Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler

Highest Rated: 92% Uncut Gems (2019)

Lowest Rated: 0% The Ridiculous 6 (2015)

Birthday: Sep 09, 1966

Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York, USA

Comedian, actor, writer and producer - as well as former "Saturday Night Live" (NBC, 1975- ) castmember - Adam Sandler was the man behind a genre of comedy blockbusters so closely associated with his formulaic wackiness that it eventually bore his name: "Adam Sandler movies." At the center of hits like "Billy Madison" (1995) and "The Waterboy" (1998) were Sandler's character creations - hapless, moronic, outsiders entangled in absurdly improbable circumstances. But critics be damned, the adolescent-skewed offerings proved to be box office gold and their creator repeated his success with endless variations on the same formula - including producing similar films starring good friends David Spade and Rob Schneider - before eventually branching out into something more substantial. First parlaying his vulnerable dimwit persona into romantic comedies like "The Wedding Singer" (1998), Sandler began to show subtler, more human shades in other people's works including Paul Thomas Anderson's "Punch-Drunk Love" (2002), for which he earned a Golden Globe nomination, and James L. Brooks' "Spanglish" (2004). With his tried-and-true formula beginning to lose audiences to "smarter" comedies, Sandler teamed with Judd Apatow for "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" (2008) and "Funny People" (2009), which saw Sandler delving deeper into acting than ever before. The comedian continued his softer direction with "Grown Ups" (2010), a reunion picture with many of his "SNL" buddies, and a warmhearted voiceover turn as a doting Dracula in "Hotel Transylvania" (2012) and its 2015 sequel. At the same time, Sandler continued making plenty of broad comedies such as "Jack and Jill" (2011) and the generation gap comedy "That's My Boy" (2012), before an ill-advised reunion with Drew Barrymore in "Blended" (2014), the critically-savaged science fiction comedy "Pixels" (2015) and a controversial western comedy, "The Ridiculous 6" (2015), threatened to undo all the goodwill he had gathered. However, a subdued performance in Noah Baumbach's "The Meyerowitz Stories" (2017) won critical plaudits at the 2017 Cannes Fiulm Festival, showing that Sandler was still capable of surprising critics and audiences alike. Adam Sandler's formula may have altered a bit through the years, but his heart stayed true to his particular brand of sweet-hearted, goofy comedy.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet No Score Yet Hotel Transylvania 4 Dracula (Voice) - 2021
33% 51% The Wrong Missy Producer - 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Adam Sandler: Funny Guy Unknown (Character) - 2020
52% 44% Hubie Halloween Hubie Dubois (Character) - 2020
44% 42% Murder Mystery Nick Spitz (Character),
Producer
- 2019
92% 52% Uncut Gems Howard Ratner (Character) $50M 2019
90% 91% Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh Unknown (Character) - 2018
62% 48% Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation Dracula (Voice),
Executive Producer
$167.5M 2018
27% 34% The Week Of Kenny Lustig (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
- 2018
No Score Yet 50% Puppy! Dracula (Voice) - 2017
27% 39% Sandy Wexler Sandy Wexler (Character) - 2017
92% 72% The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) Danny (Character) - 2017
9% 42% The Do Over Rick (Character),
Producer
- 2016
10% 21% Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Executive Producer - 2015
71% 77% I Am Chris Farley Unknown (Character) - 2015
17% 46% Pixels Sam Brenner (Character),
Producer
$78.7M 2015
5% 33% Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Producer $71M 2015
55% 64% Hotel Transylvania 2 Dracula (Voice),
