Simon Abrams

Simon Abrams

Agrees with the Tomatometer 70% of the time.

Simon Abrams's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s): New York Magazine/Vulture, Village Voice, Slant Magazine, New York Press,, The Playlist

Movie Reviews Only

Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review

Call Me Lucky (2015)

"Call Me Lucky is a loving but fair portrait of the artist as a heroic hothead." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Aug 4, 2015
3/4 57%

Wild City (2015)

". This is a film noir that is, despite some jittery, Tony Scott-esque action sequences, so cool, that you will leave it begging for a sequel." ‐
Posted Jul 30, 2015

A LEGO Brickumentary (2015)

"A largely genial but frequently wearying feature-length toy ad." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 28, 2015

Paulo Coelho's Best Story (2015)

"Coelho's writing may be "more [widely] translated than [Shakespeare's]," as the coda claims, but Paulo Coelho's Best Story never successfully pins down its subject's genius." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 28, 2015
2/4 19%

The Vatican Tapes (2015)

"Whose idea of a fun time is this?" ‐
Posted Jul 23, 2015

Unexpected (2015)

"Unexpected, a disappointing what-to-expect-when-you're-expecting comedy, tackles thorny issues of class and racial inequality with undue mildness." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 21, 2015
1/4 84%

Alleluia (2015)

"Watching "Alléluia" is like being chauffeured by experienced drivers who only know how to drive Manual, but have suddenly decided to learn how to drive stick shift during bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic in the Holland Tunnel." ‐
Posted Jul 17, 2015

Ardor (2015)

"Too bad that Ardor's arrhythmic editing and glacial pacing make it impossible to get lost in its jungles - or to invest in its pseudo-mystical ambiance." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 14, 2015

Jellyfish Eyes (2015)

"Watching unmemorable child protagonists repeatedly fight and bond with each other and a bunch of F.R.I.E.N.D.s, tacky-looking Pokémon-esque monsters, is unproductively exhausting." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 14, 2015

The Gallows (2015)

"The Gallows is only good enough to make you wish its creators did something novel with its formulaic style, plot, and characterizations." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jul 9, 2015
1/4 57%

Stung (2015)

""Stung" is the worst kind of neo-exploitation film: the kind that encourages you to root for a good guy who is essentially a man-child until crisis mode kicks in, and he abruptly becomes Badass Grownupmin." ‐
Posted Jul 3, 2015
2.5/4 73%

Rubble Kings (2015)

""Rubble Kings" might have been great. As it is, the film is a one-sided, but satisfying tribute to an alternatively terrifying and beguiling city that we can only revisit in movies." ‐
Posted Jun 18, 2015

The Face Of An Angel (2015)

"The Face of an Angel may not be like any other whodunit you've seen, but it's also only superficially smarter than the genre it defines itself against." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jun 16, 2015
1/4 25%

The Stranger (2015)

"It's a lousy little film that is so dark and joyless that it leaves you feeling like you wasted your time watching it." ‐
Posted Jun 11, 2015

Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015)

"Tepid ghost story Insidious: Chapter 3 tries and fails to emphasize character-driven drama over cheap, jump-scare-intensive thrills." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jun 11, 2015
No Score Yet

Redeemer (2015)

"Though Chilean western/martial-arts hybrid Redeemer may stall whenever it's not in ass-kicking gear, leading man Marko Zaror is charming enough to make you want to overlook his latest vehicle's humorless posturing." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jun 9, 2015
No Score Yet

Dreadnaught (1981)

"A bizarre, imaginative kung fu film whose talented cast helps transcend its clashing generic conventions." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jun 9, 2015
3/4 89%

A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence (2015)

"It's a series of comedic sketches about people who are too self-involved to empathize with each other. It's also a plaintively blunt wake-up call, and an effective demand for viewers' vigilant sensitivity." ‐
Posted Jun 3, 2015

Doomsdays (2015)

"Thoughtful buddy comedy Doomsdays makes spending time with manic man-children a lot more fun than it should be." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Jun 2, 2015
1.5/4 69%

Sunset Edge (2015)

"An unusual, ambitious failure, mostly because the film's hyper-naturalistic style is meant to evoke a supernatural mood." ‐
Posted May 29, 2015

Unfreedom (2015)

"Unfreedom quickly devolves into an absurdly pessimistic provocation." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 26, 2015

Barely Lethal (2015)

"Teen action-comedy Barely Lethal is this summer's best film with a truly unfortunate title." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 26, 2015
0/4 19%

The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)

"You get what you pay for with this last sequel: a cynical, and consistently unpleasant film with creators who try very, very hard to push as many of your buttons as they can." ‐
Posted May 22, 2015

Sunshine Superman (2015)

"You may not leave Sunshine Superman wanting to emulate Carl and Jean, but you will feel like you've vicariously bonded with them." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 19, 2015
3/4 66%

Dark Star: HR Giger's World (2015)

""Dark Star: H.R. Giger's World" only deepens the enduring mystique that surrounds Giger's legacy." ‐
Posted May 14, 2015

Know How (2015)

"Despite a handful of immediately upsetting sequences, DIY hip-hop musical Know How never coheres into a cathartic fictional account of its creators' turbulent adolescence." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 12, 2015

