Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford

Highest Rated: 98% Apocalypse Now (1979)

Lowest Rated: 7% Paranoia (2013)

Birthday: Jul 13, 1942

Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois

If Harrison Ford had listened to the advice of studio heads early in his career, he would have remained a carpenter and never gone on to star in some of Hollywood's biggest films and become one of the industry's most bankable stars. Born July 13, 1942, in Chicago and raised in a middle-class suburb, he had an average childhood. An introverted loner, he was popular with girls but picked on by school bullies. Ford quietly endured their everyday tortures until he one day lost his cool and beat the tar out of the gang leader responsible for his being repeatedly thrown off an embankment. He had no special affinity for films and usually only went to see them on dates because they were inexpensive and dark. Following high school graduation, Ford studied English and Philosophy at Ripon College in Wisconsin. An admittedly lousy student, he began acting while in college and then worked briefly in summer stock. He was expelled from the school three days before graduation because he did not complete his required thesis. In the mid-'60s, Ford and his first wife, Mary Marquardt (his college sweetheart) moved to Hollywood, where he signed as a contract player with Columbia and, later, Universal. After debuting onscreen in a bit as a bellboy in Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round (1966), he played secondary roles, typically a cowboy, in several films of the late '60s and in such TV series as Gunsmoke, The Virginian, and Ironside. Discouraged with both the roles he was getting and his difficulty in providing for his young family, he abandoned acting and taught himself carpentry via books borrowed from the local library. Using his recently purchased run-down Hollywood home for practice, Ford proved himself a talented woodworker, and, after successfully completing his first contract to build an out-building for Sergio Mendez, found himself in demand with other Hollywood residents (it was also during this time that Ford acquired his famous scar, the result of a minor car accident). Meanwhile, Ford's luck as an actor began to change when a casting director friend for whom he was doing some construction helped him get a part in George Lucas' American Graffiti (1973). The film became an unexpected blockbuster and greatly increased Ford's familiarity. Many audience members, particularly women, responded to his turn as the gruffly macho Bob Falfa, the kind of subtly charismatic portrayal that would later become Ford's trademark. However, Ford's career remained stagnant until Lucas cast him as space pilot Han Solo in the megahit Star Wars (1977), after which he became a minor star. He spent the remainder of the 1970s trapped in mostly forgettable films (such as the comedy Western The Frisco Kid with Gene Wilder), although he did manage to land the small role of Colonel G. Lucas in Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now (1979). The early '80s elevated Ford to major stardom with the combined impact of The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and his portrayal of action-adventure hero Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), which proved to be an enormous hit. He went on to play "Indy" twice more, in 1984's Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in 1989. Ford moved beyond popular acclaim with his role as a big-city police detective who finds himself masquerading as an Amish farmer to protect a young murder witness in Witness (1984), for which he received a Best Actor Oscar nomination for his work, as well as the praise of critics who had previously ignored his acting ability. Having appeared in several of the biggest money-makers of all time, Ford was able to pick and choose his roles in the '80s and '90s. Following the success of Witness, Ford re-teamed with the film's director, Peter Weir, to make a film adaptation of Paul Theroux's novel The Mosquito Coast. The film met with mixed critical results, and audiences largely stayed away, unused to the idea of their hero playing a markedly flawed and somewhat insane character. Und

