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"Black Snake Moan"
Personally...I aint a fan of most of John Singleton's flicks. He's directed & produced some real trash for the screen...Boyz N the Hood, Hustle & Flow, Higher Learning, Rosewood, Poetic Justice, Shaft, Baby Boy, Four Brothers, 2 Fast 2 Furious, & now Black Snake Moan. That being said...the trash comment...well out of the above list...the first four movies I loved...totally. Black Snake Moan aint on that list of his beloved movies. I see where he was going with BSM...but he just didn't take me there. While the movie is watchable...it's not his best stuff & when you see it...you'll probably get what I mean. This movie was choppy & made little to no sense at times. While I liked the concept & idea of a black man having a white woman (scratch that: WHORE) chained to his radiator to cure her of her evil ways...it just didn't catch on. The main issue I had was her condition. Christina Ricci plays Rae, a southern white trash slut, who seems to have a case of "demonically uncontrollably sex addiction" that was brought on by child abuse. Seriously. When her boyfriend & only sense of stability, Ronnie (Greatly played by Justin Timberlake), leaves for a tour of duty with the National Guard she begins to go into almost "epileptic fits" of sexual aggression grinding everything in sight that is of the male gender...literally...don't laugh. She goes to a party, get's drunk, drugged, screwed, beaten, left on the side of the road, & then found half naked in the morning by deep south farmer Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson), a former blues singer & guitarist who's wife aborted their child unbeknownst to him at the time & then packs up & leaves him for his younger brother. Don't laugh...it get's better...or worse...however you look at it. Lazarus brings Rae in to treat her & she basically throws herself on him so violently & forcefully that it compels Laz to get his bible, read some verses, & then chain the poor hooker to his wall radiator...which his wife always hated...the radiator. The story goes that Lazuras cures Rae...who inadvertantly cures him in the process. Rae blames her mother for what happened her in the past & all hell breaks lose in the local country store & Lazarus ends up playing the role of a true father, taking her home, bathing her, & putting her in some "proper clothing"...what goes hillarious is that...that very same night he takes her to the local bar where Lazarus used to "rock the house" with his blues (which I might add is less than stellar) only to be thwarted by Ronnie who see's them together in the joint...supposedly making eyes at each other. He follows them back to Lazurus's for a 9 milli-stand off of ridiculous proportions that causes Ronnie to break down in an anxiety attack that only Rae can fix. Lazarus then calls over the local preacher...his minister...they all talk it out & then the jilted lovers get married & Lazarus hooks up with the local pharmacist. It's that ridiculous. While it is watchable...at times...it's just to stupid of a concept to grasp. It's damned silly to be honest...but if you want to see Ricci at her scankiest & Jackson at his worst...this one's for you. That being said...Timberlake did okay...all 15 minutes of his screen time. |
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John Carpenter's "The Thing"
"I dunno know what the hell's in there...but whatever it is...it's weird & pissed off!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhh the line from one of my most favorite movies of all time. One that I watch atleast twice a month minimum, no joke, so that'd have to be the best movie ever...atleast to me. Yeah...this is an old one...but it's a favorite & maybe...just maybe it's a favorite for you too. Let's get crackin' shall we? The Thing is a fairly dated horror/science fiction film from 1982...believe me...it shows in some of the effects, which were fantastically done by Rob Bottin! Anywho, the movie is actually a bit of a remake on the 1950's version called "The Thing from Another World", which I have seen...& it's damned laughable! Heh heh heh...but that was the 50's & this is now...1982 now that we're discussing. So basically, it all goes down like this...an American team of researchers are stranded in an Antartic research station when along comes a team of Norwegian's chasing down a husky via a helicopter & gunfire. A bit of a misunderstanding comes about & the Norg's are shot & blown to bits & the dog is brought into the camp. Unknowingly to the team of Americans (more or less led by Kurt Russell), the dog has been infected...or taken over by an alien invader...the very one that the Norg's were trying to destroy...which is later discovered in the film. The alien creature is a damned nasty beast with the ability to perfectly imitate any living organism that it comes in contact with...in the slightest way. The dog get's tossed into the kennell with the other husky's & it's alien infestation & gestation to the max!!! The crew, now stranded out in the middle of a frozen wasteland, begin to fall apart & distrust each other to the point of mutiny & murder. The crew/team of scientists/researchers are great & were good actors for their times...hell the movie still carries weight today. Stars such as Wilford Brimley, Kurt Russell, Keith David, & Richard Dysart are all convincing in their parts as friends & team mates...but when you can't tell your friend from a flesh devouring enemy that's ready to infect the world...what does one do? You rig up a blood test & start sorting 'em out...