likes, but he's stymied by his first New Yorker cartoon, and finds it hilarious that " Oui, oui " means "yes" in French. Peter fails to impress Mr. Pewterschmidt to the extent that when Lois asks him to invite Peter to his poker game, he says, "I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Nathan Lane, Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top...uh...Sean Hayes -- you get the idea." Lois manages to persuade him, and Peter unexpectedly hits it off with Bill Gates and Michael Eisner when he discovers Ted Turner's "tell." The evening goes so well that Pewterschmidt tells Peter, "I'm glad you married my daughter." Brian (MacFarlane), meanwhile, is lately having trouble dealing with his animal urges. The situation worsens when the Griffins visit the Pewterschmidt home, and Brian meets Mr. Pewterschmidt's prize greyhound, Seabreeze. At the dog track, Brian's instincts get the better of him and he leaps onto the track to violate Seabreeze mid-race. When Brian subsequently learns that Seabreeze is pregnant, he's determined to "do the right thing," but Pewterschmidt won't hear of it, and throws the Griffins out of his home. Brian eventually sues for custody of the puppies, and at trial, Peter is forced to choose between Brian's friendship and the newfound acceptance of his father-in-law. This episode features the voice of Bob Barker as himself.
Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?
Having become water boy for the all-black school basketball team, Chris undergoes a curious metamorphosis, emerging as the world's only white black man. Anxious to learn about his newly acquired "roots", Chris inspires his father Peter to embrace the Black Experience as well. As it turns out, the only thing the Griffin family has in common with their African American brethren is a love of all things green--namely, money. This week's obscure pop-culture gags include references to George McGovern and The Facts of Life; easier to grasp by a general audience is the brief "rant" from someone who sounds a lot like Dennis Miller.
Ready, Willing and Disabled
Paraplegic police officer Joe Swanson loses confidence in himself when he lets a perp get away. Peter attempts to restore Joe's sense of self-worth by training him for the Special Olympics. Unfortunately, victory is tinged with controversy when Joe is "helped" by a dose of steroids. And can it be that infant Stewie was the villain responsible for the breakup of the Beatles? The quickie jokes this week refer to everything from Point Blank to the worn-out library of Hanna-Barbera sound effects.
A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas
Christmas is approaching. Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) isn't particularly looking forward to playing the baby Jesus in Quahog's annual passion play. Peter (MacFarlane) only seems interested in watching the annual airing of "Kiss Saves Santa." Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) drags him to visit Joe (voice of Patrick Warburton) and Bonnie (voice of Jennifer Tilly), where they find Joe in an unpleasant mood. Stewie learns of Santa and his "constant surveillance of every child on Earth." Peter accidentally gives all of the family's presents to charity. Lois takes the news surprisingly well, and the Griffins head to the mall to buy new presents, leaving Brian (MacFarlane) behind to look after their Christmas Eve turkey. At the mall, the family fights with other last-minute shoppers, and Stewie is shocked to have a chance to sit on the lap of his new nemesis. "Santa, you make it too easy," he taunts. But when he learns that Santa will give him whatever he wants (in Stewie's case, plutonium) in exchange for being "good," he changes his tune. Meanwhile, back at the house, Brian runs into some trouble, thanks in no small part to Peter's purchase of a novelty fire extinguisher. Her Christmas dinner ruined, Lois' calm veneer cracks and she goes on a rampage through town. This episode features the voices of Ace Frehley, Gene Simmons, and Peter Criss of Kiss.
Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows
Brian (voice of Seth MacFarlane) despairs of ever finding a woman who appreciates his taste in the fine arts. Peter (MacFarlane) is going to a laser rock show with his pals, and Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) goads him into taking Brian along to cheer him up. But on the way home, Brian gets busted for DUI. He's sentenced to community service, working for an elderly outreach program. He ends up taking care of a reclusive, grouchy old woman, Pearl Burton. Brian despises his cruel, domineering charge, and indignantly walks out on her, but he changes his tune when he learns of her failed opera career. He returns to Pearl, encouraging her to go back out into the world in an Emmy-winning musical number. Meanwhile, Peter, inspired by Grizzly Adams, decides to grow a big bushy beard, which he soon finds is inhabited by a bird of an endangered species. Forbidden by law to remove the bird, Peter puts up with it, even at the movies, where it snatches all his popcorn and disturbs the other patrons with its squawking. Just as Peter reaches the breaking point, the bird flies off, but it leaves three little hatchlings behind. Peter takes care of the little birds, growing quite fond of them, and has a hard time saying goodbye when it's time for them to leave the nest. This episode features the voice of A.J. Benza.