Screenwriter
- 2015
0% 34% The Ridiculous 6 Tommy (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
- 2015
34% 44% Men, Women & Children Don Truby (Character) $668K 2014
14% 64% Blended Jim (Character),
Producer
$46.3M 2014
10% 36% The Cobbler Max Simkin (Character) - 2014
8% 53% Grown Ups 2 Lenny Feder (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
$133.7M 2013
45% 72% Hotel Transylvania Dracula (Voice),
Executive Producer
$167.9M 2012
41% 65% Here Comes the Boom Executive Producer $45.3M 2012
20% 51% That's My Boy Donny (Character),
Producer
$36.9M 2012
3% 36% Jack and Jill Jack/Jill (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
$74.2M 2011
19% 59% Just Go With It Danny (Character),
Producer
$103M 2011
14% 41% Zookeeper Donald the Monkey (Voice),
Producer
$80.4M 2011
3% 25% Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Screenwriter,
Producer
$2.3M 2011
11% 62% Grown Ups Lenny Feder (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
$162M 2010
34% 43% Paul Blart: Mall Cop Producer $146.3M 2009
69% 48% Funny People George Simmons (Character) $51.8M 2009
43% 50% The House Bunny Producer $48.2M 2008
37% 45% You Don't Mess With the Zohan Zohan (Character),
Screenwriter,
Producer
$100M 2008
27% 55% Bedtime Stories Skeeter Bronson (Character),
Producer
$110M 2008
15% 69% I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry Chuck Levine (Character),
Producer
$119.7M 2007
64% 81% Reign Over Me Charlie Fineman (Character) $19.7M 2007
13% 64% The Benchwarmers Producer $57.7M 2006
34% 66% Click Michael Newman (Character),
Producer
$137.3M 2006
16% 85% Grandma's Boy Producer $6.1M 2006
31% 62% The Longest Yard Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe (Character) $158.1M 2005
9% 33% Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Producer $22.3M 2005
45% 65% 50 First Dates Henry Roth (Character) $120.8M 2004
No Score Yet 84% Late Night With Conan O'Brien - 10th Anniversary Special Unknown (Character) - 2004
53% 60% Spanglish John Clasky (Character) $42M 2004
22% 46% Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star Producer $22.7M 2003
42% 60% Anger Management Dave Buznik (Character),
Executive Producer
$133.8M 2003
1% 34% The Master of Disguise Executive Producer $40.4M 2002
12% 49% Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights Davey, Whitey, Eleanore & Deer (Voice),
Writer (Story),
Executive Producer,
Producer
$23.4M 2002
79% 77% Punch-Drunk Love Barry Egan (Character) $17.8M 2002
22% 59% Mr. Deeds Longfellow Deeds (Character),
Executive Producer
$126.2M 2002
22% 59% The Hot Chick Mambuza Bongo Guy (uncredited) (Character),
Executive Producer
$35M 2002
10% 63% Joe Dirt Executive Producer $27.1M 2001
30% 28% The Animal Executive Producer $55.8M 2001
22% 55% Little Nicky Nicky (Character),
Writer,
Executive Producer
$39.4M 2000
22% 42% Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Executive Producer $65.5M 1999
39% 74% Big Daddy Sonny Koufax (Character),
Screenwriter
$163.5M 1999
No Score Yet 75% Saturday Night Live - Game Show Parodies Unknown (Character) - 1999
17% 65% Dirty Work Satan (Character) $10M 1998
69% 80% The Wedding Singer Robert J. 'Robbie' Hart (Character) $80.2M 1998
No Score Yet No Score Yet Johnny B. Unknown (Character),
Director
- 1998
34% 71% The Waterboy Bobby Boucher (Character),
Writer,
Executive Producer
$161.5M 1998
8% 44% Bulletproof Archie Moses (Character) $21.3M 1996
61% 85% Happy Gilmore Happy Gilmore (Character),
Writer
$38.8M 1996
42% 79% Billy Madison Billy Madison (Character),
Writer,
Original Music
$25.6M 1995
23% 50% Airheads Pip (Character) $4.9M 1994
10% 47% Mixed Nuts Louie (Character) $6.6M 1994
43% 49% Shakes the Clown Dink the Clown (Character) $34.5K 1991
No Score Yet 11% Babes Ahoy Schecky Moskowitz (Character) - 1989
No Score Yet 20% Green Inferno Unknown (Character) - 1987

