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Posted on 1/30/11 12:30 PM
Your Unca Chaoz is back from his "secret identity" and back in his little chamber of videos and DVDs. Let's see what's come up this time...
"The Demons of Ludlow" - well the film begins like a European film (simple credits and harpsicord music) but set in the small American town of Ludlow (duh). We get the pleasure of seeing a woman in her lingerie trying to figure out what to wear. After a minute or so, we move to a bluegrass band.
...huh? Looks like this is gonna be 'fun'.:(
Well, the "ho-down" is to celebrate Ludlow's bicentennial (I'd drink to that but I have no beer). During which somebody makes a speech about the town that apparently is putting the other cast members to sleep (their boredom is carved into their faces). The point of the speech is to introduce a piano that came from the English estate of the town's founder.
Now one would expect perhaps a Baby Grand, but this is something that looks like it was in saloon in the Old West. Well, you work with what you've got, right? Of course, there's always one person in the crowd who says "I don't want you to get too close to that." (Obviously, read the script!)
The story then jumps to the POV of a female reporter who - for apparently no reason - talks about the strange things that went on inside a house before jumping to a pastor giving a sermon. By the pastor's wife is the lingerie lady.
-- Skipped "Transition" class; did we? --
Well, after the sermon a lady begins to the piano (which sounds suspiciously like a Moog synthesizer) while a horny couple leaves the services. Horny couple leaves for the hay loft only to have their amorous play interrupted by the girl getting attacked(?) by a flashing hand and the guy being shot in the back by an old-timey pistol.
Confused? You should be on this side...
Well, it turns out the old town church burned down and that there's more to the town that meets the eye (*sigh* as usual). We get the usual lineup of creepy townspeople and more mystery behind the synthesizer. There's a rather good bit with a disturbed young woman and her dolls (which could have been the basis of separate film); but that's it - just that one bit.
Well, the mystery takes a while to unravel but by the time the townspeople piece together what's happening, I'm rooting for everyone to die. Sad really.
Oh - and did I mention that when I think of demons attacking; fireworks don't come to mind.
There comes a time in every movie when you wonder how long it takes before it'll end. Every movie has that moment - even good ones. The good ones make you realize that the end is almost near but you don't want it to. The bad ones make you wonder if your watch has stopped. This is definitely the latter.
The film has no real structure - it bounces from character to character. It's a bunch of scenes that are simply pasted together. The scenes by themselves are not horribly made; but the film is one of the most disjointed pieces I have ever seen. It tries - really tries to be a good film; but the true terror is how it fails.
We have a new feature to my reviews: The Joe Bob Briggs (JBB) scorecard (Hope JBB doesn't mind) - for those who like this sorta thing. We have fleeting boobage, 1 quart of blood, and 8 on the WTF scale. This is a 4 beer movie (that is, you need 3 beers to make this watchable).
Fun rating: 3 - extra point for effort; otherwise a thoroughly mundane and disjointed affair. This is an example of the whole being smaller than the sum of the pieces. MST3K fodder. Not bad as it is poorly made.
Interest rating: 2 - Not something I'd recommend to many people. I guess if you're looking for something to put you to sleep; this will probably do it. Let's put it this way - I spent the last 15 minutes wondering what to watch next.
TOTAL RATING: 3