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet Indiana Jones 5 Actor 2021
No Score Yet The Call of the Wild John Thornton 2020
No Score Yet Call of the Wild Actor 2020
75% Armstrong Actor 2019
59% The Secret Life of Pets 2 Rooster 2019
87% Blade Runner 2049 Rick Deckard $91.9M 2017
93% Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens Han Solo $936.7M 2015
56% The Age of Adaline William Jones 2015
57% Living in the Age of Airplanes Narrator 2015
32% The Expendables 3 Drummer $34.8M 2014
No Score Yet Dalai Lama Awakening Actor 2014
75% Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Actor $76.9M 2013
61% Ender's Game Colonel Hyram Graff $61.7M 2013
7% Paranoia Jock Goddard $5.4M 2013
50% Drew: The Man Behind The Poster Actor $3.6K 2013
80% 42 Branch Rickey $95.1M 2013
94% Milius Actor 2013
No Score Yet Flying The Feathered Edge: The Bob Hoover Project Actor 2013
45% Cowboys & Aliens Woodrow Dolarhyde $100.3M 2011
55% Morning Glory Mike Pomeroy $31M 2010
29% Extraordinary Measures Dr. Robert Stonehill Executive Producer $11.9M 2010
68% Bruno Actor $60M 2009
16% Crossing Over Max Brogan $0.5M 2009
78% Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Indiana Jones $317M 2008
No Score Yet NOVA: Lord of the Ants Narrator 2008
20% Dalai Lama Renaissance Narrator 2007
No Score Yet Discover Hetch Hetchy Narrator 2007
18% Firewall Jack Stanfield $48.7M 2006
No Score Yet Late Night With Conan O'Brien - 10th Anniversary Special Actor 2004
30% Hollywood Homicide Joe Gavilan $30.1M 2003
No Score Yet Search For Life: Are we Alone? Narrator 2002
61% K-19: The Widowmaker Capt. Vostrikov Executive Producer $35.2M 2002
93% Apocalypse Now Redux Col. Lucas $2M 2001
No Score Yet Lost Worlds: Life in the Balance Narrator 2001
46% What Lies Beneath Dr. Norman Spencer $155.1M 2000
15% Random Hearts Dutch Van Der Broeck 1999
No Score Yet Brad Pitt: Hollywood Hunk Actor 1999
No Score Yet Jane Goodall: Reason for Hope Narrator 1999
No Score Yet The Stars of Star Wars: Interviews from the Cast Actor 1999
No Score Yet Unauthorized Star Wars Story Actor 1999
36% Six Days, Seven Nights Quinn Harris 1998
No Score Yet Mustang: The Hidden Kingdom Narrator 1998
76% Air Force One President James Marshall 1997
34% The Devil's Own Tom O'Meara 1997
65% Sabrina Linus Larrabee 1995
No Score Yet One Hundred and One Nights Actor for a Day 1995
80% Clear and Present Danger Jack Ryan 1994
22% Jimmy Hollywood Himself 1994
96% The Fugitive Dr. Richard Kimble 1993
No Score Yet L'Univers de Jacques Demy (The Universe of Jacques Demy)(The World of Jacques Demy) Actor 1993
72% Patriot Games Jack Ryan 1992
41% Regarding Henry Henry Turner 1991
87% Presumed Innocent Rusty Sabich 1990
88% Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Indiana Jones 1989
83% Working Girl Jack Trainer 1988
76% Frantic Dr. Richard Walker 1988
76% The Mosquito Coast Allie Fox 1986
92% Witness John Book 1985
85% Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Indiana Jones 1984
82% Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi Han Solo 1983
No Score Yet From Star Wars to Jedi - The Making of a Saga Actor 1983
89% Blade Runner Rick Deckard 1982
No Score Yet Return of the Ewok Actor 1982
92% Blade Runner (The Final Cut) Rick Deckard $0.3M 1982
95% Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones 1981
94% Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back Han Solo $4.6M 1980
20% More American Graffiti Officer Bob Falfa $8.2M 1979
50% The Frisco Kid Tommy 1979
98% Apocalypse Now Col. Lucas 1979
57% Hanover Street David Halloran 1979
54% Force 10 From Navarone Barnsby 1978
29% Star Wars: Holiday Special Actor 1978
No Score Yet Heroes Ken Boyd 1977
93% Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope Han Solo 1977
No Score Yet The Possessed Paul Winjam 1977
No Score Yet James A. Michener's Dynasty Actor 1976
No Score Yet Judgement: The Court Martial of Lt. William Calley Actor 1975
98% The Conversation Martin 1974
96% American Graffiti Falfa 1973
25% Getting Straight Jake 1970
63% Zabriskie Point Airport worker [uncredited] 1970
No Score Yet Journey to Shiloh Willie Bill Bearden 1968
No Score Yet A Time for Killing Lt. Shaffer 1967
No Score Yet Luv Actor 1967
40% Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round Bellhop Pager 1966

