Mark Ramsey

Mark Ramsey
"You Can't Polish a Turd"

Agrees with the Tomatometer 78% of the time.

Mark Ramsey's reviews (from any publication) always count toward the Tomatometer because this critic is a Tomatometer-approved critic.

Movie Reviews Only

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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review
C 56%

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)

"'Maybe we should have recruited the audience,' said Chris Pine, 'because all I see out there are shadows.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 25, 2014
F 39%

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

"Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is written and directed by Christopher Landon, son of Michael Landon, whose Little House on the Prairie pantry must have been stocked full of a very small number of original ideas and a large quantity of fine weed." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 25, 2014
D 66%

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

"'Inside her is a relic that predates the universe,' says Anthony Hopkins. 'And we don't mean Michael Douglas.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 13, 2013
C 60%

Ender's Game (2013)

"Harrison Ford looks less likely to chase aliens and more likely to chase those young whippersnappers off his lawn." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 4, 2013
F 58%

Riddick (2013)

"Riddick! Because one name says it all - and not nearly enough - all at the same time! Riddick! Because "Riddikulous" has too many syllables." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 9, 2013
B- 69%

The Wolverine (2013)

"'If you were as sick as I am,' said the old Japanese man propped up on a bed of hydraulic pistons, 'your oncologist would be a supermodel too - in a school-girl costume with braids and in need of a spanking!'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 31, 2013
D 71%

Pacific Rim (2013)

"As I watched Pacific Rim I could literally feel myself shedding IQ points the way Kate Hudson sheds a big lunch in the bathroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 15, 2013
B 79%

Iron Man 3 (2013)

"And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 5, 2013
C+ 59%

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

"It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 17, 2013
F 15%

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

"What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 28, 2013
C 65%

Mama (2013)

"As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned!" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 21, 2013
D 19%

Texas Chainsaw (2013)

""Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 6, 2013
B 92%

Zero Dark Thirty (2013)

"When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package!" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 2, 2013
A 69%

Les Misérables (2012)

"Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey!" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 24, 2012
D 49%

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012)

"Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 18, 2012
A 93%

Skyfall (2012)

"'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 11, 2012
F 5%

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

"Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 28, 2012
D 24%

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

"At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 22, 2012
D 63%

Sinister (2012)

"We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 14, 2012
D 21%

Taken 2 (2012)

"When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. " ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 7, 2012
D 41%

The Possession (2012)

"Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 3, 2012
D 30%

Total Recall (2012)

"Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 11, 2012
A 87%

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

"Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2012
B 72%

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

"Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 8, 2012
B 34%

Battleship (2012)

"The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 28, 2012
C 37%

Dark Shadows (2012)

"I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 14, 2012
C 92%

Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

"What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted May 7, 2012
A- 79%

The Innkeepers (2012)

"Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie!" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 23, 2012
D 92%

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

"...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 21, 2012
D 26%

Wrath of the Titans (2012)

"Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 3, 2012
A- 84%

The Hunger Games (2012)

"The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 25, 2012
F 51%

John Carter (2012)

"John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 11, 2012
C 53%

Dr Seuss' The Lorax (2012)

"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true!" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 4, 2012
F 43%

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

"'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 12, 2012
A 78%

The Grey (2012)

"'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 29, 2012
D 27%

Underworld Awakening (2012)

"'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 25, 2012
D 33%

Joyful Noise (2012)

"'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 14, 2012
A- 76%

War Horse (2011)

"War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 7, 2012
A- 94%

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011)

"Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 27, 2011
D 24%

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)

"How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 27, 2011
D 35%

Immortals (2011)

"'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 13, 2011
D 69%

Footloose (2011)

"'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 17, 2011
C+ 59%

Real Steel (2011)

"'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 12, 2011
C- 84%

Contagion (2011)

"Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter?" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Sep 26, 2011
C- 58%

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)

"'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 31, 2011
C- 82%

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

"I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 14, 2011
A- 96%

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011)

"'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 18, 2011
D 35%

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

"'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 9, 2011
C- 26%

Green Lantern (2011)

"Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit." ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 20, 2011
B 82%

Super 8 (2011)

"'Did that train just hit a car or a Michael Bay retrospective?'" ‐ MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 14, 2011
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