Real Steel (2011)
Directed by Shawn Levy
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, Dakota Goyo, Anthony Mackie, Hope Davis, & Kevin Durrand

Before this one even hit the screen...I hated it. Not by choice mind you...but the wife had already dubbed this one ridiculously stupid.

To say that I was shocked senseless during & after sitting through this 2 hour family fare...that'd be as ridiculously stupid as my wife said it would be...right?

Wrong.

I dug it & my 7 3/4 year old daughter freakin loved it.

So I'm not going to go into some big long winded review over this film...I'm not going to critique it & tear it apart or praise it through the roof...but no lie...its great. That's it...that's all I'm saying. If you want something to kick back & actually ENJOY...seriously...enjoy...this is it.

If you're a legit boxing fan...you'll love it even more.

Go rent it the second it comes out.

100% fresh!!!

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Directed by: Ariel Schulman & Henry Joost
Starring Chris Smith, Lauren Bittner, Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Katie Featherston, & Sprague Grayden.

So yeah...here we go again...but this time...we're going backwards.

If you've ever always wondered, like I have, just what in the F has been going on with these two sisters & why in the F are they constantly being tortured by this spirit or demon or whatever in the F this things really is...well...here's your answer.

So its essentially the same premise of the found footage business with the two girls being the main players but this time all the way back in 1988. After sitting through all 81 some odd minutes of this prequel you get the concrete idea that Katie (Katie Featherston) and her sister Kristi (Sprague Grayden) have been & will continue to be saddled up with this...spirit...ghost...demon that won't leave them or anyone in the near vicinity happily ever after.

Dennis (Chris Smith), a concerned cameraman & wedding videographer masquerading as a father figure, husband, stepdad...you name it's curiosity peaks through the roof after reading a few paranormal books & hearing bumps & slams & breaks & a handful of stories about a ghost from his stepdaughters. Throughout the house night after night the girl's keep begging Dennis for help over their "jeers & skeers", so he sets up video cameras throughout the house in hopes of catching something...anything.

No matter what the girl's say or do...their mom Julie (Laurie Bittner) refuses to accept what he or the girls say...its only when the kitchen furniture, all the dishes, & all the utensils fall from the ceiling crashing to the floor. After that...once again...its just too late. The girls are tortured & ignored until its too late & maaaaan do the parents suffer for it. Young Kristi (Chloe Csengery) & Katie (Jessica Tyler Brown) never had a chance once the third act reveal comes into play...lets just say that "Over the hills & through the woods aint the Grandmamma's house they should go to"...& that's all the spoiling I'm prepared to do. Its no coincidence that Toby goes with the girl's EVERYWHERE they go.

I had some serious doubts about this one...so much so that I refused it in the theatres...that being said (...after sitting through it tonight on Blu-Ray & having the tee total shAt skeered outta me!!!) I loved it. Its ten times better than its predecessors!! I was shocked. The set up & deliveries are perfect...& the end is even better.

Outside of a few ridiculous happenings here & there...I gotta say I honestly truly loved this one from beginning to end. Its fresh all the way around.

80% from start to end.
Loved it.

Out of Sight (1998)
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Starring: George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez, Don Cheadle, Steven Zahn, Ving Rhames, Albert Brooks, & Samuel Jackson

Okay...so I might as well go ahead & boast...OOS is one of my all time favorites from waaaaaaaay back. It's a fantastic little 1998 film that juggles its acts between a romance, crime, comedy, & straight up nod towards noir.

It was based on an Elmore Leonard novel of the same name that dealt with Jack Foley (Clooney), a failed bank robber that's made a habit out of landing & arranging jobs from prison stint to prison stint.

During his most recent breakout from a Florida prison, Foley & his partner Buddy (Ving Rhames) are forced to take a U.S. Marshal, Karen Sisco (Jennifer Lopez), hostage on their way out. Both Karen & Foley are tossed into the trunk of the escape car for the long road home. The two are star struck & bond (Foley falls in love more or less & who can blame him) in the trunk & the rest is history as the film is a constant scene of over the top events as Sisco tracks down Foley through his various "associates". One of those being Glenn (bumblingly played by Steve Zahn) who helps set up a plan to snatch several millions from Ripley (Albert Brooks) a former fellow inmate who bragged that the diamonds were hidden in his mansion.