TV

Credit
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest 2019
2017
2015
No Score Yet Years of Living Dangerously
2014-2016
Reporter 2019
2016
2014
No Score Yet Charlie Rose
2013-2017
Guest 2017
2014
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest 2017
2013
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest 2017
2016
2015
2006
2005
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest 2016
2015
2013
2012
2011
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest 2015
2013
2011
2010
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest 2013
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest 2013
No Score Yet Meet the Press
1947-2019
Guest 2013
No Score Yet The View
1997
Guest 2013
No Score Yet CBS This Morning
2012
Guest 2013
2012
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest 2013
2003
2002
No Score Yet POV
1988
Appearing 2010
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest 2010
2006
No Score Yet NOVA
1974
Voice Narrator 2008
No Score Yet Kung Fu
1972-1975
Harrison 1974
No Score Yet Gunsmoke
1955-1975
Hobey 1973
No Score Yet Ironside
1967-1975
Tom 1967

QUOTES FROM Harrison Ford CHARACTERS

Jack Stanfield says: Leave my family alone! Get off my plane!

Han Solo says: You up for it?

Han Solo says: Are you sure you're up for this?

Finn says: Hell no!

Finn says: Why don't we just use the force?

Finn says: We'll figure it out, we'll use the Force!

Han Solo says: That's not how the force works.

Kylo Ren says: Your son... is gone! He was weak and foolish like his father... so I destroyed him...

Han Solo says: That's what Snoke wants you to believe... but it's not true... my son is alive...

Han Solo says: There is too much of Vader in it.

Rey says: This is the ship that made the Kessel Run in 14 parsecs?

Han Solo says: 12!

Han Solo says: Hey, can I try that? I like this thing.

Han Solo says: Listen big deal. You got another problem. Women always figure out the truth. Always!

William Jones says: The commitment that she made to our marriage and our family, to me, the quality of her love led me to understand that I could have no greater ambition in life than to be the best possible husband I could be for her. And I'm still working on it.

Han Solo says: Take off that mask! You don't need it.

Kylo Ren says: What do you think you'll see if I do?

Rey says: Is that even possible?

Han Solo says: I never ask that question until after I've done it!

Finn says: We'll figure it out, we'll use the Force!

Han Solo says: That's not how the Force works!

Han Solo says: BEN!

Han Solo says: Ben!

Finn says: We'll figure it out. We'll use the force.

Han Solo says: That's not how the force works!

Han Solo says: That's not how the Force works!

Leia says: Don't do that.

Han Solo says: Do what?

Leia says: Anything.

Han Solo says: Women always figure out the truth. Always.

Chewbacca says: Urggghhhhh.

Han Solo says: You're cold?

Han Solo says: "Did you just call me Solo?"

Han Solo says: Did you just call me Solo?

Finn says: We'll figure it out, we'll use the force!

Han Solo says: That's not how the force works!

Finn says: Are you Han Solo?

Han Solo says: I used to be.

Han Solo says: I've got a bad feeling about this.

Han Solo says: Escape now; hug later.

Han Solo says: Got a trash compactor?

Han Solo says: Ok Big Deal.........

Han Solo says: Ok big deal.........

Han Solo says: Is there a garbage shoot on this thing...with a compactor?

Han Solo says: Ben!

Kylo Ren says: Han Solo.

Han Solo says: It's true, all of it. The Dark Side. The Jedi. They're real.

Han Solo says: I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force. The Jedi... All of it... It's all true.

Han Solo says: You might need this.

Han Solo says: You sure you're up for this?

Finn says: Hell no.

Han Solo says: It's true...all of it. The Dark Side, the Jedi - they're real !

Han Solo says: It's true, all of it. The dark side, the Jedi, they're real!

Han Solo says: Chewie, we're home.

Jack Trainer says: You're like one of those crazed cops that no one wants to ride with, aren't you? Whose partners all end up crazy or dead.

Princess Leia Organa says: Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!

Han Solo says: Who's scruffy-looking?

Robert Ritter says: Jack computer theft is a serious crime.

Jack Ryan says: So are crimes against the constitution.

President James Marshall says: Get off my plane!

Drummer says: Yeah, very short.

Indiana Jones says: 10 X marks the spot

Sallah says: Indy why does the flood move?

Indiana Jones says: give me your torch

Indiana Jones says: Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

Sallah says: Asp very dangerous you go first Indy.

Indiana Jones says: Balloq's medallion only had writing on one side? You sure about that?

