AsbestosBill's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

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Favorite Movies:
Brazil, V for Vendetta, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, No Country for Old Men, Children of Men, The Dark Knight, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, ...And Justice for All, Tokyo Godfathers, WALL-E, Cool Hand Luke, Unforgiven, Hot Rod, The Host, Memento, Lost In Translation, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Snatch, The Truman Show, Garden State, Stranger Than Fiction, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Cloverfield, Blazing Saddles, Love and Death, Serenity, Fight Club, Mission: Impossible III, Crank, 28 Days Later, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Ultimatum, Juno, Fargo, Team America: World Police, Clueless, War of the Worlds, Jaws
Favorite Actors:
William H. Macy, Steve McQueen, Peter Sellers, Edward Norton, Nathan Fillion, Casey Affleck, Michael Caine, Jason Bateman, James Cagney, Geoffrey Rush, Franka Potente, John Cusack, Brad Pitt, Peter Cushing, Dave Foley, Johnny Depp, Charles Chaplin, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Alec Guinness, John Cleese, John Hurt
I am currently working on QuipTracks, audio commentary tracks that make fun of contemporary movies in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000. One can download our tracks, then play them along with their own DVD copy of the movie. Cues are given regularly throughout the track to help you make sure the QuipTrack stays in sync. Its that simple. Check it out at

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Prestige
The Prestige (2006)

Doesn't make much sense, and I saw one of two major twists coming from a long way back. Still, ignoring 75% of the final dialog, I enjoyed this obsession story quite a bit.
I also enjoyed hearing Thom York during the ending credits.

Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider (2007)

Please, Nick...stop being in movies.

Futurama: Bender's Game

The first half is hilarious. Once they get into the DnD/LotR parody, it starts sucking.

The Forgotten
The Forgotten (2004)

The alternate ending is much better, but the theatrical release crapped all over itself at the end.

Moon (2009)

Great introspective psychological thriller.

Sherlock Holmes

I loved what RDj did with the character and the music was great.

Children of Men

There are some small bits that must be overlooked, but doing so is easy when the action sequences are so incredibly effective, the characters so endearing, the cinematography so masterful, the lighting and sound so engaging, and the story so elegantly simple but its ramifications so deep.

Stranger Than Fiction

A well done quirky story that didn't sell out. Not much anyway. It had good acting from the supporting cast, too, especially from Emma Thompson.

The Brothers Grimm

I guess every director has to have a worst movie.

Star Trek
Star Trek (2009)

None too deep but it was good apart from a couple thingsÔ??mostly the sequence where Kirk is stranded on The Cliche Planet.

Garden State
Garden State (2004)

Though slow moving (not that that's inherently a bad thing), it has a sharp sense of humor and a savvy way of showing/saying just enough.

Yes Man
Yes Man (2008)

Much better than the previews made it look

Adventureland (2009)

More good than funny. Although it does have the Twilight girl, which is distracting.

No Country for Old Men

It's been a very long time since I have seen a film that wields suspense so effectively. In fact I don't think I've ever seen one.The dialog is brilliantly written and delivered. The movie leaves you with a lot to ponder. Another sentence, tacked on to give this paragraph weight.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The dialog, brilliant acting, and cinematography kept this Oscar-worthy freight train well oiled.The tensions are thick in every awkward pause and the characters are all so complex and ambiguous that you are never sure how to feel about them.It also features the most effectively written narration I've ever seen in a movie.

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

Starts a bit slow, but ends up the best of the quadrilogy.

Minority Report

Nothing could have prepared me for the sheer ridiculousness of this Spielburgasm of ham handed exposition, superfluous gross-out gags, unforgivable "eye" puns, and slapstick action scenes.

Of course absurd technology is a given, but is it really inevitable that we will abandon all dignity in the future? A futuristic lathe? Really?

Film Crew: Hollywood After Dark

Very dull movie. They did what they could to make it funny, but it still drug a lot,

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The first half is really terrible, but once they leave America things pick up.

Helvetica (2007)

Managed to be fairly interesting.

