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who *are* these people? The Alians have already landed, and they've taken the form of movie critics.
It's an adept piece of filmmaking surely. Really impressive with great sound engineering and mood. But the story is way too one tone and the plot is barely there and it's just one pile of depressing on top of another. Nervous laughter at the end of the movie made me realize what was direly missing from this film. A little tension relief, some lightness, SOMETHING other than end of the world drear upon drear. Invigorating? That is really disturbing. It played more like some violent video game than a film. What is invigorating about that? Both me and my friend had that same thought, and she doesn't even play video games.
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A Flight of whimsy
A sultry dish
A flamboyant wish
I'll steak you on my thigh
When elvish win
A celtish sin
And hear my aching sigh
To elder hill
Beyond the mill
Where tree tops touch the sky
I'll see you there
A chorus where
I'll show you how to fly
A bleak night sky
A callous lie
A reason to be rid of me.
A wandering star
An aimless war
A road to the old olive tree.
A fickle sun
A loaded gun
A world I can no longer see.
A pyrrhic win
An ancient sin
A land from which I long to flee.
I walked alone
you saw me then
My head was down
you saw me again
I was walking home
you looked at me
I rose as though
from a rising sea
brought to the brink
a place to care
your knowing wink
a whirlwind where
your hand outstretched
lost in your stare
you took my wrist
and led me there
the moon was high
the ocean fair
we kicked the sand
our feet had flair
I saw a light
beyond the reef
you waded out
I stalled in brief
a dolphin school
beside us cruised
a fin to catch
we'd nothing to lose
stars whirled and spun
and spurred these dreams
something special begun
laughter mixed with screams
the light was lost
but in us refound
the reef we passed
we forgot the ground
skimming above the waves
our hands embraced
between two dolphins
upon which we raced
four hours later
the dawn did break
the stars receded
we stirred awake
upon an island smooth
and spooned together
our sea friends gone
In my arms a new treasure.
This life as a drone will leave you cold as stone
Lost in the crowd, I think back to a forgotten time
Such high expectations of life when I was younger
Slowly wittled away as I got older
Left with a hard lump of expression once tender
Droning through the days as they slowly blend together
This institutional box of life is so square
Like this claustophobic cubicle that threatens me not to care
A flicker in me momentarily pierces the fog,
I see a valley of green hope beyond this black ribbon of cogs
But there's too much resistence in the high unchartered grass
I get slowed down behind the crowd, forced to rejoin the beaten path
Entertaining thoughts we could all slow down.
The world rushes round at bottleneck speed
Tightly wound round a spindle of greed
Caught up in the hype of what's really a false dream
Blind to where it's been and of what ahead it cannot see.
The journey's lost to a hazy vision of freeways crammed with drones like me
Lost in the shuffle, inching my way through the concrete bustle,
to a false destination that is everything but free.
The moon climbs the silver curtain of your mind
It shines through the cracks of your hidden past
Its light blends with the softness of your neck
It illuminates the truth hiding in your face
Blessed be your heart I miss
Your tendril fingertips kissing my chest
And everyday your smile lingers its last kiss
And every night without you is a night without rest
A cold wind blows through the window in my soul
A winged migration watches as a mare births a foal
A warm hand still finds my heart beats at ease
A wayward wanderer steals the truth where it lingers in the breeze
A sad moon stares back at the scars in my eyes
A red tail hawk twists and swoops beneath the unspoken lies.
And I keep on running from these answers
always right in front of me
Blinded by the weak
and the false epiphany
Finding my way back to the heart of my soul desire
I see it now, the simple truth still remains here in the Shire.
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I hardly remember writing this.