Sallah says: Positive

Indiana Jones says: Balloq's staff is too long they are digging in the wrong place

Sallah says: they are digging in the wrong place "I am the monarch of the sea I am the ruler of the coup....."

Sallah says: Bad Dates (points to dead monkey)

Belloq says: You and I are very much alike. Archeology is our religion, yet we have both fallen from the pure faith. Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me. To push you out of the light.

Indiana Jones says: Now you're getting nasty.

Major Eaton says: Doctor Jones, we've heard a lot about you.

Indiana Jones says: Have you?

Major Eaton says: Professor of archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one say it? Obtainer of rare antiquities.

Belloq says: What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.

Indiana Jones says: Ha, ha, ha... son of a bitch.

Indiana Jones says: You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do.

Branch Rickey says: Dollars aren't black or white. They're green.

Colonel says: You understand, Captain, that this mission does not exist, nor will it ever exist...

Colonel says: Your mission is to proceed up the Nung River in a Navy patrol boat. Pick up Colonel Kurtz's path at Nu Mung Ba, follow it and learn what you can along the way. When you find the Colonel, infiltrate his team by whatever means available and terminate the Colonel's command.

Capt. Benjamin Willard says: Terminate the Colonel?

General says: He's out there operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct. And he is still in the field commanding troops.

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: We won. That's all that matters.

Ender Wiggin says: No. The way we win matters.

Han Solo says: Over my dead body!

Joe Gavilan says: Fuck you very much!

Rick Deckard says: Replicants are like any other machine, are either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit it's not my problem.

Mazer Rackham says: He's abandoning his entire fleet.

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: He's in command. There's no stopping him now.

Ender Wiggin says: What is this? Why are we watching these images?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: Ender. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Thank God for you son.

Ender Wiggin says: Why are these images in the program?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: Ender. We won.

Ender Wiggin says: What do you mean we won? I beat him. He runs the simulations. He said it was a game.

Mazer Rackham says: It was them or us Ender. There was no other way.

Captain Alexei Vostrikov says: We will not fail!

Branch Rickey says: Ya think God likes baseball, Herb?

Herb Pennock says: What- What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Branch Rickey says: It means someday you're gonna meet God and when he inquires as to why you didn't take the field against Robinson in Philadelphia and you answer that it's because he was a Negro, it may not be a sufficient reply!

Short Round says: What is Sankara?

Indiana Jones says: Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

Indiana Jones says: Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?

Eli Lapp says: Just squeeze the teats. I don't think you've ever squeezed a teat before.

John Book says: Never one that big.

Eli Lapp says: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Indiana Jones says: This site also demonstrates one of the great dangers of archaeology; not to life and limb, although that does sometimes take place. I'm talking about folklore.

Mutt Williams says: You know, for an old man you ain't bad in a fight.

Indiana Jones says: Thanks.

Indiana Jones says: What are you, like, 80?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: If you succeed, you will be remembered as a hero.

Major Gwen Anderson says: When it's over, what will be left of the boy?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: What does it matter if there's nothing left at all?

Major Gwen Anderson says: When this is all over, what will be left of the boy?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: What does it matter if there's nothing left at all?

Colonel Hyrum Graff says: We need minds like yours, Ender. You'll be the finest commander we've ever trained.

Ender Wiggin says: So I'm not the first…

Mazer Rackham says: No, but you will be the last.

Branch Rickey says: We had a victory of fascism in Germany. It's time, time we had a victory over racism at home.

Robert Ritter says: You are such a Boy Scout! You see everything in black and white!

Jack Ryan says: No, no, no! Not black and white Ritter, right and wrong!

Han Solo says: Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where? [Han turns around and knocks Boba into the Sarlaac pit]

Han Solo says: Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where?

Han Solo says: Who are you?

Princess Leia says: Someone who loves you.

Branch Rickey says: Jackie Robinson. A black man in white baseball.

Branch Rickey says: Your enemy will be out in force. But you cannot meet him on his own low ground.

Branch Rickey says: Your enemy will be out in force, but you cannot meet him on his own low ground.

Branch Rickey says: I want a player who's got the guts not to fight back.

Han Solo says: Laugh it up, fuzz ball.

Branch Rickey says: I'm a Methodist, He's a Methodist, God's a Methodist.

