Cleaver Patterson

Cleaver Patterson
Cleaver Patterson's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s): Little White Lies Starburst
Publications: Little White Lies, Starburst

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
3/5 50% White Settlers (The Blood Lands) (2014) The underlying premise of this film is nothing new... however, the subject is given a topical twist, considering the possible tensions which may arise as the vote on Scottish independence draws near. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 2, 2019
3/5 12% The Nut Job (2014) A pleasant -- if untaxing -- surprise. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 2, 2019
3/5 20% Tarzan (2014) Tarzan (brought alive with just the right degree of unsophisticated innocence by Lutz) and Jane, when together in the jungle, are just believable and appealing enough to make the viewer forget the film's weaker elements. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 20, 2019
4/5 78% The Machine (2014) Here, the actions and objectives of the government manufactured robots are as volatile and unpredictable as those of the scientists and officials who create them, resulting in scenarios which are as shocking as they're unexpected. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 7, 2019
2/5 5% I, Frankenstein (2014) I, Frankenstein's finale predictably leaves it open for a sequel, the thought of which would likely have the Baron and his creation spinning in their graves. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 6, 2019
3/5 50% Scatter My Ashes At Bergdorf's (2013) Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf's will bare little semblance to reality for most people. However, as a window into a world which few of us will enter, it makes an entertaining diversion from the everyday norm. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 5, 2019
2/5 20% Rough Cut (2013) Though intriguing in its premise, Shovlin's bold cinematic experiment fails by being too portentous for its own good. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 5, 2019
3/5 50% Carrie (2013) Pulls off the unenviable task of being both respectful to the original whilst spicing the story with enough fresh twists that it doesn't appear like a scene-by-scene retread of its forebear. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 5, 2019
1/5 No Score Yet Sir Billi (2013) Sir Billi will leave you speechless -- though not for the right reasons. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 1, 2019
3/5 13% Justin and the Knights of Valour (2013) A witty pastiche of medieval European legend which should enchant audiences of all ages. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 1, 2019
4/5 71% Renoir (2013) Paints an idyllic picture of a life played out in bohemian decadence, tainted with rhapsodic and turbulent undercurrents. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 25, 2019
2/5 37% The ABCs of Death (2013) The ABCs of Death's overriding air of experimentalism is its ultimate downfall. Where some are undeniably mesmeric, the majority of the films seem like student projects -- not efforts from established filmmakers. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 25, 2019
4/5 59% Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) Against all the odds, Oz The Great and Powerful emanates a timeless magic which should hopefully entertain audience just as Judy Garland and her ruby slippers continue to do. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 8, 2019
1/5 13% May I Kill U? (2014) A low budget British feature so inherently dreadful that it very nearly defies description. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 7, 2019
2/5 18% Texas Chainsaw (2013) Starts promisingly but soon becomes yet another sub-standard American gorefest, with little or no real body. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 6, 2019
4/5 80% Quartet (2013) A delightful cocktail of friendship and the acceptance of the frailties, both in yourself and in others. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 6, 2019
3/5 44% Hotel Transylvania (2012) The way this collection of monster misfits tackle both each other and the threat of human invasion has the right degree of wit and sophistication to amuse adults whilst being zany and slapstick enough to hold children's attention. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2019
3/5 64% Sinister (2012) Though heavy on atmosphere, it ultimately looses itself in recognisable old-school frights such as unaccountable noises at the dead of night and frequent rain lashed storms. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2019
1/5 18% Inbred (2011) A grotesque pastiche of every horror classic you can think of, which ultimately fails through its lack of anything even remotely resembling wit or style. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2019
3/5 30% When the Lights Went Out (2012) As a haunted house film, its use of darkened corridors, banging doors and moonlit fields surrounded by trees rustled with sudden gusts of wind, lend the proceedings an authentically creepy ambience. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2019
3/5 75% Hope Springs (2012) There's an underlying air of reliability which allows the viewer to sit back, relax and enjoy its easy humour and the chemistry between Streep and Jones. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 1, 2019
4/5 95% The Queen of Versailles (2012) As a car-crash depiction of the strained relationships of a family fixated with the accumulation of wealth and possessions however, the film is as mesmerising as it is shocking. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 1, 2019
4/5 86% The Devil's Business (2012) A film infused with subtle shocks and old-school horror, which uses stealthy inference rather than blatant, crass visuals. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 1, 2019
1/5 No Score Yet The Reverend (2012) Sitting through it is an endurance test akin to penance. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 30, 2019