From Method to Madness
Brian (voice of Seth MacFarlane) takes Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) to see his friend's one-man show at the Quahog Community Playhouse. Disgusted by the show's self-indulgence, Brian decides to try his hand at acting. At his audition, however, he's upstaged by Stewie (MacFarlane), who gets put into the drama school's "Rising Star" program. There, he quickly runs afoul of a classmate, a bitchy diva named Olivia (voice of Rachael MacFarlane). But when Stewie learns that they're both in danger of being kicked out of class, he convinces Olivia to team up with him, performing a musical number that brings the house down. This inspires their teacher to start booking gigs for them. While the two click together perfectly on-stage, they constantly bicker off-stage. At a big show with a critic from The Providence Journal in the house, the two get into a fistfight on-stage, leading to the dissolution of the act. Meanwhile, Peter (MacFarlane) rescues a man at sea who turns out to be a nudist. In gratitude, Dave Campbell (voice of Fred Willard) invites the Griffins to dinner, where they awkwardly meet the nude family. Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) takes a liking to the Campbells' naked teenage son, Jeff (voice of Chris Cox), and is distraught to learn that her parents don't approve of the relationship.
Stuck Together, Torn Apart
At CostMart, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) runs into Ross Fishman (voice of Chris Cox), an old flame. They're both married now, but Ross suggests they get together for coffee. Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) sets out to eat some industrial adhesive, and when Brian (MacFarlane) tries to stop him, the two end up stuck holding hands together. Back at home, Lois, knowing how jealous Peter can be, frets about whether or not to meet with Ross. Brian and Stewie learn that it will take two weeks for the glue manufacturer to send over a solvent to unstick them. Unfortunately for Lois, Joe (voice of Patrick Warburton) takes the gang out in his new police surveillance van the same night she decides to meet with Ross. Peter catches them together, and decides to look up all of his old girlfriends (including Peppermint Patty from Peanuts) in retaliation. He has little success, and the couple ends up going for counseling. The marriage counselor has surveillance cameras installed throughout the house, and after seeing the results, recommends that Peter and Lois undergo a trial separation and see other people. Quagmire (MacFarlane) quickly takes the opportunity to ask Lois out, while Peter somehow ends up on a date at the same restaurant with Jennifer Love Hewitt (who does her own voice).
Road to Europe
This is a cartoon, right? So why doesn't it make sense that Stewie and Brian can take off for a trip to Europe at a moment's notice? After a couple of awkward stopovers in Saudi Arabia and Munich, the two travelers end up in London, where Stewie is determined to meet his favorite TV personality Mother Maggie, star of the "Jolly Farm Review." Meanwhile, we learn about Lois' long-ago liason with KISS lead singer Gene Simmons.
Family Guy Viewer Mail #1
This episode features three short segments based on viewer suggestions. In "No Bones About It," a genie comes out of Peter's (voice of Seth MacFarlane) beer bottle and grants him three wishes. His first wish is to see what Kelly Ripa (who does her own voice) is like off the set. He wishes that he had his own theme music. This wish leads to trouble. While Peter enjoys the "traveling music" that plays as he rides the bus, another passenger takes offense, and threatens to "break every bone" in his body. So Peter makes his third wish -- "I wish I had no bones." The Griffin family is so unhappy with Peter's transformation into an amorphous blob that he tries to kill himself by letting himself down the drain. In "Super Griffins," the family is exposed to toxic waste and develops strange abilities. Stewie (MacFarlane) has telekinetic powers, Chris (voice of Seth Green) can conjure fire, Brian (MacFarlane) has super speed, Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) has super strength, Peter can shape shift, and hapless Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) can grow her fingernails really long in an instant. Despite Lois' call to use their powers responsibly, the Griffins soon run afoul of the authorities, and Mayor Adam West (voice of Adam West) exposes himself to toxic waste in order to do battle with them. In "Little Griffins," the characters are all bigheaded children, in some kind of godforsaken amalgam of Muppet Babies and The Little Rascals. Peter and Quagmire (MacFarlane) spend the night in a haunted house to prove to Lois that each is braver than the other. This episode features the voices of professional wrestler Goldberg, Adam Carolla, Michael Winslow, and Regis Philbin.
When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
This legendary "lost" episode finds Peter once again swamped with financial problems. In desperation, he wishes that a Jewish "money guy" would come to his rescue--whereupon Max Weinstein suddenly appears. Impressed, Peter decides that his son Chris should convert to Judaism, but no local Rabbi is willing to perform a Bar Mitzvah unless Chris is properly trained in all things Hebraic. Undaunted, father and son head to Las Vegas, home of the quickie Bar Mitzvahs! Originally produced for the Fox network, this episode was yanked because of its "controversial" content. It remained on the shelf until Family Guy had left Fox and was rerunning on the Cartoon Network, where the episode finally aired on November 9, 2003. Fox finally showed the "forbidden" episode (with certain alterations) as part of its Family Guy revival on December 10, 2004.
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