Sallah says: Ah Indy why does the floor move?

Indiana Jones says: give me your torch

Indiana Jones says: Give me your torch.

Indiana Jones says: Snakes why does there have to be Snakes?

Sallah says: Asps very dangerous you first

Sallah says: Asps very dangerous you first.

Indiana Jones says: Why don't you stick around, Junior?

Mutt Williams says: [chuckles] I don't know. Why didn't you, Dad?

Mutt Williams says: I don't know. Why didn't you, Dad?

Professor Oxley says: Dad! [gives Indy a questioning look] Dad?

Professor Oxley says: Dad! Dad?

Indiana Jones says: Somewhere your grandpa is laughing.

Walter Donovan says: (Refers to Marcus Brody) He sticks out like a sore thumb! We'll find him.

Walter Donovan says: He sticks out like a sore thumb! We'll find him.

Indiana Jones says: The hell you will. He's got a two day head-start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan. He speaks a dozen languages and knows every local custom. He'll blend in, disappear and you'll never see him again. With any luck he's got the grail already.

Marcus Brody says: (Scene cuts to Iskendrun, where Brody finds himself lost in a crowd of citizens). Uh, does anybody here speak English?

Marcus Brody says: Uh, does anybody here speak English?

Dr. Henry Jones says: (To Indy) The search for the Grail, is not about archaeology. If captured by the Nazis, the armies of evil will march across the face of the earth! Do you understand me?

Dr. Henry Jones says: The search for the Grail, is not about archaeology. If captured by the Nazis, the armies of evil will march across the face of the earth! Do you understand me?

Indiana Jones says: (In a frustrated mood, turns and points to Henry) This is an obsession, Dad. I never understood it! Never! (Turns away) Neither did Mom.

Indiana Jones says: This is an obsession, Dad. I never understood it! Never! Neither did Mom.

Dr. Henry Jones says: Oh yes she did! Only too well. Until she kept her illness from me.

Han Solo says: May the Force be with you.

Indiana Jones says: (On the bridge) Shorty! (speaks Chinese while Short Round wraps a loop around his wrist)

Short Round says: Hang on, lady. We going for a ride.

Willie Scott says: Oh my god! Oh my god. Oh my god, is he nuts?

Short Round says: He no nuts. He's crazy.

Indiana Jones says: Mola Ram! Prepare to meet Kali, in hell!

Dr. Henry Jones says: (When he learns Indy brought back his diary) I should've mailed it to the Marx brothers.

Indiana Jones says: Would you take it easy?

Dr. Henry Jones says: Take it easy? Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So that it wouldn't fall into their hands!

Indiana Jones says: I came here to save you!

Dr. Henry Jones says: Oh yeah, and who's gonna come to save you, Junior?!

Indiana Jones says: I told you...(grabs machine gun and shoots Nazis) don't call me 'Junior'!

Dr. Henry Jones says: (When he learns Indy brought back his diary) I should've mailed it to the Marx brothers.

Indiana Jones says: Would you take it easy?

Dr. Henry Jones says: Take it easy? Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So that it wouldn't fall into their hands!

Indiana Jones says: I came here to save you!

Dr. Henry Jones says: Oh yeah, and who's gonna come to save you, Junior?!

Indiana Jones says: I told you...(grabs machine gun and shoots Nazis) don't call me 'Junior'!

Dr. Henry Jones says: (When he learns Indy brought back his diary) I should've mailed it to the Marx brothers.

Indiana Jones says: Would you take it easy?

Dr. Henry Jones says: Take it easy? Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So that it wouldn't fall into their hands!

Indiana Jones says: I came here to save you!

Dr. Henry Jones says: Oh yeah, and who's gonna come to save you, Junior?!

Indiana Jones says: I told you...(grabs machine gun and shoots Nazis) don't call me 'Junior'!

Willie Scott says: There are two dead people out here!

Indiana Jones says: (In the collapsing chamber with Short Round) There's gonna be two dead people in here! Hurry!

Indiana Jones says: [in the collapsing chamber with Short Round] There's gonna be two dead people in here! Hurry!

Harry Caul says: [upset, walking over to Martin seated] What are you doing here?

Martin Stett says: Take it easy I'm just a messenger. I brought you a drink

Harry Caul says: I don't want your drink. Why are you following me?