I wanna make love to you in the rain
I wanna feel your aching pain
I wanna turn it inside out
And show you what love can be about
I press your hand against my heart
and leave it there for you to start
the unraveling of old, useless scars
years of built up inner walls
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I had an odd dream last night. I had a ski race last night. My ski came off during the race, which was rather annoying and stupid. But so my dream was about this ski resort. Giant resort - at first I thought it was Killington, but then I realized it wasn't. I was with an old child hood friend, but we were sorta bored of skiing for some reason, even though the resort was really cool and really big - I guess we had been skiing all day - so we went back to the hotel/resort thing. But first let me describe the mountain. It had a separate mountain with only one steep zig zagging trail. And then there was another mountain that had a big snowy area at the bottom where you could have snowball fights or do whatever, and there was a big lake where you ski right up to the edge - but mostly people made snow forts and threw snow balls by the water's edge.
Anyway, we went back to the resort town and we were walking around - and we went through this banquet thing that was going on and I took a plate of pasta or lasangne or pizza or something, and hoped no one would give me a hard time since I wasn't part of the banquet. But we had to go through the banquet hall to get back to our room. Back in the room I was a little afraid someone was gonna come in and bust me. But no one did. I'm not even sure if it was really our room, but that's where we stayed the night. There was a nice room service guy, but I forget what he did for us.
The dream was cool when it was happening, but not so cool written down. I guess cause it happened at a cool ski resort and with an old school friend. The food stealing bit was kinda weird, too.
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Haven't written much in this journal and not in a long while. Been back east for a while, no longer in Hollywood. Just got back from NYC to see the gates in Central Park. Meh - they were okay. Kinda makes you wonder what the point of them is. They're not even making a statement. If it was anti-bush or anti-war then it would have more signifance and less sense of random pointlessness.
I was just reading my last entry talking about my experience high. I think that was the last time I smoked, too. That was a pretty whacked experience, and reading it was kinda irksome.
I'm tentative to try and be a film maker, but maybe I should. I need to do something with my life before I'm too old to start nothing.
Edit: I just realized this was written exactly one year and a day after my last entry. I thought it was well over a year ago that I had made my last entry.
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we are slaves -
entertainment is enslaving us, or maybe me?
By being slaves, we are not as able to better ourselves.
The slavery permits us.
If we are being entertained, we are not able to pay attention to ourselves.
In order for me to realize this - I need to experience the high of pot -
which makes me unable -- (pot taking over, me forgetting what it makes me
unable to do) hang on... when you are being entertained, you are not thinking
just being -- that's it - awareness - but no real consciousness - no
free will -
back to the beginning of the above paragraph
which permits - as you can see - you can see what the pot does
as I am unable to finish a sentence, and struggle to finish this one.
I did it!
But I have no idea what I was talking about
what my point was
then it comes back to me slowly
then it fades away again
bottom line - this is about freedom
freedom is being robbed by the entertainment
without freedom - we are unable to better ourselves to move to
higher positions in the economy world.
lost my htought again - I am, as you guys told me, just going with it
this is what happens when I go with it - so that's - (I can see you are
laughing) that's why I don't just go with it - cause it's too outta control and
forgot my thought - I can type really well though - I am flying along
and hardly making many mistakes. Being high is fun! Woo Hoo!!
I rmemberd my point
I was saving the document
I don't know what the document is about
I get it though!
I get the pot experience - I am alright!
It's okay that I resist pot! And it's important that I
don't smoke it, unless I'm ready to put up a real
battle of will.
It's odd, I feel like I'm displeasing someone, making them
upset that I am not giving into his tool that is pot (and other
drugs I assume)
I feel that if I were to do acid - I would totally be gone
in other words, become a slave.
taking a breath
I keep forgettnig my point
that's the problem
but if I can harness my will
I see that I have immense focus capacity
It's that I keep getting pulled away into nothingness
It's 4:31am pacific time, don't know what it is eastern time
I am now thinking that pot can be used as a tool
I am now confused
I am now thinking that pot is very deceptive - attempting to
be decieved - tehn I think that that is what is making me
decieved - that is itself the deception
So pot is good.
