[Mazaru666]

So with the announcement of yet another Presidential candidate for ’08 I sat there thinking – WTF. How can so many unqualified unknowns just toss their hats into the ring for one of the most powerful offices in America?

This got my lazy brain going down a path of retarded day dreaming. I wonder if I could be president. I have seen a variety of movies involving a president and have absorbed some of their lessons learned. Heck I would make a fantastic President.

So, without more fluff, I hereby announce my intent to run for President of the United States. I have a basic platform and could use a running mate. More on that after this thread gets flamed and people bash me for being off topic and idiotic.





Ladies and Gentlemen of RT, I present my platform.



Illegal Aliens (lessons learned = Independence Day & Mars Attacks)




These two movies deeply impacted my stance on the issue of unwanted aliens. The defense of America at all costs versus the peaceful negotiation route is the best. I don’t want to have my brains scrambled in the White House while the First Lady gets nailed, but instead I would be in a fighter blasting the unwanted visitors a new orifice. So a vote for me is a vote for a dead oppressive alien.





Global Environmental Issues (lessons learned = Spaceballs)




President Skroob was my inspiration for how to solve the global environmental issues that threaten to destroy the planet. If elected I shall work with the revamped NASA to build a giant space ship and steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of clean, ozone rich air to replenish our own. Of course we’ll need to use about 75% of the planet’s oil and resources to get the project done, but in the long run the benefits of our mission will out-weigh the short term sacrifices. This vessel will also be handy in case a giant asteroid is on a crash course with earth. Our administration should be able to evacuate enough wealthy men and their trophy wives to be able to repopulate a new civilization.



The War on Terrorism (lessons learned = Air Force 1)

President Marshall is a Medal of Honor-winning president who kicks terrorist butt and saves his family when the terrorist hijack Air Force One. This is the perfect frame work for my stance on terrorism. As President I personally would be involved in hand-to-hand combat versus America’s enemies. Why send someone else when you can do the job yourself.



While the Iraq strategy is not working as planned with similar arse-beating tactics, my administration has the inside scoop on what changes need to be applied to President Bush’s missteps and correct the course. When elected I shall form an elite killing force for beating down any terrorist threats in the US or abroad. The force shall be manned by Chuck Norris, Mr. T and the ever popular Steven Seagal. These three shall crush any opposition or stare them down into submission.



Moral America (lessons learned = Dick)




While the hiring of hot young interns didn’t work for Richard Nixon and eventually cost him the Presidency after the Watergate scandal broke, I have learned a very valuable lesson from this event that I can use to build upon a solid, moral White House. Interns will be supervised constantly and be 21 and over. Joe Rogan will head my White House Gone Wild website so the American public can view any Presidential improprieties live on our web-cam instead of having to subpoena secret tapes similar to those Nixon had. Of course there will be a fee for this, but all proceeds will go to the National Parks and Recreation fund.



White House Affairs (lessons learned = American President, Absolute Power)




While I admire Hackman’s portrayal of an adulterous president so craven, corrupt, and disgusting that he screws his best friend's wife, beats her up, and has his Secret Service agents blow her away when she tries to defend herself with a letter opener I do feel that was a bit unnecessary. A quieter tactic should have been employed and my administration would have the proper guidelines in place for my mistresses to be rewarded for services to the Presidential cabinet. As with Douglas’ representation as the President, I shall have my wife die a sad, but plot-driven death, so I can nail fairly attractive for their ages lobbyists. It would be the most ethical thing to do and my administration is all about ethics.





Economy (lessons learned = Dave)




Our nation is facing many economic problems that are affecting each and every American middle and lower working class family. If elected I shall use every resource at my disposal to balance the budget and work to build in more refund opportunities. The resources would include any non-governmental tax accountant who can side step all known government regulations and provide my doppelganger with the information necessary to work with government agencies. It’s hard work being president so I would advocate cloning so multiple versions of me could run the Presidency more efficiency while I focused on more important things; like golfing with ex-Presidents.



Promoting Democracy (lessons learned = Dr. Strangelove)

While my administration would try to advocate peace across the world’s nations we realize there will come a time when the United States will have to answer the world’s call for help. It’s at this time we’d employ tactics learned from President Merkin Muffley and surround ourselves with the greatest wheel chair bound, German geniuses we could find. Our Presidential cabinet realizes that not all geniuses have two working legs and we strive to hire based on qualifications following all guidelines for fair hiring processes. Also, our Big Map in the War Room will be made to match that in War Games complete with XBOX 360, PS3 and Wii stations.



Domestic Affairs (lessons learned = Escape from NY)




As President I feel that the United States needs to heal itself from within and work to build a better country one family at a time. You can not build a strong wall without a strong mortar and the people of this great country are the mortar that holds the bricks of Democracy together. Unfortunately we realize that not everyone can be helped. This is why I would propose that the state of Louisiana be walled off on its north, west and east sides and be made into a prison state. While in Escape from NY they used Manhattan as a prison island I see this as an unrealistic and unprofitable solution to a growing problem of our criminal justice system. Louisiana would be an adequate size and location to relocate any and all criminals across America. Heck, half the state has already been leveled and is in need of repair, so allowing America’s criminals to have this state as their own would save the tax payers billions in rebuilding fees.