Our Man in Tehran (2015)

"Informative but tedious ... for anyone who watched Argo and then wished to hear a ditzy, history-obsessed uncle ramble about the real-life political stakes of the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 12, 2015
3/4 25%

Skin Trade (2015)

"If you like your martial arts films to be action-packed, but also unironically simplistic, and thoughtlessly violent, then you will really enjoy Skin Trade." ‐
Posted May 11, 2015

Infini (2015)

"For a while, it's exciting enough to feel brand-new." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 11, 2015

Maggie (2015)

"Schwarzenegger may be Maggie's main attraction, but he's so inessential to the film's drama that he could easily be replaced by a grimacing, monosyllabic pull-string doll." ‐ Village Voice
Posted May 5, 2015
3/4 43%

Gerontophilia (2015)

"This is a comedy that encourages viewers to be impulsive, and pointedly seek love and acceptance outside of "normal" social institutions, especially when it comes to family and romance." ‐
Posted Apr 30, 2015
3/4 64%

Reality (2015)

"The film will only work for you if you expect it not to make sense, and enjoy jokes that go on and on and then suddenly (and repeatedly) jack-knife off a cliff or two." ‐
Posted Apr 30, 2015

Cas & Dylan (2015)

"Leading man Richard Dreyfuss is so irrepressibly charming that he almost saves Jason Priestley's dismal buddy comedy Cas & Dylan from its awkward humor and trite sentimentality." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Apr 28, 2015
3/4 36%

Beyond The Reach (2015)

"Watching Douglas behave like a narcissistic scumbag is an absolute pleasure, one in which viewers of action-adventure "Beyond the Reach" can happily indulge." ‐
Posted Apr 16, 2015
2/4 69%

The Dead Lands (2015)

""The Dead Lands" doesn't add up to much, but it is always on the verge of becoming more than just a bed time story for guys that wish "Braveheart" had a biceps-kissing baby with "Ong Bak."" ‐
Posted Apr 16, 2015
2.5/4 72%

Roar (1981)

"If you want to see cats chasing people in packs, falling over themselves to descend stairwells, and jump up trees to swipe at disposable human protagonists--you will probably enjoy "Roar."" ‐
Posted Apr 16, 2015

Black Souls (2015)

"The makers of Black Souls, a superior Italian gangster movie, deserve praise for executing with atypical sensitivity a generic times-are-changing/nostalgia-for-an-imaginary-chivalrous-yesteryear scenario." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Apr 7, 2015
3.5/4 86%

Cheatin' (2015)

""Cheatin'" is a highlight of Plympton's robust body of work because motion-not the journey, or the destination-is always its creator's priority." ‐
Posted Apr 3, 2015
2.5/4 90%

Spring (2015)

"An ambitious and often enchanting genre hybrid ..." ‐
Posted Mar 19, 2015
1/4 69%

Zombeavers (2015)

"A comedy that sounds much funnier than it actually is." ‐
Posted Mar 19, 2015
No Score Yet

China is Near (La Cina e vicina) (1967)

"China Is Near's hysterically cynical plot could easily take place anywhere there's a surplus of social-climbers." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Mar 17, 2015

Four Flies on Grey Velvet (4 mosche di velluto grigio) (1971)

"Possessed camerawork, elliptical editing, and a discordantly playful score (by Ennio Morricone!) conspire against viewers and establish this as one of Argento's most suspenseful efforts." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Mar 17, 2015
3.5/4 97%

It Follows (2015)

""It Follows" is not really about sex, but an unbearable, unsinkable mood that descends when you come of age, and never completely dissipates, not even after climactic sexual, or other violent acts." ‐
Posted Mar 13, 2015
3/4 91%

Faults (2015)

""Faults" is a richly-textured movie that concerns the weird space between thinking you know what you're doing, and actually knowing what you're doing." ‐
Posted Mar 5, 2015
2/4 21%

Blind Date (1987)

"Stanley Tucci has such a disdain for subtlety that he doesn't even allow the viewer to suss out for themselves what made-up identities Don and Janna have assumed in each encounter. " ‐ Slant Magazine
Posted Feb 28, 2015

The Lazarus Effect (2015)

"Death may not be the end in The Lazarus Effect, but it should be." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Feb 27, 2015
1/4 26%

Out Of The Dark (2015)

"Without compelling characters, worthwhile performances, or superficially arresting aesthetic pleasures, the only thing of interest in "Out of the Dark" is its thematic concern with suppressed third-world citizens." ‐
Posted Feb 26, 2015

My Life Directed By Nicolas Winding Refn (2015)

"Writer-director Liv Corfixen works harder to coddle Drive director Refn, her husband and subject, than she does to get inside his head." ‐ Village Voice
Posted Feb 24, 2015
1.5/4 56%

Digging Up the Marrow (2015)

"Here's hoping Green's next film is just 90 minutes of Ray Wise talking to an imaginary friend." ‐
Posted Feb 19, 2015
3.5/4 96%

What We Do In The Shadows (2015)

""What We Do in the Shadows" is an irrepressibly charming B-movie that never over-stays its welcome, and is both conceptually clever and admirably well-executed." ‐
Posted Feb 12, 2015