[i][b]Zoom[/b][/i] Strring: Tim Allen, Courteney Cox, Chevy Chase, Spencer Breslin, Kevin Zegers, Kate Mara, Michael Cassidy, Ryan Newman, and Rip Torn. Directed by Peter Hewitt. Written by Adam Rifkin and David Berenbaum. Rated [b]PG[/b] (for brief rude humor, language and mild action). Running time aproximately 1 hour 29 minutes.
We've already seen [i]Zoom[/i], and it was much better when it was [i]Sky High[/i] and had Kurt Russell in it. Tim Allen just doesn't do it for me. I used to watch [i]Home Improvement[/i] as a kid, but I don't remember any of it. I can't describe to you a single moment from any episode, ever. Allen has this sort of attitude about him that reminds me of a pompous straight guy who's so afraid of women and gays that he's sarcastic to the point of self-parody. His role here, while he does have some funny lines, is just like every other role you've ever seen him play. The kids are fun, and Cox is a great ditz, but nothing new is offered. [b]*1/2 (out of ****) C-[/b]
[i][b]Legend[/b][/i] Starring: Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry, David Bennent, Alice Playten, and Billy Barty. Directed by Ridley Scott. Written by William Hjortsberg. Rated [b]PG[/b] (for some frightening images, violence and mild sensuality). Running time approximately 1 hour 29 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/legend.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]Oh, the delight of Tim Curry.[/i][/center]
Ridley Scott's [i]Legend[/i] could've been so very great, but instead is only good. Tom Cruise, Mia Sara and Tim Curry ham it up accordingly in a story I couldn't describe to you if I tried which takes place in a world that is so beautiful and so frightening with creatures (great makeup, by the way) both gorgeous and grotesque. It is such a grand production, yet it seems to take place on such a small scale. I wasn't disappointed as much as I was baffled. I wonder why they didn't make this film longer and really explain what the hell was happening. I did enjoy it, though. It reminds me of a mix between [i]Willow[/i] and [i]The Lord of the Rings[/i]. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]
[b][i]Bridge to Terabithia[/i][/b] Starring: Josh Hutcherson, AnnaSophia Robb, Zooey Deschanel, Robert Patrick, and Bailee Madison. Directed by Gabor Csupo. Written by Jeff Stockwell and David Paterson. Rated [b]PG[/b] (for thematic elements including bullying, some peril and mild language). Running time approximately 1 hour 35 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/terabithia1.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]I don't understand why so many people love this. It's such crap.[/i][/center]
I have been bewildered by many folks' opinions in years passed, but I think the universal love for the insipid Disney film [i]Bridge to Terabithia[/i] takes the cream pie. This is a film which feels so shoddy and so silly and so downright manipulative that I found myself bored and feeling cheated and annoyed with its cloying sensibilities. If you like this film, or even love it, I shall really question my trust in your opinion from this day forward. Ick! [b]* (out of ****) D[/b]
[b][i]Open Season[/i][/b] Starring the voice talents of: Martin Lawrence, Ashton Kutcher, Gary Sinise, Debra Messing, Billy Connolly, Jon Favreau, and Patrick Warburton. Directed by Roger Allers and Jill Culton. Written by Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman, and Nat Mauldin. Rated [b]PG[/b] (for some rude humor, mild action and brief language). Running time approximately 1 hour 26 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/Open-Season-cliff.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]Cute and fun, but predictable.[/i][/center]
[i]Open Season[/i], while not nearly as good as the stuff Disney and Pixar pump out, is a fun and silly family film. It's predictable only in its happy ending. Everything else is thrown to the wind. I loved the bunnies, and I loved Kutcher and Lawrence's voice work. It's really a very fun and very funny movie. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]
[b][i]Junior[/i][/b] Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson, Frank Langella, Pamela Reed, and Aida Turturro. Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by Kevin Wade and Chris Conrad. Rated [b]PG-13[/b] (for language and sexual content). Running time approximately 1 hour 49 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/junior.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]I don't care, I love it![/i][/center]
Ivan Reitman's [i]Junior[/i] is a brave, original and hilarious comedy. I really, really enjoyed it. Schwarzenegger is perfect for comedies because almost every line of dialogue he delivers is in this serious monotone, and for lines like, "I'm pregnant and alone," it works wonders. What's especially wonderful about [i]Junior[/i] is its ending, which is so real and such a geniuney emotional experience. I couln't believe it, and I can't believe it now. It's a very good film. [b]***1/2 (out of ****) B+[/b]
[b][i]Rabid[/i][/b] Starring: Marilyn Chambers, Frank Moore, Joe Silver, and Howard Ryshpan. Written and Directed by David Cronenberg. Rated [b]R[/b] (for bizarre violence and gore, sexual content/nudity and language). Running time approximately 1 hour 32 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/rabid.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]EEK! She looks all moldy...[/i][/center]
David Cronenberg is pretty much a maniac, his maniacal tendencies only increasing over the years. [i]Rabid[/i] has behind it a gloriously original and incredibly strange (of course - it's Cronenberg) idea, but a great deal of the film is silly and completely nonsensical. Apparently, skin grafting can cause an anus-like opening in one's armpit, from which a snake-like appendage emerges, poking its victims with a needle and infecting them with what could only be described as rabies. Ha! I love it. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]
[b][i]The Surgeon[/i][/b] Starring: Isabel Glasser, James Remar, Sean Haberle, Peter Boyle, Malcolm McDowell, and Charles Dance. Directed by Carl Schenkel. Written by Patrick Cirillo. Rated [b]R[/b] (for strong violence and gore, and for sexuality and language). Running time approximately 1 hour 40 minutes.
