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Ninja Assassin

Ninja Assassin

(2009)
4 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Heretofore, the world is divided into two distinct types of people: people who like Ninja Assassin, and people who should think long and hard about their lives, their bad decision making, their total lack of points of interest in their personality, the fact that they are bereft of testosterone and a sense of humor, and all of their multitudinous failings and shortcomings, and then drink bleach and put themselves out of the misery of their obvious betters.

Ninja Assassin is a melange of flashbacks that are the glue holding together the most death and dismemberment seen in a movie since Shogun Assassin hit screens decades ago. Ninjas appear out of thin air, are promptly dismembered in a shower of cgi and real gore, and good times are had by all. The martial skills in evidence were impressive, and displayed stark knowledge of what practical street fighters would consider believable action, in addition to the useless flash made famous by Jet Li, only delivered with a sense of power, ferocity, and believability never before captured on film.

Simply stated, this movie is the balls. Any claims that it had a weak plot should be disregarded as the inane blatherings of testosterone-deficient weaklings, and any complaints about the use of cgi gore (which I'll admit I loathe) can be countered with the assurance that there was enough real life gore to cause my fellow gorehounds to pitch tents in their pants the same way they did during their first viewing of Robocop. Recognize.

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Intel Hollywood Star Program (July 2012 - December 2012)
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