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Posted on 8/26/11 04:45 PM
Not much of a film at all, with Bam Margera of "Jackass" fame.
Entertainment: 40 %
Humour: 40 %
Shock value: 40%
Plot: Bam Margera and friends make a bet. If Bam goes to Finland, and doesn't find Santa and bring him back to America, his dorky pal gets to have it off with his wife Missy. The boys fly over to Finland and hook up with Hanoi Rocks star Andy McCoy who gives them directions of Santa's whereabouts in northern Finland. The boys travel by plane, train, on foot, helicopter and finally by reindeer sled. Arriving at Santa's castle is a bit of a letdown. Santa's left a note on his throne claiming to be vacationing in the Bahamas. The boys are devastated and take a bullet train back to Helsinki to drink their sorrows away. Drinking heavily in a Helsinki bar, they find a drunken whino that resembles Santa and take him back to the States, assuring the bet a victory. Santa's fate is in a hot tub with 2 homosexuals. Bam gets a tour bus for Christmas from his wife Missy.
Filmed of course as a documentary, it's very obvious 75 % of the film is staged, besides the pranks and stupid behavior that proceeds on their way to the Arctic Circle.
You know what to expect from bozos like these guys. Farts, rude behavior, vandalism and guys making fools of themselves. The boys eat animal eyeballs, fight with intestines on a train and try getting laid on the way.
Kat Von D from L.A. Ink, turns up at a Christmas party.
Very stupid indeed, but I had to watch it through for 3 simple reasons:
1. What will the guys be up to next?
2. Here in Norway there has been a debate for decades if Santa is in fact from Norway or from our friends up in Finland. I had to see Bam's take on the old fairy tale.
3. I was too lazy to change the channel.
Need I say more ... than this is a film to watch if you're an adolescent fan of Jackass and The Dirty Sanchez, or in my case simply bored. At the time I would have laughed at basically anything without any depth what so ever, even a fly landing on the remote would have been funny.
Do your self a favour for the holidays and put on BAD SANTA instead, for the proper Christmas spirit. (BTW, B.S.is in my reviews)
Posted on 8/21/11 06:33 AM
I saw this last night with the wife, and have to admit this is going to be a tough one reviewing without giving away too much, but will give it a go.
Milo is a semi retired Serbian porn star living a comfortable life with a beautiful wife and son. Even though Milo doesn't work in the industry as much as he used to, he barely seems to make ends meet financially.
Milo is one day contacted by an old female porn star colleague, so he agrees to meet her at a fancy outdoors restaurant. She claims acquaintances with an artist, director that desires to make a masterpiece that would set Milo financially for life.
Overlooking the meeting is Milo's brother Marko. Marko is a sleazy police officer jealous of Milo's former success as a porn star and envious of Milo's happy family life.
Milo a few days later is picked up by a limo and driven to an unknown location in the outskirts of the sick city. On arrival at a mansion estate, Milo is met by a crew of suspicious looking bodyguards that escort him to an encounter with a wealthy powerful artist known by the name Vukmir.
Vukmir explains he cannot reveal any of the supposed film's plot, but need Milo's muscle since he has the ability to gain an erection simply by thought. Vukmir also explains that the less Milo knows, the more natural will be the outcome of the film. Milo simply has to do what he knows best, f**k his brains out until his d**k is raw. Milo at first does not agree until consulting with his wife, but returns to the estate and signs a contact.
The first day of shooting Milo again is picked up by a limo. On arrival Milo is handed an earpiece by the mysterious driver. He is escorted by thugs with digital cameras to the location that according to a sign on the main entrance is a supposed orphanage.
From there on Milo is given directions to his every move and proceeds into a room with a woman that performs oral sex on Milo. He notices a little girl in the corner witnessing his actions, finding this inappropriate and complains. Vukmir then explains he would never direct anyone to perform any act against their free will.
Milo continues performing strange awkward tasks for Vukmir during the course of a week, but grows weary and suspicious. Milo consults his brother Marko, requesting a background check on Vukmir.
Not much information is found on the director either than his name is Vukmir Vukmir, or has no known film attached to his name.
READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS PLOT SPOILER TWIST!
