Brian Juergens

Brian Juergens
Tomatometer-approved critic
A critic for horror site, general film site, gay horror site, and columnist for women's horror site, Brian has his hands in all sorts of pies, most of them bloody. A filmmaker, writer, and mediaphile, Brian loves films of all sorts, unless they're bad. He lives in NYC.
Critics' Group: Online Film Critics Society
Location: New York City
Official Websites:

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
6/10 53% The D Train (2015) The frank execution of the film's surprisingly bold premise is just enough to outweigh the fact that it's not funny enough as a comedy and too unfocused as a drama. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted May 8, 2015
4/10 25% Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) For a movie that traffics in the promise of sexual adventure, it's founded upon a woefully conservative narrative. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 12, 2015
6/10 89% The Imitation Game (2014) An entertaining thriller, but a miscalculated biopic. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 1, 2014
7/10 78% The Boxtrolls (2014) Laika's simplest story to date, a lean bedtime story dressed up to the nines in their trademark swooping, spiraling visual wizardry. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 26, 2014
8/10 92% Pride (2014) By living by the tenets of its characters the film overcomes any genre trappings, delivering a resounding and irresistible call to action. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 22, 2014
5/10 33% A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) Tumbleweeds literally blow between the laughs of this lackluster comedy. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted May 30, 2014
7/10 73% Neighbors (2014) This frat comedy is just as profane and fluid-filled as the great popped-collar romps of yore; the absence of queasiness about affection between men makes it decidedly modern. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted May 9, 2014
36% Stage Fright (2014) If you check out Stage Fright looking for a fun, smart mashup of Glee and Scream, you'll likely be slayed by its charm. - The Backlot EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 28, 2014
8/10 92% Dallas Buyers Club (2013) Though a spotty second half reveals its limitations, this story of one man's crusade against the virus soars thanks to the stellar performances of its two leads. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 4, 2013
8/10 91% Philomena (2013) An amiable and quietly infuriating true-life drama cut from the same durable cloth as its exceptional central character. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 23, 2013
7/10 80% G.B.F. (2014) A smart and frothy teen farce for anyone who has ever felt that the flag they've been waving has wrapped itself around their throat and is cutting off their air supply. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 23, 2013
9/10 96% Gravity (2013) A gonzo, gorgeous, brilliantly executed nightmare of a film. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 4, 2013
8/10 80% Don Jon (2013) Gordon-Levitt has delivered a lively, timely, and decidedly adult look at love and sex that is both uncommonly mature for a first-time director and very fresh. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 30, 2013
7/10 71% The Happy Sad (2013) It may have the trappings of your everyday NYC indie, but it stands apart for exploring love and lust in a world where sexuality and race aren't the sources of the drama. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 16, 2013
2/10 21% The Canyons (2013) This dud is too busy pointing fingers at the people it thinks are ruining Hollywood to realize that the dream factory goes down one bad movie at a time - including this one. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 2, 2013
8/10 86% The Conjuring (2013) It never met a haunted house cliche it didn't like, but Wan mercilessly piles on the uncanny events, gradually escalating the pitch from creepy to freaky to utterly bananas. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 18, 2013
7/10 72% Pacific Rim (2013) By no means a jaegerbomb, but not the TKO some of us may have expected from our beloved visionary. Adjust expectations and enjoy the big, dumb brawl. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 12, 2013
9/10 84% Laurence Anyways (2013) This frequently brilliant epic does more than make us understand the challenges faced by trans people and those who love them - it makes us feel those challenges ourselves. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 28, 2013
8/10 98% Call Me Kuchu (2013) A heartbreaking portrait, a brutal wake-up call and a testament to how the actions of a few brave souls can create change. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 14, 2013
7/10 56% Man of Steel (2013) Part Superman, part Superman II, part Thor and part Dieux du Stade calendar shoot - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 13, 2013
4/10 48% The Great Gatsby (2013) A bug-eyed, elbows-akimbo art deco migraine that gives one the horrifying sensation of being trapped at a theme party thrown on a cruise ship. - EDIT
Read More | Posted May 9, 2013
8/10 63% Evil Dead (2013) The most fun I've had all year trying not to vomit. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 2, 2013
6/10 52% Jack the Giant Slayer (2013) While it's no classic, casual fans of well-staged action, decently-rendered CGI, and stature-indiscriminate sausage parties might want to check it out. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 1, 2013
7/10 63% Mama (2013) At long last, Vicki Lawrence is robbed of her title of Most Terrifying Mama - though it stumbles in its final scenes, this slow-burn creepfest offers a few fresh scares. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 17, 2013
5/10 37% The Guilt Trip (2012) While doting mothers may go for its gentle, corny brand of apron string S&M, there's not much there for the rest of us to enjoy. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 19, 2012
6/10 64% The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) While the 48fps reads very much as "American soap opera" in the early scenes, it's quite effective in the rousing, vertigo-laced action sequences. Messy, but worth a look. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 14, 2012