I mean, this writnig si good, so that speaks for the pot being good
I'm back to the slavery thing
thinking that it's enslaving
why all the conflicting thoughts!
then it's - "It's a tool make you realize the enslaving that is
going on" - it's not enslaving you - it's letting you know it --
the government is trying to enslave us!!!
illegalizing pot is a bad thing!
Now I'm hearing my parent's whoah!
I'm conflicting between what pot is trying to come out
and what I was brought up - pot is bad - - it's the work of
Ahriman -- Dan was right - I am influenced by what my
parents say. Totally - so is what they say bad?
then why - fuck! I got it!
no really I do
it's going round in circles!
wait, that was really dumb and obvious wasn't it.
I'm talking about the -- yea... I see what's going on here
I look like a complete dumbasss
well, maybe it's funny - maybe you are all laughing
Now I'm thinkging that this isn't me
this is the drug --
now I'm feelling like I don't want anyone to read this
I am REALLY CONFLICTED
"just let it go!"
: I let go :
I have realization pot is bad
then I try to rationalize why it's bad - what's bad about it
I come to - then I lose my thought
well - put it this way - when I'm not high
I can make more sense than this! Ha! Got you now!
he doesnt' respond.
Great, now I'm getting a split identity order
(don't worry, I'm not buying into that
I don't have to buy into any of it
I need to let go and be free
this is getting really crazy
I bet I could talk myself crazy like this.
That's what it is - we are trying to achieve the truth.
well - one thing is for sure - pot's reality is WAYYYY
different than normal reality
and in normal reality you better the world
and while you're stoned you let it go to POT!
and that's why POT is bad.
so how do you answer to that?
I hear you answering - I'm not convinced.
No - the logic is right above me.
You are Sauron!
See - that's why I like LOTR
what did you say earlier Kevin? I'd wouldn't pay a nickel for your
No idea what I've been on about
I'll say, I'm getting rather tired of this battle.
Cause it goes in circles.
The words here are the logic for the anit pot argument
And the pot uses things like "you're parents engrained it into your heads.
The experience of the realization is fruitless.
Tge pot tells me not to be afraid ? and yet I?m afriad of the
See? It makes me uncontrollably messed up! That?s why it?s bad!
Then ? ?but it makes me feel so good ? which makes it good ? see? Slaves
Cause while we?re feeling good ? we are not helpnig the world
Cause we are doing NOTHING ? except feeling good
Which materially is nothing ? we are in a materil
I?m right!~ I AM RIGHT!
I AM MOTEHRFUCKING RIGHT AND IT?S SO SIMPLE IT?S NOT EVEN FU ? IT? S UNFUCKING
BELIEVABLE!!! HOW OUTRAGESOU1!! WHAT AN ATROCITY!!!
THIS IS TOO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!!!
SOMEONE SHOT ME! WAIT, DON?T!!!
Ding dong the
Just came back to earth
No ? nothing simple
I got lost
It?s not simple to fix the world
The choice is simple
That?s what it is it?s the choice that is simple
But the action that is hard
It?s easy to say ? Yes! I want to do good! I want to help the world and help my self in the process
Lost my thought.
Oh yeah!! I agree with allie again
Went back around
Logic says ? pot cannot be good
HARD STRAIGHT UP LOGIC
Then ? the feeling on pot says it?s GOOD
THAT?S FEELINGS TALKING
Two SEPARATE things
Must pay attention to both
They are both real.
Will I remebmer it again?
You won?t remembemr
I know not what I?m talking about
You wouldn?t agree with me with the slavery of people
Why would you?
This is getting published
It is going to make me rich
Now I have to go back and ?
Remember why it won?t ? cuase
This it tautological
The logic problem I?m having here is tautological
I GOT IT AGAIN!
Okay ? see it will make me rich (that;?s not important other than on a sustaining level (to sustain my needs. My needs could be greed yes ok, SHUT UP POT!! HOLY SHIT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHY
ARE YOU SO MOTHERFUCKING DRIVEN TO MAKE ME STOP THIS CRUSADE?
