Joseph Kastner

Joseph Kastner
Seraph: The Oracle has many enemies, I had to be sure. Neo: Of what? Seraph: That you were The One. Neo: You could've just asked. Link: He's doin' his Superman thing. Dory: I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy.

Agrees with the Tomatometer 74% of the time.

Joseph Kastner's reviews do not count toward the Tomatometer. This is not a Tomatometer-approved critic, and this critic's reviews are not published on a Tomatometer-approved publication.

Movie Reviews Only

Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review
4.5/5 (A) 40%

Ladder 49 (2004)

"Ladder 49 is simply nothing short of astounding ... there are few words to accurately describe the high emotions presented through its brilliantly crafted script" ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Oct 1, 2004
1.5/5 (D-) 31%

The Forgotten (2004)

"No matter how you dress it up, The Forgotten is yet another disaster in the area of science-fiction thrillers on the trash heap of the box office." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Sep 24, 2004
3/5 (C-) 54%

Mr. 3000 (2004)

"Mr. 3000 strikes out when its step up to the plate thanks to a one-two-three combo-punch of inconsistency, insufficient material, and a horrible backdrop." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Sep 20, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 72%

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

"Sky Captain rattles the box office from its usual post summer slumber and brings about an experience that can best be described as this generation's Raiders of the Lost Ark." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Sep 17, 2004
3/5 (C-) 50%

Jurassic Park III (2001)

"JP3, despite showing slight improvements from the last installment, indicates the once vibrant franchise should go the way of the prehistoric beasts it was based on" ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Aug 17, 2004
4/5 (B+) 86%

Collateral (2004)

"Collateral could've ended up the disaster it should have been but its impressive cast and, more importantly, its austere message make this film the sleeper hit of the summer." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Aug 6, 2004
3.5/5 (C+) 43%

The Village (2004)

"Shyamalan demonstrates that either he is losing his once golden touch or he is running low on decent material to scare audiences with." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Jul 30, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 85%

The Sixth Sense (1999)

"The Sixth Sense wipes the floor of its predecessors and redefines the genre that had been typically held by mindless slasher flicks for far too long." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jul 20, 2004
2.5/5 (D+) 58%

I, Robot (2004)

"As hard as I, Robot attempts to come off as brilliant vision of a futuristic utopia ... the end result is nothing more then a garbled mess." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jul 16, 2004
5/5 (A+) 68%

Unbreakable (2000)

"Americans have awakened to the truth, "there are extraordinary things inside themselves, as well as others" and we need not look far to find "heroes" in our lives." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jul 13, 2004
4/5 (B) 66%

Anchorman - The Legend Of Ron Burgundy (2004)

"Anchorman is dumb and immature but in a summer severely lacking in anything remotely humorous, it does the job its meant to do, making us laugh." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jul 9, 2004
3.5/5 (C+) 31%

King Arthur (2004)

"For those who had grown up reading about the legendary King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, the Jerry Bruckheimer spectacular may come as disappointment." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jul 7, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 93%

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

"Spider-Man 2 delivers on what the hype promises, not only in the areas of an emotionally driven story, but in the film's enduring message of heroism and self-sacrifice." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Jun 29, 2004
3/5 (C) 61%

The Terminal (2004)

"The arrival of The Terminal signals not a new spark in the creativity of director Steven Spielberg but rather it announces his return to the level of mediocre director." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jun 18, 2004
3/5 (C-) 31%

Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

"Around the World's exuberant boast of presenting a brilliant and imaginative take on the classic Jules Verne novel seems have been filled with nothing but hot air ..." ‐ Movie Gurus
Posted Jun 16, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 91%

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

"Alfonso Cuaron picks up right where Columbus left off ... and presents the most darkly toned Potter film yet to grace the screen, which makes it all the more spellbinding." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Jun 4, 2004
1/5 (F+) 45%

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

"No amount of eye-popping special-effects can save this film from being more then environmental propaganda to warn of an event they themselves can not substantially prove." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted May 30, 2004
4/5 (B+) 98%

The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (2003)

"The Fog of War offers some clever insights into both the Kennedy and Johnson administrations but fails in its efforts to clearly express a unified message." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted May 26, 2004
3/5 (C+) 50%

The Emperor's Club (2002)

"Emperor's Club delivers on Hundert's statement on being "a story without surprises" and is nothing more then the regurgitation of all the coming of age films of the past." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted May 22, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 88%

Shrek 2 (2004)

"Shrek 2 is a rare family gem ... a highly touted sequel that lives up to the hype that it receives and surpasses even the enormously high expectations set by the original." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted May 19, 2004
1.5/5 (D-) 54%

Troy (2004)

"Be forewarned! Those going into Troy looking for a heedfully based adaptation of the myth are well advised to avert their eyes from this horrendous gorgon." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted May 14, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 76%

Gladiator (2000)

"Gladiator successfully resurrects the once dead epic genre albeit more sanguineous, vicious and gut-wrenching then its golden age predecessors." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted May 11, 2004
3.5/5 (C+) 23%

Van Helsing (2004)

"Van Helsing will surely go down as one of the bigger disappointments of the summer season." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted May 7, 2004
2/5 (D) 4%

Godsend (2003)

"What should be an attempt to answer the moral issues behind the concept of cloning leaves you only with the question of why you would pay eight dollars for a horror knock-off." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Apr 30, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 85%

