Benjamin's Message Wall

JakeT2387
Jake Thielen 5 years ago

0.5 for Ghost World?

JakeT2387
Jake Thielen 5 years ago

Not much. How are you doing?

About Benjamin

Hometown:
Chicago, IL
Favorite Movies:
The Fall, Taxi Driver, American Beauty, The Royal Tenenbaums, WALL-E, Raging Bull, Gone Baby Gone, The Man Who Wasn't There, Transformers, Pulp Fiction, Robin Hood, Magnolia, Blade Runner, Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-hime), Amélie, The Iron Giant, Three Kings, Edward Scissorhands, The Color of Money, Thief and the Cobbler, Life Is Beautiful (La Vita è bella), Gattaca, Donnie Darko, Akira
Favorite Actors:
Mr. T, Paul Newman, Bill Murray
Bio:
When I was young I was notorious for having gotten stuck in a pile of snow and other such mischief. I have a sense of humor that is best described as "wicked" and a worldview like a diamond: clear, essentially impervious, and totally awesome looking. That is a brief synopsis of my existence. Let me break it down for you with a little freestyle: I prefer the cold, I've got a heart of gold, and when God designed this baby he done busted the mold. I try to review movies that I strongly recommend, strongly unrecommend, or are for some reason culturally significant. I could list all five hundred bazillion movies I've ever seen here, but that would be like wading through a pond full of oatmeal just to get to the glowing crystal in the middle. Perfect analogy? Check.

Latest Submissions

No Recent Submissions

Benjamin's Ratings

  • Where the Wild Things Are

    Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

    November 14, 2009

    The fact that they are making this movie is of tremendous importance to me. I have planned for roughly half my life to make this movie, so if they screw it up I might die, or I might be relieved because I can make a remake. Alternatively if it is awesome I might be like "sweet!" or I might be like "crap!" because then I can't remake it. My life is wrought with dilemmas.

    UPDATE:
    WHAT?!?!?!? WHAT?????? WHAT HAPPENED?????? WHAT?!?!?!?!

    Spike Jonze just friggin jumped on the face part of my head, on purpose. What does he think this is, a Terrence Malick movie? THIS IS WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. GET WITH THE PROGRAM. And what the crap Karen O.? Way to drop the ball. I felt like I was watching a transmogrified version of rebel without a cause where everybody gets replaced with monster versions of themselves except James Dean who just gets smaller and trades in his red jacket for pajamas with ears. There's a difference between being childish and being childlike, and there's a difference between being overwhelmed by cruelty and being overwhelmed by every little problem. I don't know exactly how to say it, but the movie was not honest to the experience of being overwhelmed, hurt, or alone, and certainly not to what alternatives a child would create in order to cope. And soft, woeful, background indie rock is not wild, and when you were a kid you did not sit around ruminating lazily... you ruminated hard. Whatever, I'm not trying to tell you how you ruminated when you were a kid, I'm just saying this movie lacked a bassline, had no screaming solos, and hardly even had a riff. I don't really know what a riff is, but this movie sure didn't teach me, did it?

    P.S.
    It made me really sad that I couldn't love this movie.

  • The Fly

    The Fly (1986)

    November 14, 2009

    This movie was exasperating. The tragedy of our own twisted physical nature betraying our intentions is a basic human struggle and can be conveyed so powerfully through visual storytelling, and this movie decided instead to have Jeff Goldblum run around in a meat suit and act cranky. It really ceased to be compelling as soon as he began his descent into an overly-intense, pimply, decomposing jerk. A remake could be awesome, the premise is awesome, I just was not very moved. The first part of the movie was incredible though.

  • Ong Bak 2

    Ong Bak 2 (2009)

    October 25, 2009

    It was cool, but mostly it just sets up the next movie in the series. As usual with Tony Jaa movies, it was a train-wreck as far as acting, script, plot, character development, or anything else goes, but the martial arts were insane. If you're into kung fu movies Ong Bak 2 is like a fully charged hadouken to the solar plexus! WHOA!

  • The Hangover

    The Hangover (2009)

    October 25, 2009

    I'm not really a huge fan of most mainstream comedies, mostly because all they're good for is laughs and I basically got laughs comin out my ears already. This movie, however, is pretty gosh darned good! The opening credits were insane, and Zach Galifianakis was hysterical, and seriously this is probably the best cinematographized straight-up comedy I've ever seen.

  • Moon

    Moon (2009)

    October 25, 2009

    This movie looks insane. I am going crazy in anticipation. I'm mad about "Moon!" I'M A LUNATIC FOR LUNAR LUNACY

    Update:
    This movie was really good, but could have been so much better! When faced with the crazy stuff that Sam is faced with there are certain ways in which people would react, and in a movie that is so intensely psychological its important to be accurate about junk like that. And many of the scenes were sort of disjointed...like the editing process was left out altogether. In any case, for its ideas and themes and imagery alone it is far better than most of the movies you'll ever see, so I recommend it fo sho.

  • Saturday Night Fever

    Saturday Night Fever (1977)

    October 25, 2009

    It's easy to see why this movie was such a big hit, but I disliked it for the same reason I dislike many gangster movies: I just can't relate! There is a point where meatheadedness ceases to be endearing, and Tony Manero hustles right past it and then ignites the dance floor and all that disco razzmatazz...

  • JCVD (Van Dammage)

    JCVD (Van Dammage) (2008)

    October 25, 2009

    I watched this movie with subtitles that I'm pretty sure where from another movie. I'm still not sure if I actually understood the plot but regardless it was pretty good.

  • Death Race 2000

    Death Race 2000 (1975)

    October 04, 2009

    Word on the street is this movie is royally awesome. They're remaking it too so it must be good. Plus, I mean, who in their right mind could possibly second guess a movie with the title DEATH RACE 2000?!?! Probably No One!

    UPDATE:
    I am slowly beginning to realize that when a movie is considered a "cult" classic that often means that it is far worse than a prefix-less classic, and even oftener that it just plain blows. This is a movie that is so bad it is still bad.

  • Starman

    Starman (1984)

    October 03, 2009

    This is some old school sci-fi romance from back when character development and high concept plots needed no justification. It was happening, the synthesizers where blaring, and gosh darn it, you were gonna like it. But this movie actually is pretty fun. Movie aliens are almost always fun, just like in real life. This movie also features glowing attack ball-bearings and a 1977 Mustang GT, as well as a killer theme song and at least two scenes of the Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction" being played/sung, so it comes highly recommended.

  • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

    Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

    September 20, 2009

    This one was mediocre, more of a prologue for the next ones. One of the Harry Potter movies was amazing but I can't remember which. This isn't it.

Find us on:                     
Help | About | Jobs | Critics Submission | Press | API | Licensing | Mobile