MaryAnn Johanson

MaryAnn Johanson
  • "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage." -- Raiders of the Lost Ark
  • "One should not believe in an ism." -- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  • "It's not that I'm lazy; it's that I just don't care." -- Office Space
  • "There's not a lot of money in revenge." -- The Princess Bride
  • Agrees with the Tomatometer 77% of the time.

    MaryAnn Johanson's reviews (from any publication) always count toward the Tomatometer because this critic is a Tomatometer-approved critic.

    Movie Reviews Only

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    Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review

    Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)

    "Jack Reacher is back. And no one seems to know why. Low stakes, a rote plot, and undistinguished action add up to a pointless and unnecessary sequel." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 19, 2016
    2.5/5 23%

    Inferno (2016)

    "Completely absurd, ultimately pointless, but also gloriously goofy: a Nancy Drew mystery with Scooby-Doo overtones and a thin veneer of bookishness." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 17, 2016
    3.5/5 89%

    Blood Father (2016)

    "Sly observations on American hypocrisy, a fresh father-daughter dynamic, and terrific performances elevate this a cut above the typical revenge thriller." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 7, 2016
    3.5/5 43%

    The Girl on the Train (2016)

    "An imperfect adaptation of an uncinematic novel is nevertheless a challenging portrait of a woman as deeply screwed up as usually only men get to be onscreen." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 6, 2016
    3.5 65%

    The Great Gilly Hopkins (2016)

    "A tough, simple story about a foster kid whose path to finding a family and a home is not an easy one. There are no platitudes here, just bittersweet truth." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 5, 2016
    3/5 63%

    Antibirth (2016)

    "Dementedly creepy punk body-horror grossout comedy plays like a padded-out short. But Natasha Lyonne and Chloë Sevigny have a ball as cheerful wastrels." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 5, 2016
    5/5 83%

    Divines (2016)

    "[A]n absolute corker of a coming-of-age tale with a vividly drawn heroine and a blistering eye for the ironies of a life of crime.... [T]he performances from the trio of women at the center are mesmerizing, lively, and uniquely unforgettable." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 4, 2016
    3/5 No Score Yet

    Spaceship (2016)

    "I'm not much of a fan of experimental films, but there's a quality of dreamy questing in... the feature debut of British writer-director Alex Taylor that I found intriguingly wistful." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 4, 2016
    2/5 64%

    Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (2016)

    "Relentlessly dull. A tour of a strange world and 'characters' little more than their 'peculiar' abilities isn't enough to whip up fantastical excitement." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Oct 1, 2016
    4/5 69%

    Urban Hymn (2015)

    "A startling portrait of girls at risk, with a magnificent performance by gonna-be-a-star Letitia Wright. Lovely, moving, utterly unsentimental." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 29, 2016
    5/5 80%

    All This Panic (2016)

    "More abstract and philosophical than a traditional documentary, wafting along on the dreams and fears and hopes of the girls... [A] lovely, careful, compassionate slow-reveal of the psyches of adolescent girls..." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 28, 2016
    2.5/5 67%

    Pyromaniac (Pyromanen) (2016)

    "[E]legant but dull... [M]oves so slowly that it challenges our engagement, and it never delves into anything beyond the very obvious..." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 28, 2016
    5/5 80%

    Ma' Rosa (2016)

    "[E]lectrifying... [A] deeply sympathetic portrait of a woman navigating the rules of her unfair world as best she can..." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 28, 2016
    4/5 83%

    Deepwater Horizon (2016)

    "Immensely intense and suspenseful. Disaster filmmaking at its most gripping, yet there is nothing in the least bit exploitive or sensationalized about it." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 26, 2016
    1.5/5 63%

    The Magnificent Seven (2016)

    "Humorless, rote, clichéd, and entirely unsurprising. Antoine Fuqua attempts to recapture old Hollywood magic - and fails - rather than create his own." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 24, 2016
    1/5 No Score Yet

    Wild (2016)

    "What is, I suspect, intended as an awakening of something untamed and unconstrained in Ania comes across instead as the unleashing of a disturbing cruelty... not a triumph of feminist discovery." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 22, 2016
    3/5 86%

    Indivisible (Indivisibili) (2016)

    "[T]his admirably ambitious Italian film... doesn't give us enough of a taste of any of the flavors it samples - including family dramedy, religious satire, and freak-show horror - before it has moved on to another one." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 22, 2016
    3.5/5 59%

    Down Under (2016)

    "[M]ocks the hypocrisy of those who decry diversity while enjoying it... and dings the toxic masculinity that drives men to prove themselves with rage and violence. It's all almost too dark to be outright hilarious, but it certainly is bleakly droll." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 22, 2016
    5/5 100%

    Chasing Asylum (2016)

    "Australia's deplorable treatment of asylum seekers gets a devastating takedown... This is an international crime, one that much of the world is unaware of, and it cannot be allowed to continue... [U]rgent and essential journalism." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 20, 2016
    4/5 86%

    A Date for Mad Mary (2016)

    "Seána Kerslake... infuses warmth and intelligence to Mary's reflexive lashing out and a sneaky poise to a proudly ungraceful character. A terrific dramedy." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 20, 2016
    5/5 82%

    The Girl With All the Gifts (2016)

    "Stakes out its own fresh place in an SF subgenre that is well played out, and rehumanizes it ways that are both extraordinarily moving and deeply unnerving." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 19, 2016
    5/5 82%

    The Girl With All the Gifts (2016)

    "It is a movie that is everything we go to the movies for. Do not miss it." ‐ The List
    Posted Sep 18, 2016
    4/5 67%

    Finding Altamira (Altamira) (2016)