WHAT THE FUCK!
THIS IS TOO FUCKED UP
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
YET WHY DIDN?T ANYONE WRITE IT YET?/
TELL ME - YOU AND I BOTH SEE HOW SIMPLE THIS IS
AND YET YOU CAN?T TELL ME WHY NO ONE WROTE IT down before
(sorry about the caps)
ok so great
I make this discovery
I still have to take action
So I make the choice to do good
I still have to take action.
But still, atleast I?ve come to this realization
And no longer want to just be high from pot
See, that logic holds
SO SHUT UP POT!
How long does this shit last?/
This is fucking great!! (only cause =
Aha! I got you !!! this is a battle between an evil being
And myself ? our
But you?re have an impressionable mind!
Tautilogical fight ? says it?s not okay to let go
Must keep the faith
Must stay focused on keeping free will and not being enslaved to the high
Entertainment too ? the computer is enslaving me
If I?m on the comptuer I?m not helping the world
So is art bad?
No, art helps ? it isnpires the people to do good
It shows them the truth
LOTR ? is truth!!!
That?s why it is so powerful ? it speaks truth! It tells us what to do!!
It?s simple ? yea, LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM1!
NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT
Ok, see, that?s not true, people are doing good abou thte environment
BUT NOT ENOUGH, ARE YOU? I?M NOT ? I?M ENJOYING MYSELF
HAVING A GRAND OL? TIME SITTING HERE WRITNIG ABOUT HOW
HAPPY I AM I CAME TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING GODDAM SIMPLE
And the tautoligy is that I smoked the pot ? came to this realization ? was so glad that
I came to the realization that I thought since I feel so good that is good reason why I should
But then I balk! If I hadn?t gotten high, I wouldn?t have been able to have this realization!
I MOTHERUFKCING GOT IT!!
NO? WHY DON?T YOU REMEMBER
IT SHOWS YOU THE TRUTH BUT IN SHOWING YOU THE TRUTH
TAKES YOU FARTHER IN!!
THAT?S THE PROBLEM.
CAUSE WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH THE HIGH ? ARE YOU MORE INCLINED TO DO GOOD?
NAH, YOU DON?T FEEL LIKE IT
RATHER GO WATCH A GAME
RATHER DO THIS
RATHER DO THAT
DON?T WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEM THAT?S FOR DAMN SURE
Or do you? Maybe it?s just me that doesn?t
Want tod o something about it.
So only for me is the (the people doing good, aren?t smoking pot) ok, is this true?
Hippies are smoking pot and are hugging trees (are they planting them or just hugging them?)
They?re planting thme!!
They are implementing plans to beter the furuter!
Do a study! You smoke pot? Yea, all the time
You helping the problem?
What?s the problem?
Who knows ? mayb there is no god and the earth does not feel the pain and doing good onto other things is not necessary ? (ok, so are plants okay to kill? Why? (tautology just kicked in) NOW I SEE WHY THIS IS SO SCARY!! CAUSE I SEE THE POT IS MAKING ME HIGH ? HAVING THIS REALIZATION AND THEN WHEN THE HIGH IS GONE, I?m in no mood to do something about the situation..
Pot says: Is that true?
I think the fact that you speak pot, makes it true.
(I had a better point but the pot made me forget it.
Although I always bounce back from the clutch of the high ? and am able to give the point
It?s a serious game of tug of war, folks.
ADD is a fight between the two worlds
That person is actually more advanced
They are able to hold onto the point I am making and follow through with it
( I still don?t know if it?s true that pot smokers don?t help the world) they do! Why do we make fun of people who do good and do drugs! As if the two couldn?t go togetehr!!
The ____ is in the pudding ? that expression ? couldn?t remember the word that goes in in the sentence, which I now remember as proof (got to focus hard on those thought ? dad talking steiner talking focus on a thought
And then what? Just stay on that thought forever !! you?ll be slaved!!
