Dana Schwartz

Dana Schwartz
Dana Schwartz's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s): Entertainment Weekly Observer

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
B- 88% The Hole in the Ground (2019) The Hole in the Ground never seeks to differentiate itself from the established horror movie aesthetic: we get creepy jangling lullaby music, a decrepitly old hooded women mumbling to herself ominously, bare feet on creaking wooden floors, broken mirrors. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 1, 2019
B+ 68% Isn't It Romantic (2019) Isn't It Romantic pulls off a sweet sleight-of-hand trick as a rom-com-within-a-rom-com, mocking all of the classic rom-com tropes while still letting us indulge in them. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 12, 2019
C+ 45% What Men Want (2019) It delivers exactly what you expect, in exactly the way you expect. If you're looking to save some cash, it might be worth it to just watch the trailer five times in a row and call it a night. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 7, 2019
B 89% The Kid Who Would Be King (2019) The script is good-natured and action-packed and attempts to delve into thematic territory beyond what might be normally expected from a kid's movie. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 22, 2019
D+ 11% Holmes and Watson (2018) If you choose to watch this movie, you'll be treated to an hour and a half of different versions of the same gag: what if [insert modern thing] somehow existed in Victorian times!? - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 26, 2018
B 71% All Is True (2019) Slowly, as the thematic center of the film begins to take shape, so does Branagh's character - and in those moments the audience is treated to what amounts to nothing short of a Christmas gift for any Anglophile or Shakespeare lover. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 21, 2018
A- 100% The World Before Your Feet (2018) Like the apostles who followed Forrest Grump as he ran cross country, one could find Buddhist wisdom or metaphorical meaning in Green's work, even if it's not necessarily there. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 21, 2018
B 68% The Christmas Chronicles (2018) Make some cocoa for the family, and spike yours if you have to, but remember what the holiday is about: watching mediocre, predictable movies with the people you love. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 20, 2018
B+ 77% The Clovehitch Killer (2018) Unlike so many recent horror movies, The Clovehitch Killer is patient with its thrills, almost excruciatingly so. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 15, 2018
B+ 89% Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) Ambitious, beautifully animated, and clever to a fault, Ralph Breaks the Internet breaks free of the pitfalls of most sequels by never forgoing heart for the sake of bigger franchise pyrotechnics. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 14, 2018
C 23% Here and Now (Blue Night) (2018) For most of the film, Parker's Vivienne is bland and forgettable. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 7, 2018
D 37% Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Every gag in this movie has already been done before, and better, presumably by one or both of the earlier Johnny English films. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 25, 2018
C+ 48% Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (2018) The cinematic equivalent of an Ikea dresser put together in a rush. It's slightly askew, and there's a gap between drawers, but it'll still hold your T-shirts. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 10, 2018
C 14% Life Itself (2018) What the viewer is left with... is the curious sensation of having just watched a ninety-minute prologue to something that they're no longer interested in. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 20, 2018
D+ 13% Peppermint (2018) Whatever moments of fun there are watching Garner infallibly tear through the ranks of the drug gang are canceled out by the movie's lack of creativity and imagination. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 7, 2018
B 64% Sierra Burgess Is a Loser (2018) And so even if you've seen it all before, Sierra Burgess will still satisfy your end-of-summer sweet tooth. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 6, 2018
B 26% The Nun (2018) The Nun comes closest to its ideal form of go-to midnight-movie, the fun younger cousin of the Conjuring movies with less build-up but more of the money shots you'll come to a theater to see. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 5, 2018
D+ 17% The Darkest Minds (2018) What we're left with is a Mad-Libs version of a dystopian YA adaptation done by someone who saw half of an X-Men movie on TV once, with no depth, no new ideas, and no point. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 2, 2018
B+ 91% Teen Titans Go! To the Movies (2018) The meta jokes flow like Mountain Dew - this is a rollicking, goofy superhero send-up that never overstays its welcome... - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 27, 2018
B- 76% Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (2018) Although Van Sant uses humor to avoid the pitfalls of a schmaltzy Lifetime movie recovery story, he still seems afraid to confront Callahan as an artist, and a person, in any meaningful way. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 13, 2018
C+ 54% The First Purge (2018) For the first two-thirds or so of the movie, the scares are lacking. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 5, 2018
A- 69% Damsel (2018) The film is unpredictable and bizarre, stunningly beautiful and weird in the best ways... - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 18, 2018
B 91% Set It Up (2018) The movie achieves the highest honor for a streaming romantic comedy, which is that it's perfect to watch while eating takeout Chinese food on your couch and also drinking wine that has been in your fridge too long. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 14, 2018
B+ 85% Nancy (2018) Much like a play, it forces you to pay attention to the nuances of each of the actors' (very well-done) performances, to sit with the characters quietly as if in a sitting room too formal to do much else. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 5, 2018
100% John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City (2018) If you don't know who John Mulaney is yet, it's time for you to catch the heck up. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted May 22, 2018
C- 87% Upgrade (2018) As a movie, it's the cinematic equivalent of paint-by-numbers: competent, attractive even, but take a single step closer and the lines peek through. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted May 21, 2018
A- 68% The Seagull (2018) The true magic of the film lies in its performances. Bening is the best she's ever been as the vain, aging stage actress, with a perfectly naïve Ronan as Nina just discovering her sexual power. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted May 7, 2018
C+ 10% Krystal (2018) Krystal feels like the result of an elaborate blunder wherein three different scripts were accidentally shuffled together and then - presumably through a series of hijinks - the director accidentally shot it all straight through. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 13, 2018
B+ 73% Final Portrait (2018) A patient, un-presuming 90 minutes that never undertakes being more than the sum of its parts - more baguette than glossy, sugar-crowned croquembouche. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 23, 2018
70% A Christmas Prince (2017) By those metrics, A Christmas Prince is an instant classic. It's a Netflix original movie, but it feels like a violation of nature that it somehow isn't from Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel. - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 27, 2017
50% Christmas Inheritance (2017) Unlike A Christmas Prince, my favorite movie of 2017, it seems to have a self-satisfied earnestness that makes you want to sit it down and go, "Hey Christmas Inheritance. What exactly do you think you're doing here?" - Entertainment Weekly EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 27, 2017
92% Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) But Marvel is a big studio investing lots of money; and so the film is safe, as palatable for as many people as possible, and gives us two women of color love interests that we can celebrate as small steps forward. - Marie Claire EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2017
15% Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) Transformers: The Last Knight is pretty much crap, but not even good, fun, entertaining crap. It commits the cardinal sin of a popcorn action movie: it's boring. - Marie Claire EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2017
93% Wonder Woman (2017) The brilliance of Wonder Woman isn't just getting to see a female superhero in action: It's getting to see that female superhero be "feminine." - Marie Claire EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2017
49% Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) I mean, it isn't good. But I can imagine it becoming something of a cult-classic, celebrated for its expansive world, campy acting, and spectacular CGI. - Marie Claire EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2017