TV

Credit
No Score Yet 20% The Drew Barrymore Show Guest 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Group Chat Guest 2020
No Score Yet 34% Late Night With Seth Meyers Guest 2019-2020 2015
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Tonight Guest 2019-2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show Guest 2019-2020 2017 2013-2014
No Score Yet 58% The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Guest 2014-2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live! Guest 2017-2020 2013-2015 2010-2011 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet 60 Minutes Guest 2019-2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Conan Guest 2019-2020 2011-2017
No Score Yet No Score Yet Close Up With The Hollywood Reporter Guest 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Variety Studio: Actors on Actors Guest 2020 2018
No Score Yet 87% Lights Out With David Spade Guest 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Good Morning America Guest 2014-2019 2012 2008-2009
No Score Yet No Score Yet Comedy Club Network Unknown (Character) 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Access Hollywood Guest 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet Today Guest 2019 2010-2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Saturday Night Live Unknown (Character),
Host
2019 1990-1995
No Score Yet No Score Yet Live with Kelly and Ryan Guest 2018
28% 41% Kevin Can Wait Jimmy Landers (Guest Star) 2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet Celebrity Page Guest 2017-2018
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show Guest 2017
No Score Yet No Score Yet Charlie Rose Guest 2017 2009
0% 82% Real Rob Unknown (Guest Star) 2017
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden Guest 2017
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Tonight Canada Guest 2017 2015
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Studios.TV Guest 2016
No Score Yet No Score Yet Live! With Kelly and Michael Guest 2013-2015
No Score Yet 75% Late Show With David Letterman Guest 2014-2015
No Score Yet No Score Yet etalk Guest 2014-2015 2007
No Score Yet No Score Yet Young Hollywood's Greatest Unknown (Character) 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Queen Latifah Show Guest 2014
95% 94% Brooklyn Nine-Nine Himself (Guest Star) 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Guest 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet Made in Hollywood Guest 2010-2013 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Katie Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Guest 2009-2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Jessie Himself (Guest Star) 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet ES.TV Guest 2009-2012
No Score Yet No Score Yet Kickin' It: With Byron Allen Guest 2012 2010 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Dr. Phil Guest 2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Live With Regis and Kelly Guest 2008-2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Rachael Ray Guest 2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Guest 2010-2011 2006-2008 2002 1999-2000
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainers: With Byron Allen Guest 2008-2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Made in Hollywood: Teen Edition Guest 2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Oprah Winfrey Show Guest 2011
No Score Yet No Score Yet Sesame Street Unknown (Guest Star),
Guest
2009-2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Dateline NBC Guest 2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien Guest 2009-2010
No Score Yet No Score Yet Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Unknown (Guest Star) 2009
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Studios.com Guest 2008-2009
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Early Show Guest 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Late Night With Conan O'Brien Guest 2008 2006
No Score Yet 83% The King of Queens Unknown (Guest Star) 2007
No Score Yet No Score Yet Chris Rock Show Guest 2000 1998
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Cosby Show Unknown (Guest Star) 1988

QUOTES FROM Adam Sandler CHARACTERS

Max Kessler says: You always have to have a condom in your wallet and an umbrella in your trunk because you never know when you’re gonna fuck in the rain.

Max Kessler says: You always have to have a condom in your wallet and an umbrella in your trunk because you never know when you're gonna fuck in the rain.

Dracula says: [Imitating Mavis] Dad, it's not a fang. Dad I don't think this is the right place for Dennis, right Johnny? [Intimidating Johnny] Oh hey dudeman, it's not me is Mavy. Hey dudeman, I'm afraid to say anything! Hey Dudeman. I'm a Dudeman!

Dracula says: Dad, it's not a fang. Dad I don't think this is the right place for Dennis, right Johnny? Oh hey dudeman, it's not me is Mavy. Hey dudeman, I'm afraid to say anything! Hey Dudeman. I'm a Dudeman!

Frankenstein says: Uh.. Drac? Who.. who you talking to?

Shrunken Heads says: Do not disturb, The count's wigging out in here!

Nicky says: Popeye's chicken is fuckin' awesome!

Jimmy the Demon says: You were gone 10 seconds, what happened?

Nicky says: I got hit by a bright light attached to a lot of metal.