I appreciate your Patriotism and respect your rights at Citizens of the United States.

At this moment I would like to open the floor to questions, abuse, bribery and offers to be my Vice-Presidential running mate.



God Bless America.

[Poop]

THis was hilarious....I'd vote for you if I wasn't Canadian...

[furiousdude]

Wow....that's quite the proposal.


Might I humbly request to be your running mate?

I fashion myself after this great VP of TV lore:


Vice-President Charles Logan (24)


I earn my political clout the old fashion way...bribery, trickery and a glass of single-malt scotch. I know how to properly handle terrorism. While you are punching Gary Oldman on Air Force One, I am getting into bed with the Russians and doing it in the name of national security. I also have a crazy wife, but is strangely hot, in a couger-type way.

What do you say?

[Mazaru666]

Originally Posted by poop

THis was hilarious....I'd vote for you if I wasn't Canadian...

I always thought Canada was part of the US.
If elected it shall be after we invade for the Molson.

[Mazaru666]

Originally Posted by furiousdude

Wow....that's quite the proposal.


Might I humbly request to be your running mate?

I fashion myself after this great VP of TV lore:


Vice-President Charles Logan (24)


I earn my political clout the old fashion way...bribery, trickery and a glass of single-malt scotch. I know how to properly handle terrorism. While you are punching Gary Oldman on Air Force One, I am getting into bed with the Russians and doing it in the name of national security. I also have a crazy wife, but is strangely hot, in a couger-type way.

What do you say?

Considering how we have already spoke of the vast age differential at RT it would be in my best interest to acquire a younger running mate to connect with the adolescent population.

I would be honored to have you as my running mate.
I believe I can repurpose your image in Poop's glorious casting thread to complete our 2008 campaign poster.

[furiousdude]

Originally Posted by Mazaru666

Considering how we have already spoke of the vast age differential at RT it would be in my best interest to acquire a younger running mate to connect with the adolescent population.

I would be honored to have you as my running mate.
I believe I can repurpose your image in Poop's glorious casting thread to complete our 2008 campaign poster.

Excellent.

*goes out and buys a $1500 suit*

[ZBigRedDogZ]

Sorry, we've already got one of our own (maybe) running for President:



http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story...0&provider=rss

[Mazaru666]

Originally Posted by ZBigRedDogZ

Sorry, we've already got one of our own (maybe) running for President:


http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story...0&provider=rss

That is true, however since I have not declared a party affiliation I can safely let Fred run under the Republican flag. Which does bring up an interesting issue for me and my running mate - political affiliation.

I'll need to form a committee to investigate the possible parties willing to sponsor our run to the White House.

When I win the election I am forcing you to be named Steve.

[Poop]

Originally Posted by Mazaru666

I always thought Canada was part of the US.
If elected it shall be after we invade for the Molson.

Half of us will conced to your invasion, the other half will fight has hard as we can, which means throwing our hockey sticks and dump boiling vats of maple syrup onto you.

[ZBigRedDogZ]

Originally Posted by Mazaru666

When I win the election I am forcing you to be named Steve.

[Mazaru666]

I have our campaign poster pieces together, however am lacking a slogan.
Furious, if you have ideas shoot them over.
I am thinking "Don't you know other people are stupid" isn't a good slogan.

[Mazaru666]

[furiousdude]

Originally Posted by Mazaru666

Marvelous.

[Poop]

Originally Posted by Mazaru666

HAHA, I'd get behind this...

And Damn Maz...you just just like a perfect combination of two of my college buddies, and furiousude looks like he's 10 with that haircut

[Mazaru666]

Originally Posted by poop

HAHA, I'd get behind this...

And Damn Maz...you just just like a perfect combination of two of my college buddies, and furiousude looks like he's 10 with that haircut

yeah Furious is looking prepubescent.

is "just just" some Canadian dialect thing?
:-)

hey if you haven't seen Clark the Canadian goalie you should.
"Snack on that for lunch"
http://attaboy.ca/archives/2007/02/000986.php

[jmcshane]

Seems to me you're still lacking a campaign manager ... someone who'd be willing to hang out with the reps from the tobacco companies and smoke their cigarettes until his lungs fell out just to scam a few campaign dollars ... someone who'd be willing to hamstring the opposition by revealing tasteless photos (all manipulated of course) of their scandalous bestiality, pedaphilia, and under-arm flab ... someone like ... hmmmn ... someone like ...

[Mazaru666]

Originally Posted by jmcshane

Seems to me you're still lacking a campaign manager ... someone who'd be willing to hang out with the reps from the tobacco companies and smoke their cigarettes until his lungs fell out just to scam a few campaign dollars ... someone who'd be willing to hamstring the opposition by revealing tasteless photos (all manipulated of course) of their scandalous bestiality, pedaphilia, and under-arm flab ... someone like ... hmmmn ... someone like ...

You sound like that perfect someone.
Welcome aboard!

[Mr. E]

scrap that silly rule and make the Governator president already. Noone would F with you then.