& thus pissing "the Thing" completely off! After a lot of maiming & killing & devouring...the team ends up getting offed one by one until they realize the the creature has constructed a ship from random parts around the camp & plans to jet off to the outter reaches of our planet...where it's warm & this thing can multiply rapidly & engulf our world in 27,000 hours. That might sound like a lot to the common man...but to scientist Blaire (Wilford Brimley) it was enough to drive him to destroy all means of communication & escape to the outside world...due to the fact that he thinks someone is infected & hiding as a "Thing" among them. In the end the team is forced to barricade Blaire in the work shed (ironically...he becomes the thing...the one that was building the escape craft) & then dynamite the entire station, leaving themselves & the creature to freeze or burn to death in the sub zero tempertures & fire...as long as it lasts. The Thing (now Blaire) pretty much whipes 'em all out...save a couple. The only two survivors that escaped from the exploding base were MacReady (Russell) & Childs (Keith David). Both men, exhausted, drop to their seats in an old shack outside of the now burning station questioning one another's whereabouts during the devastation & neither is eager to answer that question or the more pressing matter..."WHO'S A THING?". You never know whether or not one or the other are infected, but as they split a bottle of whiskey, the film leaves you hanging as to the answers amidst their freezing laughter. It's great. They just don't make 'em like they used to. This is a DVD-Must See for those that missed it. For a horror/sci-fi/action lover...this movie's still a great. Did I say that this movie was great?!?!?! Heh heh heh. It's a classic...the shame of it all is that they're talking about a remake. A FUCKIN REMAKE!!! If they have to do anything...pull a sequel outta the books & get a chopper their just in the nick of time to pick up Mac & Childs, save 'em from freezing, & bust out that alien...but Kurt's aged a bit...so save him & bring back an old Kurt as a scientifical advisor on the actions & how to kill the Thing...you could go miles with that one. Just don't ruin a classic...especially not like they ruined "the Fog"...another Carpenter favorite! |
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In regards to Pixar's latest animated feature Ratatouille...two words come to mind.
Totally Amazed! or how about: Undeniably Pleased! or Thrilled Speechless! or...ahhhhhhh..."Just Damned Great"...that's three words...but you get the point! This one's good for the kids...& the kid in you...& you know that you got one...you just gotta dig deep for it...not the case here. Ratatouille immediately spots the kid in you all covered in buttered popcorn & snuggled uncomfortably in that theatre seat & jerks him or her right outta that shell your'e in. Pixar has, by far gone above & beyond & outdone themselves with this one. The effects themselves roll over the eyes & tickle the senses as smoothly as the flick's name rolls off the tongue. I'm a bit of a movie nutjob. If I see it...& I love it...I see it again...& again & three or four more times again. I just sat through Michael Bay's Transformers for the 6th time in it's first week & I now plan on seeing Ratatouille once again this Friday night...that's bring the Pixar profits up three notches from me. I think that I loved this one more than my daughter. The basic plot is that Remy the rat has an eye, ear, nose, & mouth for food...5 star gourmet food...not just for eating...he can cook it too! The hillarity & surprise of the movie is the fact that Remy ends up being the head chef at Gusto's now defunct world famous eatery in Paris. Garbage boy Linguini becomes Remy the rat's puppet, all the while hiding under Linguini's toque, picking & choosing spices by yanking on the inexperienced & foolish looking chap's hair. Sounds crazy...but it totally works! My most favorite character & scene are the food critic & the moment that he tastes "Ratatouille the Dish". It's a hillariously sweet & unabashadly knee slapping moment. The mere taste of Remy's ("the little chef's") dish sends the ghastly dreaded food critic, Anton Ego, back to his childhood when his mother prepared the movie's moniker in the countryside. Never having eaten the traditional ratatouille...I can't imagine what it might taste like...but Remy & his crew of "rat helpers" made up a dish of mouth watering proportions that even I wanted a sample. No joke...that scene nearly killed me. I...honestly & shamefully...lept from my seat. In the end...that's what we go to the movies for...to laugh, love, & cry...& with Ratatouille...well...Pixar's A-1 in ole' Wacko's book! Fantastic movie...so good that it's unrateable. |
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July is here & everyone knows that the summer movie scene is dominated by a bunch of sound and fury that in the end equates to pretty much nothing more than a buttload of flick's full of one liners and more CG that you can shake a stick at.
