Things are changing.
The ways that I think about family and home are different. I have friends who are getting engaged. I'll have to find a real job and a place of my own in six months. This isn't that big of a deal in the broad scheme of things, everybody my age goes through it. But it's the first time that *I've* experienced it. I'm not frightened. Rather, I'm very optimistic. But it's still somewhat odd.
I can pinpoint, for the first time in my life, the best and worst days I've had this year. For some reason, I feel like sharing them. Not in this entry, but in another.
I see alumni at my school, showing the campus off to their families, and for some reason I can't wait to do that same thing. I feel like talking to people from high school that I haven't seen in years just to hear about what they're doing. I want to talk about myself. Again, don't ask me why.
I don't know how many of you read these anymore - the journals went by the wayside at least a year ago. But hopefully some of you are.
Since I updated last, I spent the summer in Chicago, did a lot of city exploring, took a lot of pictures, helped out kids, shook hands with Dave Eggers and Ira Glass, put all my stuff from my room back home into boxes, read a lot, wrote a bit, watched a bunch of movies and tv shows on DVD, got excited for my senior year, realized that I like postmodernism a lot, and... other stuff. There's more details I could get into and stuff but that would take way too long to write.
And I'm in a music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rGPKmtfjs0
Life seems pretty good right now.
Let me condense the past several weeks of my life for your reading pleasure. Look, I've got an ego, I'm convinced people want to know everything I do, okay?
I did ASB again for Spring Break. Meaning, I did volunteer work instead of partying. We went to Kirtland, OH, which is near Cleveland, and worked at this big parks system. Duties included feeding baby squirrels and picking up trash on the side of the highway. That's right, I picked up trash on the side of the highway for spring break. But the trip as a whole was cool and so were the people. Incidentally, Cleveland is very very lame.
I met Roger Ebert. He was giving a talk at my school. I got there really early, and as I was sitting in the theater waiting for it to start I had my reading with me. And Ebert is wandering around the theater, randomly talking to people. He comes up to me and asks what I'm reading. Naturally, I'm a tad surprised. He says he always likes to see what people are reading. So I show him that it's Allen Ginsberg's Howl. The girl next to me is reading War and Peace. He says that he saw Ginsberg give a reading once (at my school, no less) and named some other Russian novelist that he's read. I had no idea he liked to read so much. Mad respect.
He spent a considerable amount of time fending off Crash backlash, naturally. And of course, he says that most of the claims about why it won Best Picture are ridiculous. He didn't change my mind on what I thought of the movie, but I respect his opinion. He's very entertaining in person, and a cool guy.
The New Pornographers came to my school, too. It was awesome.
Let me explain: I found out that I loved the band about a week before they came to Chicago last October by which time it was of course too late to get tickets. Then I found out they were dropping by again, but not headlining and tickets were more expensive. And then I found out they were coming to A&O Ball and that pretty much made my year. Until I heard that Neko Case wasn't going to be there... except, as I found out when they took the stage, she was there. And I was pumped (seriously, her voice is amazing). So I'm very biased, but let me say that they are incredible live. They have tons of energy and they sound great. They had a pretty good set; they played about 3 songs from Mass Romantic, a handful from Electric Version, and a lot from Twin Cinema. Great show. And I'm not even that big of a music fan, this is the first time I've been that pumped to see a band. Like, I actually cheered when AC Newman said that they were going to play "Miss Teen Wordpower". So yeah, it was pretty awesome.
Not the best picture of Neko. She's like 36 too, she looks kinda old onstage, it's funny.
Neko, with AC Newman on her left (I think he speaks with a lisp, or at least that's what it sounded like). The drummer is on the far right of the picture, he's really cool.
The band again.
I have an internship for the summer. I'm going to be in Chicago. It's going to rock hard.
I helped out with NU's Dance Marathon this weekend. 600 people raise money and then dance for 30 hours. I was only there for 14, but that's still a lot. The primary beneficiary was PACPI, an organization that's trying to eliminate pediatric AIDS in Chicago, and definitely a worthwhile cause. They got about $440,000 in cash thanks to DM. So during the 30th hour, all the people on DM exec board come out and give their thanks to the dancers and committee members and stuff, and a lot of them were crying. It was really sweet, and it occured to me that there isn't any cause that I support today that I care enough about to cry for. I don't know if that's weird or not.