    "Couched in a tale of scientific discovery is a lovely portrait of a father-daughter relationship grounded in intellect and curiosity, a rare thing onscreen." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 15, 2016
    3.5/5 95%

    The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years (2016)

    "There's not a lot new here, but the vintage footage is fab, as is the much-needed reminder that the supposedly innocent past was hardly innocent at all." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 14, 2016
    1.5/5 36%

    Blair Witch (2016)

    "An entirely superfluous attempt to recapture the magic of the original film. A remake masquerading as a sequel that goes nowhere and has nothing new to say." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 13, 2016
    5/5 98%

    Hell or High Water (2016)

    "Alongside plenty of heist-movie humor and suspense is a bleak fatalism grounded in depressing reality and resignation to the miserable necessity it demands." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 13, 2016
    3/5 66%

    Anthropoid (2016)

    "Familiar-feeling tale of a real-life plot to kill a high-ranking Nazi in 1942 Prague manages some suspense thrills but mostly misses the emotional ones." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 12, 2016
    4.5/5 97%

    Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

    "Magic, music, and monsters come together to create a marvelous fairy tale that's scary, sweet, and full of tough emotions that kids' movies often avoid." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 11, 2016
    2/5 77%

    Bridget Jones's Baby (2016)

    "Bridget Jones is not cute. She is not charming. She is unstable, irrational, and just plain awful." ‐ The List
    Posted Sep 11, 2016
    3.5/5 93%

    Starving The Beast (2016)

    "Lays out with calm, terrifying clarity how US public universities are being turned into profit-making ventures at the expense of students and education." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 9, 2016
    2.5/5 26%

    Ben-Hur (2016)

    "It's not great. It's not terrible. It is bland manufactured entertainment product. It's fine. Hollywood is not creatively bankrupt. Everything is fine." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 9, 2016
    2/5 13%

    The Wild Life (2016)

    "A bland electronic babysitter, suitable only for small children still distracted by bright colors, slapstick cartoon animals, and simplistic wordplay." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 6, 2016
    2.5/5 39%

    Morgan (2016)

    "Eschewing the compelling SF questions it raises, Morgan resorts to violence and would-be cleverness, and makes concrete what it should have left ambiguous." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Sep 5, 2016
    1.5/5 55%

    Zoom (2016)

    "This is what happens when men try to tell a story primarily about women - and also try to ape Charlie Kaufman - and fail miserably." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 31, 2016
    3/5 88%

    Sid and Nancy (1986)

    "Riveting and repulsive, with a claustrophobic perspective that mirrors its subjects: all id, all in the moment. But it's also shallow, all on the surface." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 31, 2016
    2.5/5 81%

    Equity (2016)

    "We've never seen this before, multiple female characters open about ambition, power, and money. But representation alone does not make for a gripping tale." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 29, 2016
    2/5 81%

    Equity (2016)

    "It's a shame that the film seems so focused on being 'important' and 'groundbreaking' that it forgets that its primary concern should be telling a cracking story." ‐ The List
    Posted Aug 29, 2016
    1/5 26%

    Mechanic: Resurrection (2016)

    "It's supposed to be intense, but it's just silly. Unless it's secretly about one woman ridding the world of notorious arms dealers through sly manipulation." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 28, 2016
    4/5 92%

    Floyd Norman: An Animated Life (2016)

    "He's a charming character, a fascinating player in cinema history. Absolutely essential viewing for Disney fans and those interested in animated filmmaking." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 26, 2016
    3.5/5 55%

    The Purge: Election Year (2016)

    "A few hints of stagnation aside, this franchise remains a terrifyingly trenchant dystopia. A brutal vision of an America not far removed from our own." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 25, 2016
    2/5 No Score Yet

    There Is a New World Somewhere (2016)

    "A road movie with no drive, without much in the way of conflict or drama, too mellow for the confusion and unsettled emotion it wants to evoke." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 25, 2016
    3.5/5 79%

    The Intervention (2016)

    "Smart, polished, wisely observant. A terrific cinematic expression of truths about emotional labor that many women will recognize." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 25, 2016
    1.5/5 89%

    The Childhood of a Leader (2016)

    "Cinematic wankery at its most puerile. Two hours of the sun setting revealing that this is why it gets dark at night would not have been more pointless." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 19, 2016
    2/5 64%

    Black (2015)

    "A facile riff on Romeo & Juliet amongst Brussels gangs. Banal, clichéd, and treats its teenage-girl protagonist in a spectacularly disgusting way." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 19, 2016
    4/5 92%

    Swallows and Amazons (2016)

    "Behold a time before helicopter parenting, when children roamed free, ate cake for dinner, and played with fire. A delightfully old-fashioned treat." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 18, 2016
    4/5 60%

    War Dogs (2016)

    "A comedy only in the bleakest way, satire only in the sense that the whole world has become a parody of itself. Appalling and amusing in equal measure." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 16, 2016
    4/5 77%

    The Shallows (2016)

    "Pure popcorn thrills. Whips up visceral suspense and maintains it till you're breathless as it cements the arrival of 'woman versus nature' as a subgenre." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 11, 2016
    3.5/5 36%

    Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

    "A sweetly silly trounce of the idea that overgrown frat boys are charming. Shakes up the subgenre in a way remarkably, if perhaps accidentally, feminist." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 11, 2016
    3.5/5 86%

    Pete's Dragon (2016)

    "More like a pleasant walk in a redwood forest with a boy and his dragon than a rollicking adventure, but its serenity and warm heart are infectious." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 8, 2016

    Baby Face (1933)

    "It's easy to see an anti-feminist 'Just look what happens to women who break the rules' underneath what is most obviously simply straight-up salaciousness." ‐ Flick Filosopher
    Posted Aug 8, 2016
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