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CinematicMethod.comWhat you are going to have to do when you inevitably go see Transformers: Dark of the Moon, is sit down in your favorite theater seat and furiously shake your head for about three full minutes. Hopefully, you can shake out the most recent five to six years of education you've had because you will certainly enjoy yourself more the closer you are to having your brain function at a nine year old level.
Trans3, in all honesty, has some of the best effects you will ever see. The 3D elements weren't overwhelming, which I think is good, and the feeling of such a grand scale is pretty cool. It is annoying how much money these movies have made, but if you put these things on mute and watch, you could have a rip roarin' good time. And who can blame these people for churning out a product that is guaranteed to make a silly amount of money. We're probably lucky that it's good at all.
That being said, I really hated this movie. The first hour of this seemingly eighteen hour movie (actually 155 min) was so brutal that my movie mate abandoned me for greener pastures (Super 8). They know people are watching and that they came for the effects, so why won't they show the damn things? I spent the first hour of this movie either staring at Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, cringing at Shia LaBeouf's bumbling, and searching my now dumber brain for reasons why 80% of these characters are even in the movie. Sam's parents make another unfortunate appearance, Josh Duhamel's character (I've seen three of these movies and haven't learned the character's name because it matters about as much Rosie's IQ) shoots big guns with no results for a while until the actual heroes come from time to time, and those two racially insensitive robots from the second movie get reincarnated as two tiny robots that just have a lot less lines and even less purpose than previous guys.
But then, finally, the loud booms start to happen. They are really loud. And I have to admit they visuals are awesome. But there is essentially no reason for any human to be in this movie. They can't beat a transformer, we established that from the opening scene of Trans1. Shia's running into Chicago (btw how the f*$k did he get there?) with what seems like no plan at all, to fight alien robots that cannot be touched by anything built on Earth. The second half of this movie is transformers doing awesome stuff, cut to Rosie staring dumbly, transformers doing awesome stuff, cut to Shia yelling "OPTIMUSSS!" or "BUBBLEBEEEE!," transformers doing awesome stuff, cut to Tyrese saying something incredibly stupid for the life threatening situation he's in ("Why do the Decepticons get all the cool shit?"). The movie ends when Rosie walks over and bats her eyes at Megatron, the evil leader, enough so that he turns on his number two and ruins any chance he had at winning this inexplicable war. Nice one, Rosie.
In short, this movie is probably worth going to see in theaters but it will not be easy. It's far too long and too dumb to see without the help of the buddy system. The visuals are amazing but the reason for them is either non-existent or simply makes no sense. I give this movie a 4 out of 10 because I allowed myself to be wowed by the amazing elements, but it is still very difficult to get through thanks to bad acting, an opening 60 minutes of boredom, and a complete lack of substance.
-Gerry, CinematicMethod.com
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Mr. Taylor on 7/09/11 at 01:34 PM
Yeah, I figured as much. No interest here. Thanks.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 02:19 PM
I don't know why I keep thinking these movies are going to offer anything better than they have in the past. You're right to skip this one unless you're a fan of 3D in general.
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Mr. Taylor on 7/09/11 at 10:32 PM
Hey, I got suckered into seeing Predators so don't feel bad (and sorry if you liked it, no offense). No, I don't like 3-D much. Worked for Avatar well but c'mon, we're in 3-D overload now.
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Irukandji on 7/09/11 at 01:43 PM
Dis-liked the first two.Great review!
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 02:20 PM
Yep, this one's not worth your time certainly. Wouldn't want to get lost in the intricate plot anyway ;)
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Chase R on 7/09/11 at 01:52 PM
good review
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Wisenheimer on 7/09/11 at 02:18 PM
Cool, I predicted that you would give it a 40%, and I was right. I think I have psychic powers (jk). Great review CM.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 02:19 PM
Haha, maybe you do! Thanks!
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Dylan Smith on 7/09/11 at 02:35 PM
A fine review good sir. I had a strong feeling that this would just as soon be a horrible film for Dwight's sake. I really enjoyed the first, but I don't think I'll be seeing the second and third film anytime soon. Anyway, a great job CM. I do hope you have a wonderful weekend and God bless you. Thanks, come back and see me.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 05:19 PM
Thanks Dylan, I appreciate it!
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SteveTellsItHowHeSeesIt on 7/09/11 at 02:40 PM
Great review. I know this wasn'y great but i enjoyed it and that's all the film was aiming for
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 05:18 PM
Yep, high audience ratings and more importantly, high $$$ is all it was supposed to get. Thanks!
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Myerla on 7/09/11 at 03:47 PM
Great review. Effects are great? Its a Michael Bay film. That goes without saying. Good effects are not good enough.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 05:18 PM
I agree, but they did carry this film from about a 2/10 to a 4/10 for what it's worth.
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Jbird on 7/09/11 at 05:01 PM
Talk about a clever review! Very well said. I despise the acting. It's all about the action with these movies! Awesome review. +1
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 05:18 PM
Thanks, I appreciate it!
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leeloo1967 on 7/09/11 at 05:13 PM
Excellent review CM:) ~I know I'll see it eventually since I love the first film~
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 05:17 PM
If you're going to see it, it better be in theaters because the 3D is very cool. Thanks!
