The characters are shockingly devoid of merit, especially for a drama in these "enlightened" times. Film noir has always highlighted the femme fatale. However these women have little to do other than display their physical attributes. The narrative unrepentantly parades Jessica Alba, Eva Green Jaime King, and Juno Temple through the production like skewered selections by waiters at a Brazilian BBQ. Women are either prostitutes, strippers, or evil temptresses. At least one gets to be a good luck charm. Rosario Dawson literally wears what looks like metal saucepan lids over her breasts in one scene. Jamie Chung doesn't even get to speak. Oh but she displays her knife wielding skills. Can I re-emphasize the violence? The unending obliteration of human beings is gruesome. It's like watching a chef at Benihana chop up various meats and vegetables for 102 minutes and then calling it a drama. The men aren't any more carefully drawn either. Their lack of humanity is disheartening. These guys are rotten to the core. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character is just a body to destroy. He serves no purpose. For the first 10 minutes, I marveled at the visual style. It's remarkable, but soon after the ugliness beneath the production seeps through and overstays its welcome fast.
Frank is a black comedy with a dark undercurrent. How dark? Well someone who has committed suicide by hanging himself from tree is presented as a visual joke. In another instance a man is suddenly hit by a car in a sonic surprise that virtually slaps the audience with a punctuated jolt. Frank is definitely an odd little film with a sensibility that will charm some and irk others. There are some amusing moments. Frank's attempt at his most likable pop song is something called "Coca Cola, Lipstick, Ringo." In the words of screenwriter Jon Ronson, it would be the result "if someone with manic depression tried to write a Katy Perry song." The final ditty "I Love You All" is strangely affecting as well. Unfortunately those occurrences are few and far between. Most of the picture isn't that funny or even particularly memorable. Frank isn't a bad movie. There are some touching episodes amidst the bleak humor, but I'll liken its appeal to food. Frank is a heaping plate of fava beans. There's nothing wrong with fava beans. I just wouldn't call myself a fan. I'll take a plate of broccoli instead.
What If is all about when men and women enter the "friend" zone. The picture frequently recalls the far superior When Harry Met Sally both in subject matter and alliances. Wallace and Chantry embark on a platonic relationship. She opens up to her sister Dalia (Megan Park) for advice. He confides in his buddy Allan (Adam Driver). Allan also happens to be Chantry's cousin. More quirkiness. The production was originally titled The F Word when it was released at the 2013 Toronto film festival in September. That the filmmakers ditched that significantly more zesty title for a humdrum one, actually belies the movie's true heart. What If is pleasant enough but the slightness of the story ultimately relegates this affair to little more than passable time filler.
So how does a priest spend what might possibly be the very last week of his life? By keeping mum on the threat to his existence and sublimating himself in the mire of his own congregation. Brendan Gleeson is a conscientious man of the cloth with his heart in the right place. He's mostly a positive portrayal of a Catholic father in an age where that is an original concept. In contrast, writer/director John Michael McDonagh surrounds Brendan Gleeson with a coterie of oddballs and miscreants. A circus freak show would look like the picture of normality when compared to this parish. It's very self consciously arty. The one actually nice person in this whole depressing production is actress Kelly Reilly who plays Lavelle's daughter. He was once married and entered the priesthood following the death of his wife. She provides a bit of a respite from the miserableness. Along the way we endure situations brought down by dialogue that challenges the very nature of what it means to produce an engaging drama. The ending is one last expression of disregard for an audience that has endured a narrative that ultimately goes nowhere. Calvary is the hill in Jerusalem where Jesus was crucified. And that's a pretty good description of how I felt after this film was over.
These realizations are a complete betrayal of Colin Firth's character. That this lifelong curmudgeon would all of sudden, fall head over heals in love with a woman he had regarded as a charlatan is a bunch of hooey. Add to this the unsavory fact that he is old enough to be her grandfather and it adds another layer of ick. Who's Helena Bonham Carter's love interest going to be in her next film....Justin Bieber? Because their age difference is exactly the same. Everything up until this point is decent. However the story falls apart from there. Then a plot twist is added and the reveal is like deflating a hot air balloon as it rapidly descends back to earth. From then on there is absolutely nowhere for the narrative to go. His comment on faith is by now a Woody Allen cliché. Magic in the Moonlight isn't the worst Woody Allen film, but it's 238,855 miles away from being the best.