Martin Stett says: I'm not following you I'm looking for you. There's a big difference.

Satipo says: Let's go. There's nothing to fear here.

Indiana Jones says: (Pushes him up against the wall) That's what scares me.

Indiana Jones says: [pushes him up against the wall] That's what scares me.

Dr. Henry Jones says: (After hitting Indiana with the vase) Junior?

Dr. Henry Jones says: [after hitting Indiana with the vase] Junior?

Indiana Jones says: (Stands at attention) Yes, sir!

Indiana Jones says: [stands at attention] Yes, sir!

Dr. Henry Jones says: It is you, Junior!

Indiana Jones says: Don't call me that, please.

Jake Lonergan says: I'm a wanted man.

Colonel Dolarhyde says: I could have sworn I saw Jake Lonergan die in that cave.

Sheriff John Taggart says: Damn shame. I was hoping to hang him myself.

Jake Lonergan says: Jake chuckles and rides off into the sunset.

Dr. Richard Kimble says: Prison sucks. I have to escape.

Dr. Richard Kimble says: I didn't kill anybody. Leave me alone!

Joe Gavilan says: Commingling funds, huh? That's my crime? Commingling? Guilty. My alimony number one comes from money commingled with my beer money. My refinanced car commingled with the short-term loan to keep the second mortgage paid off, commingled with my alimony number three, commingled with every goddamn dime I've got tied up in my Mt. Olympus property. My whole life's commingled.

K.C. Calden says: I don't think I want to be a cop anymore.

Joe Gavilan says: Then what do you want to be?

K.C. Calden says: I want to be an actor.

Joe Gavilan says: [shrugs] You're gay. I can deal with that.

K.C. Calden says: How did you find me?

Joe Gavilan says: I'm psychic.

K.C. Calden says: [amazed] Really?

Joe Gavilan says: No, not really. I'm a detective for Pete's sake.

Joe Gavilan says: Looks like we're gonna be here a while. Let's get going on some chow.

Joe Gavilan says: [to Cop] Cheeseburger, well done. Onion, pickle, ketchup, no mayonnaise and no rabbit's foot. O.K.?

K.C. Calden says: I'll have the same.

Joe Gavilan says: Yes, Yes, I do understand the rights you just explained to me. But you know what? I don't like to remain silent, and I do not need an attorney because this is all BULLSHIT! [looks out two-way mirror]

Joe Gavilan says: AND YOU CAN PUT THAT ON THE RECORD!

Joe Gavilan says: Hey, you. Come here. I see mayonnaise. Did anybody in this hear me say the word "Mayonnaise"? Read your notes. What does it say? "Cheeseburger, well done. Raw onion, ketchup, pickle". You call that well done? In addition to the mayonnaise, I see lettuce... Lettuce that somebody tried to scrape off here. This is a disaster. What the hell do they teach you at the Academy anyway? You wanna be a detective when you grow up?

Joe Gavilan says: Hey, you. Come here. I see mayonnaise. Did anybody in this hear me say the word 'Mayonnaise'? Read your notes. What does it say? 'Cheeseburger, well done. Raw onion, ketchup, pickle'. You call that well done? In addition to the mayonnaise, I see lettuce... Lettuce that somebody tried to scrape off here. This is a disaster. What the hell do they teach you at the Academy anyway? You wanna be a detective when you grow up?

Cheeseburger Cop says: Yes, sir.

Joe Gavilan says: Don't call me "sir!" I work for a living. Dump this for me please. I expect better.

Joe Gavilan says: Don't call me 'sir!' I work for a living. Dump this for me please. I expect better.

K.C. Calden says: Well, what do you think?

Joe Gavilan says: Write this down. [K.C. grabs his pad and pen]

Joe Gavilan says: Cheeseburger, well done. Raw onion, pickle, ketchup. Nothing else.

Silk Brown says: Got it. Officer, it's time to get rolling on some chow. This is what the big dog wants, and I want tomato and cucumber on whole wheat with only mustard and bean sprouts.

Joe Gavilan says: If I take my gingko... I can still remember where I put the Viagra.

Henry Turner says: "Duh..."

Henry Turner says: Duh...

Indiana Jones says: No ticket!

Han Solo says: You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing & go home!