It's weird how different my friends can be. I was hanging out with some friends last weekend, they're mostly econ majors, and they were all talking about their plans for the summer. Mostly really important internships at places like Goldman-Sachs that are highly competive and paid. It's the sort of thing where they were trying to figure out which internship would look better to companies after they graduate. Then I was talking to a friend about his plans for the summer, and he's trying to get a research grant from the university to see a bunch of plays in Chicago and interview theater-type people, then do produce a show about it on the campus radio station. He was inspired because he and some other people thought it would be cool to create a theater company, but since they didn't know how they thought doing the show would be a good start. And even though I like the first group of friends I was talking about... I can't relate to them at all when it comes to careers.
Here's the link to my top 10 of 2005 list. I can't say I put much thought into it, but it's not random either.
This has been a very manageable Valentine's Day. I'm usually on the "Valentine's Day Sucks" bandwagon, but nothing really happened to bother me. I ate too much candy/cupcakes, and nobody told me about their disgustingly romantic plans for the day.
This does, however, give me an excuse to complain about being single for yet another year. I had plenty of opportunities to change things last year, but I blew them all. This year, I really haven't had many, if any. I guess that's my punishment for passing up opportunities. Bottom line is, I was shallow and dating retarded, and I haven't had an opportunity to learn from my mistakes. Then again, I'm still dating retarded.
It's not like I haven't met new people. They just aren't turning out to be prospects. What few prospects I've had have been on a very superficial level - just girls that I've noticed are cute. That's not much of a hook. And then there's always the dilemma of "is she into you, or just friendly?" I hate that dilemma.
Online flirting is pointless but I do it anyway. It's easy to flirt online. There's no reprocussions. That's what also makes it a waste of time. Sure, I can tell girls they're cute and they'll compliment me and say nice things back. Big deal. Neither of us are looking for relationships with each other, so why bother? I guess I'm living vicariously... making up for how I can't just say to somebody I meet "wow... you're cute".
I'm not attractive or aggressive enough to randomly hook up (nor are people here slutty enough), and I'm not smart enough to know how to develop an actual relationship.
That sums up my romantic life. As far as my personal life goes, I still need to get my act together about internships and a place to live next year (which means finding roommates, too). And I'm probably only slightly more responsible than I was freshman year. Oh, and I think my friends might be drifting apart, too.
I always have the feeling that I've plateaued. I hate that feeling more than anything.
So yeah. Happy Valentine's Day.
My halcyon days of RT are over. The high point was sometime between one and two years ago. Wats, Ozmatic, TTJ, bunbun, nev, saska, Toby, BigFlax, alksulewen, Space Lord, GinaWithAttitude, and dissent were still posting, or posting with more regularity. Chat had a good group. GD didn't seem retarded. People used their journals. Mallory had a crush on me. Life was good.
But I suppose that anything loses its appeal after nearly 4 years. I don't think I'm about to leave anytime soon... how else would I piss away free time or procrastinate? But RT is definitely something I could live without and not care.
And speaking of not caring... this journal. I've touched upon that subject a couple entries ago. Since I do most of my reviewing in another blog now, I've abandoned this. So no more movie/book/music reviews here.
So what can I use this for? Personal vanity, of course. I don't know if I'll follow through on this or not, but it's time for me to focus on what matters most in my life: me. Will there be self pity? Will there be Garden State-esque "who am I" soul-searching? Yes, and plenty of it. But since hardly anyone reads these anymore and I don't know y'all personally anyway, who cares?
So let's start with this: thanks to a little bit of attention whoring done on a certain college social networking site, I have discovered that I fit the following descriptions: cute (4x), good smile (2x), and "nerdy + cute" (2x, including one girl who said that was "in a good way"). I suppose I could do worse, but I'm not exactly thrilled either.
I don't see many people update anymore. I've kind of lost interest myself, although it could just be because I started another blog somewhere else. But since an update that only says "people haven't been updating" is lame, I suppose I should add in some other stuff.
I've been 21 for a few weeks. Bars are fun.
I haven't seen many movies lately. I've been reading a lot, but that's just for school and most of my reading I'm behind on.
I saw John Edwards talk about poverty. Decent speech.
Living in a single is difficult for a social leech like myself.
I like fall here. It's pretty.
