Its burn this film,or dip it in hydroclauric acid.Do i even have to see this film to review it? You know what,wait,lemme see the trailer.Like im gonna take this review seriously.Wow...the special effects look like horse shit.I just got my enitre plot in 57seconds! Killer dinosaurs,gotta kill 'em,the end....That proves this film is horse shit.No one,i mean no one,wants to know the plot in 57seconds.
Okay so,since i saw the fucking trailer and know whats going to happen,lets dive into Loch Ness (Loch means Lake in scottish).Oh and the origin of the REAL Loch Ness Monster.....rent a book.The film (No Doubt) would open with someone getting attacked by Nessie (The nick-name for the loch ness monster) and die.A load of chit-chat,they kill the animal(s) the end! Wow what a terrific movie! i explained it in 1 fucking sentence.That prooves this film is predicitable!
Bottom line,can you belive i just described the plot in less then 30words! 23 to be exact! Yes i counted.Excluding the ones in perenthesise.I give this movie a 1 out of 10.Dont watch it.It sucks.
What the fuck? This is not in any means a ripoff i swear.It cant be called a ripoff,its to bad for that.Its flat out trying to cash in on the transFORMERS craze.I rember seeing this in my local video store when transformers came out.I looked and said "Transmorphers? what the hell is that?!" i looked at the back and put it down and walked away to,oh i dont know,GOOD MOVIES!.No matter how many diffrent ways you look at it,it is,was,and always will be a load shit.Im surprised this thing is not a disease.I mean can it be called the H1N1 virus in a box? Ok enough compareing a peice of plastic to a deadly virus.Our boxart is a "Transmorpher" skidding thats not anything like what starscream did in the first film.Right now i wanna make so many STD jokes but i dont wanna get in trouble.Oh what the heck,this film has movie transmitted diseases.Usually just takeing the DVD disc to your tool shed and giving it a "Checkup" with your buzz saw.Or if your a kid/teenager,then you take it outside and give it a "Checkup" with your baseball bat.
Okay so our plot is evil robots,a stupid resistance which has an IQ in the friggin negatives,and a guy who say's "Uh" so many times i got uhhhhhh sydrom now.So expect alot of uhhhh in this review.So our uhhhh plot is uhhhh dumb and uhhhh i uhhhh cant stop uhhhh saying uhhhh uhhhh.Ill stop that but thats the characters sentence's in a nutshell.Its like hes making up his lines as he goes along.Also it rips off,and im gonna be honest with you.Independence day.WHO RIPSOFF ROLAND EMMERICH!? WHO?!?!?!?!?!??!!??!?! Your ripping off the guy made Godesszilla! Godzilla(1998) who like me to be accurate.I know im being a goofball but why should i give this movie a serious review? Its a ripoff with a budget of 5bucks.Not the real budget but really its so bad it makes Uwe Boll look like Francis Ford Coppola.
Bottom line "Transmorphers" sucks bigtime.Its so bad its absoulte shit.Saying this film is good is a crime against movie history.This film was made by the "Asylum".A company that makes mockbusters.Like,
Ju-On: The Grudge,is the japanese version of The Grudge.But (If memory serves me right) has japanese actors that can speak american...or did i use subtitles? I forget since its been about 2 years since i last saw this movie.The plot is just like the american film.A haunted house thats possesed by spirits that,after you go into the house,chase you and kill you...soon enough.Now this film seems to be inferior to the american film.Yet the sequel to THIS film is better then the american Grudge 2.So its a game of reversal.I wonder if the japanese Grudge 3 rocks,if so,then the game of reversal is just a coinsidence.
Now,shocker!,theres some logic in this film! Wow,and we couldn't have logic in the grudge because? Oh right because when you remake a J-Horror film (J-Horror means Japanese Horror movie.) it looses all logic.DUH! Ok so the acting is ok.But compare it to the sequel,and it looks like transformers 2.The horror.....its good.But is a little more predictible.The origin,just for the record,is the same as the grudge.Affair,death,meow,suicide.Well i also wanna mention that the ghosts look alot scarier in this film.Which then leads me to ask this, "Why does this film feel infferior to the american verson?".It might be due to the fact i just found the horror to be,well,not as good as the american verision.Sure,the ghosts look scarier in this film,but its not as good as the grudge.
I give this film a 5 out of 10.See it for a decent shock or 2.Its not THAT bad.