7/10 66% Cloud Atlas (2012) This is not a movie, it is a manifesto. A gonzo, breathtaking, and deeply humane celebration of the underserved, the undervalued, and the oppressed. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 25, 2012
8/10 90% Gayby (2012) A fresh, breezy take on modern gay life and platonic love delivered with disarming enthusiasm and genuine wit. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 10, 2012
9/10 98% How to Survive a Plague (2012) This astonishing assemblage of archive material from the ground zero of the AIDS crisis is more than a history lesson - it is a rousing, essential study of human survival. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 17, 2012
7/10 79% Magic Mike (2012) A breezy, slyly noncholant romp through the world of male strip revue. The bold men of Mike leave it on the floor ... and by "it" I mean "your panties". - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 27, 2012
9/10 97% In the Family (2012) More than just a carefully-crafted exercise in naturalism and restraint - Family is a beautiful, bold, and staggeringly moving film. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 22, 2012
7/10 32% Struck by Lightning (2013) An unexpectedly serious-minded comedy that sets itself apart from other teen fare by tackling adolescent ambition without the safety net of irony or sarcasm. - EDIT
Read More | Posted May 18, 2012
4/10 35% Dark Shadows (2012) By refusing to go either full-on melodrama or pure sendup, they've sentenced the original show's characters to an eternity of being upstaged by ugly lampshades. - EDIT
Read More | Posted May 18, 2012
7/10 34% Battleship (2012) A deafening, seizure-inducing, patently ridiculous full-length military ad co-directed by Michael Bay and a trash compactor. Worst of all, it's also a hell of a lot of fun. - EDIT
Read More | Posted May 18, 2012
6/10 67% Going Down In La-la Land (2012) Going Down doesn't stray far from the Hollywood Cautionary Tale formula - but credit for making a downward spiral feel as gritty as a mid-afternoon trip to Pinkberry. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 20, 2012
6/10 52% The Iron Lady (2012) As a biography, it's a ridiculous mess - but as entertainment, this bizarre jukebox biopic built around the expectedly brilliant Streep is a qualified guilty pleasure. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 13, 2012
7/10 70% Carnage (2011) Thanks to a few nice comic turns and a crisp final 10 minutes, this comedy of bad manners just barely manages to rise above its own calculated chaos. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 16, 2011
0/10 7% New Year's Eve (2011) NYE, the #1 reason I hate you is because I'm going to look like a total a**hole when I have to admit to my mother that yes, I saw you, and I thought you were terrible. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 9, 2011
6/10 79% Shame (2011) A handsome movie about a handsome guy with serious issues and a Platinum card. It's kind of like American Psycho without the body count. (Or the sense of humor.) - EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 2, 2011
8/10 95% Making the Boys (2010) An entertaining and compelling reason to either reconsider the polarizing work or to experience it for the first time with due regard for its original context. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 22, 2011
8/10 83% My Week with Marilyn (2011) Williams' captivating performance generates the unearthly glow of something too beautiful and too fragile to grasp. It also may have knocked a few points off my Kinsey rating. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 18, 2011
5/10 43% J. Edgar (2011) Two hours spent with the man are such a chore that it's hard to imagine why lifelong confidants Tolson and Gandy suffered his toxic, rapid-fire company for entire decades. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 11, 2011
5/10 68% A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas (2011) Would it be too much to ask for an all-NPH spinoff? I think he's more than earned it. Otherwise, definitely an improvement over the abysmal Guantanamo installment. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 4, 2011
1/10 29% The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011) Cheap, repetitive, and dull. It's like being forced to watch the same Three Stooges gag over and over until someone finally farts in your face and lets you go home. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 7, 2011
8/10 85% Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2011) While its subversion of the well-worn "hillbilly horror" genre may be a one-note gag, that note is played pretty durn well. A clever, bloody, and unexpectedly sweet romp. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 29, 2011
8/10 80% Night of the Eagle (Burn, Witch, Burn! ) (1962) An odd, stylish, and completely absorbing witchcraft-in-the-suburbs oddity that puts hexes into the hands of academics and university wives. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 9, 2011
4/10 18% Shark Night 3D (2011) How delicious would it be if we were to look back and find that the current lousy 3D trend "jumped the shark" with a film that actually features jumping sharks? - EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 6, 2011
5/10 60% Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011) If you aren't generally scared by CGI goblins who whisper a lot, the title's warning is sadly unneeded - you won't be afraid of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 25, 2011
6/10 62% Final Destination 5 (2011) Thanks to solid suspense and a clever resolution, FD5 is more fun than watching household objects conspire to brutally murder disaaster survivors (in 3D!) has any right to be. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 11, 2011
9/10 90% Attack the Block (2011) That the film treats marginalized youths with real respect while delivering such a raucous and inventive spin on horror comedy is the most welcome kind of cinematic miracle. - EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 28, 2011