Vantage Point
Vantage Point (2008)

It was a good idea and overall a good delivery, but it was a bit too basic a plot to be really great and to really justify the multiple viewpoints. Still, it's an above average thriller and the acting pulled it up to 4 stars for me.

21 (2008)

Kevin Spacey's always awesome, but this was boring and shallow. And I didn't care about his original friends at all. Why couldn't the unlikable fat kid get beat up instead of Spacey?

I did learn something about variable change though...

10,000 B.C.
10,000 B.C. (2008)

The most half-assed movie ever made. 100% formula, no characters, and only the most rudimentary action.

Mission: Impossible

The photography is pretty dated but it is still a reasonably good espionage thriller.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Overrated. Often boring, occasionally absurd, and never quite effective, even with Jimmy Stewart

Transporter 2
Transporter 2 (2005)

The Transporter jumped the shark at the end of the first movie and never recovered.

Van Helsing
Van Helsing (2004)

The most likable character, Dr. Frankenstein, is killed off two minutes in. After that we are left with an overacting troupe of vampires, the well acted but uninteresting title character, his obnoxious comic-relief-friar, a hot but poorly written baroness, her non-character werewolf brother, the interesting but rarely seen Frankenstein's Monster, and one hideous undertaker with a big goofy hat who crops up far too often.

Add silly, cartoon-ish action sequences and bad dialog (especially from Dracula--who at one point, in response to one of his wives pleading "have you no heart?" replies "No! I don't!") and I stop caring.

The Super Mario Bros.

Wha? Why are "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and "The Pursuit of Happiness" listed under "More Like This"????

The Happening
The Happening (2008)

It's actually laugh-out-loud funny.

I couldn't believe that M. Night could get any worse at writing, and I was further shocked that he has now lost all directing ability as well.

Also, for having practically basing his career on defying Hollywood traditions, he seemed to be mining a lot of cliches.

The Host
The Host (2007)

The Host is teeming with creativity and the monster itself is delightfully bizarre and acts more like an actual animal than any other beast in a monster movie, which is very entertaining. It reminded me of the way Hayao Miyazaki handles his creatures.

Also, The Host is one of the best examples of the Dramedy genre, mixing humor and suspense seamlessly. Bonus points for having the drama and comedy in some scenes stem from the same source.

...And Justice for All

Has the worst music ever put in a film. Still a phenomenal movie, however. A first-rate dramedy script and great performances--especially from Pacino--make this an unforgettable classic.

Fight Club
Fight Club (1999)

A morbidly intriguing, enchantingly delirious, thrillingly deadpan landmark. Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are at their most alluring when they are at their lowest.This is a movie about the breakdown of the middle-class house of cards. A depressed insomniac meets the charismatic but crass Tyler Durden and they find a kind of therapy in beating each other to a pulp. The phenomenon catches on and as the two of them begin a race to rock bottom their philosophy attracts a large following. "It's only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything. Only after disaster can we be resurrected."When the cult that has emerged grows out of control, Edward Norton's character (there is no name given) must scramble to escape the collapse he helped to initiate.If you love the move (and who doesn't) you should definitely look into the book. This is one of the best adaptations of a book I have ever seen, but Chuck Palahniuk's novel has even more deadpan humor, more off the wall violence, more of everything that makes the movie so enjoyable, plus it has a better developed story and ending.

Pan's Labyrinth

Overrated but still good.

Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time

Um...I don't think it's actually rated 'R'... Or even PG...

Constantine (2005)

It's kind of a guilty pleasure, but I really enjoy this movie. The fact that none of the occult workings are explained is a plus. In a semi-paradoxical way it's more realistic; there's never been any sort of rhyme or reason in witchcraft--alchemy for example--and it made it interesting to watch.

This is easily Keanu's best dramatic role by far (I swear I saw him emote! Though it may have been a special effect...) Shia LaBeouf is good in it too.

Gattaca (1997)

Painfully forced dialog and pervasive blandness negate this movie's appealing attributes such as the photography and overall story. It's the kind of movie that keeps leading you on, making you think it's going to be compelling by the conclusion. But, the leading lady doesn't have enough character to elicit the slightest interest, which steadily drags the movie down, and a couple of ill-conceived twists near the end rob the conclusion of what meaning and power it had.