After several exhausting days of filming, Milo wakes up confused and realizes he has lost track of 3 days and has amnesia. Milo breaks into the film location and finds the raw footage. Curious Milo watches the tapes and to his disbelief discovers what he had been involved in.
Milo has repeatedly been drugged and been participating in a series of brutal acts of necrophilia, child molestation, rape and murder. One of the tapes reveals Milo and a masked man raping two hooded victims. The hoods are removed, Milo has been anally assaulting his son, and the masked man turns out to be Milo's brother Marko raping his wife. Milo commits suicide shooting his wife and son in the comfort of their home.
Okay, I know most of you are thinking it all sounds familiar and sounds like typical torture porn. Well, both yes and no. I found the first 45 minutes quite predictable, but the film does take a turn and delivers outrageous twists.
Most viewers will be offended, but that is the whole intention of A Serbian Film. Director Srdan Spasojevic explained that the film is meant as a social comment on the politically correctness of our modern day times. Every act of atrocity and brutality portrayed in the film was inevitable to make his point and criticism towards the exploits of Eastern European societies.
A Serbian film was banned from screening at the Fright Fest Festival in London and was released on DVD with 49 cuts. The director admitted in an interview not seeing the new cut, but the message of the film had been altered and was different than his intentions.
I did watch the UK version, and found it quite graphic.
1: A man's eye socket is sexually molested.
2: An infant is physically extracted out of a womb.
3. Milo holds his erect member (as hostage) threatening to cut it off.
The list goes on and on, so one does wonder and can only imagine what the 49 removed scenes were. It could be interesting reading a list describing the 49 cuts in detail, but do we really want to go there? The mind boggles ...
I liked the film and found it even a bit clever at times. It did make me laugh a couple of times, but that was because of bogus film footage of 80's porn flicks, as we have seen in "Boogie Nights". The production values are decent and the acting is credible.
Here in Norway the film was considered too extreme by the censors, removed from further distribution and banned after 2 months of its release. It is currently banned in Brazil, and the only way to see the film at the moment, in its uncut form, is at a midnight screening in Serbia. I doubt I'll ever get to see this in its uncut form and don't even know if I want to, but who knows?
That said, this is another one just like "The Human Centipede 2, The Full Sequence" that will gain a cult status and following. It'll probably be banned in most countries, and its fate will be on most horror film fans hard drives in the future.
My wife managed to sit this one through, and didn't say much after viewing. She did go to bed earlier than usual for a Friday night, and I hope she won't be scarred for life. If I ever show this to my sister in law, I doubt she'd ever speak to me again.
So take my advice, and watch "A Serbian Film" at your own risk. You have been warned ...
Posted on 6/03/11 04:00 AM
Okay folks ... I'm back. I've had a RT rest for a while, but have no intention giving up.
The piece of celluloid grade Z trash was quite enjoyable. If you liked Richard Matheson's novel I am legend, like me, you should check this out and you'll probably giggle like I did.
Plot: The human race is extinct, and the dead are stark raving mad cannibals. (Vampires in the novel). The last survivor is immune to the plague and plans to blow up the city taking out the Cannibals. Nuff said.
This one isn't half bad despite the mediocre acting. But what can you expect from a martial arts expert in the lead role.
In the novel the vampires roam the earth and are absent during daytime, whilst here they are cannibals with pretty bad latex make up. The novel's character Robert impales vampires with stakes, only to be replaced in this one with nun chucks. A silly excuse for exaggerated action sequences. Still what can you expect from the company, Asylum, that makes these kind of rip off flicks.
Asylum also made Snakes on a Train, The Transmorphers, and The Da Vinci Treasure. What's next ... TWILIGHTERS?
Still I do admire what Asylum was able to create on such a modest budget. It shows, but is still a fun ride if you liked THE OMEGA MAN; I AM LEGEND, and THE LAST MAN ON EARTH. I sat through this flick with a grin on my face, and fans of the novel will probably do so as well.
BTW, I haven't been here for a while, but what the hell happened to RT?
It simply put looks awful.
Posted on 3/16/11 06:10 AM
This one is in the works. It's taking a while as it's 13 hours long.
Posted on 3/13/11 07:15 AM
Man Bites Dog was possibly the funniest film to be released in 1993, directed by Rémy Belvaux.