Satan says: That's a train, son, don't stand in front of them.

Sam Brenner says: Oh, God no!

Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten says: "Oh, God no!" What?

Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten says: Oh, God no what?

Ludlow Lamonsoff says: He ate the power pellet. That means Pac-Man has only ten seconds before he eats us!

Sam Brenner says: I'm Donkey Kong Champion of the world.

Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten says: And the Donkey Kong Champion of the world doesn't need patterns.

Sam Brenner says: Reset button!

Rita says: Is there a girl you're seein?

Bobby Boucher says: Seein? I see a lot of girls... I see a lot of guys too.

Rita says: I think that's sexy. You ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time?

Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant says: Guards, get me outta here! It's that mean Centipede killer! I hope he don't zap me with his space gun!

Sam Brenner says: How are you, Eddie?

Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant says: Sup, Second Place? Oh, and your sidekick here! Presidonut! I didn't know you could have an approval rating so "catatastrophic!"

Old Man says: Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid but he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here miss what are you gonna do about it hahahaha.

Sonny Koufax says: What are you drunk Mr Herlihy?

Old Man says: Well, I-I had a few chardonnays, what of it?

Sonny Koufax says: Get off the stand please.

Old Man says: You got it. Got a few problems.

Ramon says: My mother's Swedish

Tommy says: I don't think so. I reckon she's Mexican.

Ramon says: Lying bitch.

Max Simkin says: "i sincerely wish to commit suicide in front of my family"

Max Simkin says: I sincerely wish to commit suicide in front of my family.

Sam Brenner says: Pac-Man's a bad guy?

Sam Brenner says: I've been waiting to do this since 1982.

Sam Brenner says: Are you OK?

Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten says: I'm sitting in my closet and drinking chardonnay from a sippy cup. Do I look OK?

Sam Brenner says: I'm gonna say no.

O'Doyle (Grade 1) says: Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis. It's the best video game ever.

Billy Madison says: I disagree, it's a very good game but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.

O'Doyle (Grade 1) says: Donkey Kong sucks!

Billy Madison says: You know something? You suck!

Dracula says: I've got to fix this kid, now!

Dracula says: We have to teach this kid how to be a monster.

Dracula says: Oh, he'll get his fangs, he's just like me...just look at him!

Dracula says: I've been the happiest vampire in the world!

Sam Brenner says: Did you play space invaders recently?

Ludlow Lamonsoff says: Yes. How did you know?/Why?

Ludlow Lamonsoff says: Yes. How did you know? Why?

Sam Brenner says: Cuz you're invading my space. Back off.

Sam Brenner says: Also known as

Ludlow Lamonsoff says: Your worst nightmare!

Sam Brenner says: Why...

Ludlow Lamonsoff says: I believe that some alien life force sent down sent down real life video games to attack us.

Sam Brenner says: That makes sense.

Sam Brenner says: Pac Man's a bad guy?

Happy Gilmore says: Green jacket, gold jacket who gives a crap?

Danny says: You dropped your purse.

Joanna Damon says: Can I sit for ten seconds without getting hit on? Thank you.

Danny says: I was just letting you know you dropped your purse.

Madam Mambuza says: Will you stop banging those drums!

Salesman says: I'm sorry. I'm just really getting into your story.

Michael Newman says: Your dad's stereo blows? That's too bad.

Kevin O'Doyle says: That's not what I said. That's not what I said!!!!

Samantha Newman says: Daddy how much longer are you gonna live?

Michael Newman says: One minute...

Samantha Newman says: One minute! Daddy not one minute!

Michael Newman says: Oh no I'm not dying. I'm gonna live for 200 years. Is that enough for you and me?

Michael Newman says: Hey! There are families here! Show some respect you pieces of shit!

Firecracker Teen says: Shut up old man!

Michael Newman says: Don't light another damn one!

Firecracker Teen says: Ooooh!!!!

Donna Newman says: She has so many problems why do you have to be so mean?

Michael Newman says: I don't know. I mean, hello?

Janine says: You know way too much about me. I never should've done that Montel Williams show.