Jude Law provides the only effective acting in the movie and (until the last of the afore-mentioned twists) is a reasonably well developed character.

It's kind of sad; this movie had a lot going for it.

I Am Legend
I Am Legend (2007)

Great movie until the last act.

High School Musical

Horrifying. But you probably already guessed that... The singing is all horrendously lip-synced and of course it has the obligatory Disney non-characters and bad acting.

Tombstone (1993)

A fairly simple movie, but worth it for Doc Holiday.

3:10 to Yuma
3:10 to Yuma (2007)

Consistently good and occasionally great, but the ending is just shy of believable.

The Abyss
The Abyss (1989)

Pieced together from two completely different movies. Parts of it are good.

Glory Daze
Glory Daze (1996)

It's funny to see French Stewart in a semi-serious role and Brandon Frazer in on of his first parts (Guy On Bus #1).

It's sad to see Ben Afleck.

Mr. Holland's Opus

The highlight of this movie is that is has William H. Macy in it.

Brazil (1985)

Brazil is my favorite movie, as well as one of the greatest songs of all time (originally "Aquarela do Brasil").

Cloverfield (2008)

I gather that it was pretty awesome.... I have to admit I feel kind of cheated because, not having an insulin pump full of dramamine, I was only able to peek at the screen occasionally.

Aside from the physical pain of watching the screen, however, I'm pretty sure it kicked ass. It was, at least whenever I was looking, very well made and the fact that it had no music except what was being played in the movie, including the credits, worked to it's advantage.

I am also 100% confident that an explanation is neither necessary nor welcome.

Yep. Overall it ranks up there with The Host.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

The first half is funny and it has interesting characters, but the second half is pretty disappointing.

The Blob
The Blob (1958)

Hilarious to see Steeve McQueen, looking not much younger than in Bullitt, play a 17 year old kid in a campy sci-fi horror movie.

Pale Rider
Pale Rider (1985)

Basically a rough sketch for ideas better developed in Unforgiven.

For a Few Dollars More (Per Qualche Dollaro in Pi¨)

Has some really good scenes but drags quite a bit. The weakest of the trilogy.

Star Wars: Holiday Special

Contains all manner of unspeakable horrors. One of the best Rifftrax, though.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

It's just like a really good episode of Futurama, only 80 minutes.

Seven Faces of Dr. Lao

An extremely strange movie with very dated, very cheesy special effects, but a few effective scenes.

Analyze This
Analyze This (1999)

Shockingly, I did not despise Billy Crystal in this movie. It was actually pretty funny in parts.

However, DeNiro was sub-par and the movie pussyfooted around too much for an R rated feature. Also, Billy Crystal's son and fiance were undeveloped and somewhat obnoxious.

Transformers (2007)

Great job, Bay. You have proved that you...have lots This was one big crappy sell-out from start to finish. Give a Disney Channel original movie an astronomical budget and you get this.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Very fun and has many colorful characters. A very well made documentary.

The Core
The Core (2003)

A movie that tries too hard and is constantly falling on its ass.

Monster House
Monster House (2006)

It's important as a landmark in cinematography in cartoonish 3D features, but though it starts out clever, it backslides into the formulaic tripe you would expect from an American animated film.

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

It's a classic...whether you like it or not.

The Rundown (Welcome to the Jungle)

It shouldn't be shocking that The Rock can act--he's been doing it his whole career (zing)--but it is surprising to see him actually act well...much better than the ever-obnoxious Sean William Scott. This was a fun action/adventure with just enough character to hold it together.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

I enjoy the character and voice of Jack Skelington far more than the movie itself. But there are a lot of good songs and of course Tim Burton's twisted vision as only (stop)animation can convey it.

Cool Hand Luke

The coolest movie ever made.