Filmed in "fly on the wall" cinema direct style, this is a Belgian mockumentary about a film crew following the daily exploits of serial killer Benoit.
Benoit talks to the camera and claims he usually starts his monthly killing spree with a postman. He dumps most of the corpses in a river which is full of corpses from his previous daily killings. As the film progresses we get to know Benoit and take a certain liking to him. He is portrayed as a charming man, with a cultural background and interest in poetry ,art and pigeons. We encounter his nice relatives and friends who don't seem bothered at all of his occupational choice. He used to be such a good boy ...
His film crew seem a bit intimidated by Benoit's actions, but soon start participating in his daily exploits, calling it an "occupational hazard".
There are a lot of disturbing images on display here. An over long rape sequence in a kitchen, in which the film crew participate, will probably shut up most viewers for a while. The films pace switches over to humour almost after every scene of brutality, making the viewer laugh with its intentional dark humour, feeling guilty and uncomfortable.
Benoit is portrayed as a racist as well. After shooting a black construction worker, Benoit feels the need to clarify a certain myth. He discusses and jokes about the myth around the penis size of the black male stereotype. He pulls down the construction workers pant revealing his penis (Off screen). Benoit looks repulsed, shocked by the size and claims blacks are all beasts that shouldn't be walking around free in the general public.
One of the films highlights is when he goes to an elderly woman's apartment suggesting an interview with his film crew of life in the Belgian suburbs. The elder woman accepts Benoit and his film crews invitation letting them in.
As they sit and listen to her point of view on the matter, Benoit screams so loud, the woman has a heart attack. Benoit explains to the camera that a little jar of heart medication on the table caught his eye, saving him one bullet.
Another highlight is when Benoit and his film crew encounter another film crew making a documentary of another serial killer. Of course all hell breaks loose and I won't ruin any more, because it is so much fun.
The acting , filming and editing is top notch, giving the whole charade a sense of realism and credibility.
This is sick dark stuff, but believe it or not, it is a comedy.
When I saw this in the theatre, there was a weird silence throughout most of the film. I noticed an occasional giggle here and there, but most of the noise came from myself. I seemed to laugh at the wrong moments and people started relocating themselves in vacant seats away from me. I also recall what was probably the world record of walkouts in a theater ever.
Great stuff and highly recommended if you are demented at heart.
Posted on 2/19/11 05:52 AM
In the works.
Posted on 2/14/11 02:51 AM
An exorcist rip off not half bad if your into Italian trash, directed by Mario Bava. Bava did not live to see the films release.
Telly Savalas in this one as a lollipop sucking villain who is the devil himself. Elke Sommer as a tourist lost in Toledo, Spain. Here she is possessed by an evil spirit, is hospitalized and vomits green pea soup and frogs.
If this sounds silly ,it's because it all is. The script is totally insane and incomprehensible.
House of Exorcism is actually an alternate version of previously made Lisa and the Devil.
It is still is a delight watching, with its dream like imagery and cheesy characters.
After watching this you will be left with many questions unanswered playing ping pong in your head.
But what do you expect from Italian exploitation trash ...
Repeated viewing recommended.
Posted on 1/30/11 01:35 PM
A man goes to sleep for 5 and a half hours.
z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z. Hmpppf.
ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ. Fart.
I have never seen this and never will, unless being tortured.
An Andy Warhol film. Who else ...
Posted on 1/30/11 06:55 AM
How am I going to start on this guilty pleasure? I'll give it a go and will try to be brief, but will probably get carried away. There is so much to say about this atrocity of an Italian exploitation cannibal film, that I could write a whole book. Okay ... here we go.
Plot: An Asian man is killing people with blow darts all over Canada and the USA. While fleeing from the police, he is run over by a truck and instantly killed.
Investigators discover super 8 film reels in his pockets and view the footage. A reverend Jonas is running a purification cult sect in the depths of the New Guinean jungle, as the footage reveals.
Followers from all over the world have joined the cult, including a young American woman who has not been seen since emigrating to the jungle far away from modern corrupt society. Her sister in New York is contacted by the authorities and agrees to find her lost sister who is supposedly brainwashed by the Reverend Jonas.