That being said...let's enter "Transformers"...or as most of the film's detractors are calling "Michael Bay's Transformers". Before we get into this semi-sorta review/opinion...let me put a little something out there. I've been waiting for this movie to come out for nearly twelve years. Myself, being a 36 year old daddy of one fantastic 3 year old daughter, has been glued to the lap-top endlessly refreshing every trailer and sneak peek that the net has had to offer. So far...so good...but the fact that I'm a massive devotee of the toy line and of the cartoon serial (not so much the bit goofy 1986 animated "Transformers" movie) had high hopes of seeing this pan out onto the big screen...I just really didn't see technology hitting the high point to convincingly "transform" my "Transformers" via "real life." So...the technology has arrived & the movie is here? What did I think? Did Michael Bay ruin the chances of breathing life into "My Transformers"? No. First & foremost...turning a cartoon/toy line into an actual bang up metal crunching gear flipping robot movie would have to go down as one of those nearly impossible things to pull out of a hat...or a rabbit's ass. Making a movie that appealed to both little children and big kids such as myself...nearly impossible. Much praise to Michael Bay...for he did pull it off. I honestly can't think of anyone better to have done it. Really. It was great. While it was great...there were some stumbles here & there...but again...every critic that complains about this movie...let's see you climb behind the lens and pull out the stops like Bay did. Nuff said, about Bay. Back to the movie.Everyone should see it...fans, casual viewers, & big kids. Some of this just aint suitable for little kiddies...but honestly...Transformers always was a bit complex for the average youngin to follow. Anywho, Shia LaBeouf was amazing & so was Bumblebee...even though he got duped into something other than a VW Bug...he was still all I had hoped for...as were all the other characters. The story line was a little odd...the "AllSpark" & the fact that the map was engraved on his great gramp's bifocals from waaaaaaay back in the day, but it still worked for me. I have seen it three times, no less & plan on taking my daughter to see it tonight. My issues are not so much with the movie...but the critics & the reviews. It amazes me that everyone hates on Bay as much as they do & honestly...I just don't see it or feel it. The guy did a bang up job with my childhood heroes...unfortunately...the budget didn't allow for enough of them to be in it! Again, being a faithful "Transformer-Head" there were little things bothered me...but they were dealable due to the fact that I got to see the Autobots in full swing on the big screen. It was an all around good movie. I was pleased with pretty much everything & everyone...even the supporting actors & such. The girl that played Sam's love interest, Mikaela (Megan Fox), was fantastic as was Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, & Josh Duhamel (who really REALLY suprised me). The other stand out was Aussie actress Rachael Taylor (she was in Man-Thing) playing the computer hacker/expert trying to break the Decepticon code. The only thing I wanted more of was Megatron...& I actually loved Frenzy. Anywho, the ending was as great as the rest of the movie for me & I can't wait for the sequels...because you know theyr'e coming. On a drunken scale of movie fandom...I gotta give this one shot...because you could enjoy this one sober! |
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