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leeloo1967 on 7/09/11 at 05:42 PM
Will do:)
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shahmeer h. on 7/09/11 at 07:42 PM
excelent review. i cant believe they made a third one.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/09/11 at 07:49 PM
It's all about the cash money. Thanks for the comment!
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CACB on 7/09/11 at 07:52 PM
Grea review. Its petty bad, but it was better than the second one at least
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Hawaiianguy2991 on 7/09/11 at 08:24 PM
Brilliant review, agree on almost every aspect of your review including the rating. This was just a loud mess.
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Indiana Jones 79 on 7/09/11 at 08:41 PM
good review, im avoiding it!
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starlett2005 on 7/09/11 at 08:43 PM
Great review.
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ap sirius on 7/09/11 at 09:14 PM
good synopsis....dont need to see the film now...thnx for doing me a favor...lol
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Daniel R. on 7/09/11 at 09:26 PM
Great review. I seriously don't know how people endure this garbage. Michael Bay's films are like a fungus on the hoof of a dead goat, which I have no experience with but can imagine is pretty awful.
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Pandy357 on 7/10/11 at 02:40 AM
I'll keep avoiding this at all cost, but good review ;)
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Bob M. on 7/10/11 at 08:28 AM
Same here. I might have given it a 20%. I swore I wouldn't see this one after Trans2. I was seduced by the 3D and the special effects. Your review is spot on....
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Aussie Keno on 7/10/11 at 09:13 AM
I was surprised that the 3rd installment goes down to the ground after the 2 previous film reached the sky. Good Review mate!
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rodders on 7/10/11 at 10:07 AM
great review, don't know why i want to see this one
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MattPayne.MPA on 7/10/11 at 01:41 PM
Great review!I've heard this one was a real stinker,and I'm not really a fan of the Transformers series.So it's steer clear for me!
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Paul on 7/10/11 at 04:48 PM
I liked it haha, but i'm a bit of an action junkie sometimes... Great review, some good points.
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The Highs and Lows Review on 7/10/11 at 05:12 PM
Dont know whether I will waste 2 hours to see this, Good review.
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/10/11 at 11:10 PM
unfortunately it's more than 2 and a half hours so watch out
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butterz on 7/11/11 at 12:24 AM
Interesting review, personally I loved the film, but I sort of have a soft spot for transformers in general, possibly because I was obsessed with them as a kid hahaha
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CinematicMethod.com on 7/11/11 at 02:39 AM
i was the same way. if wasn't for my childhood i would probably hate these movies enough to give them zeroes
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Helmkat on 7/11/11 at 05:53 AM
Well written +1. The second Transformers scarred me for life and I swore I would not see this film in the theatre! What frustrates me is how well these movies do at the box office.
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H.A.K. on 7/11/11 at 09:16 AM
yeah. it was just...eh. good review.
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Kadeem S. on 7/12/11 at 02:46 AM
I don't know why critics still hates Transformers, but the third movie is better than the second.
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Lord Naseby on 7/12/11 at 01:41 PM
Great review! I'm not interested in paying for this one. It just looks stupid and most I know have told me the same.
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Sorting Hat on 7/12/11 at 02:52 PM
i liked it a lot but to each his own
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MMB on 7/14/11 at 02:56 PM
Nice review. I guess it's a case of dropping your brains at the front door if you are going to enjoy this.
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Boatswain Egregious on 7/14/11 at 03:34 PM
I have yet to see this one....and will definitely wait for DVD now as my home theater is pretty perfect for good visuals anyway. Good review.
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peter h. on 7/19/11 at 03:28 AM
brilliant review, yeah I just pass on this
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D.D on 7/19/11 at 05:39 PM
I still like the first the best. Good review
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RJ Smoove on 7/19/11 at 06:55 PM
I thought it was passable, but I can definitely understand all the hate for it. I agree that it's worth seeing for pure spectacle, and nothing more.
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Parker M. on 7/24/11 at 12:39 PM
nice review! horrible movie!!!!
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PantaOz on 7/26/11 at 04:15 AM
To be honest with you... I wish someone banged my head to the nearest wall before entering the cinema with a hope of permanent brain damage... that way I could have an IQ of average US policeman and enjoy the movie in full!
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rafajones on 7/28/11 at 01:27 PM
I agree with your review of some of the obvious par about the nonsense story. But sadly for you, the cartoons are just like that. This movie is base in some of the cartoons episodes and if you don't care about them or don't know about them, there is no way people enjoy this. Transformers cartoons are extreme fantasy sci-fi and not realistic sci-fi like I would say a Meteror movie, Traveling to the moon, earthquakes, etc. Michael Bay follow the cheeseness of the cartoons in the movie and that's w
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rafajones on 7/28/11 at 01:28 PM
The story is as bad or as good like the cartoons!
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Rebeccachu Elizabeth C. on 8/12/11 at 12:40 AM
This also marks the end of Michael Bay doing Transformers. Thank god it's over for him! :)
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Hubie G. on 8/25/11 at 06:41 PM
Oh, come on now! Shia Leboufe was on Letterman and he said this was the best one they have ever made! Would Shia lie to us???? ;-)
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Rostron2 on 9/05/12 at 03:54 PM
Ugh. The ride at Universal studios was better than this nonsense. True about the buddy system. If I hadn't gone with a big group, I would have felt stupid.
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