Another former fellow inmate named Snoopy Maurice Miller (Don Cheadle) is planning to go along with Foley, Buddy, & Glenn to bust into Ripley's mansion. Things go sour as its everyman for himself. The fly in the ointment becomes Karen Sisco as she follows Foley at every step trying to bring him to justice & rekindle whatever spark the two may have developed back in Florida stuck in the trunk of the getaway car.

That's all I'm saying...outside of: YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!

It's 100% fresh for me. One thing to take note of...Soderbergh and Clooney had a handful of collaborations...for me...this one was the better of the bunches as it was nominated for two Academy Awards & it won the Edgar Award for best screenplay and the National Society of Film Critics awards for best film, screenplay, and director.

Its worth the trouble to either I-tune this one or hit the almost non-existent corner video store.

Bunraku (2011)

Directed by Guy Moshe
Starring Josh Hartnett, Gackt, Demi Moore, Ron Perlman, Woody Harrelson, Kevin McKidd

What do you get when you combine a wacky title, wacky effects, wacky casting, wacky fight choreography, phoned in performances, and an almost non-existent plot?

You get Bunraku...and the one thing that can be said...besides this is one hell of terrible movie...is that it is oddly watchable, watchable and wacky.

The story, what there is of it, centers around the enigmatic Drifter (Josh Hartnett) who has seemingly come to town, drink, play some cards...oh yeah...and to settle an old score. Yeah...I know...but really...what?d you expect. The Drifter is in search of; you guessed it, the Woodcutter (callously portrayed by Ron Perlman) who runs the town via his evil persona, gargantuan beard/moustache, and terribly bad hair. Who else but to help the Drifter? Why, the bartender at the Horseless Horseman Saloon...The Bartender (Woody Harrelson).

Yeah...yeah...I know.

Okay...so the Drifter wants nothing more than to snuff out his nemesis to avenge the death of his father, but unfortunately a young Japanese samurai warrior by the name of Yoshi (Gackt) is also prepping for the task to avenge his disgraced clan and reacquire the sacred medallion of his people.

I crap you not people...you couldn?t write this garbage any less even using a fresh cut cat turd left by the neighborhood stray that you just dug outta your kid's sandbox. Its really really that bad.

Their first meeting, of course, is conflicting of one another?s goals and thus a battle ensues over who get?s first dibs on the Woodcutter?s neck. At the end of the day both men decide to saddle up and ride alongside one another to complete their mutual goal of freeing the town from his tyrannical reign.

Outside of all that...I aint saying anymore...for fear that I may hurt someone?s feelings...not the writer, director, or producers mind you...but some idiot...like I almost became...that might enjoy this film.

When all is said & done...this is just too terrible to believe. Totally rotten.

No lie...there's not one thing here... 0 %.

The Help (2012)
Directed by Tate Taylor
Starring: Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Jessica Chastain, Bryce Dallas Howard, & so many more...

I had heard & read so many reasons to avoid The Help.

Being a middle-aged male that thrives off of sci-fi fare, action adventures, & a docu-drama thrown here & there...this one didn't appeal to me in any way shape or form.

That being said...anyone who is married & married with kid no less knows when to stand & fight & when to pick his battles. The wife & daughter won.

Skeeter (the always awesome Emma Stone) is a budding young journalist with an axe to grind...she's a bit miffed with her mother over the "fate & where abouts" of her childhood nanny & friend...Constantine. When she can't get the answers she wants from her parents, Skeeter sets out on a random writing project that turns out to be something of a taboo undertaking as she begins interviewing some of the most extraordinary women of her Mississippi community...the Help.

Skeeter begs, badgers, & urges Aibileen (Viola Davis) and Minny (Octavia Spencer) into confiding their deepest, dearest, & darkest secrets of the families that they serve during the 1960s. Skeeter's interviews begin to turn into something just as dangerous as their closed-door meetings...friendship.

Skeeter's book ends up becoming a success & well...the rest is a hard learned lesson in history. Even though Skeeter changes the names of the subjects...the stories are still to close to home to be denied...especially Minny's pie.

It's a must see...if for nothing else...seeing Minny's pie get eaten.

It's truly amazing.

Sure there are some...stupid parts...but they are few & far between. Its a tear jerker of a film at times...& then laugh outloud hillarious. As far as the acting goes...its superb. The leads are fantastic. I swear...both Viola & Octavia should bank awards off of this one. The back ups are amazing also...no doubt...Jessica Chastain & Bryce Dallas Howard run the damned show.

90% fresh.

I loved it.

