R. Lee Ermey

Well here`s something you won`t like, Private Snowball! They don`t serve fried chicken and watermelon down in the mess hall every day!

Well it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated!

What is your major malfunction numbnuts? Didn't mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

Didn't mommy and daddy give you enough attention when you were a child?!

I smell bullshit.

Get back in the goddamn ground,you unorganised grab-asstic gob of teleplasmic shit!

A man's home is his fuckin' castle!

My guy in D.C. tells me that we are not dealing with a student here, we're dealing with the Professor. Any time the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy in to train the troops. He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire! You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear, without his toothbrush, and tomorrow afternoon he's going to show up at your pool side with a million dollar smile and fist full of pesos. This guy's a professional, you got me?

You climb like old people fuck private pile!

If god wanted you up there I am sure he would have miracled your ass up there by now private Pyle@

If god wanted you up there I am sure he would have miracled your ass up there by now, private Pyle.

You like the kind of boy who could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

[addressing the Privates] There will be no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops, or greasers! Here, you are ALL equally useless!

Where are you from, anyway?

SIR, TEXAS, SIR!

TEXAS? Holy dogshit! Only steers and queers come from texas!! And you don't much look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dick?

SIR, NO, SIR!

I BET YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO'D FUCK A MAN IN THE ASS AND NOT HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO GIVE HIM A REACH-AROUND.

Mrs. Potato Head. Repeat. Mrs. Potato Head.

Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!

Gee I better shave. (Pulls off mustache)

Gee, I'd better shave! [pulls off mustache]

Hey Sarge what are you doing?

War's over, me and the boys are shipping out!

You're going AWOL?

We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.

It has been a honor serving with you good luck folks!

Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red, You know what to do.

Yes, sir! All right, men You heard him. Code Red! Repeat: we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move, move,move, move, move!

Hey Sarge have you seen Slinky?

Sir, no sir!

Whoa okay at ease!

You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!

Shut your cocksucker!

Well Any Fucking Time Sweetheart!

Well any fucking time sweetheart!

I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump.

do you suck dick........ sir no sir bull shit i bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose.

Do you like baseball, do you, Anderson?

Yeah, I do. You know, it's the only time when a black man can wave a stick at a white man and not start a riot.

You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers and I will teach you!

How tall are you, private?

Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.

Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!

( picks up phone and slams it down) - This isn't even my desk!

[picks up phone and slams it down] This isn't even my desk!

Hell I like you. You can come to my house and fuck my sister.

I started to think you like wasting my time blonde. Hurry up! (While Dean puts dead biker lady in front seat).

I started to think you like wasting my time blonde. Hurry up! [while Dean puts dead biker lady in front seat]

Get her in there God damn it she's deader than a God damn doornail.

Lift her up and just kind of pull her over your way there. She ain't gonna bite you. She's deader than a goddamn doornail.

I will give you three seconds, exactly three fucking secinds, to wipe that stupid grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!

People may not remember what we say here tonight, but by God they'll remember what we did.

(about tom aka Leatherface) - If you raised that retard right...you and me, we ain't taking this drive right now.

(about tom aka Leatherface) If you raised that retard right...you and me, we ain't taking this drive right now.

He ain't retarded, he's misunderstood

Come on Tommy, ain't no different than the slaughterhouse. Meat's meat, Bone's bone...Get it done.

Come on Tommy, ain't no different than the slaughterhouse. Meat's meat, Bone's bone. Get it done.

(Hoyt finishes saying grace) I have a question for you. It involves the family tree, the lineage, if you will. It's like a system through a table...Do you guys f**k all your cousins, or just the ones you find attractive?

(Hoyt finishes saying grace) I have a question for you. It involves the family tree, the lineage, if you will. It's like a system through a table. Do you guys f**k all your cousins, or just the ones you find attractive?

You blasphemous bitch! This is redemption lady, that's what this is! Oh your all gonna pay for your sins, that's right. And especially you!

There comes a time, when a boy, becomes a man.

I'm looking for the girl.

The girl? She's right there. (Points to Bailey)

That's not her.

Well if that's not the girl then...oh I don't think you wanna see the other one.

Tommy? Tommy? We need you upstairs. Bring your little toy with you.

What are you gonna do to him?

Nothing but a little surgery. Come on now Tommy.

(Chainsaw revs, Monty's leg is sliced off, the other leg cut in the process) - AAAAAAAAAHH!

(Chainsaw revs, Monty's leg is sliced off, the other leg cut in the process) AAAAAAAAAHH!

Now come on Tommy, that's sloppy work. Fix it up!

