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1. I saw the preview of 2012 on Monday, which was way over in Westwood.
2. I didn’t know shit about Roland Emmerich. Isn’t he the German guy who wrote that Oprah book “The Power of Now”? No, that’s Eckhart Tolle. He’s boring. This is the German guy who made Independence Day.
3. Writer/director Emmerich’s movie is about how in 2012, just as the Mayans predicted, all the planets will line up causing the tectonic plates to shift and blah blah blah…. LET’S SEE SOME PANTIES DROPPIN’!!!!
4. The panties drop about twenty minutes into the film, when Los Angeles falls to pieces in a special effects sequence so giddy, it’s like the punchline to every joke ever told about LA. We clapped.
5. John Cusack and his family escape just in time and we follow them for two more hours (90 minutes would do), hoping against hope that his wife will not be the last woman on earth because she’s played by Amanda Peet who’s boring.
6. John Cusack is the hero? Yeah. He and co-star Oliver Platt actually lend a bit of sardonic-indie credibility to the film that methinks a more All-American Tom Cruise type could not. It’s humorous without being campy.
7. Ya know how in most action films, it’s all about making it to the airplane and then they’ll be safe? In 2012, making it to the airplane is just the beginning.
8. The guy who’s taken three flying lessons pilots them to Yellowstone. Emmerich is wise to keep things unrealistic, because if it were realistic it wouldn’t be as much fun to watch the end of the world. It’d be sad.
9. The only shot that hit me a little too hard was a mid-air image of office workers falling out of a crumbling skyscraper.
10. But for the most part, it’s a three-star hootenanny; the kind of blockbuster I still enjoying seeing with Dad.