Crank (2006)

This movie will, if there is any justice in the world, go down in the history books as one of the most bad-ass movies, right up there with Fight Club. The opening title sequence, done in an 80's arcade game style with energetic rave music pounding, makes it apparent that the filmmakers are having fun, and it's hard for one not to get drawn in by their enthusiasm. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor borrow the premise of Dead on Arrival and transform it into the funnest action vehicle ever--Chev, a hit-man for hire has been poisoned with a new synthetic toxin from Hong Kong. The toxins in Chev's blood can only be slowed down by adrenaline. It's as simple as that: keep moving, keep fighting, stay excited or frightened, and you live.

Of course the pursuit of the man who poisoned him keeps him occupied with shootouts and car chases, but he still must find ways to keep himself alert in between. Robbing convenience stores of all their energy drinks, getting into bar fights, snorting coke, and sex are just a few of his impromptu solutions.

With a premise that seems to be expressly designed for non-stop action, there is always the risk (dare I say the probability) that the movie's creators will disregard the details and create something sickeningly superficial. Crank is an exception. The movie is overflowing with creative touches and hilarious dialog. It has great pacing, with just enough downtime in all the right places. What's more, it has good characters and good acting to boot. Chev's girlfriend is so endearing and cute there's no wonder why he would fall in love with her, and seeing the way he treats her there's no doubt that he has.

The plot is, ironically, difficult to understand toward the end, when the events leading up to the movie's beginning are revealed, but if you didn't mind the plot holes in Fight Club you'll have no problems ignoring the ones in Crank.

The movie's downside is its frequent post-MTV video editing. Going split-screen for phone conversations is one thing, but blending that second screen into the environment--projected on a wall or in the rear view mirror of a car--is another.

All things considered, this is the summer blockbuster that we deserve after several let downs. It's the perfect movie to see with a group of friends, but even alone I laughed out loud quite a bit. I would compare the experience to a mix between Pulp Fiction and Run Lola Run.

X-Men: The Last Stand

The original director abandoned it to work on Superman, while the directer of Superman was fired and wandered over to this movie.

Right from the virtual training mission, you could tell that the writing was going to be lazy and uninspired. What follows is a jumble of half-baked plotlines all stumbling over each other, leading up to a lackluster battle.

Rock-a-Doodle (1992)

Damn you, Flickster. I never wanted to remember this movie.

The Public Enemy

After a slow start, Wellman gets it together, delivering up a well-made gangster film with poignant violence and some humor one wouldn't expect from the 30's.

Lady in the Water

"'A Thousand Narfs' is about a rare narf--who comes once in a generation of a narfs--called a Madam Narf." Young-Soon sums the story up pretty nicely right there: This movie is about saying the word "narf" (yeah, that expletive Pinky used to use) at every possible opportunity. But wait! There's more! You'll also hear the word "scrunt," which although it sounds like a small rodent with a gimp leg is actually a wolf-like beast with grass all over it and who's special power is that "it can lie...completely flat!" Stop laughing; this is serious. There's also a mud called "key" and three monkeys with one name and an abusive maintenance guy known as "Poo Man" and an evil nerd and a filthy echidna and one of the Fine Young Cannibals.

M. Night Shyamalan also casts himself as a writer who's work will change the world and kills off a movie critic in effegy. That guy! What a clown.

Hulk (2003)

Hilariously bad. One to rent for MST night.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

A movie that, though I didn't quite love the first time, has gotten better every time I've watched it. Bill Murray should have been Oscar nominated for this role.

Tom and Huck
Tom and Huck (1995)

JTT's undeniable dreaminess can't save this sack of dooder.

Escape from New York

Campy but enjoyable. John Carpenter is not nearly as talented a musician as he thinks he is, but the music is tolerable--except during the 3min opening credits.

The People Under The Stairs

15 endings. Seriously. That aside, this is a mildly horrific but genuinely creepy Wes Craven movie. Some have called it a classic, but its tactics are not quite refined enough to be truly memorable unless you saw it during early childhood.

Shaolin Soccer

Enough bad CG effects to choke the Mask, but it has a decent story and a lot of good humor.

Regeneration (1915)

Drags a bit in the middle, but is an important film both in the context of silent movies and the beginning of the gangster genre.

The film is based on the autobiography of Owen Kildare. Filmed on location, it is a realistic depiction of life in the inner city during it's time period, even to the point of featuring some of the local waifs.