Jesse Hassenger

Jesse Hassenger

Agrees with the Tomatometer 75% of the time.

Jesse Hassenger's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s):, PopMatters, AV Club, Time Out, Brooklyn Magazine

Movie Reviews Only

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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review
D+ 30%

Boo! A Madea Halloween (2016)

"Madea remains a distinctive, weirdly compelling character. Maybe someday Perry will make a good comedy for her." ‐ AV Club
Posted Oct 21, 2016

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)

"Star power and airport-novel craftsmanship can still deliver some old-fashioned goods." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Oct 21, 2016
C+ 52%

Michael Moore In TrumpLand (2016)

"TrumpLand has an immediacy not always present in Moore's more ambitious, sprawling, and sometimes scattered documentary work. There's also an unfortunate technical hurriedness to go along with that immediacy." ‐ AV Club
Posted Oct 19, 2016

Mascots (2016)

"It's kind of dull, it gets duller as it goes, and you start to think of ways it could have been funnier." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Oct 19, 2016

The Accountant (2016)

"Like a high-toned Jason Statham movie without the cool-ass fight choreography." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Oct 13, 2016
B- 76%

Kevin Hart: What Now? (2016)

"This movie is not quite the comic event it relentlessly advertises in its opening and closing moments. But it is a reminder of the talent behind the hubris." ‐ AV Club
Posted Oct 13, 2016

Blue Jay (2016)

"Shows off a different side of Sarah Paulson-looser, more relaxed, and playing opposite Mark Duplass, who seems like he would thoroughly irritate many other Paulson characters." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Oct 7, 2016

The Girl on the Train (2016)

"What gives the trashiness a mild kick is the movie's observation of how women are so often victim-blamed and pitted against each other." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Oct 6, 2016
C- 56%

Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life (2016)

"Though its title and general tone lament the stifling atmosphere of the years between childhood and full-fledged teenhood, the movie misses the animal hostility and physical awkwardness of genuine tweens." ‐ AV Club
Posted Oct 6, 2016
C- 65%

The Great Gilly Hopkins (2016)

"The Great Gilly Hopkins may serve as an early lesson for young readers and movie-watchers on the way that a film can be utterly faithful to its source and still not feel quite right." ‐ AV Club
Posted Oct 4, 2016

Girl Asleep (2016)

"The movie does stay on the right side of the charm/smarm divide." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Sep 29, 2016
A- 81%

American Honey (2016)

"Plenty of recent films can claim Terrence Malick as an influence, but Arnold is one of the few filmmakers who takes that intuitive style in a fresh direction-who builds on it, rather than repeating its contemplative whispers." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 28, 2016
C+ 78%

Denial (2016)

"As an actual procedural narrative, the film is only passably interesting, afflicted with the kind of stop-start rhythms endemic in movies that compress a legal battle spanning years into a two-hour movie." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 28, 2016
B- 80%

My Blind Brother (2016)

"My Blind Brother is slight and a little easy, but it's powered by sincere affection." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 21, 2016
C+ 64%

Storks (2016)

"Like so many big-studio cartoons, Storks doesn't seem to understand that its strengths lie not in the speed or volume of its dialogue, but the energy of its animation." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 21, 2016

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

"The unofficial cowboys and outlaws played by Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy or Denzel in any number of Tony Scott movies have more pizazz than this bunch. " ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Sep 21, 2016
C+ 77%

Bridget Jones's Baby (2016)

"This is a third helping of comfort food, lukewarm but edible for anyone in the mood." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 14, 2016

Snowden (2016)

"There's something flaccid and by-the-numbers about Stone's latest-a button-pusher that doesn't muster the energy to push enough buttons." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Sep 13, 2016
D+ 15%

Mr. Church (2016)

"Mr. Church is certainly another sign that Murphy does what he wants. Maybe this guarded performance in a lousy movie is a sign of him wanting to do something better." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 13, 2016
C+ 83%

Kicks (2016)

"It's well made, compelling, and no more of a miserablist wallow than any number of film-festival refugees. Yet the movie's persistent grimness keeps compounding in a way that starts to feel like an end unto itself." ‐ AV Club
Posted Sep 7, 2016
B- 39%

Morgan (2016)

"It would be a stretch to call the movie any kind of feminist statement, but it does boast an equal-opportunity nastiness alongside its enjoyable stupidities." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 31, 2016
C 69%

White Girl (2016)

"Its idea of drama is to have all of its characters make a bunch of haphazardly bad decisions as they stumble through New York steaminess." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 31, 2016

Southside With You (2016)

"This isn't pure hero worship, either; it's the work of a filmmaker enchanted by his subjects as a couple, not as conduits of history." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Aug 25, 2016
C 43%

The Hollars (2016)

"Whenever the movie starts to get genuinely idiosyncratic, it reverts to singing the same old songs: weddings, funerals, births, and tasteful finger-picking." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 24, 2016

Hands of Stone (2016)