Michael Newman says: Even Montel Williams thought you were crazy and he's seen a lot of shit.

Janine says: I was desperate for companionship. All of my husbands emotionally abandoned me.

Michael Newman says: They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers. Your a horn dog.

Donna Newman says: Michael!

Michael Newman says: Samantha? Since when did you get boobs?

Samantha at 14 Years Old says: Same time you did dad.

Davey Stone says: Smell ya later, poopsicle!

Whitey Duvall says: Technical foul!

Michael Newman says: Cool. I can skip chapters!

Michael Newman says: Cool. I can skip chapters!

Michael Newman says: Cool. I can skip chapters!

Barry Egan says: I laugh. I laugh and laugh, even when I'm alone.

Professor says: Well! Mama's wrong again!

Bobby Boucher says: No, You're wrong Colonel Sanders.

Barry Egan says: I didn't ask for a shrink, that must've been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn't mine. Also, I'm wearing this suit today because I had a very important meeting this morning, and I don't have a crying problem.

Barry Egan says: You can go to places in the world with pudding. That's funny.

Barry Egan says: At that restaurant, I beat up the bathroom. I'm sorry.

Barry Egan says: I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna fuckin' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.

Lena Leonard says: I want to chew your face and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.

Barry Egan says: Ok. This is funny. This is nice.

Barry Egan says: I don't know if there is anything wrong, because I don't know how other people are.

Barry Egan says: I didn't do anything. I'm a nice man. I mind my own business. So you tell me that's that, before I beat the hell from you.

Donny says: Who the fuck is rich in this house?

Happy Gilmore says: uh oh happy learned how to putt

Happy Gilmore says: Uh oh, Happy learned how to putt.

Dracula says: what my hand in a stan shoes?

Dracula says: What my hand in a stan shoes?

Jonathan says: what japan eating lamb stew?

Jonathan says: What japan eating lamb stew?

Lenny Feder says: Open the window.

Dracula says: Human blood is so fatty and you never know where its been.

Happy Gilmore says: The price is wrong, bitch.

Charlie Fineman says: "I'm more worried about you, Johnson. I'm more worried about you."

Charlie Fineman says: I'm more worried about you, Johnson. I'm more worried about you.

Dracula says: I always thought the worst thing ever would be seeing you go, but the worst is seeing you unhappy.

Billy Madison says: WHERE'S MY SNACK PACK?!

Billy Madison says: Where's my snack pack!

Juanita says: I thought I was yo snack pack??

Juanita says: I thought I was your snack pack?

Longfellow Deeds says: I got wicked bad frost bite when I was in the scouts. Check it out.

Longfellow Deeds says: You said that you didn't know who I was, and it made me realize... I don't know who I am. So I started working on it, and here's what I've got so far: My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair colour is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite, and... and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice, or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad, and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance, because I am so deeply in love with you, and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love that...

Longfellow Deeds says: You said that you didn't know who I was and it made me realize, I don't know who I am. So I started working on it and here's what I've got so far; My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka. and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance because I am so deeply in love with you and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love.

Longfellow Deeds says: You're crazy. You have beautiful ankles.

Longfellow Deeds says: Oh, I get it... You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.

Longfellow Deeds says: Oh, I get it.You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.

Longfellow Deeds says: You didn't really fall out of an apple tree, did you?

Longfellow Deeds says: Don't be nervous, go ahead. Didn't feel it. Isn't that awesome. Oh, yeah, enjoy the force. I know you're starting to like it aren't ya? You sick! You sick! Why would you do that to me? I'm just kidding you, pal.

Longfellow Deeds says: I can't run a company... I can't even run my own life!

Longfellow Deeds says: I can't run a company. I can't even run my own life!

Babe Bennett says: I'm of Swedish ancestry.

Longfellow Deeds says: Really?

Babe Bennett says: Yes. My grandfather was in ABBA.

Longfellow Deeds says: I promise to love you for fifty years more / Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.

Longfellow Deeds says: I promise to love you for fifty years more. Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.