I never thought I'd ever see James Remar's penis, and I never wanted to. Thanks to the glorious masterpiece of schlock horror [i]The Surgeon[/i], I have now been both let down and shocked at the sight of said individual's genitals. Great. Not only does the film blow but I get to see the unattractive Remar's dingaling. Please wait while I jump up with effing joy. ACK! [b]* (out of ****) D[/b]
[b][i]The Ninth Gate[/i][/b] Starring: Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigner, and James Russo. Directed by Roman Polanski. Written by John Brownjohn, Enrique Urbizu, and Roman Polanski. Rated [b]R[/b] (for some violence and sexuality). Running time approximately 2 hours 13 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/ninthgate.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]Aw...Johnny's so cute when he's hunting maniacal Satanists.[/i][/center]
Roman Polanski is, as I've stated before, a master of his craft. This does not mean, though, that he is immune to failure, however slight it may be. [i]The Ninth Gate[/i], an overlong gothic thriller starring the ever-reliable Johnny Depp, is a mild failure if only because it retains a sort of deliberate pace throughout. There is not a point at which the film's pace quickens. The film does remain interesting, though, with wonderful descriptions and a sort of Hardy Boys mystery at work. I liked it, but it could have been so much better. [b]**1/2 (out of ****) B-[/b]
[b][i]Bruiser[/i][/b] Starring: Jason Flemyng, Peter Stormare, Leslie Hope, and Tom Atkins. Written and Directed by George A. Romero. Rated [b]R[/b] (for sexuality, violence, language and some drug use). Running time approximately 1 hour 39 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/bruiser.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]I guess I don't know what to think...[/i][/center]
George Romero has faltered before, and he will undoubtedly falter again (news of his latest zombie effort makes the film sound as though it will be quite the bomb...but I could be wrong). With [i]Bruiser[/i], a strange, unsavory and quite nasty little film, he has created his least impressive film to date. The performers deliver the awkward lines in awkward ways, all of them acting in a rather awkward manner. I have no idea what the film was about or what I gained from watching it. [b]*1/2 (out of ****) D+[/b]
[b][i]From Hell[/i][/b] Starring: Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Ian Holm, Robbie Coltrane, Ian Richardson, and Jason Flemyng. Directed by The Hughes Brothers. Written by Terry Hayes and Rafael Yglesias. Rated [b]R[/b] (for strong violence/gore, sexuality, language and drug content). Running time approximately 2 hours 2 minutes.
I remember hearing a bunch of hubbub about the Hughes Brothers' apparently rockin'good action film [i]Dead Presidents[/i], which I unfortunately/fortunately never got to see. If [i]From Hell[/i] is any indication of their talent, I'll be seeing the older film as soon as I am able. This one, fueled by one hell of a lead performance from Johnny Depp, is a brutal, bloody mystery sporting gorgeous cinematography and a surprisingly adequate performance from eather Graham. I really, really enjoyed it, even if the revelation was a bit underwhelming. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]
Starring: A.J. Cook, Bruce Payne, Ryan Northcott, Claire Keim, and Jurgen Prochnow. Directed by John Eyres. Written by Pat Bermel. Rated [b]R[/b] (for violence/gore, sexuality and language). Running time approximately 1 hour 53 minutes.