"This Durán becomes less charming, in fact, the more time the movie spends with him, accumulating new details of his jerkiness." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Aug 24, 2016

Morris from America (2016)

"gets the range of bottled-up teenage emotions right" ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Aug 18, 2016
B+ 97%

Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

"No American animation studio is better-suited to dreamlike plotting than Laika, and the animation of Kubo is truly dazzling, mixing sophistication and handmade charm with inspired flow." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 17, 2016

Pete's Dragon (2016)

"sort of a kiddie Malick" ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Aug 11, 2016
C+ 79%

Joshy (2016)

"Joshy uses so much architecture from indie-movie blueprints and uses so many comic actors as building blocks that it briefly seems like an elaborate spoof project." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 10, 2016
B 83%

Sausage Party (2016)

"Rogen and Goldberg start with spoofery and work their way into something bolder and stranger; it's as if playing in the Pixar sandbox, or a reasonable approximation thereof, can't help but inspire creativity." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 10, 2016
C+ 98%

Little Men (2016)

"The younger characters are so full of life, and the older ones so full of trenchant but predictable talking-point issues, that it sometimes feels like a middling movie encroaching on a good one." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 3, 2016
C+ 26%

Five Nights in Maine (2016)

"Curran's film is at once admirable in its avoidance of easy sentiment and kind of predictable once its quiet seriousness makes itself known (which is to say very early on)." ‐ AV Club
Posted Aug 2, 2016
C+ 60%

Bad Moms (2016)

"It sells its characters' struggle short by shuffling their kids off screen whenever it's convenient, and not even in the name of comical neglect; there always seems to be time and money to get a sitter." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jul 27, 2016

Equity (2016)

"I'm told that Equity is pretty realistic, nailing little details that bigger finance movies lack. I can say that the movie feels more lived than constructed. " ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 27, 2016
B 99%

Don't Think Twice (2016)

"Amidst its hard truths about the odds of real success in a creative field, it's surprisingly effective at communicating, through Jacobs especially, a kind of clear-eyed improv idealism." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jul 20, 2016

Lights Out (2016)

" It's satisfying (the audience I saw it with cheered, several times) and reasonably involving on an emotional level." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 20, 2016
B- 31%

Equals (2016)

"Stewart's twitchiness and utter sincerity both come in handy here, as she and Hoult generate a youthful electricity." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jul 14, 2016

Café Society (2016)

"Even by Allen's high standards, it's a gorgeous movie." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 13, 2016

Cell (2016)

"Cell is somewhat faithful to its source material, just somewhat truncated-and it gets more truncated as it moves along, as if slowly running out of funds." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 12, 2016
B 72%

Ghostbusters (2016)

"As enjoyable as this movie is, sometimes it feels like it's holding back; no one's id runs wild. But the limitations of Ghostbusters make Wiig, McCarthy, McKinnon, and Jones even more valuable." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jul 11, 2016

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)

"When it gets to its final stretch -- the one that nothing except books or Wikipedia or other movies can prepare you for -- Mockingjay Part 2 is well-prepared for what might strike non-fans (or even some actual fans) as anticlimax." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 8, 2016

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 (2014)

"At its best, this half-Mockingjay details a kind of unhealthy propaganda therapy as Katniss and Peeta head toward their inevitable reunion. But it's not really enough to sustain a satisfying two-hour feature." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jul 8, 2016
B- 36%

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

"Efron and Devine's immature teamwork suggests that they've been watching Step Brothers a lot, while Kendrick and Plaza act like they've been studying Tina Fey." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jul 6, 2016

The BFG (2016)

"This is to Spielberg's faster-paced kid movies as Bridge of Spies is to Saving Private Ryan: quieter, more relaxed." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jun 30, 2016
B- 72%

Our Kind of Traitor (2016)

"Director Susanna White, on only her second feature, jazzes up the proceedings to match the skill of actors like McGregor, Harris, and Skarsgård." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jun 29, 2016
C+ 36%

The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

"The movie tees up an exciting, likable yarn but never really takes off." ‐ AV Club
Posted Jun 29, 2016

The Babadook (2014)

"The Babadook is as accessible as any number of less accomplished ghost stories -- and more genuinely unsettling for its portrait of parent and child locked in mutual but potentially conquerable hell." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jun 28, 2016

Me Him Her (2016)

"Me Him Her is the work of someone who lives, breathes, and loves Los Angeles to such a noxiously myopic degree that providing an actual sense of place holds little interest for him." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jun 28, 2016

The Witch (2016)

"Though there is some real horror-movie imagery on hand, writer-director Robert Eggers also summons dread with small farmhouse touches: the thwack of an axe on wood, the eyes of a goat called Black Philip, the rustles of branches." ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jun 28, 2016

The Shallows (2016)

"swims right along the line between barely credible and flat-out nuts-a modest, swift, silly thriller" ‐ Brooklyn Magazine
Posted Jun 23, 2016
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