The Thing (2011)

Directed by: Matthijs van Heijningen jr
Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winestead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Eric Christian Olsen, & numerous other chaps & one gal that all get assimilated

You know what?
Let 'em be disappointed...
Let 'em give it a bad percentage...
Let 'em give it two thumbs up...three thumbs down...or whatever on their scales...
No matter what they do, say think, or scream...the Thing (2011 or Prequel or whatever) isn't anywhere near as blasphemously horrible as every website, reviewer, & critic swears up & down it is.

Here's the thing about The Thing (yeah...yeah I did it) that no one wants to admit: no matter how amazingly fantastic this picture could have been (or is) it didn't have a shot in hell of getting a fair shake, much less a legitimate review. That's a shame, really, because it's really not that bad. Truth be told...it's a damned good movie & a bit scary to boot.

So...first & foremost...this is a prequel...more or less.

If you were ever curious as to what happened to those poor unfortunate Norqegian souls that just happened to happen up on the Thing back in 1986...this flix for you. At the urging of a fellow scientist, Paleontologist Kate Lloyd (played front back & side to side by the always able Mary Elizabeth Winstead) has jumped at the opportunity of making first contact, more or less, with an extraterrestrial being that has been frozen deep in the vast wastelands of Antarctica.

Off we go.

Kate is shuttled out to the Norwegian's camp by American helicopter pilot Carter (Budding Aussie Star Joel Edgerton) & then joins up with the Scientific Team that pretty much fell into this Thing's lap via a large ravine in the Antarctic tundra. After inspecting the "visitor's ship" & tracking down the creature's age old frozen remains Kate & company begin cataloging the creature...& inadvertently setting it free.

Things go from bad to worse in mere hours as the creature rips through the camp, mauling & assimilating them...one Norgie at a time. Its beautiful.

I've read ALL the reviews & there are more gripes than there are praises...& I'm just not gonna gripe about something I enjoyed & anticipated as much as I did this. One of the biggest pisses of moans comes down to the CG...none of which fazed me a bit until the very end monster. I loved all the hands, tentacles, & teeth that literally ran & fought. What I loved the most is that it (the Thing) doesn't copy, but alter, the Carpenter formula & personally that's why I think that it works. The film is fast, ferocious, & furious all at once. It doesn't give you time to get comfortable enough to bond with anyone other than Kate, Lars, & Carter...& that's a good thing...because pretty much everyone get's hit hard.

The gripes from fans & critics of this film really shocked me...& maybe after a third viewing (seen it twice already...c'mon...I'm a fan) I'll see it...but not now.

Again...I loved it. It left me wanting more...& not in a bad way. I loved the end & the way the two films get merged...but I want to know what happened to Kate now.

I'd give it a B+ based on some of the effects & acting having some hard moments...but overall...I loved it 80% of the time. I think that everyone went in wanting the same movie that John Carpenter gave us through & through...but that were'nt me...anymore than it was what I wanted.

Quarantine 2: The Terminal
Directed by John Pogue
Starring: Mercedes Masohn, Josh Cooke, Mattie Liptak, Ignacio Serricchio, Noree Victoria, Bre Blair, & a butt load more of peeps that I?ve pretty much never seen.

Alright...let me be the first to admit (& be laughed at) that I loved the hell out of the first Quarantine...& when I say the first one...I mean the ?Americanized? remake...not the Spanish REC of 2004.

So...when the wife & daughter came in from a day of shopping & had rented Quarantine 2: The Terminal...I was kind of excited. So...when I bust open up the Mac Book, clicked Favorites, clicked on Rotten Tomatoes, saw that this one rated high in the positives, I was as thrilled to death. So...we broke out the pillows & blankets, grabbed the chips & humus, hit the couch & recliners, popped in the disc, & settled in for a scary & bumpy ride.

What we got was...well folks...its really hard to say.

Yes...there are people trapped behind plastic again & the zombie virus is back.
Yes...there were biohazard zombies on...believe it or not a 747.
Yes...there were some jumps & squeals & we end up in a terminal.
Yes...there was plenty of blood & guts...& even a vomiting infected fat guy.
Yes...there were NO lights in the terminal.

That being said...with all those YES?s there was one thing that generally pops up in these movies that?s guaranteed: there was NO PLOT.

So...forwards, onwards, & YES...upwards.

While I didn?t hate this low budget scare fest...I didn?t really love it either...but I did kinda enjoy it.

I kept waiting for something great to happen...but other than the vomiting fat guy that stormed the cabin of the plane in the first 15 minutes of the film...there wasn?t anything here to get really loud over.

