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Here's the beginning. Hit me with your best shot!
JIMMY AND THE LADDER
EXT. SCHOOL- MIDDAY
Jimmy... Jimmy liked to climb
Ever since Jimmy was a kid it?s all he's wanted to do
Flash Back. Jimmy slams the legs of a ladder into a small patch of grass and gives it a slight push so that it is resting against the side of a tall brick
building. Jimmy places the heel of his foot on the lowest rung and begins to
Hey, what you doing?
See, Jimmy had only one rule in life
If it?s tall, climb it
And he stood by it
INT. GARAGE- MIDDAY
Jimmy surveys a ladder intently. He pulls a rag from his pocket and reaches fora bottle of ?ladder shiner? from the top shelf of a brown, decaying storage shelf. He pops the lid of the ?ladder shiner? and smears a big lump of it on the rag then proceeds to rub the cloth along the side of the ladder vigorously.
Jimmy loved ladders
Jimmy places the newly shined ladder next to the vast array of assorted ladders. He smiles intently
Jimmy devoted his life to ladders. He had all sorts: big ones, tall ones, thick ones, small ones
And that was the extent of Jimmy?s life, ladders and climbing
EXT. JIMMY'S FRONT YARD- MIDDAY
Jimmy surveys his assortment of ladders one last time before turning and walking out the door of the garage. He pulls the roller door down, locks it and turns to walk away
That's when Jimmy saw it; in its pristine, immaculate condition, shining from above like a golden ray sent down from the heavens. The most beautiful thing Jimmy had ever laid eyes upon, with its squared off rungs, plastic leg caps and pure titanium alloy. It was the perfect ladder. It was the ladder that guys like Jimmy only dreamt about and here it was, just out of Jimmy's reach, beckoning him so.
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I suggest, if you haven't already done so, watching the documentary "Double Dare". I mean, come on, Zoe Bell? I don't buy it.
Remember all the ?ho-ha? surrounding Uma and Quentin, the muse bull****, the tabloids, etc. I suspect Quentin didn't get as close to her as he'd hoped. So, when he meets a woman that looks like Uma, heralds a take-no-**** attitude and sports a kiwi accent, he finds himself a second, far less attractive muse. The result is dialogue so tacky it makes me cringe. I can almost envision Zoe and Quentin's conversations:
Q: "So, Zoe, in this scene you're going to get up on tha ****in' hood, and like, you're going to, to, to.... it's going to be the best ****in' scene in cinema history!
Z: "Well, you know Quentin, in New Zealand.... we call it a bonnet."
Q: "Woah! Add that to the script! And while I'm at it: if you let me do you with a six-shooter pressed firmly against your skull, I'll make your character 20% more badass and add lines like 'Don't dare call me Australian, I'm Kiwi mate'." (Hand movements)
That's not the least of problems. Add no acting ability, and the fact that she simply doesn't fit in and you've got yourself the cinematic equivalent of fat-****.
Quentin, cut the pretentious, "look how much I know about 'said' genre" dialogue and return to the quality of yester-year.
In my opinion, Planet Terror is the true Grindhouse film.
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