No...No!

(Hoyt cuts off other leg clean) - AAAAAAAAAAHH!

(Hoyt cuts off other leg clean) AAAAAAAAAAHH!

What on earth did you do that for?!

...Balance.

Balance.

Get her in there! I think you like wasting my time blondie!

(seeing baby Leatherface for the first time) - Isn't he beautiful?

(seeing baby Leatherface for the first time) Isn't he beautiful?

That's the ugliest thing I ever saw.

My money says he ain't going nowhere!

(to Eric) - You don't like playing with me anymore 'cause I'm a pus*y, that's what you said. Well my nephew Tommy ain't no pus*y, maybe you wanna play with him for a little while.

(to Eric) You don't like playing with me anymore 'cause I'm a pus*y, that's what you said. Well my nephew Tommy ain't no pus*y, maybe you wanna play with him for a little while.

Why are you doing this?

No talking until I've said grace, a**hole.

(after shooting the sheriff of a small town) - Damn, I just killed the entire police department!

(after shooting the sheriff of a small town) Damn, I just killed the entire police department!

We're on our own tonight people...and alone, we shall rise above it all!

We're on our own tonight people and alone, we shall rise above it all!

As long as we stick together there ain't nothing we can't handle!

(after seeing Leatherface with a mask for the first time) - I like your new face.

(after seeing Leatherface with a mask for the first time) I like your new face.

See whatcha did boy?

What's wrong with you fu**ing people?

(smiles) - Nothing wrong with us.

(smiles) Nothing wrong with us.

You kids shouldn't have messed with that little girl.

(talking to Morgan; who's in the back seat of the cop car) - Where was y'all headed?

(talking to Morgan; who's in the back seat of the cop car) Where was y'all headed?

Dallas...for a Skynyrd concert.

Dallas, for a Skynyrd concert.

Skynyrd? Hell, i like Skynyrd. By god, how about that? We got something in common, don't we? Ha-ha-ha...Well, what are you gonna do with your tickets now, hot shot?

Skynyrd? Hell, I like Skynyrd. By god, how about that? We got something in common, don't we? Ha-ha-ha. Well, what are you gonna do with your tickets now, hot shot?

You can have them.

Is that bribery? (Smashes Morgan in the face with a glass bottle; breaking his teeth) Oh, that was really rude, wasn't it? Oh, look at you. How about that? Look at that shit. (The Sheriff pulls out his fake teeth) We got something else in common now. Ha-ha-ha...

Is that bribery? (Smashes Morgan in the face with a glass bottle; breaking his teeth) Oh, that was really rude, wasn't it? Oh, look at you. How about that? Look at that shit. (The Sheriff pulls out his fake teeth) We got something else in common now. Ha-ha-ha.

(talking to Morgan) - You ain't lying to me again, are you? - Because i have never seen a weapon go off without somebody's finger on the fu**ing trigger.

(talking to Morgan) You ain't lying to me again, are you? Because I have never seen a weapon go off without somebody's finger on the fu**ing trigger.

Now we're getting someplace...Who's killing who?!

Now we're getting someplace. Who's killing who?!

[sniff-sniff-sniff] I smell bullsh*t.

Protect and serve. That's what we do.

(talking to Morgan and Andy as they're putting the dead girl in the backseat of the cop car) - Hey! Get that nasty goddamn thing out of the back seat of my goddamn car! Put it in the trunk. What the hell's the matter with you? - ...Don't break...Don't break my stuff.

(talking to Morgan and Andy as they're putting the dead girl in the backseat of the cop car) Hey! Get that nasty goddamn thing out of the back seat of my goddamn car! Put it in the trunk. What the hell's the matter with you? Don't break. Don't break my stuff.

(about the dead girl in the van) - I bet she's real unhappy, real sorry that you're getting fu**ing her blood all over your goddamn arm. You know, back when i was a young patrolman, i used to love wrapping up these young honies.

(about the dead girl in the van) I bet she's real unhappy, real sorry that you're getting fu**ing her blood all over your goddamn arm. You know, back when i was a young patrolman, i used to love wrapping up these young honies.

Yeah, i bet you did.

Yeah, cop me a little bit of a feel every now and then, you know...Oh, look at that. She's kind of wet down there. What you boys been doing with this dead body anyway?

(about removing the dead girl from the van) - How about giving me a hand here, a**hole? You don't expect me to do this by myself?

(about removing the dead girl from the van) How about giving me a hand here, a**hole? You don't expect me to do this by myself?

Now, it's just an educated guess, but my money says your dead body is right there in that van.

What is your major malfunction?