See, steiner?s wrong too
But I?m high! Iw ouldn?t be doing this if I was high so the high is wrong
But I only do this when I?m high!
In the normal world I?m totally normal.
I keep hearing ?just let it go?
But I keep resisting
If I let go of the high, I will not be granted the truth
If I let go I won?t be granted the turht
I feel like my head is being tugged on
I?m letting go
I need to take a piss
I have to stop this before I lose my head
When the dust of lonnie shivers
mites of yore and candle slithers
bring the forge of mist and mire
till the billowing of the choir
be heard all round the thatched roof houses
where children hide and tanks build trousers
the sand, the sick, the sullied man from troth
give what was theirs their lackluster mut
and when the banile waste of thought
adds up to wisdom beyond any that one sought
remember me, the angled squire
who in dark times would focus on the fire.
In the distance wields the fury
of the men whom hunger worry
the light of train mists the air
when silent is heard the elder stair
up, up, they climbed through bramble stone
till at last they came upon the throne
knelt before them pained and sickened
slooped and broken the king whickened
when came those three from foaming sea
he spoke, his broken words could barely breathe
but too late were they in their coming,
raindrops fell 'ere the cunning
of the malstrom's feathers fluming
behind the mountain's edge they fled its looming
red and fury their feet fled
through angry wood, bleak, misunderstood with dread
till coming at last in raging water
back through the east gate the enemy's fodder
fled and floundered for their pain
beyond the trampled tundra plain
where silent in the distance romp
the elder beasts in mad rage stomped
but the king atop the old mountain stead
lay on his face in the rain, dead.
Angry, mad, man raises his head
of all his woes he knows not dread
betrothed to him was the sacred vow
to be as one with love, awe and wow
comes to him something of a different vein
he knows not what of its forthbringing pain
he takes and takes and takes the way
against all grains of his former play
till nothing left in his midst shines
his end in slavery never knows his crimes.
Blankets all about the place,
hidden was her silken face,
moon was full lit but hid to bare,
shadowed thoughts, her peerless stare
in the darkness rumor sprung,
her lost love of whom she once had sung
now clasped beneath her trembling hand,
the secret to her fiendish plan
in angst of thought and trembling fear,
she stole into the midnight clear
but song of raven cracked the quiet,
and shrill her shriek the flock to riot
upon her back they beat their song,
into the ground a pummeling throng
until long last all was still,
and light of dawn crept over hill
night pulled back in shredded fear,
but now alone the morn shone clear.
Ben the builder had a shiner
Brought from ancient land of Weiner
he wrought it in the bleakest hour
when naught was man of thinking power
like a sword from deep plundering
of its own wreath with thorns so cunning
when the last of his wrath burned
the legions broke, wielded and turned
black the mountains loomed ahead
haste fed on their heals with dread
the angels fled in terror sickened madness
the men had known no other hope of gladness
Wrangled like a blast of fired soot
came the ash beasts with flame on foot.
Fled not the men of Weiner
to their death they fought the finer
but broke through the gloom a wonder
beyond their dreams, their fears cast asunder
mad the ash beasts shrank in terror
the men collapsed in blood soaked wonder.
My friend, Ben, is out here trying to be an actor. He has sent out headshots to different jobs: mostly no-pay stuff, and some extra stuff on TV shows. He was signed up with Central Casting for a couple months and was getting the extra work. About a month goes by and he hasn't been doing much in the way of looking for work or an agent - when today he gets a call from a woman he hasn't been in contact with before who tells him she really wants to represent him for parts in big budget films.
Is this an immediate red flag? What sort of questions should he ask the agent when he meets with her today? What sorta things should he be wary of? Any advice on how he best can handle this situation? Thanks for any help.
Does anyone know a better forum to post this message? I went online looking for acting forums but was unable to find any.
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