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so i cried for the first time in a long time saturday night. in front of friends too. i tried to hide it best i could but i couldn't. now i have that terrible feeling which comes the day after crying in front of other people. like gigantic guilt. and i wasn't doing it for attention either, i'd tell you if i was. anyway i'm slightly a mess right now. i found myself whimsically tying a belt around my neck and looking for somewhere on the ceiling to tie it to. i can't tell if i was serious or not. i was having a pretty great last few weeks until saturday too. and, of course, nothing truly tangible set it off.