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Posted on 5/05/10 03:59 PM
If only saying this movie is bad could sum up this debacle of cinema. To explain how much my wife and I were offended by this a-bomb of a train wreck will require a break down.
First off, the script. My god. I have not seen such poor character developement and mundane dialogue since Twilight (that's right I went there). The original showed some life outside of school, outside of the main plotline. Hell even Nancy's mom had a friggin' drinking problem, that may have actually been something worth keeping from the old movie. The characters were boring, had aboslutely no essence, in fact I was rooting for an all cast death at the end of it all with the gates of hell shallowing everything in site including the film reel (will take donations if anyone is interested in seeing "that" movie).
Speaking of everything in site, where is Elm Street? Oh wait I see it! In a 5 second shot while someone's driving down the street. I'm serious. That's it. The only reference to Elm Street in the whole movie is a 5 sec drive by. I suppose it makes sense in the plot of the movie being centering arounf Freddy, a gardener in life, molesting children in a preschool miles away from the city and suddenly, roughly 12-14 years after being burned to death in some random factory, comes back for revenge againt the children, now highschoolers, for telling their parents they were molestered. That makes perfect sense... if the movie was titled "Nightmare at Some Random Backwater Preshcool Where the School Gardener Lives Down in the Basement Even Though Schools Don't Do That Kinda Shit Because Anyone Who Would Want to Live on School Property Is A Freak to Begin With and Would Probably Molest Children." (I wish I was out of breath but I haven't even started)
The rehash of the overall plot from the first movie was expected. But to keep esentially the same deaths sequences, same little scenes that made the first movie a hit, is a dirty bird that just fell in to his own shit. We expect remakes to be similar to the original. I think I speak for most movie goers when I walk into a remake of a film like Friday the 13th, Halloween, or hell even Transformers, you expect a touch of originality to the story. Roughly the same highway, just a few new sites along the way. Sam and Mike stole (yes i said stole) scenes directly from the original film: claw hand in the bathtub, Freddy coming out of wallpaper (which sucked btw), Kris getting tossed around the bedroom, bodybag in the school hallway, etc, etc. It seriously gives me a headache to go through them all.
Last thing, the scares. Apparently their idea of a scary movie is one that makes you jump at every possible moment. Admittedly, I'm a jumpy guy, and sitting through a movie where the source of scares was all jumps, just down right annoying.
In the end, this movie sucked. A soulest attempt at corp. Hollywood trying to bank on a horror cult icon. It's especially disappointint since I was sucked in by the trailer. And if anyone reading this review is pissed about the spoilers, I did you a favor. Please don't give Michael Bay any more money to destory the movies we loved as kids. Keep other nightmares off our theatre screens and give us something to cheer instead of geer for god sake!
Posted on 4/10/10 07:21 PM
What happened to the Tim Burton that gave us Batman and Edward Scissorhands? I'll tell you where! Hollywood sucked him up and spat him back out to serve their bidding in making unremarkable, unoriginal remakes that earn a few extra bucks because his names slapped onto the title.
Posted on 4/10/10 04:06 PM
A true testament to hollywood banking on flashy effects and childhood nostaliga to sell tickets. The trailer did the job of raising my expectations to a fever picth, where as the movie left me feeling empty and unfufilled. The lack of cohesive plot and choppy characters make for a bland story that makes you wish the kraken would rise up and smash the movie screen just to end it all.