At the end of the day it was basically Quarantine all over again...the suits just moved it from an apartment complex into a plane...& then an airplane terminal. Oh yeah...also...there?s no shaky hand cam filming...which...believe it or not...I kinda missed.

What else was I expecting...right?

You know...I?m not sure exactly which was the more hilariously hysterical bit that managed to materialize throughout the entire film?

Was it A:) The disease gets cranking on the plan by an infected lab rat & its owner whom just happens to be the radical scientist that started the plague to eradicate a vast percentage of the earth?s population. Why? Because ?...every generation needs a good plague.?

That?s not an exact quote...but awful damned close. Pretty bad, huh?

Or was it B:) Considering that he should?ve never made it past the bio-zombies on the plane, a paralyzed mute passenger in a wheelchair gets through, based on the damn sympathy vote...only to get bio-zombified by a freakin infected rat!!! A rat!!! We?re talking the very same rat that gets checked by the same radical plague-starting scientist mentioned in the above.

Yeah...he got through all the blood shed & carnage bound to a wheel chair only to be felled by a rat...a damned rat!!! I was bankin on this chap making it out unscathed. What the EF?!?!?!?

Okay...next:

Alright...if B weren?t bad enough...then it was C:) The fact that I actually sat through this entire film, as I am sure a great multitude of viewers did, for the full 86 minutes. I lie to you not the third act was no more redeeming than

For me...its gotta be option C.

I?d keep listing reasons valued by alphabetic listings...& I wish that I could?ve stretched my values out to the letter F...because that?s the grade I?d give this one...a full blown F.

This one is terrible.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011)
Directed by: Rupert Wyatt
Starring: the Great Andy Serkis, James Franco, John Lithgow, Freida Pinto, Brian Cox, & Tom Felton

Rise Apes rise!!!

To date...this is the best movie of the summer for me. It showed that in the right hands a reboot has the capacity to literally take a stale film & bring it current with heart, vision, emotion, & thought...as corny as it is to say...this film really reached me in many ways.

The action was fantastic, the relationship of Caesar & Will was perfect, the effects beautiful, & the entire film was just unbelieveably enjoyable...& that's saying a lot because I had some seriously delusional high expectations.

Andy Serkis deserves a damned Oscar for making Caesar too damned human. I lie to you not...he's that amazing.

I'll leave it at that & not spoil ANYTHING for you...I'll ask one thing of you: I beg you to go see it...its that good.

100% Fantastically Great.

I'm still speechless & thrilled.

Limitless (2011)
Directed by Neil Burger
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Robert Deniro, Abbie Cornish, & Anna Friel

Eddie Mora is a starving artist...writer actually...(fantastically prortrayed by Bradley Cooper in his breakout role!) that is near his breaking point when he runs into an old friend that presents him with the solution to all of his problems & woes.

That solution? A little clear pill called NZT...an "off market pharmaceutical" that allows the ingester to completely map the total potential of the human mind & boy does he.

Eddie goes from unsuccessful writer to a mind crackling synapse sparking dynamo of a human being who churns out a best selling novel in 4 days, cracks the code of the stock market, & learns multiple languages in a single day.

The down side? You take too many...you die.

You can imagine where this all goes...right? Wrong. Eddie gets tied in with all the right people & all the wrong people. Enter money making mogul & Wall Street show runner Carl Van Loon (Robert Deniro) who wants Eddie & his brain involved in helping him become the premier broker in the United States.

Eddie's world gets turned upside down on its head & things go sour as Eddie loses control of the drug & everything around him. This one's a must see, folks & with that...I will spoil & ruin this one for you no further.

Burger's done a hell of a job with this one as it runs along at a mind bendingly neck breaking pace. He also get's the most out of Bradley Cooper...& that's saying something, especially since he's side by side with Deniro.

90% fresh.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Directed by Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, John Malkovic, Francis McDormand, & all the regulars...

Okay...I hate to do this...but I'm going to discourage everyone that I know from seeing this movie. For one...it totally rapes the Transformers mythology, characters, & hopes of the bulk of the fanboy nation. For two...this really is, overall, a pitiful excuse for a movie.

The effects are fantastic...but this movie...this story...the acting...oh its just pitiful.

Honestly...I've never been so tempted to walk out of a movie in my life...& thats a rare occasion. I love the cinema...but I can honestly say that Michael Bay just totally ruined the Transformers for me.

This movie is utter garbage.

From the ridiculous attempts at humor to the utterly stupid plot...it's bad.

10% rotten...because you can't make a movie on just special effects alone.