Longfellow Deeds says: How did I get into these pajamas?

Emilio says: I changed you. I was very gentle, sir.

Longfellow Deeds says: Oh, no. They're gonna know my name is Longfellow.

Longfellow Deeds says: Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.

Jan says: I always wanted to be a man!

Longfellow Deeds says: Okay, well I guess that explains a lot...

Longfellow Deeds says: Okay, well I guess that explains a lot.

Longfellow Deeds says: So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?

Reuben says: Oh, it has its ups and downs.

Longfellow Deeds says: Holy shit. Let's get cracking.

Longfellow Deeds says: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up Johnny Mac.

Longfellow Deeds says: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.

Crazy Eyes says: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.

Longfellow Deeds says: It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

Longfellow Deeds says: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bullshit!

Palmer says: [finds wedding ring in Danny's bag] What's this?

Danny says: A circle?

Palmer says: I can't wait to Twitter this to all my friends.

Katherine says: Oh, I forgot, you're 15. [Danny accidentally kicks Palmer with the intention of kicking Katherine]

Palmer says: Ouch! Did you just kick me?

Danny says: No I did not. Did you just kick her? Why did you kick her?

Brian Madison says: Oh Billy, Billy boy, when are you going to find whatever it is you are looking for?

Billy Madison says: Here's a nice piece of shit!

Veronica says: Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.

Billy Madison says: Sixty nine!

Veronica says: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?

Veronica says: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your father is, you get to do school all over again?

Billy Madison says: Yes, I do.

Brian Madison says: Billy, could you step in here a moment? I have big news.

Billy Madison says: ERIC, IS PREGNANT?

Billy Madison says: ERIC IS PREGNANT?

Billy Madison says: I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Billy Madison says: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.

Juanita says: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.

Billy Madison says: Oh my God. I'll go to school.

Bobby Boucher says: Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?

Mama Boucher says: That's nonsense, I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the Devil!

Bobby Boucher says: Excuse me, ladies, while I just go hang myself.

Mama Boucher says: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye?

Bobby Boucher says: No Mama, the search continues.

Bobby Boucher says: And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!

Jonathan says: Are these monster gonna kill me?

Dracula says: Not as long as they think you're a monster.

Jonathan says: That's kinda of racist.

Dracula says: Good morning Mavey Wavey!

Lenny Feder says: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?

Marcus Higgins says: Can you have sex with them when they're pregnant?

Lenny Feder says: Well, McKenzie can because the baby thinks it's getting a Tootsie roll.

Lenny Feder says: Where is Sascatchatoon?

Marcus Higgins says: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.

Lenny Feder says: What does that mean?

Marcus Higgins says: Um... you're fat.

Robbie Hart says: But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.

Robbie Hart says: Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.

Robbie Hart says: I don't even know your last name.

Glen Gulia says: It's Guglia. [says it Gulia]

Robbie Hart says: Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!

Glen Gulia says: [unamused] Why is that funny?

Robbie Hart says: I - don't know.

Davey Stone says: *singing* if i make fun of your crazy feet, or give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes

Whitey Duvall says: *singing* That's not only a technical foul...but possibly a homicide

Michael Newman says: What is this a porno or something? Is that my parents?!

Morty says: They're making you. Like bunny rabbits.

Michael Newman says: Get me outta here!

Donny says: I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.

Donny says: I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.

Jill Sadelstein says: (to Otto) You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!

Jill Sadelstein says: [to Otto] You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!

Donny says: Awww come on Vanilla bean latte...

Dracula says: Sheep!

Griffin the Invisible Man says: [After driving through the forest] Woo High Five, Don't Leave Me Hangin'!

Dracula says: Ahh.. Lots of sheep!

Wayne says: I Got This One! [He then leaps out of the car, Then the sound of garbling up is heard as Wayne then returns to the car, burping up wool]

Wayne says: [Everyone looks at Wayne after the see a sheep-less road with some disgust] What, Now there's no sheep on the road. Let's Go!

Murray says: That was pretty sick man!

Wayne says: You Eat Lamb Chops, It's The Same Thing!