Posted on 9/05/10 10:44 AM
Warning: This review contains SPOI.... Screw it. If you care enough about the plot to get upset over some spoilers you are watching this movie for all the wrong reasons. Just read the review please.
I?m almost ashamed to admit this but I loved GI Joe: Rise of Cobra. Granted it was a mind numbingly stupid movie that is an insult to all great action films ever but even through the bad CGI, hammy acting, awful dialogue, ludicrous plot, and general awfulness I still had a great time watching it. Somehow the complete awfulness transcended the trash heap and became a so bad its awesome movie. The plot is ridiculous, something about some evil Scotsman and his plot to take over the world using some kind of metallic, remote control, bug things. It?s ridiculous but who really watches these kind of movies for plot? We watch movies like this for two things, explosions and hot chicks. Unfortunately the explosions are pretty awful. The CGI in GI Joe is sub-par at best. It?s pretty pathetic for a big budget action flick. So the movie has to resort to a different tactic to keep the audience interested. Women. You?re almost guaranteed to make a few dollars with your movie if you throw in several attractive ladies. GI Joe is a perfect example of this tactic used to the extreme. There almost isn?t a single shot of this film without at least one lady on screen. And most of the time these ladies happen to be doing something awesome like shooting a laser sighted crossbow, shooting guns, or just generally being hot and awesome. I know a lot of action movie purists resent the involvement of women in these kind of films (?I want John Rambo not Carrie Bradshaw!?) but unfortunately this is a generation that prefers wimpy guys like Channing Tatum to be their action stars so filmmakers have to throw in ladies to distract from the general patheticness of Tatum. So what besides the women makes GI Joe worth your time? One person makes this entire movie worthwhile. Joseph Gordon Levitt. His mere presence on screen makes this a better film. I don?t know much about the source material but Levitt makes a great Cobra Commander in my opinion. Mainly because he seems to be the only actor who realizes how stupid this film really is and chooses to just go all out for his role. I found myself drifting off near the end of this film because of too much focus on ?story? but whenever Levitt wandered in with his creepy asthma mask thinger I immediately got pulled back in by his sheer awesomeness. So we?ve got hot chicks, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and what else makes this film so awesome? It?s free. If you?ve got a Netflix account GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is on Instant Play so you have no excuse not to spend an evening watching it. You?ll get 2 hours of hot ladies, tv actors spouting out nonsense, Dennis Quaid in a beret, stupid yet awesome action, a ninja wearing only white (what?), the Eiffel tower getting eaten by metallic termite things, and Joseph Gordon Levitt. What more could you ask for?