[center][img]http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/NuBz86/ripper.jpg[/img][/center] [center][i]Last year's runner-up for Lame City Mayor...[/i][/center]
Ineptitude is a funny thing. Why is it so very prominent? I've wondered this for years. As many can probably tell (if you view my ratings list), I've seen my share of horrid films. Horror films are meant to frighten and intrigue us. [i]Ripper: Letter from Hell[/i] does neither for the majority of its overlong 113-minute runtime. I was involved for the first half hour. Very involved. The film, from that point on, delved into the ridiculous, the gratuitously disgusting and the incomprehensible. Bleh. [b]*1/2 (out of ****) D+[/b]
[b][i]Killers from Space[/i][/b]
Starring: Peter Graves, James Seay, Steve Pendleton, and Barbara Bestar.
Directed by W. Lee Wilder.
Written by William Raynor.
No MPAA rating (contains utter ridiculousness, intended for morons).
Running time approximately 1 hour 11 minutes.
Wow. [i]Killers from Space[/i] is so bad that it goes past good and back to bad again. Yes, I stole that line from [i]Ghost World[/i], but if you see the film, you'd understand why. I am literally left speechless in my utter disdain for this ridiculous piece of crap. The aliens have ping-pong balls for eyes. 'Nuff said. [b]Zero Stars (out of ****) F[/b]
Starring: Brandon Maggart, Jeffrey DeMunn, Dianne Hull, Andy Fenwick, and Brian Neville.
Written and Directed by Lewis Jackson.
Rated [b]R[/b] (for strong violence/gore, some sexuality and language).
Running time approximately 1 hour 35 minutes.
[center][i]Oh, how witty can you get?[/i][/center]
Goodness, I'm so glad the Christmas horror film was redeemed (for me, at least) by Glen Morgan's rockin'-sweet remake of [i]Black Christmas[/i]. Lewis Jackson's [i]Christmas Evil[/i] is quite the opposite of good. It's needlessly convoluted and the characters are idiots. The killer is lame and the events predictable. That's pretty much it. [b]* (out of ****) D[/b]
[b][i]The Day of the Triffids[/i][/b]
Starring: Howard Keel, Nicole Maurey, Janette Scott, Kieron Moore, and a flesh-crawling experience in terror!
Directed by Steve Sekely.
Written by Philip Yordan.
No MPAA rating (contains some violence and terror).
Running time approximately 1 hour 33 minutes.
I don't care what anyone has to say about it, but [i]The Day of the Triffids[/i] rocks my socks! It's a completely ridiculous (and rather obvious) ripoff of [i]Invasion of the Body Snatchers[/i] that's so completely serious you can't help but giggle aloud. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and it really creeped me out a few times. I say see it. It's probably a dollar wherever shitty DVDs are sold. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]
Starring: Kelly Bohanon, Kevin Hearst, Caroline Hildebrand, and Keith Carradine.
Directed by Peter Fonda.
Written by Thomas Matthiesen.
Rated [b]PG[/b] (for some violence/disturbing images).
Running time approximately 1 hour 28 minutes.
[center][i]Shitty picture just one of many gripes in early Fonda sci-fi film.[/i][/center]
I find it shocking that Peter Fonda directed this. [i]Idaho Transfer[/i] is a film full of interesting ideas that falls flat because of its lack of budget. How can you expect to make an effective science fiction film involving inter-dinemsional travel if you have ten bucks to work with? Goodness, is it interesting, but I can't possibly recommend it. Remake? Meh... [b]*1/2 (out of ****) C-[/b]
[b][i]Warriors of the Wasteland[/i][/b]
Starring: Fred Williamson, Timothy Brent, George Eastman, and Anna Kanakis.
Directed by Enzo G. Castellari.
Written by Tito Carpi, Enzo Girolami, and Antonio Visone.
Rated [b]R[/b] (for graphic violence, nudity and language).
Running time approximately 1 hour 31 minutes.
[center][i]2019: After the Fall of New York - such a cooler title.[/i][/center]
I expected this one to be at least a little bit enjoyable. I mean, with multiple titles ranging from [i]Warriors of the Wasteland[/i] to [i]2019: After the Fall of New York[/i], I was really hoping to have a damned good time with it. Alas, I was let down. The film is almost completely incomprehensible...and not in that good, fun David Lynch sort of way. We can hardly tell what the hell is happening. Had it been more ambitious, it may have been fun. [b]1/2* (out of ****) D-[/b]