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

"Leadership, patriotism, and a true sense of responsibility, all of which are desperately needed amongst a certain portion of the American people today, take center stage" ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Apr 22, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 84%

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)

"Kill Bill plays out like revenge itself - actions engulf us at first, but as the journey rampages toward its ultimate conclusion, truth and meaning quickly take over." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Apr 16, 2004
4/5 (B+) 39%

Armageddon (1998)

"Whatever quips you have with Jerry Bruckheimer or the disaster genre, Armageddon is decisively one of the best action flicks in years and raises the bar for all others." ‐ Movie Gurus
Posted Apr 13, 2004
4/5 (B) 29%

The Alamo (2004)

"Remember The Alamo for what it was - the courageous stand of a group who saw Texas as a fresh new start away from their former lives and free from a totalitarian regime." ‐ Movie Gurus
Posted Apr 9, 2004
2.5/5 (D+) 25%

Pearl Harbor (2001)

"Pearl Harbor gives the Walt Disney Company their Titanic but the film ends up more like the ship rather then the movie in that its enormous extravagance results in its demise." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Apr 7, 2004
3.5/5 (C+) 81%

Hellboy (2004)

"Hellboy lands up in purgatory, it is neither a hit nor a miss, not leaving you clamoring to see it again nor is it a feature that you would detest repeating." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Apr 3, 2004
3/5 (C-) 54%

Home on the Range (2004)

"Home on the Range is a disappointing and undeserving conclusion to the end of traditional animation and showcases further evidence to why the genre is heading to the grave." ‐ Movie Gurus
Posted Apr 2, 2004
3/5 (C) 55%

The Ladykillers (2004)

"The Ladykillers is one of the most predictable and bland comedies this year and quite a disappointment coming from the Cohen Brothers." ‐ Movie Gurus
Posted Mar 27, 2004
4/5 (B) 41%

Jersey Girl (2004)

"Despite lacking the edginess of Smith's other features, Jersey Girl showcases not only his talented writing ability but a belief in the family and its impact on life." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Mar 26, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 93%

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)

"Love is a complicated subject that can't be taught, it can only be experienced for what it is ... utterly confusing and yet at the same time completely fulfilling." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Mar 19, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 75%

The Santa Clause (1994)

"The Santa Clause, just like the big man himself, spreads holiday magic to every boy and girl, no matter how young or old they are." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Mar 16, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 88%

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

"If this is Indiana Jones' last go-around then it is marvelous one at that, mixing everything that made the series so enduring all into one consolidating effort." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Mar 13, 2004
4/5 (B) 92%

School of Rock (2003)

"In a film that preaches the message of breaking away from the conventional, School of Rock contradicts itself pretty easily." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Mar 7, 2004
2.5/5 (D+) 47%

Hidalgo (2004)

"Hidalgo stampedes over the line of believability and crosses the finish line with nothing more then an over embellished, inconsistent and, ultimately, flat tall-tale." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Mar 5, 2004
5/5 (A+) 49%

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

"The Passion is quite possibly the most vicious and gore-filled interpretation of Jesus' death but at the same time it is the most emotional and praiseworthy one as well." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Feb 25, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 92%

Insomnia (2002)

"Despite lacking the suspense and the surprising twists of its predecessor, Memento, Nolan gives an impressive follow-up with Insomnia that stands above most cop thrillers." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Feb 22, 2004
4/5 (B+) 85%

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

"Temple of Doom continues the thrilling adventures of Indiana Jones but fails to surpass the standards set by Raiders of the Lost Ark just a few years before." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Feb 22, 2004
3.5/5 (C+) 44%

50 First Dates (2004)

"True romantics will find this predictable premise delightful while others will be wishing they had short-term memory loss." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Feb 13, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 95%

Lost In Translation (2003)

"Lost in Translation is an art-house gem that shows that companionship can be found in the most unlikely of places and gives emotional hope for those looking for it." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Feb 8, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 80%

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

"The mystical world of Harry Potter is brought to life in a way that even the most hardcore of Potter followers will be happy with this first film adaptation." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Feb 5, 2004
4/5 (B+) 80%

Miracle (2004)

"Any film, based on a true story, which can produce a movie-going audience cheering in applause as an end result is worthy of praise. "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!"" ‐
Posted Jan 31, 2004
4.5/5 (A-) 94%

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

"Raiders successfully brings to the screen one of the most charismatic and enduring action adventure heroes in cinematic history and does so in triumphant style." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jan 23, 2004
4.5/5 (A) 96%

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

"Monsters Inc. serves as a perfect example of the blending of humor and heart so perfectly, it could only have come from the talented artists and writers at Pixar." ‐ Moose Hole
Posted Jan 19, 2004
3/5 (C) 76%

Teacher's Pet (2004)

"Younger audience members will enjoy this heralding story about a dog wishing to be a boy while younger adults will be wishing for the quickest exit out of the theater." ‐
Posted Jan 16, 2004
4/5 (B+) 77%

Big Fish (2003)

"Big Fish manages to swim above its own high-watered ambition despite a flop or two too close to shore." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Jan 9, 2004
4/5 (B+) 73%

The Italian Job (2003)

"The amusing performances and spectacular action sequences save this film from being less then a mediocre retread." ‐ MovieJustice
Posted Jan 3, 2004