She travels to the village known as Shakir with a Vietnam veteran familiar with the area. The only problem is that the village is surrounded by a flesh eating cannibal tribe in their path.
I know it sounds quite dumb, and it is. Why would a Cult ever choose a location in the middle of the jungle surrounded by cannibals in the first place? Who cares, or else there would be no Eaten Alive.
Eaten Alive is everything you would expect from a third world cannibal flick. Filmed in 16mm full of mediocre acting, rough editing, shaky photography, tons of graphic violence and unjustifiable animal cruelty. Full frontal nudity throughout the entire film, and women are portrayed as useless and pathetic.
Crocs are stabbed to death, and reptiles eat monkeys ... stuff like that. Humans are mutilated and Eaten Alive. A Cannibal is castrated as the hungry cannibals proceed on a feast of live reptile soup. A female follower has her breast sliced off and eaten.
This is pure exploitation. The director used footage from other cannibal atrocities and edited them into this one due to financial problems. The recycled footage is from the director's own film "Man from Deep River", Ruggero Deodato's "The Last Cannibal World" and Sergio Martino's "Mountain of the Cannibal God".
Eaten Alive is indeed a guilty pleasure of a film that was directed by Umberto Lenzi. He had previously made "Man from Deep River" staring Ivan Rassimov and Me Me lai. Starring in this one as well, Rassimov is the cult leader Jonas, and Me Me a cult follower who has just lost her husband. The husband is burned, and the young woman is forced to have intercourse with the husband's 3 brothers. Of course this is all part of a ritual to be witnessed by the entire community.
Robert Kerman from "Cannibal Holocaust" is back in this one, as the Vet promised a healthy amount of 80.000 dollars if he finds the lost sister, dead or alive. Mr. Kerman was a porn star that later went on to bigger productions, and had a small part in Sam Raimi's "Spiderman.
If you like trashy films with funky music, gore and bad dialogue, you will be pleased. "Do you like Rock?" "No, I like whiskey."
If you want to see this in a hurry, watch the US trailer that practically summarizes the whole film and shows most of the violence.
Posted on 1/16/11 09:32 PM
This is my first review of a blaxploitation film. I got into the genre a couple of decades ago, watched and bought several. Superfly was my favorite.
Plot: Priest is a drug dealing pimp with a heart of gold. He wants out and plans to make one final deal, and retire from the life for good. He pays off judges and corrupt politicians on his way gaining both protection and power. As things go smooth for a while, everything seems to go down hills as corrupt cops try to bust Priest's black ass and frame him for crimes of Heroin he did not commit.
Superfly was a big hit and gained it great following among the black community proving blacks could also deliver quality films.
These films were groundbreaking and didn't take themselves too serious, however though they were ambitious. The racial issues of these films were relevant of its time and appealed to movie goers of all races. In Superfly, Priest has a plan on creating an army of black foot soldiers, to take down "whitey".
The film of course ran into censorship problems and was blamed for glorifying the use of cocaine.
Superfly is the perfect karate chopping gentleman, but a tough boss to his army of dealers. Superfly threats putting his dealers' wives on the street if they do not obey his orders and pay on time.
The film has an excellent score by Curtis Mayfield and drives the films pace beautifully. Curtis is in the film as well in a nightclub scene.
Some parts are poorly dubbed, but it doesn't seem to be a problem as the whole film is a pleasant experience. The editing is a bit rough, but it only adds a feel of authenticity and credibility.
The cars are cool and the costumes incredible. Superfly drives a customized Cadillac with Rolls Royce parts nicely welded on the hood. The car was an actual pimpmobile they borrowed for the film.
There is a really nice part as Superfly is shown making cocaine deals with construction workers, rich business men and the wealthy. This whole part is a montage of still photos to the fantastic score of Mayfield's Superfly. It is a technique I haven't seen often in film and is quite effective in a playful manner.
Note you'll have to keep concentrated to understand some of the outrageous jive in the film, but soon will get the hang of it.
This is a great double bill with Black Caesar, Hell up in Harlem, to mention a couple.
Two inferior sequels were made which is a shame since this was so good. They were Superfly TNT, and The Return of Superfly. I have not seen them but have read reviews that trash the films and even the clothes.