3/5 19% Chernobyl Diaries (2012) The result, though no classic, is definitely enough to make you rethink going on a suspect European coach trip anytime soon. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 10, 2019
69% The Pact (2012) Where other films however may have fallen flat by rehashing old clichés, The Pact appears fresh by keeping much of its horror hidden until well into the proceedings. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
3/5 23% What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012) You'll undoubtedly enjoy Jones' What to Expect When You're Expecting far more if you accept it for what it is -- a popcorn movie: warm, fluffy and immediately forgettable. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
81% Juan of the Dead (2012) The visually arresting bleached browns of Havana form a perfect backdrop for the liberal dousing of blood and severed limbs, whilst the plethora of set-piece deaths appear fresh in their originality. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
4/5 18% Piggy (2012) A tartly original thriller and possible new direction for an oft-stale and passé genre. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
2/5 25% Strippers vs Werewolves (2011) Lacks any real guts. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
2/5 25% The Divide (2012) With so many varying elements, it ultimately fails to make good use of any, be it the nuclear fallout, sociological breakdown or governmental, scientific experiment angle tantalisingly thrown in but never made full use of. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2019
2/5 57% Edge (2012) It's clear that Edge is trying to make a statement, yet it's so intent on doing it in an overtly-artistic manor that it loses itself and the viewer. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 4, 2019
4/5 88% In Darkness (2012) A brutal and thought-provoking drama which serves to remind us why the atrocities of WWII and the people who risked their lives to fight them should never, and can never, be forgotten. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 18, 2018
2/5 53% Safe House (2012) Spends most of its 117-minute running time much like its central characters -- tearing madly around, making a lot of noise and not really getting very far. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 12, 2018
3/5 32% Man on a Ledge (2012) Though hardly taking the action thriller to new heights, Man on a Ledge certainly provides some genuine, vertigo-inducing fun. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 12, 2018
4/5 79% The Grey (2012) An enthralling study of man's breakdown when faced with nature's raw elements and the base instinct for survival. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 12, 2018
2/5 45% Happy Feet Two (2011) Unfortunately more soft shoe shuffle than entertaining quick-step. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 5, 2018
3/5 38% Immortals (2011) Immortals is an affectionate homage to those mythical epics from old school Hollywood, but perhaps the film's producers should have included earplugs alongside the 3D glasses. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 4, 2018
4/5 61% Yves Saint Laurent - L'amour fou (2011) This beautiful, yet overridingly sad documentary, is a testament to a flawed genius who -- despite reaching the pinnacle of his profession -- appears never to have found true happiness. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 4, 2018
2/5 73% Everything Must Go (2011) By the end of ninety minutes you, along with most of the cast, wish that Halsey would move on with his life and put everyone out of his misery. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 30, 2018
3/5 26% The Three Musketeers (2011) An enjoyable romp reminiscent of some of Hollywood's Golden Age excursions. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 30, 2018
4/5 38% Johnny English Reborn (2011) If the troubled Bond franchise needs inspiration on how to reinvent itself, it could do worse than to look to Johnny English Reborn. The secret is not to take it so seriously. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 30, 2018
4/5 77% The Debt (2011) One could question whether life should still be found in the subject of the Nazi war atrocities for entertainment purposes. However, when something as thought provoking as The Debt emerges, the answer must be yes. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 30, 2018
2/5 16% I Don't Know How She Does It (2011) Let's face it; Parker and the rest of the cast could do this with their eyes closed. It's the cinematic equivalent of a "stop gap" -- just something to fill in the time until a proper role comes along. - CineVue EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 26, 2018
10/10 91% Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (2012) There's no denying, however, that, like Cannon's films themselves, the end product is a wonderful, if perhaps slightly trashy, piece of fun. - Starburst EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 1, 2015
6/10 96% Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011) It certainly went out making its presence felt, but in my opinion, though there were explosions aplenty, a few deaths, and everyone inevitably ended up with who they should, I felt it ended with more of a fizz than a bang. - Starburst EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 18, 2014
1/5 25% Strippers vs Werewolves (2011) The beast lacks bite. - Little White Lies EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 26, 2012
3/5 41% StreetDance 2 (2012) There are hidden charms a-plenty. - Little White Lies EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 29, 2012
5/5 100% Meet Me In St. Louis (1944) The film really belongs to Garland and O'Brien. They make each scene they share pure magic, exuding an effortless confidence which lights up the screen, with the rest of the cast reduced to mere bystanders. - Little White Lies EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 14, 2011