Listen to The Go! Team. They're a good band. I recommend "Bottle Rocket".
So now that my summer break is finally coming to a close, I'm actually doing stuff. I went to my first Braves game in over 3 years last Thursday. It's been way too long since I've done that. My baseball experience isn't extensive by any means; I've only seen games at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium (since deceased), Wrigley Field, and Turner Field. Wrigley is impossible to hate because of the atmosphere, but it's a bit of a dump. Turner Field, on the other hand, is an amazing park. Sure, it's somewhat devoid of atmosphere, but it looks fantastic. It's spacious, clean, and you can get a great view of the Atlanta skyline from the skydeck. Our seats were pretty good, the weather was perfect, and Andruw hit a game winning home run in the bottom of the 10th. Despite the smallish crowd and the bullpen meltdown, I had a great time.
And how can you not like a place that lets you get your picture taken with Johnny Bravo?
The Phantom of the Opera's touring company is in town, and naturally my sister wanted to go. I was the only one willing to see it with her, so we made a day of it. First stop: the new Ikea in Midtown. It opened a month or two ago to much fanfare, and curiosity got the best of us- with as much hype as it got, we had to check it out. The allure is still there because the place was packed. The crowd was really diverse, too. There were whites, blacks, latinos, asians, indians, you name it. And the furniture wasn't bad either. Then we had an early dinner and went to the show.
I know that Andrew Lloyd Webber gets a lot of flack, but I don't mind him. Joseph... is probably my favorite musical, and there are some good numbers in Jesus Christ Superstar, Cats, and Evita. He might not be as sophisticated as, say, Sondheim, but he's made good music. He's also composed a lot of sap. Phantom is pretty good, but the best numbers are the ones I've already heard before (the title song and Music of the Night). Save a song or two, everything else is either filler or a crap ballad. But the production design was good, and the Phantom and Christine had great voices, so it wasn't torture by any means. It's the empty calories of musical theater and good spectacle, so why complain?
I did speed dating last week. The reasons were multiple: it sounded interesting, it's part of a research study done by a professor I really like, I'm getting paid for participating, the dating scene on campus is notoriously pitiful, and... well, let's not get into my "love life". As it turned out, it was a lot of fun. Four minutes go by surprisingly fast, so there aren't many awkward moments, if any. The amazing thing was, it didn't reek of desperation. After it was over, we had to pick people we'd be interested in seeing again. Out of twelve, I picked six. I got the results back the next day: five of those six also picked me, in addition to two other people who selected me but I didn't select back. That's for a total of 7/12. Damn, I'm a stud.
Of course, it wasn't all roses. One of the girls there was a reporter for the Chronicle, my school's conservative-leaning and less-read student newspaper. So I wasn't surprised when I saw the front page of it last Friday. I was surprised to see her slam every aspect of the event: the questionnaire, the guys involved, even the location. Oh, and I also got my ass handed to me, though it's not my fault. Apparently, I have "Conversational Dysfunction Disorder" because I acted very awkwardly when she brought up, in a discussion of how quickly the four minutes go, that average heterosexual intercourse lasts 2.5 minutes. The sad part is, I'm really excited that I made front page news, albiet in an article that insults me for a newspaper that nobody reads. I'm keeping it for posterity! But hey, she comes off as really bitter so it's not like I lost.
The tricky part is that one of the girls messaged me, and I messaged one of them. I've had coffee and actual conversations with both of them, and both went really well. They're both cool. And of course, now I don't know what the hell to do. For somebody who complains about a lack of relationships, I'm certainly ambivalent about this whole thing. Maybe not ambivalent so much as oblivious. It figures that my relationship history is so underdeveloped that when I have the opportunity to actually do something, I'm clueless. School ends in four weeks (thanks, quarter system!) so even the most casual of casual relationships would be barely developed by the time I go home. Oh yeah, there's also TWO of them. Do I choose one? How do I choose one? I there supposed to be a spark? Who makes the next move? What is the next move? How would I make the next move? What am I looking for, anyway? Am I a moron for not getting their numbers? Or am I a bitch that just needs to quit whining and fuckin' do something?
Yeah. My three year RTversary is today. Kind of weird when I think about it. I thought about doing something special for the occasion, but my ideas were all pretty lame.
On a side note, I have a pass to go see Howl's Moving Castle on Thursday. Hell yeah.